Abattoir

By Xenith
xenitha@yahoo.com


Date: Sat, 18 Sep 1999
Disclaimer: The X-files belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions, not
me. I'm only borrowing the characters for now.  I'll put them back when
I'm done.

Rating: NC-17;  Warning!  This is a gritty, brutal VIOLENT story with
explicit scenes; contains scenes of rape. Under 17's should run away
screaming.

Category: SA

Keywords:  Muldertorture, Scullytorture, rape

Spoilers: Thru 6th season, without Biogenesis

Archive: Sure!  Just tell me!

Feedback: Love it! Love it!

E-Mail address: xenitha@yahoo.com

Discussion List:  Yes!!! Yes!!!

Summary: Somebody is kidnapping and brutally murdering FBI agents close to
Skinner, then sending him the videotapes.  Mulder and Scully are next.

~~~

Day 1
10:00 a.m.
Hoover Building, Washington D.C.

"Mulder, there's been another one."  Scully poked her head into the
basement office door.

Mulder looked up from the videotape he was watching frame by frame, his
eyes bloodshot and his face worn-looking.  "Damn," he said tiredly. "I
suppose it was too much to hope that the bastard would at least run out of
blank videotapes.  How's Skinner taking it?"

"Not well.  He wants to see us in his office.  Just us." Mulder looked
surprised, but grabbed his suitjacket off the chair and re-tied his tie.
As they rode the elevator upstairs Mulder thought back to the previous
gruesome weeks.  FBI agents had been disappearing from the D.C.  area,
their bodies turning up weeks later, horribly mutilated.  But the bodies
weren't the worst part.  The killer had been making videotapes of each
agent, first being tortured, then a second videotape of the murder.

Four agents had died so far and all the agents had a common tie: the
videos were being sent to Walter Skinner, and each of the victims had once
worked closely with him, had been friends with him.

"Do you suppose he's going to warn us to be careful again?"  Scully asked,
watching the numbers light up on the elevator.

"How much more careful can we be?  The next step is an armed guard,"
Mulder replied.  The doors swung open and he led the way to Skinner's
office.

"Hi Kim, we're here for the meeting."  Scully found Kim, Skinner's
secretary, gazing fondly at a new photograph she was placing on her desk.
"I haven't seen him before.  Special someone?"

Kim grinned.  "Yeah.  I've known him for about two months.  It's starting
to get serious.  He doesn't like having his picture taken, but I managed
to get one candid shot without him noticing, just for my desk.  He's a
good looking guy, huh?"

Scully dutifully looked at the photograph.  "He's cute, all right."

"And he even cooks."  Kim sighed.  "He's about the only positive thing in
my world right now.  You heard about the videotape AD Skinner just got?"
Both agents nodded. "Well, Agent Weller is dead.  They'd been friends for
20 years.  I'll let the Assistant Director know that you're here." Kim
spoke softly into the phone then nodded to Mulder and Scully.  "You can go
in now."

Mulder and Scully took their accustomed seats in Skinner's office.  Mulder
noted that Skinner looked like he hadn't slept in days.  His usually crisp
shirt was wrinkled and his face was more than usually lined.

"Agents, as you already know, I've had some more bad news today.  Agent
George Weller appears to be the latest victim of our newest serial killer.
We haven't found the body yet, but that's only a matter of time."

Skinner opened a desk drawer and pulled out a videotape.

"Agent Mulder, would you take a look at this videotape and give me any
impressions you can form of its contents?"  Skinner's hand shook a bit as
he gave the tape to Mulder.  "It's a copy, the original is being examined
by forensics."

Mulder took the tape.  "Has there been any progress identifying the
UNSUB?"

Skinner shook his head.  "No.  The conclusions you've already given me are
consistent with the task force's findings.  The agents who were victimized
have only one common tie, their relationship to me.  None of them ever
worked on the same cases or task forces.  We are concluding that this
killer wants to get my attention for some reason, that his activities are
focused on me. They were taken when they were outside the Hoover building,
in their homes, on the street.  At this point, the best that I can say is
that the victim pool is comprised of people I call friends within the
Bureau."

"That makes sense.  I've examined the tapes you've provided but haven't
turned up any more information than the team has already gleaned.  The
task force has already determined that there must be two UNSUBs here, one
to man the camera and a second to assault the agent. The figure on the
screen is always the same: a man clad in dark jeans and long sleeved shirt
with ski mask, age probably between 25 and 40, athletic, Caucasian, 6',
200 pounds.  He wears a ski mask and never turns his face to the camera.
The videos appear to depict real-time events, with the most gruesome
scenes edited in from a larger film archive."

Mulder gave Skinner a serious look.  "The bastards are keeping the camera
running for days while they torture the agent to death, then they prepare
the tapes from the film store.  Is there anything we can do?  I know that
Scully's and my investigation of this matter is strictly unofficial, but
is there anything more that we can do?

We'd really like to help on this one."

Skinner gave both Mulder and Scully a grim smile.  "I appreciate that.
I've already warned you to take precautions, but I'd like to warn you
again.  I don't want to watch a video starring either of you.  But I know
better than to pull you off the case.  For my money, you two have the best
chance of solving this and I'll take you up on your offer.  Too many good
people have died...."  Skinner's voice died away.  He cleared his throat.
"So don't get sloppy, or I'll kick your collective asses."

"Sir, if I might offer a little advice?" Scully smiled hesitantly at
Skinner.  "You don't look like you've been sleeping.  You might feel
better if you took a nap."

"Agent Scully, that's a fine suggestion and I have no doubt I'd feel more
energized, but nothing can make me feel better until that killer is
caught."  Nevertheless, as the agents left the office they could see
Skinner stretching out on his couch.

4:30 Basement Office

Mulder watched the new video again, then slowed it to a frame by frame
resolution.  Mulder focused on the figures on the screen trying to force
his mind into the killer's thought processes.  He'd already studied the
victimology of the five dead agents.  Each had either worked with or been
supervised by Walter Skinner, and each had been considered a friend by
him.  The agents tended to be in their thirties and forties, so far only
male agents had been taken.

That gave Mulder some silent comfort.  If the killers had a preference for
males, then Scully was less at risk. He glanced over at her, bent over her
desk studying a file intently.  Of course, he'd never tell her that.  He
still valued his life and didn't want a gunshot wound in the other
shoulder.

Mulder rubbed his eyes and put his glasses back on.  Damned contacts just
weren't meant for this kind of unbroken staring at CRT screens.  He
refocused his entire being on the video again and lost himself in the
killer's thoughts.

His concentration was abruptly broken when the screen went dark.

"Hey!"  Mulder looked up to see Scully with her hand on the knob.

"Mulder, it's 7 p.m. and you've been staring at that video since noon
without a break.  It's time to stop for the day," she said patiently.

Mulder leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms and neck. "Yeah,
you're right Scully.  We can't let ourselves get too run down on this one,
or we'll do something stupid.  Why don't I drive you home?"

Scully gave Mulder a relieved look.  This was going much more easily than
she'd expected.  Normally Mulder put up a longer fight.  "Okay, I'll get
my coat." She went to the coatrack at the back of the office and collected
her trenchcoat.  "I have to say I'm glad that we're carpooling until this
crisis is over.  I feel uncomfortable with you riding the Metro in to
work."

"Well, we're carpooling for the duration, but I'll be glad when we don't
have to fight the traffic."  Mulder led Scully to his car and opened the
door for her.  "Since three of the agents were kidnapped from their homes
and the other two on their way to work (not on the Metro, I might add), I
don't see that riding public transit is a major risk factor."  Mulder saw
Scully's lips tighten, and swiftly added, "But I do think it's a good idea
for us to travel in pairs, for added security." And so that I can make
sure you get home safely, he silently added.

They arrived at Scully's apartment and Mulder escorted her inside.  They
both cautiously entered and searched for evidence of intruders before
Scully sighed with relief.  "Okay Mulder, I'll pick you up tomorrow at
7:30 and we can search *your* apartment after work."

Mulder leered. "Scully, you can search me anytime you want."  Scully just
smiled and shut the door in his face.

Day 2 7:15 a.m.

Scully mulled over the case while she drove to Mulder's apartment.  She
didn't really believe that they were in any danger.  As nearly as she
could determine, the agents affected were all older and had worked with
Skinner as a peer at some time in their careers.  She and Mulder were
junior agents; they simply didn't fit that part of the profile, no wonder
what concerns Skinner had about them.

She checked her rearview mirror.  Damn, that blue dodge was still
tailgating her.  She gave the car more gas and was happy when the car
turned off the block before Mulder's apartment building.  She parked in
front and went in to find Mulder.

His door opened quickly at her knock, and she let out a breath she didn't
know she was holding.  Of course she expected Mulder to be there waiting,
safe and sound. He was in no danger; of course not.

"Good morning, Mulder.  You ready to go?"  Mulder looked brushed and
dressed, but tired.  "How late did you stay up studying the case?" she
added.

Mulder smiled guiltily. "Can't fool you.  Yeah, I was up reading it till
about 3 a.m.  Didn't reach any more conclusions, though."  Mulder followed
Scully down the hallway to the elevator.

"We'll get him,"  Scully said confidently.

"Yeah, but how much hell does Skinner go through until we do?  Scully,
I've never seen him this tense,"

Mulder frowned and folded his arms.  "He knows that he's the real target,
and he's just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

Scully looked troubled.  "Do you think the killers will go for him?"

"Inevitably, yes.  They have to rub it into his face, laugh at him with
their triumph.  In a way, they're killing Skinner's family, since the
Bureau is his life.  He's not close to anybody but his friends and
associates at work."  Mulder gave Scully a weary look.  "But he already
knows that.  That's why he called us in.  We know him well enough to put
all the pieces together.  I just wish we could come up with something."

The two agents stepped out of the building together into a bright spring
day.  Halfway to the car, Mulder suddenly felt a cloth thrown over his
head and a heavy body throwing him down onto the pavement.  He could hear
a scuffle that said Scully had also been downed.  He could feel himself
being dragged, probably to a car, and began to struggle harder, trying to
shout for help. He felt a cold gun-barrel at the back of his neck and a
soft voice say "Stop struggling or you die right now."

Mulder let his body go limp, and strained his ears for Scully.  "You don't
have to do this," he started, then felt the gun club him on the head.  He
saw stars and while he was trying not to pass out he heard the voice hiss
at him "Shut up, now! Or your pretty partner gets it, but good."

Mulder clamped his mouth shut.  They had Scully, then.

He was hustled into the back of a van, probably business-type panel van,
and his hands and legs were bound with heavy cords.  He felt hands frisk
him and remove his Sig from the waist holster.  For a brief second he
hoped they'd miss the ankle gun, but that hope was lost when they took
that too.

A soft body landed next to his with an "oof!".  He smelled Chanel No. 5
and knew it was Scully.

"Mulder are you ok?"  He heard her whisper anxiously.  "They told me
they'd shoot you if I didn't stop struggling.  I heard them hit you."

"Yeah, I'm okay.  I've got a hard head.  I'm tied, how about you?  Do you
still have your weapon?  They took mine."

"Mine, too. I'll try to loosen the ties."

Mulder could feel her struggle, and he did as well.  The bindings didn't
budge.

Mulder heard a body moving between the two of them, then felt a cloth
pressed over his mouth with a sickly sweet smell.  Drugged...he thought
drowsily, then the world went black.

Day 2 Location Unknown 10:00 a.m.

Mulder could feel cold cement against his right cheek.

He opened his eyes and saw nothing but blackness, and momentarily feared
blindness until he realized that he was in a darkened room.  He was lying
prone on a cement floor, his hands still bound behind him as well as his
ankles.  At least the cloth had been removed from his head.

Scully.  Where was Scully?  He inched his body together and managed to
kneel.  He peered into the darkness, grateful that his eyes were finally
adjusting.  He saw a figure in the shadows and moved over to it.

He nudged it with his knee and heard a sigh, then Scully rolled over to
her side and flinched away until she realized it was Mulder.

"Scully, are you okay?"

"Yeah...yeah.  My mouth feels like an old pair of wool socks, though.
You?"

"I'm all right.  They must have just dumped us here.  I wonder what
they're waiting for?"  Mulder sat down next to Scully and watched as she
pulled herself into a sitting position.

"Maybe they were out of film.  Mulder, we've got to get out of here."
Scully looked around the room, searching for exits.  Mulder did the same.

"I know," Mulder said quietly.  "But we have to plan for every
eventuality."

"What do you mean, every eventuality?" Scully demanded.

"Scully, we have to get as much information as we can about these people
and this place.  If we can't get out in time..." Mulder paused and then
continued. "We know that at least one video will go out to Skinner.  We
have to make sure that something is on it, some clue to lead them to us."

Day 2 10:00 a.m.  Hoover Building

"Sir?"

AD Skinner looked up from his desk.  He'd been in since 4:00 that morning
after a night spent tossing and turning, and looked it.

"Yes, Kim, what is it?"  He stifled a yawn and took a gulp from his mug of
coffee, grimacing at the taste.

"Sir, I called Agent Mulder to give him your message about the case, but
there was no answer in his office.
 So I checked and neither he, nor Agent Scully have reported for work
today.  Nobody has seen them, and telephone calls to their homes aren't
answered. Should I send somebody out to check on them?" Kim stood
uncertainly.

Skinner's eyes widened and took on a look of intense pain.  He looked
down, away from Kim's stare.  "Call Agent Simmons to check Agent Scully's
apartment.  I'll go myself to Mulder's.  I'll call in an hour. If you
don't hear from me, call the police and alert the Director."

He pulled his gun from his holster and checked the clip, then pulled on
his trenchcoat and walked swiftly out the door.

As he drove himself to Mulder's apartment first, he couldn't shake the
feeling that this had been inevitable.  Damn it!  He'd warned them to be
careful, but somehow careful never worked for these two.  Another pair of
agents...friends...gone.

Skinner rubbed his right eye, damned dust.  The past years had been rough.
He didn't have any family to begin with, then Sharon had divorced him.
All he had left that he valued was his career, and the people at the
Bureau.  And now that was being taken from him.

Five agents, first Dave Winship, his first partner.  Hadn't really gotten
together in years, they'd kept intending to go out for a drink and really
catch up. Now they never would.  Joe Bishop and Ed Meers, both talented,
smart agents, ex-Marines, now both on a morgue slab. Jerry Carter had
always prided himself on his charm and his way with the ladies; had a
little black book that was the envy of the bullpen.  Not now.  Nick Weller
left behind a wife and two kids, both under the age of 10.

They were all gone.  And now Mulder, irritating, brilliant and intensely
loyal, was missing.  And Scully. Ah, Scully, if I weren't your
boss....Skinner shook his head.  She and Mulder were a pair, and would be
a couple some day when Mulder got his head out of his ass.  Scully'd been
waiting patiently for years for him to wake up.

Skinner pulled up to Mulder's apartment house and went upstairs to
Mulder's apartment.  He pulled a lock-pick from his pocket and opened the
door.  Inside everything looked fine, no signs of struggle.  The light on
Mulder's answering machine was blinking, so Skinner listened to the
messages.  There were only two, the first from Scully reminding Mulder
that she planned to pick him up by 7:30 and he'd better be ready or else.
The second was Kim's message asking Mulder to call back.

Skinner turned back to the empty room.  So Scully would have been here by
7:30.  Since she was gone, too, she must have come here and been taken
too.  Skinner closed the door behind him and began walking back to the
elevator, his eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary.

Downstairs, his cell phone chirped.  Agent Simmons had found nothing out
of the ordinary.  Skinner thanked him grimly and reached the obvious
conclusion.  They had both been taken, probably from here.  He called Kim
and ordered a forensics team out on the double.


Day 2 10:30 a.m.  Location Unknown

A bright light splashed across the room as the door opened.  Two men
rushed into the room, grabbed Scully, and began to drag her toward the
doorway. Mulder couldn't see their faces, only their silhouettes against
the light.

"Hey!  Where are you taking her?  Hey!"  Mulder yelled frantically.  He
forced himself into a standing position and hopped as fast as he could
toward the doorway.  The men slammed the door behind them, leaving Mulder
standing alone in the dark.

He kept yelling, and made his way to the door then pressed his ear flat
against it, listening hard.  He could hear muffled voices, men's he
thought, but not Scully's.

Damn it, Scully, he bit his lip and prayed silently.  Do something!  Fight
back!

Then he did hear something, Scully yelling, loud and enraged.  Then he
heard a thud, like a blow falling on flesh and a cry.  Then more crying.

That did it.  Mulder began to roar and threw himself against the door.
Again and again he pushed his whole body against the door and yelled every
obscenity he could think of at the top of his lungs.  The force of the
impact kept throwing him back against the floor, but he crawled back up
and tried again, still yelling.  The door didn't budge.

Near tears, Mulder kept trying.  When his left shoulder felt too bruised
and painful, he began with his right.

The door didn't move.  His cheek was bruised by his last fall, but he
pushed himself against the door with all his strength.

He kept pounding, and yelling as loud as he could.  He finally had to
stop.  Panting, he knelt on the floor, despair flooding him.  No, can't
give in to that. Gotta get to her.

Mulder stood again and prepared to throw himself against the door again,
when it opened.  A tall man, dressed in black with ski mask stood there,
holding a gun.

"You seem to want out of that room so much, we figured we'd oblige you.
Come on."  He gestured with his gun then stopped when Mulder didn't move.
"Oh yeah, I forgot.  Benny! Come here!"

A second man in black came over and took the gun from the first.  The tall
man pulled a penknife from his pocket and cut the ties at Mulder's wrists
and ankles.

Mulder thought briefly of trying to attack one of the two men, but his
feet and hands were stiff and numb.  And the gun was planted firmly
against his left ear. He'd get to Scully first, and wait for his chance.

The big man grabbed Mulder's right arm in a bruising grip while "Benny"
kept the gun at his temple. Together they moved Mulder into the open area.

Mulder noticed that they were in a large building, maybe an old warehouse.
He was led to a corner of the building where lights had been set up and
tarps laid down on the floor.  And huddled on that floor was a naked
Scully, tied and struggling not to sob out loud.

"Scully!"  Mulder tried to break away from the man, but he anticipated the
move and kicked his left leg behind Mulder's knee, forcing him to the
floor.

"Scully!  Let me go to her!  Please...!"  Mulder's face was ground against
the dirty cement as he fought to get away.  "Please..let me help her."
Mulder's voice broke as he pled.

The big man pulled Mulder to his feet and dragged a stumbling Mulder over
to Scully.

She cowered, trying to cover herself, until she saw it was Mulder.  Mulder
could see a long bruise on her cheek and more on her shoulders and
breasts.  The man threw Mulder at Scully, then stood back.

"I'll let you get reacquainted.  Make one suspicious move and I shoot you
both."

Mulder moved over to Scully, his searching her eyes, and deliberately
keeping his glance above her neck. He could give her that much privacy.

"Oh Mulder..."she said brokenly.  She moved into his arms and snuggled
against his chest.  Her arms were still tied behind her, but not her legs,
he noted grimly.  She couldn't hug him, but he could hold her.  So he
wrapped both arms around her while she cried.

"Scully, it's all right.  Whatever they did to you, we'll get through
this,"  Mulder murmured into her ear.

"Mulder, they...they were about to rape me.  Their hands were all over me,
and...and... in me, both of them.  When you made so much noise, they got
mad and said they were going to get you out here.  To watch. Oh Mulder,
I'm so sorry and I'm so afraid."  Her voice fell to a whisper against his
chest and he knew what it cost her to admit that.

"Hey now, look at the lovebirds Kurt!"  Called Benny to the taller man.
"She's really got the hots for him, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, it really is a shame, when he likes her so much, too."  Kurt
fingered his gun.

Mulder turned and looked at Kurt over his shoulder, his stare filled with
anguish and rage.  He
 said nothing, just held Scully tighter.

"I think we upset him, didn't we?"  Benny grinned.  "Maybe we should give
him his chance with her, huh?"

Kurt looked at Benny and nodded thoughtfully.  "Yeah, that's a good idea.
Let's see if those FBI pricks are as macho as they act....You!"  Kurt
addressed Mulder.  "You got a choice.  Either we do her and you watch, or
you do her and we watch, give us a little free sex show. So, what are ya
gonna do?"


Title: Abattoir--WIP (2/6)
Author:  Xenith

Abattoir, Part 2

Kurt cocked his gun.  "Of course, we could just shoot you right there and
fuck her anyway.  But where's the fun in that?" He grinned.  "So, you and
the lady can decide."

Mulder gulped, not believing his ears.  He could feel Scully stiffen in
his arms.  He glanced down at her, afraid of what he'd see.

"Scully, I've been looking around the room and I don't see a way out.
They're both armed.  But I'm looking Scully, I'm looking," Mulder
whispered desperately.  "Scully, I can't do this.  I just can't."

She looked up at him, tears running down her face.  "It's okay, Mulder,"
she whispered. "Whatever you choose, it's okay."

"Scully....they want me to hurt you."  Mulder murmured back, fighting his
own tears.  "I can't do that."

"Mulder, you could never hurt me. Not here, not anywhere. I'm so afraid,
and I feel so helpless.  If this is going to happen, if we can't stop
it...I...I'd rather this happen at the hands of a friend...but I don't
want you hurt." Scully gave him a long look, her eyes full of trust and
love and fear.

"No good.  I'm...affected...either way...I'll do what you want, Scully.
It's your call."  He cupped her cheek and returned her gaze.  "All right.
Forgive me."

Mulder stood away from Scully.  "I'm only asking one thing.  If I do this,
none of you touches her again.  I'll do any damned thing you want, and you
can do anything you want to me, but nobody touches her.  Is that agreed?"

"Yeah, it's a deal.  Besides, you'll provide a better show than what we'd
already planned." Kurt backed up and turned on a bank of lights.  Mulder
could see two video cameras already set up.  "Skinner will shit his pants
when he sees this one."  Kurt chuckled.

Mulder could see Scully squint against the light, her head bowed, her
hands still tied behind her.  He moved in front of her to shield her.
"Untie her.  You have to untie her." Mulder stood his ground.  "Nothing
happens until her arms are free."

Kurt moved over to Mulder and crooked an elbow around his throat, pointing
the gun at his head. "Okay, Benny--go ahead and cut the ropes.  Miss
Scully, just realize that one wrong move and your partner, here gets it."
Scully nodded, wide eyed and held out her wrists.  Benny cut the tie
quickly, then backed away, toward the cameras.  They could all hear the
click, buzz of first one, then a second video camera rolling.  Benny came
back and stood behind Kurt, holding his gun on Scully, but careful not to
block the cameras.

"Well now, since I'm the director of this flick, I guess I call the
shots,"  Kurt sneered and pushed Mulder forward, still training the gun on
him. "Mr. Mulder, why don't you lose the clothing...fast."

"How do you know our names?"  Mulder asked tensely as he slowly unbuttoned
his shirt.  "For that matter, how did you know where to find us?"

"I know a lot about you, about all of you.  I know where you live, where
you work, when you leave each day.  And you'll never guess how."

"Try me." Mulder said as pleasantly as he could. His fingers moved more
slowly on the buttons, playing for time.

"No, I'm not going there.  Let's just say my source isn't what you'd
expect.  Now move faster, or Benny and I'll take your turn with the lady."
Kurt motioned toward Scully, keeping the gun on Mulder.

"Why do you have to do this?  What did we ever do to you?"  Mulder moved
faster and finished with the shirt more quickly than he liked.

"You're important to somebody I hate.  He's gonna be awful alone in the
world when I'm done.  And don't try any of that psychological shit with
me.  I know about your background and I don't want you messing with my
mind.  So pick up the speed or grow an extra hole in your head!"

Mulder had no choice but to move faster.  Soon he was down to his boxers,
then regretfully removed them and neatly folded them on top of the pile of
clothing.

Kurt gestured with the gun again and Mulder reluctantly moved over to
where Scully sat on the tarp covered floor.  "Nice accommodations they've
got for us, huh Scully?  A regular honeymoon suite."  Mulder commented as
he sat down next to her, studiously trying not to look at her.  Scully
focused on Mulder's eyes and attempted to give him a reassuring look.  Her
hand crept into his, and he grasped it firmly.

"All right now, let's see some action.  How about a little kissing, then
you go down on her.  Women like that, don't they Benny?"  Kurt folded his
arms but kept the gun ready.

"Yeah, they sure do, Kurt," Benny replied cheerfully, continuing to point
the gun at the back of Scully's head.

Mulder positioned himself carefully atop Scully and whispered in her ear
as he nibbled her earlobe. "I'm so sorry, Scully.  I'll keep looking for a
chance to make a break for it.  Maybe I could rush them, give you a chance
to get away."  He nibbled lower on her neck.

Scully gasped and whispered back. "Don't do anything stupid. They have
guns, both of them." Mulder's body lay heavy and warm on her cold skin.

Mulder took her face in both of his hands. "I won't."  He whispered and
tenderly kissed her.  Scully froze, then sighed and relaxed. This was
Mulder, and she trusted him not to hurt her.

"Hey, pick it up there!  Let's see some action!"  Scully could see
Mulder's eyes go dark and still, remembering where they were and the
circumstances.

She caught his hands, still cupping her face. "Hey, Mulder, nobody here
but us. Okay? Look at me.  Look just at me."

Mulder nodded and concentrated fiercely, looking deeply into Scully's blue
eyes.  Then he began to caress her body, moving slowly downwards.

Scully kept her gaze locked on Mulder, listening to the loud breathing of
the watchers, the whirring of the cameras, and felt despair well up inside
her.

Mulder had made his way down to the patch of auburn curls between Scully's
legs.  Scully's loving eyes were like a lifeline and Mulder was sorry to
abandon it.

"C-mon!  Eat her!  Do I have to show you how?" Kurt called, then walked
over and stood next to the couple, watching closely.


He did as instructed, using hands and tongue, trying to convey gentleness
and love through his touch.  He felt Scully's fingers twine in his hair,
then he felt her stiffen, then shudder and he knew he was hurting her,
humiliating her.  He burned with anger at these sadistic killers, forcing
him to this choice.  After this, if they survived, she'd never want to see
him again; never want to remember...this.  He was conscious of Kurt
overhead, with the gun.  He'd hardly miss at this range.  He felt Scully
shudder again, harder.  She's scared.  I'm hurting her.  Damn it.  Mulder
looked up to see Scully lying back with her eyes closed.

"Okay, now screw her."  Kurt instructed.  "Unless you'd rather I do it."

Scully's eyes opened, a look of panic in them.  "No," said Mulder quickly.
"A deal's a deal." Problem is, thought Mulder, I'm not hard and I'm not
sure I can be, here and now.  Damn. He surreptitiously brought his right
hand down to try and help things along, but remained flaccid.

Kurt noticed.  "Hey Benny, get this on film!  The big FBI man's got a limp
dick!  I always thought those Feds were wusses!  Don't know what to do
with a woman even if they get one!"  Kurt began to unzip his jeans.

"No, wait," Scully sat up and moved closer to Mulder, and reached warm
hands atop his own clammy ones. "Let me help.  Look at me, Mulder.  Only
at me."  She spoke soothingly as she began to caress him, the voice of a
hundred quiet fantasies he'd mercilessly squelched for six years.  If it
weren't so sick, he'd laugh at the irony of it.

Soon he was erect and Scully lay back and pulled him on top of her, then
guided him inside.  Mulder pushed into her carefully.  She wasn't as dry
as he expected but she was tight and tense.  As he entered her she bit her
lip, closed her eyes and grimaced.

"Scully, are you all right?  Shit! I'm hurting you,"  he whispered
frantically, fighting tears.

"No.  It's okay. I'm okay."  She whispered back and met his eyes again.
Mulder nodded and began to move slowly and gently until Scully began to
relax. Mulder saw Kurt out of the corner of his eye and moved faster and
harder.

She wasn't okay.  She was breathing heavily and her eyes were still
closed, shutting him out, shutting the world out. He felt her shudder
again. Damn he had to do something.  And more frustrating was the warm
feeling of pleasure building in his groin.  He had no right to feel
anything in this situation.  Not anything.  And when he stopped making
love to her, what then?  Then, they kill us, the sour little voice in back
of his head chortled.  Thus ends my first and only sexual encounter with
Dana Scully.

"Mulder."  A soft voice broke his reverie.  "You aren't looking at me.
Look at me."

Mulder fixed his eyes on Scully and found no blame, no resentment of him
there.  Just trust and love. He let go of his body's reactions then,
knowing that they were a normal response to this woman.
 
"Mulder, it's not your fault.  But I'm glad it's you, and not them.  I'm
glad you chose to help me.  And I know it hurts..." Scully murmured in his
ear as he moved in her.

Soon Mulder reached his climax and grew still, lying in a sweaty heap on
top of Scully's equally sweaty body. Her hands were still twined in his
hair, gently stroking it.  He'd kept eye contact with her even after the
orgasm took him, telling her with his glance that she was still his
center.

Rough hands pulled Mulder away from Scully.  Kurt had his gun and Benny
stood next to him, unzipping his jeans.

"No!" Mulder howled.  "That was the deal!  Nobody touches her!  Leave her
alone!"

Mulder rushed at Kurt, grabbing wildly for the gun.  Benny tried to help,
but was tripped up when Scully tackled him.  Benny gathered up Scully and
threw her down and away, then launched himself at Mulder.

Mulder, still fighting with Kurt and now with Benny, felt a stab of hope.
"Scully!  Run!" He yelled.  She got up and hesitated.  "Damn it, GO!" he
cried.  She didn't wait any longer, but dashed out of sight and, he hoped,
out a door.

Mulder focused on keeping Kurt and Benny occupied.  Benny remembered that
he had a gun and turned to run after Scully.  Mulder deliberately threw
himself onto Kurt, piling the two of them on top of Benny.  By the time
the tangle resolved itself, Scully would be far away. He hoped.

Mulder felt himself being grabbed by the hair and thrown onto his stomach,
a gun at the base of his neck. Kurt had him, and Benny took off after
Scully.  Run, Scully, for God's sake, run, he prayed silently.

After a few minutes Benny returned.  "Can't find her.  I think she got to
the highway and somebody must have picked her up.  We've gotta get out of
here."

"Yeah," said Kurt, staring fixedly at Mulder. "But first, there's
payback."


Day 3 3:30 a.m.  Memorial Hospital

Skinner strode quickly down the hallway, his trenchcoat flapping against
his legs.  At the emergency room desk he flashed his badge.

"I'm Walter Skinner.  I'm here to see Agent Dana Scully, Detective Morris
called me." Skinner looked up at the approach of a small boned woman with
dark hair and eyes.

"Mr. Skinner?  I'm Helen Morris, from the Vernon P.D.  Why don't we go
into the conference room and talk. Sitting down at the table, she picked
up a file and opened it.  "I understand that you are Dana's superior? She
asked us to call you as soon as possible."

"How is she?  Can I see her?" Skinner asked anxiously.  "What is her
condition?"

"Well, she's remarkably collected for a rape victim, but her account of
the incident was very clear.  Of course she could well have a delayed
reaction...." Morris stopped when she saw Skinner's face.

"I...I'm sorry.  I thought you'd been told," she stammered.  "Officer
Brock told me he'd called you."

"He just said she'd been found and that they'd located the barn where the
agents were held.  He also said that there was some video found on site
and that he'd get me a copy as soon as possible."  Skinner's gave Morris a
look of barely concealed anguish.

"I'm so sorry.  I'm with the Rape Trauma team.  I'm normally called to
take the victim's statement in cases like this.  Dana's still in with the
doctor, so I thought I'd bring you up to speed.  Brock did give me the
tape."

She fished a video tape from a bag on the floor.  "I haven't seen it.  The
original was sent to the FBI forensics labs for analysis."  She gave
Skinner another apologetic look and went on.  "If you'd like to view it,
there's a VCR in this conference room.  I'll go check on Dana and see if
she's up to visitors yet."

Skinner grimly took the tape and watched, unspeaking, while she left the
room.  Then he walked to the VCR, inserted the tape and sat back to watch.

As the events on tape unfolded, his expression became grimmer and colder.
Then his hands began to clench into fists, outrage on his face. At the
very end of the tape, he could no longer sit still, nor could he focus on
the tape for very long.  Finally, the last image faded from view and was
replaced by snow.  Skinner removed his glasses and rubbed furiously at his
eyes.  That damned dust again.  They really should keep these places
cleaner.

"Mr. Skinner, I...." Detective Morris walked into the room, then stopped
when she saw Skinner.  "I...uh..I came in to tell you that Dana's dressing
and she wants to see you now."

Skinner just nodded and pulled the tape from the VCR, moving it uneasily
from hand to hand.  He followed Morris down a hall to a small examining
room.

A very battered looking Agent Scully sat in a chair, dressed in oversized
surgical scrubs, well wrapped in a blanket.

When he entered the room, she stood up and the blanket fell to the floor.
"Sir, they told me they'd found the place where we were held.  Is there
any sign of Mulder?"

Skinner cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Agent Scully, how are you
feeling?" He again nervously shifted the tape from one hand to the other,
unable to meet Scully's eyes.

Scully glanced down at the tape and her eyes widened.  "You know what
happened, then," she said flatly.

"Yes, Dana, I do. We have your escape on video, as well as the events
leading up to it.  And the events which followed after."  Skinner looked
down at the tape in his hands as if it were a poisonous snake.

Scully met Skinner's eyes in a cold glare.  "Then you know that Mulder had
no choice.  I had no choice."

"I understand that," Skinner said softly.

"What else did the tape show?  I want to see it."  Scully demanded.

"Agent Scully, you've been through a lot.  You really should rest.
I..don't think you want to see this tape."

"I want to see it, sir.  What are you hiding from me?"  Scully fixed him
with a stare.  "What is it that's on the tape that you don't want me to
see?"  Angrily she reached for the tape as Skinner took a step backwards.
"Damn it!  I have the right!  He's my partner!"

Skinner stopped and gave Scully a long, measuring look.  Then he handed
the tape to her.  "The VCR is across the hall, in the conference room," he
said with his head bowed.

Scully ran across the hall and put the tape into the VCR. She watched
doggedly through her assault at the hands of the kidnappers, then her
encounter with Mulder, then watched herself escape while Mulder stayed
behind. Then she heard the word "payback", saw Benny take the gun from
Kurt and press it against the back of the agent's neck.  Kurt approached,
removed his leather belt, dropped his jeans and shorts, knelt behind
Mulder and began to rape him.

Scully turned away, tears flooding her eyes, then grimly resolved to watch
it to the very end, as she heard the ugly words from the tape.

"Goddammit, I told you I was the director here.  I'm in charge and I call
the fucking shots!" Kurt shouted as he shoved roughly into Mulder.  Scully
turned away from the scene and the sounds that Mulder made.  And the
blood.

She took a wavering breath and focused tearing eyes on the screen again.
She felt Skinner's arm, warm and heavy around her shoulders.  She groped
blindly for the tissue he handed her.

"I own you!"  Shove.  "And you...you piece of shit...you're garbage!
You're less than garbage!"  Shove.  "Because of you I lost the best piece
I coulda had." Kurt's body moved rhythmically, pounding at the screaming
Mulder.  Then the screen went blank and was replaced by snow.

Scully turned her face into Skinner's collar and began to sob.  Skinner
hesitantly put his arms around her, then gently held her as she wept.


Title: Abattoir--(3/6)  
Author:  Xenith

Abattoir, Part 3

Day 3 7:00 a.m.  Apartment of Dana Scully


Skinner drove Scully home, over her strenuous objections.

"You need me.  I was *there* dammit!  I can help you find him."  Scully
was as close to hysterical as Skinner had ever seen her.  He pulled the
car to a stop in front of her apartment building and faced her.

"Agent Scully, you aren't in good shape right now.  You need to sleep, to
make sense of things.  The investigation isn't stopping, in fact I can
guarantee that every resource will be used to find him."  Skinner gentled
his voice.  "Dana, you can't help him half-dead with exhaustion.  Please,
just sleep a little.  I'm not going to keep you off this investigation,
but I don't want you getting sloppy."

A woman dressed in a business suit walked over and stood by the car.
Skinner looked up and waved. Scully just glared.

"I'm assigning Elaine Jacoby to you as a guard.  If you were taken once,
you could still be a target."  Scully focused her angry stare at Skinner
but still said nothing.

Skinner sighed and forced his eyes to meet hers.  "Please.  Don't make me
worry about both of you."

That got through.  Scully suddenly noticed how lined Skinner's face looked
and wondered when the last time was that he'd had a night's sleep.  "I'm
sorry, sir. I'll go take a nap and then join you and the task force for
the meeting this afternoon."  She opened the car door and got out, then
looked back over her shoulder. "Will you call me if you hear anything?
Anything?"

Skinner nodded.  "I will.  I'll see you later today, Agent."

Scully wearily climbed the steps to her apartment, followed by Agent
Jacoby.  Once inside she quietly excused herself and took a long, hot
shower. A bath was out, she reasoned, because she wanted to cry out loud
and knew that the spray would muffle her voice.

If Elaine Jacoby heard anything over the sounds of the water, she gave no
sign as she continued to read the magazine she'd picked up.

Day 3 7:30 a.m.

Skinner had just settled into his chair with a sigh when Kim magically
appeared with a cup of Starbuck's and a croissant.

"Thanks, Kim,"  Skinner said gratefully.  "It's been a night."

"I know, sir. I heard about Agent Scully.  Is...there any word on Agent
Mulder?"  Kim eyed Skinner anxiously as he put his mug down abruptly, then
looked up at her with anguished eyes.

"No.  Nothing I'm at liberty to discuss," he said shortly. Damn, if
Mulder's still alive he deserves some privacy. Bad enough that word got
out about Scully.  She'll have to deal with curious stares from the
bullpen.

"Oh.  Well, if there's anything I can do to help..."  Kim saw that Skinner
wasn't going to say anything further and quietly left.

Skinner heard her go, grateful for the peace.  Peace....oh for some peace
of mind.  What hadn't he done?  What angle of the case hadn't been
addressed?  The barn was being meticulously swept for any clues larger
than a molecule.  Blood, and other fluid samples were being analyzed.  And
he should be getting a report shortly on the ownership of that property.

He swung his chair around and faced the window.  Who the *Hell* were these
thugs, and why were they targeting the people around him?  He hadn't lived
a perfect life by a long shot, but he couldn't think of anybody motivated
enough to do this.  Even that black lunged smoker wouldn't do this.
Skinner fully expected a bullet in the night from that man, but not today.

He grimaced at the bright, sunny day then turned his back on it, and began
to read the file yet again.

9:00 a.m.  Apartment of Dana Scully

Agent Jacoby checked the peephole, then cautiously answered the knock at
the door.  Maggie Scully pushed the door open and walked in, looking
around her.

"Where is she?" she demanded, then stopped when she saw Agent Jacoby's
gun.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" Agent Jacoby asked politely.

"I'm her mother.  Who are you and what are you doing here?  Why are you
holding a gun on me?  And where is my daughter?"  Maggie scanned the room,
and finding no evidence of Dana, began to get scared.

"Mom?  Is it you?  I thought you were in California?"  Scully stood in the
doorway in flannel pajamas, her face puffy and her eyes red with weeping.

"Mr. Skinner called me late yesterday and told me that you'd been
abducted, so I got on the first plane out. When I called his office from
the airport, they told me you'd escaped and that you were home resting.
How are you?  How is Fox?" Maggie asked softly.

At the mention of Mulder, Scully began to crumple.  "Oh, Mom...I left him.
I left him there with those terrible people.  And what they've done to
him..."  Maggie caught Dana up in her arms and led her back into the
bedroom, where she tucked her into bed.

"Why don't you tell me about it, honey?"  Maggie said, stroking her
daughter's hair.

In broken phrases, Scully wearily told her about the abduction, what the
men had done to her and Mulder.

"Mom, he didn't have to do it, make himself a victim too.  He...he helped
me.  He tried to make it an act of love...not violence."  Scully paused
and looked down.  "And he did," she whispered.

"Honey, he loves you." Maggie wrapped Scully in a hug.  "He always has.
He just doesn't say it."

Scully looked up, her face swollen with crying.  "Mom, I left him.
After...after we were done, they were going to...going to rape me too.
Mulder just charged at the big one, even though he had a gun.  He created
a diversion and yelled at me to run.  And I ran.  I ran away from him and
saved myself.  I wasn't there to guard his back.  And...Mom...I saw
the..the tape they found in the barn later.  They...Mulder...oh Mom, they
raped him instead of me.  And I left him there, for them to do that to
him!"

With that Scully broke down into tears and cried harder than Maggie could
remember ever seeing.


Day 3 4:00 p.m.  Office of Walter Skinner

A.D. Skinner had just taken his seat at the conference table when Dana
Scully quietly opened the door and came in.  Six pairs of eyes looked up
at her, then quickly looked away.  They had seen the tape.

Scully paused, her face pale and dressed all in black, her eyes red and
bloodshot.  She looked, Skinner judged, even worse than she had when he'd
dropped her off at home.

"Agent Scully.  You're just on time.  I've saved you a seat.  You already
know everyone here, except for Special Agent Davis, here.  He's been
profiling the UNSUBs."  Scully nodded politely and took her seat next to
him, folding her hands on the tabletop in front of her.

Davis turned in his seat, giving her a compassionate look.  "Agent Scully,
I can't tell you how sorry I am about the events that bring us here.  I'm
currently a profiler for Violent Crimes, and worked with Mulder years ago
in the ISU.  I want you to know that I'll do everything possible to get
him back alive."

Scully nodded.  "Thank you," she said roughly, then cleared her throat.
"If any of you have any questions for me or need any of my feedback, I am
at your disposal any time."  She forced herself to meet his eyes and found
honest sympathy there.

"All right then," Skinner began. "You've all had a look at the preliminary
findings from the barn, as well as the latest tape.  Lets go over our
impressions.  Davis?"

Davis opened his folder.  "Well, sir, I reviewed the latest tape and it
merely confirms my conclusions. The subject called Kurt seems to be the
leader of the two.

Given the nature of his assaults on Agents Scully and Mulder, I'd say that
he has a strong, very strong need for control.  His method for abducting
the agents shows considerable advance planning, perhaps rehearsal of the
kidnappings."  Davis removed a photograph from the folder.  Scully could
see it was a frame still from the video of her and Mulder.

"The location chosen for the first taping is the same for all victims.  I
think we've isolated it as that barn where Agents Mulder and Scully were
held.  The actual killings take place at a second location, as yet
unknown. I would judge that Kurt has old ties with both places, that he
feels secure and comfortable there, consistent with his need for control.
I have instructed the Agents researching the title to the property to get
a complete title search, for at least the past 50 years.  It may be that
Kurt's link with this place goes back to his youth, but I am convinced
that there is one.  I have also recommended that agents canvas the
neighborhood to see if anyone witnessed anything, or remembers a "Kurt"
living in the neighborhood."

Davis softened his voice. "And the assaults against both Mulder and Agent
Scully are indicative of his need for absolute control of his victims.
Agent Mulder came in for the brunt of that since, by Mulder's actions,
Kurt lost control of Agent Scully and she successfully escaped."

"Then, to survive, Agent Mulder should adopt a conciliating manner?"
Skinner asked, eyeing Scully anxiously.  She had gone still with Davis'
last statement and seemed to be fighting her emotions.

"Absolutely.  But Mulder will know that and, I assume, will try to be as
non-threatening as possible, to avoid further attacks." Davis also
hazarded a glance at Scully next to him, clearly struggling.

"Why don't we take a short break?"  Skinner asked and stood up.  "Agents,
I believe that Kim should have some fresh coffee about now.  Why don't you
get some and come back in 15 minutes?"

The agents filed out, looking back suspiciously.  Scully began to follow
them, when Skinner caught her arm.

"Agent Scully, wait," he said firmly.  "I think you've had a rough day.
Why don't you go home and rest?"

Scully looked up at him with pain-filled eyes. "Sir, I can't go.  Please
don't make me.  It's my fault he was r..r.." Scully stopped, not able to
get the word out. She folded her arms and looked down, trying with all her
will to stop the tears from overwhelming her.  Still looking down, she
went on. "If what Agent Davis says is true, it was my escape that sparked
the attack on Mulder.  I can't leave him there.  I can't just go home and
sleep when he's still out there, somewhere.  And it's because of me."
Scully looked up again. "Please, sir, let me help."

Skinner sighed.  "All right, Agent Scully, you've made your case.  But
neither I, nor any of the other agents here hold you responsible for
anything that's happened.  And I'm confident that Mulder doesn't either.
But please, stay with the team and don't go off on your own to follow up
any leads."

A small shadow of a smile touched Scully's face. "I'll be a good team
player, sir."


Day 3 Place Unknown Time Unknown

Mulder first became aware of pain, terrible pain radiating through him.
Then he knew that he was cold.

He'd been cold a long time.  He tasted blood in his mouth, split lip, he
thought.

Tied, he was tied again, ankles and wrists behind him.  No clothes, that's
why it's cold.

He opened his eyes cautiously and looked around.  Big room, bigger than
the last one.  But there were pieces of iron hanging from the
ceiling....hooks?  The floor was grimy cement slab, and there were tables,
long tables.

What was this place?

Memory filtered back, even though he shuddered against it.  The..sexual
assault...hell, he told himself, no euphemisms here.  I was raped,
RAPED.....He shivered at the memory.  No, don't think about it.

But memory came back and repeated, like a loop.  He concentrated on
breathing through his mouth, fighting down the nausea and forced himself
to remember all that happened afterward.

Okay, they had tied him up again and threw him into
 the back of the van.  And then they rode, for a long
 time. Hurt...the jouncing of the van....must've been
 dirt roads.  Nobody to hear, even if he did scream for
 help.  Came here, too weak to fight.  Big building,
 then they threw him in here and shut the door. And
 left.

 No blanket or clothes, guess they were in too
 much of a hurry.  Cold...so cold.

 No Scully.  Thank God they hadn't caught her. That
 meant she was safe, and probably leading the hunt
 for him.  

He considered his situation.

Not sure I want to be found, Scully.  At least not by you. I know you
forgive me, but that's not enough. Couldn't do anything else to protect
you.  Should have been able to do something to protect you.  He's right.
I am garbage.  I've fucked up your life since the day they assigned you to
me.  And, oh Scully, I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry I hurt you.  And I
enjoyed it, touching you at last.  I did...that...to you, and I then I
came.  I had a freakin' orgasm.  I'm not much better than those jerkoffs
who did me.  And you don't even hold it against me.  Oh Scully, it's a
good thing I'm not in your life any more.  Or I won't be for long at this
rate.

He shifted position and felt an immediate stab of pain, then realized that
he felt moisture beneath him. Blood, he thought, closing his eyes. God, he
felt dirty, inside and out.  Can't do anything about it.  Try to think of
clean things.  The office on Monday morning with bad coffee and freshly
sharpened pencils.  The smell of Scully's shampoo.  No.  Not that.  Can't
think about that.  The last game the 'Skins won.  Cheesesteaks with the
Lone Gunmen.  Teaching Scully to bat.  No..no..She's gone.  Even if I see
her again, she's gone.  I can't face her.  Not after what I did to her.

Then memory of Kurt kept tapping at his mind.  No, no flashbacks.  Not
here, not now.  Get away from me!  Don't touch me!  Please....let me
alone.

He curled into a huddled ball and shivered.  Cold in here, so cold.  He
could feel his life draining out of him, slowly, like the drip of blood.
And he didn't really regret it.  So ashamed.

Title: Abattoir (4/6)
Author:  Xenith

Abattoir, Part 4

Day 3
10:00 p.m.
Apartment of Dana Scully

Scully tossed and turned in bed.  She knew that she ought to sleep, but
she just couldn't.  Agent Jacoby was peacefully resting in the guest
bedroom, having been persuaded not to sleep on the couch with gun in hand.

Scully was surprised at the support she'd received from fellow agents.
She had been receiving quiet greetings in the hallways all day,
expressions of sympathy and the hope that Mulder would soon be found.

She'd poured herself into the investigation until Skinner had forcibly put
her into a cab at 8:00 p.m.  When she'd protested, he'd said flatly, "You
are going home to rest, Agent Scully, and that's an order. Agent Jacoby
will drive you in tomorrow morning.  And if you disobey these orders,
intended to insure your safety and physical well-being, I'll put you on a
stress leave so fast your head will spin."

Scully'd reluctantly gone home, where Jacoby met her.  After a long bath,
Scully went to her lonely bed early.

Lonely, that's what this bed was.  Wish Mulder were in it.  She absently
ran her hands down her body, following the path his fingers had touched.

His touch...had been incredible.  It had been a shock, the feeling of his
body pressed against hers.  They'd been making love at gunpoint, for
goodness sake!  This wasn't right, she shouldn't enjoy something like
that, much less get off on the memory of it.  But she reluctantly had to
admit that she'd enjoyed it, Mulder loving her.  A lot.  She wanted more.

Her fingers found their way to her clitoris (none of these vulgar words
for Dana Scully) and tried to repeat the strokes Mulder had applied so
deftly.  She imagined him deep inside her again, someplace safe, alone,
just the two of them.

A soft moan escaped her lips.  It had been hard to keep from moaning in
that room, with the cameras rolling. Hard to keep her face a blank when
she was having the best orgasm of her life.  Oh Mulder....she stiffened
and relaxed back against the pillows.

Her thoughts turned dark and suddenly she wasn't as aroused.  He was gone,
hurt, alone.  How would he feel about her abandonment?  He'd told her to
go, but she was supposed to be there for him, guard his back, protect him.
What would it be like if she never felt his touch again?

"I have to find him," she whispered to the empty room.

"*I* have to find him."

Day 3 Place Unknown Time unknown

Mulder woke from a light doze to the sound of doors slamming open.
Overhead lights came on with a glare and for the first time he could see
his surroundings.

My God, he thought, I'm in a slaughterhouse.

He looked around him and recognized the overhead hooks as meat-hooks, the
tables as chopping blocks. The grime on the floor...Mulder felt suddenly
revolted.  His blood wasn't the only red substance there.  He suddenly
knew where the other videotapes had been filmed, the ones with the
killings.

"Well Agent Mulder, and how are you?"  Kurt stalked over, carrying a video
camera, which he carefully set up in a brightly lit area near one of the
big chopping blocks.  He moved over to Mulder and squatted down.  "I hope
you enjoyed our little fuck, Agent Mulder.  I got the feeling you're the
kind of guy who likes taking it in the ass."

Mulder said nothing, just watched him with deep eyes.

Kurt stood up again, towering over Mulder's prone form.  "Good.  I'm glad
you've learned not to make me mad."

Mulder debated with himself.  Textbook theory said that in a hostage
situation you should cooperate.  His background told him that this man was
focused on control and on his rage.  It would be dangerous to provoke him,
even lethal.

But would that be such a bad thing?

Mulder closed his eyes and pictured Scully, her hair gleaming in the sun,
and knew that their partnership was over.  It had to be.  If she could
face him after this, he certainly couldn't face her.  And when word got
around the Bureau about what he'd done to her...she'd be humiliated.
Heck, it was on tape and the Bureau probably had it by now.  He imagined
men like Colton watching it and sniggering.  What humiliation.  Mulder
could take it, he was used to it.  But she shouldn't have to. If he died a
hero's death here, he'd get a memorial and Scully'd have the memory of a
brave partner who died in the line of duty.  Surely that would cancel out
a rape?

"This is where they died, isn't it?"  Mulder was surprised at the
hoarseness of his own voice.  Oh yeah, screaming will do that to you.

Kurt kept arranging the first camera, then began to set up the second.
"Yes, it is.  Interesting place, huh?  It's an old meat-packing plant.
Closed now, of course.  I used to work here, in between jobs.  I've still
got my knives, of course."

Benny came in and began loading film in the second camera, then adjusted a
bank of lights. "Kurt, these aren't as high quality as the other cameras,
but they'll work.  Too bad we had to lose the other equipment."

"Yeah."  Kurt nodded meaningfully at Mulder. "Don't worry, we'll get it
back out of him."

Mulder lay back and struggled to keep his eyes open.  What irony if he
died of shock and blood loss before those assholes got around to torturing
him to death.  "So why are you killing FBI agents?  Why do you care?"

Kurt stilled, then walked over to Mulder. "You really want to know, don't
you?  Okay, I'll tell you.  You aren't going anywhere.  Fifteen years ago,
I had a family.  Four brothers and my Mom.  We had a good business until
that asswipe Skinner came around.  He was, what do you call it?  ASAC?
Anyway, he was in charge of an investigation that busted my family." Kurt
squatted next to Mulder, the toe of his boot inches from Mulder's nose.

"They arrested the bunch of us.  Mom and the boys are in for life.  I
played dumb and got sentenced for conspiracy.  In prison I played dumber
and got out early on parole.  Now I'm gonna take it out of Skinner, what
I've lost.  He's gonna lose every friend he ever had and be just as alone
as I am."

"Just what business is it that your family was in?"  Mulder eyed the boot,
wondering idly whether it was alligator or lizard.

"We were assassins.  The best in the business." Kurt grinned, just before
he kicked at Mulder's face.  "And I really, really loved my work."

Mulder abruptly rolled with it and got a split cheek rather than a broken
nose.  "So, just because Skinner was doing his job, you're trying to get
revenge on him?"  Mulder panted.  He hurt, hurt bad, deep inside in places
he didn't like to think about.  Thought he'd started bleeding again.

"I've killed for less.  I hear that you and Agent Scully are really close
to Skinner.  Getting you two, his favorite agents, should really frost
him."

"And then you kill Skinner, too?"  Mulder unsuccessfully tried to keep
Kurt in sight, as the man paced around him.  The next kick took him in the
small of the back.  Mulder arched away from it and felt another stab of
pain that dizzied him.

"No, I don't kill him.  I leave him alone.  And that's what he'll be.
Alone." Kurt hauled off and kicked Mulder in the stomach.  While Mulder
was retching and coughing, he and Benny dragged him to the area where the
cameras were set up and rolling.  Between the two of them lifted him onto
one of the tables.  As the heaved him onto the table, Mulder saw the trail
of blood that marked his path there.  No wonder he felt weak and cold,
still bleeding.

Mulder recognized the set.  He'd stared at it for hours as he watched the
videotapes of the other agents as they were slowly murdered.  The cameras
were set up and trained on one the table.  A screen had been set up behind
it, hiding the rest of the room from the camera.

He remembered, with photographic clarity, how the agents died.  Each one
killed the same way:  they were tortured over a period of several days,
usually beaten, or burned or electrical shock.  Then they were strangled
to death.

Mulder felt Kurt untie his arms and struggled to lift them, to defend
himself.  But they felt like lead and Kurt easily grabbed them and tied
them to the table.  He did the same with Mulder's ankles, but Mulder was
ready for him, kicking out furiously, managing to get Kurt in the gut.

Kurt gave a loud "oof!", then backed away and called Benny over.  Each
took one ankle and forcibly tied them down as well.  Mulder could feel the
cold surface of the table beneath him.  When he was secured, Kurt walked
over to a side table and removed a long, sharp filleting knife, then
returned to Mulder.

"The camera rolling?"  Benny waved a yes.

Mulder focused intently on Kurt's approach, then felt the burning pain as
Kurt slowly embedded the knife into Mulder's right arm, starting just
below the ropes and slicing up several inches.  Mulder winced and
shuddered.

"That's for kicking me." Kurt said shortly

"You know, I'm really here for a tattoo.  Body piercings aren't really my
style," he gritted.

Kurt put the knife back on the table and picked up an electrical cord with
plug on one end and bare wires on the other.

"Y'know, they use this method in third world countries to torture
information out of people.  Let's see if it works here."  Kurt plugged the
cord in to an extension cord, and, holding it by the plastic insulation,
jabbed it at Mulder's prone body.

A thousand years later Mulder found that he could breathe again, and was
sobbing in pain, trying unsuccessfully to curl himself inward to shield
his body. He could see the blood pooling from the slash in his arm.  He
knew he had internal injuries from the rape, hadn't stopped bleeding from
the rectum yet.  He didn't think he was going to last long enough for
Scully to rescue him.  He didn't think he wanted to, truthfully.

And even if they got to him in time, what then?  He could imagine the
sneering faces at the Bureau when they saw Agent-Mulder-who'd-been-raped.
Bad enough that he was Spooky Mulder, the office pariah.  But the pity,
and the humiliation...

And Scully.  Scully's face, her eyes....she'd have to look at him every
day in that little office, knowing what had happened to him.  And knowing
what they'd done on that cold cement floor.

She'd leave him.  Or he'd leave.  He just couldn't face her, day in and
day out.  In any case, the most important part of his life had already
ended.  And that hope he'd always cherished that someday, somehow, they'd
get together and....well, not now.  She couldn't possibly, now.  If she'd
ever wanted him before (maybe she had, a little?), she wouldn't now.
She'd always see Kurt or Benny, holding a gun on them, or she'd see Mulder
at the mercy of that bastard, screaming his lungs out.  I'm sorry Scully.
I just can't do it.

"Hey, Kurt!  What kind of dumbass uses the same hideout for every crime?
Huh?  This is a damned abattoir--that's French for slaughterhouse, you
damned ignorant prick!  You sure don't show much imagination, do you?"

Mulder didn't see it coming, but couldn't have avoided

it even if he had.  He lurched as Kurt's fingers tightened around his
throat until the world began to swim around him.  Then Kurt released his
grip and went back for the electrical cord.  When he could breathe again,
Mulder taunted him, using his best ivy league voice and vocabulary.

The shocks came consistently, applied to all the sensitive parts of his
body until he could no longer distinguish their source.  Didn't matter.
He deserved it anyway.  It would be over soon.  All the pain in the
various places in his body began to mingle into a red haze.  As Mulder
dropped into unconsciousness, he hoped that Scully would find somebody and
marry, have a real life.

Day 4 7:30 a.m.  Hoover Building


Dana Scully all but ran into A.D. Skinner's office.  His phone call had
been brief but to the point.  A tape had been dropped off at the front
doorway to the Hoover building, with Skinner's name on it.

"Have you viewed it yet?" she asked anxiously, closing the door behind
her.

Skinner pushed the tape into his VCR, then turned to her.  "Just looking
at it now," he said, and hit the power button.

Agent Davis gave Scully a brief smile and wave, before focusing on the
tape.

Scully slowly sat down before her knees could give out, and twisted her
hands in her lap.  She held herself very still and tried to keep her face
impassive.  She grew increasingly anxious as she watched the tape.

"I don't understand.  Spooky knows better than this..."  Davis muttered.
"He's got to know this guy is a control freak.  Why is he taunting him?"

Skinner looked at Scully, worried.  "Agent Scully, can you give us some
insight on Agent Mulder's motivations?"

Scully watched until the tape ended with Mulder's unconsciousness (not
death, thank God, not yet).  Then she slowly began to speak.

"Sir, I...I think I can tell what Mulder's behavior indicates, and you're
right.  He isn't applying the recommended behavioral model.  I would agree
with Agent Davis, that Mulder knows better.  Mulder has analyzed his
attacker thoroughly, and has decided not to apply a strategy that will
preserve his life."  Scully stopped when her voice began to tremble.

"Scully, do you mean to say that he's trying to commit suicide?" Skinner
was aghast.

"Sir, I think that...because of the traumas of the past days, that Agent
Mulder has given up any hope of reclaiming his life.  He's...decided to
die."

The room was silent for a second.

Scully's quiet voice began again.  "I noted the slash in his wrist.
Between that and the other blood loss, he is clearly going into shock.  He
can't last long.  We have to get to him, now."

Davis nodded.  "Agreed, especially if Kurt's level of violence against
Mulder is escalating."

Skinner took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.  "We are having the
video from the door-camera analyzed, and should have some still pictures
soon.  And the title report on the first site was due this morning.  Let's
see if it has arrived."  Skinner went to the door and returned with an
envelope.

He pulled the document out and laid it on the table top, all the agents
reading it closely.  Skinner stopped at the third name down.

"Oh my God," he whispered.  "I know one of these names.  Eva-Lee Willard
owned this land."

"Who is she?"  Scully asked hopefully, taking the paper from Skinner's
hand.

"The Willard family.  They are, were, a family of hired killers.  The
father started the business, then when he died of a heart attack.  Eva-Lee
picked up where he left off.  Each of her sons joined the family business,
Joseph, William, Carter, John and Kurt.  I was ASAC on the case and helped
to arrest the lot of them."  Skinner smiled, remembering.  "It was my
first time as ASAC, and I was so proud of that bust.  They all went up on
life terms except for the youngest one, Kurt.  The jury found him guilty
only on conspiracy."

Skinner remembered where he was and sobered.  "That's it, then.  One of
them must be out and remembering old scores."  He went to his desk and
scribbled down the names, then walked over to the door and opened it.

"Kim, would you contact the file room and have them get these files out of
storage?  This is a rush!"  For the first time in days, Skinner smiled.

Kim smiled back in relief.  "Good news, sir?"

"We may have a break in the case.  Please tell them to hurry."

"Kurt...one of the men who had us was named Kurt.  The other was called
Benny.  Maybe it's Kurt Willard,"  Scully said thoughtfully.

Skinner moved to the telephone to track down the whereabouts of the
Willard family members.  An hour later he put the phone down, concerned.

"It's just been verified.  Kurt Willard was released on parole three
months ago.  His parole officer hasn't seen him in over thirty days, but
he was last reported living in the Virginia area."

10:30 a.m.

The files arrived and all three agents dug into the Kurt Willard folder.
Scully read over Skinner's shoulder, looking at pertinent data...date of
birth December 15, 1960..that puts the age right.  Weight, height were
consistent.  Then she saw the last place of employment.

"Oh my God," Scully said softly.

"What is it?"  Davis and Skinner clustered near her.

"His last job was with a slaughterhouse.  He was a butcher for five years
before he was arrested.  Mulder called the place an abattoir, a
slaughterhouse.  When we were kidnapped, he said that we should try to
insert clues into the tape."

Scully grabbed the VCR remote and ran the tape back.  There it was,
slaughterhouse.

"Let's get the warrants."  Skinner went to the door and called for Kim.

"Kim, I'm sorry but you'll have to be late for your lunch date.  I need
you to type the paperwork for a search warrant for the Buford Meatpacking
Company.  Here's the address.  And I need that yesterday!"

Davis arranged for the swat team and Scully just prayed.

Title: Abattoir-- (5/6)  
Author:  Xenith

Abattoir Part 5

Day 4 2:00 Hoover Building

"Sir, the lab managed to get a good security-cam photo of the man who
dropped off the video."  Davis pulled open a manila envelope and showed
Skinner and Scully a snapshot.  Scully took a close look at it, then
stilled. She looked up at Skinner, her face pale.

"Excuse me," she said and went into Kim's office.  "Kim, can I borrow that
picture of your boyfriend for a minute?  Thanks."

Scully carefully carried the ornate frame into the office and handed it to
Skinner.  He and Davis both did a double-take.

"That's how he knew where we lived, and who your friends at the Bureau
are, sir.  He's been dating Kim for the past two months."  Scully paused,
her hand to her mouth and her eyes stricken. "Oh no, they had lunch today,
didn't they?  Kim was doing the paperwork for the search warrants."

Skinner was bolting through the office door before Scully had finished the
sentence.

Kim was flustered, but explained that yes, she did talk about her job.  He
seemed so interested, thought she was such a fascinating person.  His
name?  Oh, Kurt, Kurt Wilson.

Scully and Skinner cast each other significant looks, then handed Kim the
security camera photo.  Kim grew pale and nodded.

"That looks like him,"  she said miserably.

"Did you tell him about the raid today?"  Scully asked urgently.

Kim looked down, ashamed.  "I...I was late to lunch.  And I know I'm not
supposed to talk about it, but he just got it out of me, about the meat
packing plant."

"He knows."  Skinner said flatly.  "Damn!  We've got to get there fast,
before he can move Mulder."

"Or kill him."  Scully voiced the unspoken thought of them all.

2:30 p.m.  Slaughterhouse

The door to the building slammed open.  Benny looked up quickly to see
Kurt stride in.

"Hey, don't forget your hat!"  Benny hissed.  Kurt stopped and put his ski
mask on quickly.

"He's not gonna see anything, anyway.  He's half dead." Kurt gestured to
the table where Mulder remained spread-eagled.

"Just the same, I don't want to go back to prison.  Not 'cause of the
likes of him."  Benny gestured toward Mulder.  "So when are you gonna
finish him off?  This one gives me the creeps.  I think he *wants* us to
kill him."

"No time.  The Feds have found this place and they're coming.  We have to
get out of here.  Come on, let's pack up the cameras."

Benny began to dismantle the video cameras.  "What do we do with *him*?
Do you have another place?"

Kurt stopped packing and stood thoughtfully.  "Not for us, no.  But for
him...maybe." Kurt disappeared through a doorway.

Mulder dimly heard the conversation through the roaring in his head.  The
pain had died down and he didn't want to reawaken it, so he lay still.  He
felt so tired, groggy.  He was mildly surprised to find himself still
alive. Wonder how much time it's been...

"All right, you got the cameras packed?" Kurt came out the doorway,
dusting his hands.

"Yeah.  But are we gonna leave him here?"

"Oh yeah, but they won't find him.  When the family was in business,
killing wasn't all we did.  We made a good income drug-running.  Come on,
let's grab him and I'll show you."  Kurt went to Mulder's wrists and cut
the ropes, then carefully tied the wrists together with new.  Benny did
the same with Mulder's ankles.  Mulder was slammed out of his soft
semi-consciousness when Kurt gave the knots at his slit wrist a jerk that
ran fire up his arm.

He pried open his eyes and dimly saw himself being carried down a flight
of steps and tried to struggle, but they were too strong and too fast. He
felt himself being shoved into a metal, box-like container.  The door was
slammed shut with a laugh and he was alone in the dark.  Small, close,
stuffy space surrounded him.  The air wasn't fresh...where was this?  It
felt...like a coffin, a metal coffin just big enough to hold a man.  So,
not tortured to death after all, just suffocated, he noted distantly.
Then he felt himself beginning to slip away again and, with a thought for
Scully, regretfully let go.

Upstairs, Kurt had finished stuffing the last bit of camera equipment into
his bag, when they heard a sharp cry from the shadows of the building.

"FBI!  Freeze!"

"Damn!"  Kurt ducked behind the table and grabbed his gun out of his belt.
Benny, at his side did the same.

"Shit!  I'm not going back to prison, not for this,"  Benny hissed, then
jumped up and fired wildly.

A rain of gunfire came from the shadows and cut him down before he could
dive for cover.

Scully, in her bulletproof vest and FBI jacket, crouched next to Skinner.
"Damn it, sir, call them off! Mulder's still in here!  They could kill him
with friendly fire!  Call them off!"

Skinner nodded and barked orders into his walkie-talkie and the guns
silenced.  They could see Kurt crouched behind a large, bloodstained
butcher-block table.

"Kurt," Skinner called. "We don't want to hurt you.  Put the gun down and
come out with your hands up.  This doesn't have to end badly."

"Fuck off!" yelled Kurt and sent a bullet Skinner's way. Skinner and
Scully both ducked as it whinged past them.

Scully anxiously scanned the darkness, looking for some sign of Mulder.
Nothing.  Just blood stains, so many bloodstains.

Kurt sent another volley of bullets and the agents responded, despite
Scully's pleas.  Finally, no more gunfire came from Kurt's corner and the
agents carefully made their way back.

Kurt lay on his back, bleeding from the bullet that had pierced his chest,
his eyes half open.  Scully knelt at his side, pulled off the ski mask and
crisply pulled off her jacket to cover him. "Where is Agent Mulder, Kurt?"
she asked.

Kurt grinned and rasped "Where you'll never find him, bitch!"  Then he
died.

Scully sat back, stunned.  Skinner gave her a worried look and called to
the other agents.  "Check the building for other gunmen, and also for
Agent Mulder.  He's injured, probably incapacitated.  When you find him,
sing out and Agent Scully will administer first aid until the paramedics
can take over."

Agents poured throughout the building, and Scully searched too.  After an
eternity, the agents filtered back to the central spot where the coroner
was packing up the bodies of Benny and Kurt.

No Mulder.  Nobody else in the building.

Scully bit her lip.  She had to agree that they'd found nothing, but she
was also certain that Mulder was here.

"Agent Scully, I'm truly sorry.  They...must have killed him and dumped
the body somewhere,"  Skinner said with heavy regret.

"No...no.  He's still alive and he's here.  I know he's here."  Skinner
gave her a sharp look, but decided to leave her with her grief.

As Skinner thanked the agents, then reassigned them to forensics tasks,
Scully wandered aside.  Searching.

She found the open door to the basement and walked down the stairs.  The
area had been thoroughly searched, she knew that.  She just had a
feeling...

She entered the dimly lit basement and began to feel the walls, idly
touching the surface, feeling dips and bumps in the surface.  Then she
felt a cold breeze against the palm of her hand.  Carefully, lest she lose
this clue, Scully left her hand there and reached for her flashlight with
the other.

Focusing the bright light showed a faint vertical line, running from floor
to ceiling.  "A secret room,"  Scully whispered, then dropped the
flashlight and grabbed her pocket knife and began to force it against the
crack.

She ran the knife down the crack until it jammed there. No good.  But
there was something behind this wall, she felt sure. Scully feverishly
applied her nails, her knife and her determination to the door without
effect, when Skinner came down the stairs.

"Agent Scully, are you all right..." he began, then stopped as he saw
Scully frenziedly trying to open the hidden door.  Her hair was in
disarray and she was all but beating on it with her fists.

She turned to him.  "Sir, Mulder's trapped in there.  I know it!  We need
some agents down here with axes and pry-bars.  Now!"  Skinner grabbed his
walkie-talkie and barked some orders into it, then he hunted around the
basement for a tool to use.

Skinner found a crowbar, and began trying to pry the wall open, his face
tense with effort and his muscles straining.  More agents poured down the
stairs and helped.

Soon the door was destroyed, revealing a large locker-like metal box,
clearly meant to be air-tight. It was locked.

Scully was all but dancing in her anxiety.  "We've got to get him out of
there.  Fast.  He's probably running out of air."

Skinner took his crowbar and managed to force the lock. He yanked the door
open, and the abused body of Fox Mulder toppled out.

Scully dived forward to catch him, pulling the rest of Mulder's body out
of the locker. She felt for a pulse and he lay limp, cradled in her arms,
his face dusky pale.

"Sir, he isn't breathing.  Call the paramedics down here, fast!" She began
mouth to mouth resuscitation.

"C'mon, Mulder--breathe.  That's right, breathe for me..." Scully grimly
pushed air into Mulder's lungs. Between breaths, she pulled off her jacket
and gently lay in on him.  After a minute or two he coughed and gulped a
big lungful of air.  Scully sat back on her heels and smiled as Mulder's
eyes cracked open.

"Hey, partner," she smiled into his eyes.  "Long time, no see."  Mulder's
eyes found hers, then took on an expression of tormented anguish and he
turned his face to one side, refusing to look at her.

"Mulder, what.." Scully began but was interrupted by the paramedics.  She
stood to one side, then, anxiously watching as they loaded Mulder onto a
stretcher and began to remove him from the room.  In all that time, not
once did Mulder meet her eyes or look at her, even though Scully followed
his every motion, listened to every response he gave to a paramedic.

Shaken, she watched dumbly from the sidelines.

"Do you want to ride with the ambulance?" Skinner asked gently.

Scully just nodded and silently followed the paramedics upstairs.

During the ride Mulder lost consciousness, and so Scully was spared his
anguished glance.  She thought she knew why he was turning from her.  She
had left him after all, run for her life and left him to be tortured by
those sadistic killers.  If he couldn't get past this, couldn't forgive
her this, well...she could understand. But she'd try, oh how she'd try to
make it up to him, somehow.  If he'd let her.


Day 4 11:00 p.m.  Memorial Hospital


Scully roused when somebody draped a blanket over her.  She yawned and saw
that Skinner had arrived and was tip-toeing out of the room.

"Sir?" she said drowsily. "It's okay, I'm awake."  Scully sat up in her
chair, her eyes going automatically to the still form of Mulder in the
hospital bed.

"I, uh, thought I'd see how Agent Mulder is doing,"  Skinner said, his
voice low.  He took a seat in the other chair.  "What do the doctors say?"

"Well, he had internal injuries stemming from the rape and the beatings.
They've repaired that, but he'll be a while recovering.  He was knifed in
the arm, but fortunately it missed the major blood vessels.  There is
considerable danger of infection, and he's lost a lot of blood.  But of
primary concern is that he was without oxygen for an unknown period of
time.  There could be brain damage.  We won't really know if there are any
deficits until he wakes."  If he wakes, Scully added mentally.

"You mean like swimmers or drowning victims?"  Skinner asked.

"Yes.  There could be no effect, or he could have just enough brain damage
to be manageable..."

"But to end his career at the Bureau," Skinner finished for her.  Scully
nodded and laid her hands on Mulder's left arm, focusing her entire being
on him.

Skinner sat with her for a while, then gently took his leave.

After Skinner left, Scully had time to think.  Mulder had turned away from
her.  He knew that she'd left him, saved herself.  She'd abandoned him and
he'd taken the abuse meant for her, and now he just couldn't look at her.
She couldn't blame him, she certainly blamed herself.  She wondered if
he'd even want her as a partner anymore.  My God, the rape.  He'd have a
long recovery from that.  She had to be there for him.  But would he want
her?  She knew that if he told her to go away, her heart would break.  But
she'd do it, if he asked it.

And she thought of the dreams she'd had, tucked carefully in the back of
her mind.  Waking up on Sunday morning with Mulder, cooking him a real
meal, spending days with him--not chasing aliens--but just being.  Growing
old with him.  She'd thought that maybe he was attracted to her, a little.
That hallway near-kiss...was never repeated.  So she'd never been sure.
Now she'd never know.

But she'd wait.  And even if he couldn't forgive her for abandoning him
when he needed her most, she still owed him.

Title: Abattoir(6/6)  
Author:  Xenith

Memorial Hospital Day 5 3:10 a.m.

Scully jerked awake.  She lifted her head from where it lay against
Mulder's arm.  Something had awakened her.  Mulder?

His eyes were fluttering and a soft moan came from his throat.  Scully
waited tensely, trying to smile brightly but afraid of his reaction.

Mulder focused, then found Scully's face.  He began to smile at her, then
the anguished look filtered into his face.  He turned his head away.

"Mulder?  What's wrong?  Why can't you look at me?"  Scully asked softly.

"You know, Scully.  You know why I can't...just can't...what happened in
that place."  Mulder's voice was muffled, and so very sad.

Scully took a deep breath and looked down at her lap.  That was it, then.

"Mulder...I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am...I can't expect you to
forgive me for this, but I..I have to tell you that I abandoned you there,
and I'm so very sorry.  I know you blame me for that, and you're right.
I'm your partner, and I..I left you there..alone.  Can you forgive me?"
Scully looked up, tears welling from her eyes, to find Mulder looking at
her curiously.

"Forgive you for what, Scully?  Of course you left, that's why I went for
that gorilla: to give you a chance to get away.  It was the only way I
could protect you.  I sure didn't do you any good otherwise." Mulder bowed
his head, ashamed.

"You don't blame me?  But..why have you been turning away from me?  You
wouldn't look at me." Scully leaned forward in her chair.

Mulder painfully slid back from Scully, putting as much distance as the
bed would allow.  "Scully, you *know* why I can't...can't face you."  He
dropped his gaze and stared at the blankets, forcing the words out. "I...I
*raped* you, Scully.  I hurt you.  I could tell I was hurting you, while
it was happening.  How can you stand to look at me, now?"

"Mulder, I asked you to do it.  I helped. And remember your training.
What's the definition of rape?  Sexual intercourse without consent.
Mulder...that wasn't a rape, not really. The situation was terrible, but
you aren't.  I consented, Mulder, that *you* make love to me."

Mulder still couldn't meet her eyes.  "I know you don't hold it against
me, Scully.  You said as much while we were...um..."

"Fucking?  Mulder, I'm a grown woman and I know what we were doing.
There's no shame in it."  Scully waited hopefully for a Mulder leer and
remark.  It never came.  She sighed.

"But Scully, I *hurt* you.  I know I was hurting you, and..." The rest was
too low for her to hear.

"What is it Mulder? I can't hear."

"Scully..I...came.  And I enjoyed it.  But I *hurt* you and then I came.
That isn't right.  I can't live with that."

"Mulder, I know in my heart that you are not a sadistic man.  Do you think
that you are?"  That got his attention.  He looked up.

"No, I hope not." He mumbled. "But...I don't really know myself anymore."

"Well, if you were a sadist, you wouldn't be bothered by your perception
of what happened.  Besides, Mulder, how do you know that you hurt me?"
Scully asked softly.

"How could I not know?  I could feel you beneath me, shuddering.
You...you gasped a couple of times when I...when I moved in you hard.  I
tried to make it gentle, I tried," Mulder said miserably.

"Um...Mulder.." Blast the man for being perceptive about everybody but
her!  Okay, Starbuck, just SAY it.
 

"Mulder, you didn't hurt me. In fact, I had several orgasms myself..."
Scully could feel her face getting red and flushed.  She found herself
looking away in embarrassment.  Damn it, he caused them, why can't I tell
him about it?

Mulder began a slow smile.  "Several, as in more than one?"

Scully caught the smile and began to feel a little hope.

"Uh-huh," she said.

"How many?" Mulder gave her an intensely curious look.  His smile
broadened to a smug grin when she held up three fingers.

Their eyes met and Scully began to giggle.  Then Mulder began to snicker,
and soon the two of them were being cautioned against waking any of the
other patients.

After a while they both calmed down, and Scully's face grew serious.
"Mulder, I want you to know that I feel terrible about what happened to
you there.  I...if you need a friend, somebody to talk to about it, I'm
here." She reached out her hand to take Mulder's.  She could see that he
was forcing himself to accept her touch and felt saddened at the damage
done to this man.

"Scully...how much of the tape did you see?  How much do they know at the
Bureau?  Skinner? Did they see me get..."  Mulder's face flushed with
embarrassment, as his voice trailed off.  He looked away from her eyes as
he waited for her answer.

"Skinner and the task force team saw the tape, a total of eight people.
We all gave our word not to disclose the contents, to protect your
privacy.  The tape itself only showed the beginnings of the attack on you,
maybe the first five minutes, then went to snow."  Scully tried to smile.
"You and I, now, we're there in glorious technicolor.  I'm thinking of
adding that one to the drawer of videos that don't belong to you."

Mulder's smile was as tentative.  "Yeah, well, I always did want to be in
pictures."  Inwardly, he heaved a relieved sigh.  At least Scully hadn't
seen the whole attack, and his reaction to it.  No, can't think about
that. Got to forget that it happened, forget the whole thing and get back
to life.  Just don't think about it.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm tired.  And you look like you could
use some sleep." Scully got up to go. "Mulder, I'm so glad we found you.
I was so worried,"  she said softly.

"So was I, Scully, so was I," Mulder replied gently.  Scully leaned over
and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, then left before Mulder could get
over his shock.  He sat up in bed, gingerly touching his lips where she'd
kissed him, a bemused expression on his face.

5:00 a.m.

Mulder couldn't sleep.  He was glad that he'd cleared the air with Scully
about their encounter.  He hadn't hurt her after all....three times?  He
fought down a silly grin.  No, Scully wouldn't lie and she wouldn't
exaggerate.  Mulder felt oddly comforted, especially in the face of all
that he *hadn't* said to her.

Thank God she hadn't seen the rest of the attack.  Thank God nobody had.
He still didn't know how to react to it.  He recalled it, with all too
much clarity.

Kurt, pounding into him, pain...terrible pain.  Couldn't get his breath,
and when he did it was only to scream.

Kurt's obscenities in his ears, calling him garbage, worthless...after a
while the words were meaningless. He couldn't fight, couldn't stop it from
happening...helpless.  Fox Mulder, FBI Agent, Oxford graduate...helpless.
Then Mulder's body betrayed him. He could feel himself getting hard,
arousal out of his control, hoping...praying that Kurt wouldn't notice.
Forlorn hope.

"Hey Benny!  Look at this!  The Fibbie's got a hard-on!"  Mulder felt Kurt
grab a handful of his hair, pulling him onto his knees.  "Guess he goes
both ways, huh?"  Then he was rolled back onto his stomach and, to his
mortification, he ejaculated.  By the time Kurt was finished with him,
Mulder lay face down, sobbing and trying vainly to control the shaking of
his body. Then Kurt and Benny had hauled him upright and tied him, then
thrown him into the van.

Mulder realized that he was shaking and tried to huddle down into the
safety of the hospital bed.  It didn't exist, it hadn't happened, Kurt and
Benny were dead.  There was no tape.  And if Mulder chose to forget it, it
didn't exist, did it? What was he, anyway?  How could his body react like
that?  Wait, he told himself, remember that expensive psychology
degree...This is purely physiological.  It *happens* to male rape victims,
it's meaningless, the simple result of pressure applied to the prostate
gland during the attack.

Yeah, sure, fine, he told himself.  All this theory was great UNTIL IT
HAPPENED TO ME!  He curled into a fetal ball and huddled in the bed,
waiting till morning.


Day 5 Memorial Hospital 2 p.m.


Scully stopped by the nurse's station on her way to see Mulder.  She'd
gotten into the habit of checking his chart.  The nurse on duty stopped
her.

"Agent Scully, you really need to talk to your partner,"  the nurse said
as she handed Scully the chart.

"Why?  What's wrong?"  Scully glanced at the chart, nothing abnormal
physically.

"The rape counselor stopped by today.  Mulder shouted him out of the room,
and that's the only reaction he's given to anything today.  He won't talk,
doesn't say anything, just stares out the window."

"I'll go see him.  Maybe he'll talk to me."  Scully gave the chart back to
the nurse and went into Mulder's room.  He lay quietly, staring at the
window as she entered.

"Hi, partner.  How ya feelin?"  Scully asked as cheerfully as she could.
She found a business card on the side table.  It read 'William Draeger,
Rape Crisis Counseling Center'.  "I see you've had a visitor."

Mulder didn't turn away from the window. "Had," he said, and fell silent.

"Mulder, this is me.  What's going on?" Scully tried to keep her voice
crisp and unemotional.  "You seem really down today.  Want to talk about
it?"

"No," Mulder said.

"Mulder...dammit!  Will you look at me?  You already said that you don't
hold it against me, my leaving you.  So what is it?  What's going on?"
Mulder didn't answer, but Scully could see his shoulders trembling with
quiet sobs.

"Mulder?"  Scully reached forward and touched Mulder's hair. He jerked and
cried out. "No..no..Let me go, let me alone...please let me alone..Don't
touch me..please. I..don't want this.  I'm not like that..."  Mulder
huddled in the bed, pulling the covers around him tightly.

Scully pulled her hand back abruptly.  "Mulder," she whispered. "Just what
was on the rest of that tape? What did he do to you?"

Mulder sobbed, then the words began to come out.  He brokenly described
the rest of the attack, and how his body had reacted.  Scully desperately
wanted to hold him close, protect him.  But she knew that he couldn't bear
any touch just now.

"Mulder, you know that none of this was your fault.  You didn't ask for
it, any of it.  You're right, your body was taken out of your control and
this was an automatic response."  Scully reached out to him with one hand,
then dropped it to lay on the blanket between them. "You should talk to
the counselor.  You can't let this fester inside you.  If you can't talk
to me, you need somebody."

"Scully, I...feel like my life is broken into little pieces. No control,
can't even control my own friggin' body.  Don't trust anybody but you.
I've tried to repress this, think about something else.  It...didn't hurt
this much when I was worried about you, you were more important to worry
about.  But now," Mulder gave a shaky laugh, "the adrenaline has died
down.  I guess I'm freed up to have the flashbacks now."

Mulder gulped and went on.  "Scully, you're the most important thing in my
life, but even I can see what a loser I am.  Please, get out now, before I
drag you down.  You don't have to deal with this, you don't have to be
here and go through this with me."

Scully was frightened by the despair in his voice.  "Mulder, is this why
you deliberately provoked Kurt to kill you?" At his look, she added "Yes,
I saw that in the tape.  You weren't even trying.  Is this what prompted
that?"

Mulder nodded.  "That, and knowing that I'd lost you forever.  Once I'd
touched you, I knew I couldn't live without ever touching you again.  And
you deserve better."  Mulder looked into her honest blue eyes and said
flatly. "You still do."

Scully looked back.  "Mulder, I decide what I deserve, and I chose you a
long time ago.  How clear do I have to make it?  I love you and I'm not
going anywhere.  Unless...you really don't want me to stay," she ended
quietly.

Mulder looked like a man offered paradise.  "Scully, do you really mean
that?  I mean, not just as a friend..."

Scully smiled.  "I've had romantic feelings for you for quite some time,
but you never said anything and I wasn't sure you felt the same."

Mulder snorted. "Should I have rented a billboard?  Scully, I told you how
I felt in Bermuda.  I got you back from the arctic tundra.  How obvious
did I have to be?"

"A hell of a lot more obvious than you were!  Who trails you to
God-knows-where and saves your ass repeatedly? What was I supposed to
think?  You didn't even try to kiss me again." Scully flared, then noted
with quiet satisfaction that Mulder's mood had picked up.  Good.

Mulder grew serious.  "Scully, if you're talking about a romantic
relationship, I don't think I'm going to be much good to you for a while.
I want to make love to you more than I can say, but I..can't handle the
thought of sex right now.  I don't even know if...if I can make love to a
woman any more.  Even touching your hand is rough.  I'm scared, and it
feels like my body isn't really mine.  I've lost boundaries.  And then,"
Mulder looked down at the blankets. "The doctor told me that my
preliminary HIV tests are negative, but it'll be six months before we know
for sure."

"Mulder, I want a romantic relationship, and with nobody but you.  I can
wait.  I've waited six years, I can wait six months.  Or as long as it
takes."  Scully tried to project as much warmth and love into her eyes as
she could, since she couldn't follow her instinct and enfold him in a hug.

Mulder smiled, hope in his face.  "Well, maybe we can work up to it.  Mess
around....date.."

"Mess around, Agent Mulder?" Scully asked archly.

"Agent Scully, have you ever been kissed in the back seat of a 1964 1/2
Mustang?"

"Mulder, anyplace, anytime you want to kiss me, I'm there," Scully
replied.

Mulder leaned inward and gently caught the back of Scully's head, pulling
her forward.  She could see him tremble as he very slowly and very
carefully began a tender kiss at the base of her neck, then moved
gradually upward, finally arriving at her lips.  Once there, the tender
kiss became passionate, leaving both of them breathless.

"That's...my promise to you, Dana Scully.  And my commitment."