By shawntaw
shawntaw@hotmail.com
 

Disclaimer: Not mine. Got no money, honey. Also, I have VERY little
medical knowledge so that may be a little off too, but honestly that
is not the focus of this fic, so please let it slide.
Category: Skinner POV mostly, Cancerfic, MSR/UST implied, ANGST
Summary:  Her blood was on his hands...Her blood was on Mulder's
hands too.
Rating: R for a bad word (but most people would say PG. I'm old-
fashioned)
Feedback is very appreciated at shawntaw@hotmail.com

**********************************************************************
**************************************************

He had never used the basement bathroom.  He had access to a much
nicer one a few floors up, so why would he?

Assuming Mulder would be working late (because it seemed like he
ALWAYS stayed late), Skinner had wandered down to the basement at
about 7pm to see if Mulder was there and - if he was -  to talk to
him about his latest 302.  When Skinner had found the basement dark
and quiet and the office door bearing Mulder's nameplate locked, he
had decided to call it a night himself.  But first, he realized, all
that coffee he drank this evening was urgently making itself known.
Where was the basement bathroom again?

And that's how he found himself standing in the small hallway outside
the basement restroom,  listening to Scully sob and cough.

He was frozen.  She and Mulder had just told him the news of her
cancer a mere few days ago.  It was only yesterday he had sold his
soul to the smoking devil for her cure.  None had been forthcoming
yet and now he was on the Smoking Man's leash.  Skinner still had a
hard time believing that he had done what he had done and didn't want
to look too closely at why.

Why did he hand himself over to evil without a second thought to save
both his agents?

Skinner was no fool; he knew that he had not only - hopefully - saved
Scully, but also Mulder as well.  Because if Mulder would have been
allowed to make the deal, the smoking bastard would have eaten him
alive and spit out his bones.  He would have dragged him along on a
tight leash while he let Scully die and after getting Mulder to stop
investigation into the X-files, he would've surely killed him too.

But to save his agents from death, Skinner had agreed to dance with
the devil.  What else could he do?  They were his family.  They were
all he had.

Not wanting to delve any further into this train of thought, he
blinked away his introspection and listened again. He had never heard
her cry so openly.  Had he ever heard her cry at all?  The sound
broke his heart.  His hand rose of its own volition and hovered over
the surface of the door in silent comfort.

He wanted so badly to push open the door and comfort her, but knew
that the strong, independent Agent Scully would not welcome such a
gesture.  He listened to her loudly gag and cough.  She was crying so
hard she was hiccuping.  He should just walk away.  If it was him in
there and he was having to deal with what she's dealing with, he
certainly wouldn't want HER in the hallway listening to HIM lose it.

Just walk away, Walter.  Walk away, he told himself.
 

"G-God, why?  Why?  Why do our lives have to be one melodrama after
another?!!!"  Scully's nearly hysterical plea echoing from inside the
bathroom undid whatever small amount of resistance he had and before
he could think it out, he had pushed the bathroom door smoothly and
silently open.

**********************************************************************
***************************************************

Scully wiped furiously at the blood dripping from her nose and
hiccupped again.  She hadn't cried this hard since she was a child
and she certainly hadn't wallowed in self-pity to this degree since
then.  Damn it!!

She regarded her pale, puffy reflection.  Thank God Mulder wasn't
here to see this.  It was all she could do to hold it together when
he was around.  They had left work at the same time this evening, but
she had returned when she realized that in her concentrated effort to
not let the terror of slowly dying show through she had left the
files she'd been intending to work on tonight back at the office.

When blood had fallen from her nose to stain her hand and the floor
as she leaned over to pick up her briefcase, Scully had immediately
headed for the bathroom to try to stop the flow and wipe it from her
face.

It wouldn't stop.

She had pinched and wiped and prayed and still her nose bled in a
steady drip.  She couldn't stop it.  She feared she would bleed to
death, slowly dying a drop at a time.  Scully began to seriously
consider calling an ambulance.

She was struck with absolute terror.  Scully had stared at herself in
the mirror then, holding blood-stained toilet paper against her nose
and noticed that somehow the blood had escaped its tissue dam and
managed to blot her blouse.  Her NEW blouse, the one she had bought
with Mulder's reaction in mind because it had a sexier neckline than
she normally wore.  She'd been doing that a lot lately....thinking of
Mulder.  Considering finally sending him a clear signal that she was
interested in something more before she-

Scully tried to stop the thought there but couldn't and her mind
trecherously finished it for her.  Before she died.

She wanted him to know how she loved him before she died and she
wanted to be loved by him.  That's when the tears started.  Then the
sobbing and pleading with the heavens.  She cried so hard as she
leaned on the sink that she made herself sick.  She gagged and gagged
but there was nothing to bring up because she hadn't been able to eat
lately.  Scully tended to do that when stressed out.

Another sob escaped her as she threw away the blood-soaked tissue in
her hands and headed back to a stall for more...

and ran right into A.D. Skinner.

"Sir!"  blurted from her in her shock to see her boss standing in the
bathroom behind her with a deep sadness in his eyes.

The shocked moment was broken when one of the drops of blood that ran
from her nose fell to the floor with an audible splat.

"Oh!" she gasped and dashed into a stall.  Skinner could hear the
toilet paper being ripped and then she reappeared, moving
purposefully to the mirror.

"Did you need something, sir?" she said in her "Scully" voice without
looking at him.  It was shaky but she was proud of herself that she
was able to swallow the soft hiccups she still had.  She efficiently
continued to hold the tissue to her nose with one hand while using
the other hand to turn on the faucet to wet the other.  Scully used
the wet tissue to clean blood splatter from her skin.

Skinner just stood there and watched her.  It made her nervous and
she wondered how long he'd been there before she noticed him.

When he finally did move, he did so with a sigh that spoke of a tough
decision made.  He stepped forward and grabbed her briefcase.

"Sir, what are you doing?" Scully said in a tissue-muffled voice as
she turned to watch him in confusion.

He said nothing, but advanced on her with such speed that she was
unable to stop him when he bent slightly at the waist and then picked
her up in the cradle of his arms like a damsel in distress from some
old movie.

"What the HELL are you doing?!" she yelled with a gasp, too shocked
to think of fighting him.

He turned to the bathroom door and shifting her weight a little,
managed to get it open and go out into the hallway..

straight into Mulder.

The three stood in the cramped, dim hallway blinking for a moment.
Mulder looked like he going to be sick.  Skinner was blushing and
Scully was utterly overwhelmed.

"Am I interrupting something?" Mulder said, attempting sarcasm, but
not quite making it.  He was hurt.  For goodness sake, were Scully
and Skinner having some sort of office affair?! How cliche'! How
stupid! Why Skinner and not him?!!! Why -

For a profiler, he was being amazingly slow.  He finally noticed
and..."Scully, you're bleeding!"

"Its just a nosebleed, Mulder," she said in a stuffy voice from
Skinner's arms.  Skinner still had said nothing.

"Tell him the truth, Scully," came his quiet voice finally.

"What?" she looked up at him and then remembered something else, "and
may I ask what is going on here? PUT. ME. DOWN."

Skinner flat-out ignored her.  "Agent Mulder, would you kindly help
me manuver my way to my car?  I believe Agent Scully needs to see a
doctor in the ER and I am going to drive her there myself to make
sure she gets there."

Mulder blinked at his boss, still wondering how he came to be
rescuing her from the basement bathroom.  But if Skinner thought
Scully needed to go to the hospital, then she was going.

"No problem.  I'll come with you. Come on," he began to hurry toward
the elevator so that it would be waiting for them when Skinner got to
it.

"I'm NOT going to the hospital, so you can just put me down right
now!! Enough of this macho crap!!  I'm fine!" She began to squirm
insistantly, but Skinner merely held her tighter.

"I heard you from the hallway.  The bleeding isn't stopping. You're
going." He said softly and firmly.

She stopped moving at his words and glared up at him as he walked.
His eyes were moist..sad...but determined.

"Period. No arguments," he said to her.

Scully's eyes flared with anger for a moment. Then her chin began to
quiver.  Her gaze dropped from his.

"I'm fine," she muttered and sniffed, "I'm just so tired."

"I know," Skinner said as he approached the elevator Mulder held
open.  Mulder reached out a hand to stroke her hair as they stepped
in.

"Just let them check you, Scully. Ok?" Mulder said gently and his
voice was her undoing.  She began to sob and turned her head into
Skinner's chest.

"I didn't want you to see me like this, Mulder," she cried, "I didn't
want ANYONE to see me like this."

**********************************************************************
******************************************************

Skinner sat in the ER waiting room, leaning forward with his elbows
on his thighs and staring down at his turned-up palms.  He had her
blood on him.  It was on his crisp, white shirt too.  He kept
repeating this to himself, although he couldn't figure out why.  Her
blood was on his hands.

Mulder was staring at him, he could feel it.  The other man's
curiousity was nearly boring a hole through the top of his skull it
was so intense. Yet, Mulder had still not asked him why he had been
carrying Scully out of the basement restroom.  You had to give the
man credit for restraint.

Skinner snorted at his thoughts and reached up to pinch his nose to
ward off his impending headache.  He stopped.  Her blood was on his
hands.

The bleeding had gotten worse on the way to the hospital.

The trio had gotten into Skinner's car in silence, Skinner gently
sliding Scully into the backseat and Mulder surprising him by getting
into the backseat on the other side and propping Scully's head on his
leg.  At this, she had drawn herself up into a tight ball and
squeezed her eyes shut, snuffling into the bloody tissue she held to
her nose.  He stroked her hair and leaned down to her, muttering
reassuringly.

Skinner had taken a deep breath, shut the back door and quickly
strode around to the driver's side to get in.

"Scully? Scully?! Oh. no," Mulder said in a small voice, causing
Skinner to quickly get in and turn around to look at him.

"What?"

"Its gotten worse. I-I think she's passed out," Mulder's voice seemed
to get smaller and more panicked as Skinner followed his terrified
gaze down to where Scully lay against his now blood-soaked thigh.

Skinner had torn out of the parking garage like a bat outta hell.
They picked up two cops along the way to the nearest hospital who
chased them with lights swirling and sirens blaring.

It was only their F.B.I. credentials and a hurried explanation of
their medical emergency that saved them from arrest when they arrived.

He and Mulder had run yelling and bloodied into the ER, ordering
someone to get a gurney NOW....

Now all that was left was the waiting.

Skinner hated waiting.

He stopped staring at his hands for a moment as a thought hit him.

"Where were you?"

Mulder blinked, startled from his own thoughts.  "Huh?"

"I went to your office looking for you and it was all locked up.  I
assumed you were gone, but obviously you weren't.  So, where were
you?"

Mulder sighed in understanding and ran both hands through his hair
for the upteenth time.  Skinner took the moment to study him and
noticed that the pant leg covering the thigh Scully had been resting
on was darkened with her blood as well.  Her blood was on Mulder's
hands too.  Must have gotten there when he was helping to manuver her
out of the backseat and into the waiting arms of ER personnel.

"I wasn't there.  I mean, I had gone home." Mulder sighed again, "I
was supposed to get pizza with the guys tonight, so I didn't work
late.  But then I realized I'd left my cellphone at the office.  I
decided to swing by to get it."

"Oh," Skinner responded.

"I guess I outta call the guys and let them know what happened..."
Mulder's voice drifted off and he made no move to call anyone.  His
leg bounced up and down and he chewed his bottom lip with anxiety.

"So, you were looking for me.  What did you need?" Mulder finally
asked.

"The 302," Skinner simply said.  "Ah," Mulder nodded.

"How did you find her?"

"I drank a lot of coffee tonight," Skinner again explained himself
shorthand.  Mulder's mouth quirked, "Good thing."

Skinner nodded and suddenly realized he never did get to pee.

"Speaking of which," he said, standing, "I need to find the facility.
Let me know if.."

Mulder looked up at him and nodded.  He understood.

**********************************************************************
*****************************************************

When Skinner returned, Mulder was gone.  He felt a moment of sheer
panic flutter his stomach as he glanced around.

"Mr. Skinner? Walter Skinner?" a nurse approached him.

"Yes?"

"A Mr. Mulder said to tell you that "Scully" is in Room 307.  He said
to tell you he couldn't wait and said you'd understand."

Skinner nodded.  He did understand.  "Thank you."

He ran his now clean hands over his face, trying to scrub some of the
weariness away.  He was tired. It was still too early for him to be
this tired, but he was.

"Which way is Room 247?"

**********************************************************************
******************************************************

He couldn't go in.  He stood and watched them through the small
window in the door.  In the dim light, Mulder held her hand as silent
tears ran down his face.  Scully slept in an obviously drug-induced
slumber. Mulder was saying something to her and stroking her hair.
Her face.

It was too personal.  It made his throat close up with tears he
couldn't shed.  He turned away.

At the nurse's station Skinner cleared his throat.  "I would like to
know the status of Dana Scully in Room 247," he stated in his
A.D. "don't argue with me" voice.

Nevertheless, a nurse asked the inevitable question, "Are you family?"

"Yes," Skinner lied through gritted teeth and then realized that it
really wasn't a lie, "Yes, I am."

"You are aware that Ms. Scully has been diagnosed with terminal
cancer?"

He nodded tersely.

"Well, then I'm sure you are aware that there is very little we can
do but make her time as comfortable as possible.  These severe
nosebleeds are to be expected and the doctor has ordered transfusion
and rest for her.  That is about all we can do at this point." Her
voice was gentle but firm.  The voice of someone used to making
relatives accept reality.

"Will your wife be coming soon?"

Skinner frowned, "What?"

"I called Mrs. Scully about an half hour ago at Agent Mulder's
request and she said she'd be right here.  I assume your wife will be
here anytime now?  Dana asked for her as she drifted off to sleep."

This woman assumed that Skinner was Scully's father.  He closed his
eyes as his headache came back full force.

"I'm sure she'll be here soon.  She's coming from further away."

The nurse nodded and then hesitantly continued, obviously not knowing
if it was her place, "I thought it was odd that Mr. Mulder and not
you or her mother was listed on her records."

Skinner found he was not surprised, "Well, they are partners at the
F.B.I...in that line of work it makes sense."

And it did.

"When my wife," he stumbled on the word, "gets here, would you please
not mention you saw me?" Skinner blatantly lied, "Messy divorce," he
explained, acting embarrassed.

The nurse nodded with understanding. "Not a problem, although I'm
sure she'd expect you to be here for your daughter."

He had no comment for that.  He just knew that he certainly did not
love Dana Scully like a daughter.  He loved her as a man who knows
when he's been beat.  He loved her so he wanted Mulder for her.
Together they were his family.  How could he explain his feelings to
this nurse when he didn't understand them himself?

So, he nodded.

"Just tell Mulder I said to call me when he gets a chance, alright?"
The tears were getting closer to the surface.  He had to get out of
here and NOW.

The nurse frowned a little with worry and sympathy and cocked her
head to one side, "I will, but...are you o.k., sir?"

Skinner couldn't lie again tonight, so he simply turned and walked
away.

**********************************************************************
*************************************************

Poor, poor underexplored Skinner!!  The more episodes I rewatch the
more I wonder what the poor guy was going through.

Feedback at shawntaw@hotmail.com

Thanks:)