By shawntaw
shawntaw@hotmail.com
 

Date: Thu, 18 Oct 2001 21:53:41 -0000
Category: Skinner/Other, MSR - UST, Humor, Romance, Intrigue, need I
say more?
Summary: Skinner gets his bones jumped.  Other stuff happens too...
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, except A.D. Smith, Agent Shauna Holt, Agent
Ramirez, and the Reinfelds.  And I have no idea if Durin, Maine
exists; I totally made it up.  I'm borrowing the X-Files characters
for my own fiendish purposes and then they will be returned unharmed.
(Harhahahahahahaha - fiendish laugh)

NOTE: This idea came about when my husband and I were discussing the
fact that Skinner always lets people beat him up.  Ex: Holly
in "Pusher" and Mulder when he is able to read minds and in the one
where his water is being drugged.  My husband's argument is that
Skinner doesn't want to hurt them because he's so much bigger and an
ex-Marine.  I've worked with problem kids and know there are ways to
restrain someone without hurting them.  Skinner is F.B.I. and an ex-
Marine.  He should know that too...

So, this story popped into my head.  It combined with a "Pink
Panther" Clouseau - Cato thing and maybe a little "Three's Company" -
inspired misdirection and Voila!
 
 

********************************************************************

Monday Afternoon
2:38 p.m.

Agent Holt gritted her teeth in frustration, and tried not to clench
her fists.  *How many times am I going to have to put up with this?*

A.D. Skinner sat behind his desk, looking at the agent
sympathetically.  He couldn't understand why her own A.D. had been so
reluctant to deal with her.  She seemed to be handling it as
expected.  His mind drifted back to his lunchtime conversation with
A.D. Smith.

****************************************************

Monday
Lunchtime

"Well, its time to move in for the arrest," Smith had commented
around a bite of salad.

Skinner nodded and swallowed his bite of steak.  He hadn't felt like
eating a salad for lunch today.  His eyes dropped to his middle. *No.
To hell with my diet today.  I want some meat.*

"That was Agent Holt's case, wasn't it? How's she handling the
arrest? Team effort? She going in alone?"

Smith sighed, "That's what I'm not looking forward to after lunch.  I
have a meeting with Shauna - Agent Holt - to tell her she won't be in
on the actual arrest."

Skinner's brow raised.  It was almost unheard of.  It was Agent Holt
who worked the case.  She should be in on the bust. "It was her
undercover work that broke the case, right?"

A.D. Smith nodded. "Yeah, she took a job as bartender at his favorite
strip joint," he shook his head with a smile and stuffed a lettuce
leaf in his mouth, "It's amazing what people will confess to a pretty
bartender."

"Then I don't get it.  Why won't she be making the arrest?" Skinner
poured more steak sauce on his plate to dip the bites of beef in and
at Smith's disapproving look, cut a big juicy bite for himself and
ate it. *Don't mess with me, Smith.*

"What? Are you kidding? She's 5 foot 3, maybe. This guy's pushing 6
foot 5 and he's going to be majorly pissed off when he finds out that
the pretty little bartender he was trying to get with is an F.B.I.
agent.  He's already killed 3 people with his bare hands; I'm not
giving him another one on a silver platter," Smith waved his fork as
he spoke.

Smith stopped his expressive movements for a moment and
sighed. "However, I am not looking forward to telling Shauna about
this.  You may or may not know this, Walter, but she has a reputation
for being...um...confrontational."

Skinner shrugged, "Hey, can't be any worse than Mulder gets
sometimes," He made light of Smith's concerns.

Smith snickered, "You wanna tell her?"

Skinner considered the other Assistant Director for a moment. "You're
serious. You're AFRAID to tell her?"

Smith carefully set down his water glass, swallowed and looked at
Skinner with a twinkle in his eye. "I'll send her to your office
about 2 this afternoon.  You tell her.  If she doesn't
react....badly...I'll spring for one of those steak dinners you're so
fond of." He gestured to Skinner's plate, "But, if I am right, then
you owe me...a day-off.  You take all my work for one day in addition
to your own."

"I'm not her A.D."

"Chicken?"

Skinner's eyebrows shot up. "What are we? In elementary school?
Chicken?!"

Smith nodded, trying not to laugh. "Chicken."

Skinner set his jaw. "This is ridiculous."  He threw enough money on
the table to cover his meal and stood.
"See you tomorrow at the budget meeting," he started to walk off, but
stopped and turned. "And I'll see Agent Holt at 2:30 p.m."

Skinner headed for his car. *We'll see who's chicken...*

*************************************************

...and now she stood before him acting like any agent who's just been
told that the case they've been working on is being jerked out from
under them like a throw rug.

She was mad.

He didn't blame her.  Mulder would have already been pacing up and
down and cursing Skinner's name.  He would have been stabbing his
index finger at him as he hurled insults across the desk.  Agent Holt
just stood there with her jaw clenched.

Skinner stood and circled to the front of his desk to stand before
her.

"I am really sorry about this, Agent Holt.  It just seems prudent to
let a team take him down.  The man is unusually violent and is
unusually large in stature-"

"But I was good enough to work the case.  The arrest should be mine.
I should at least be there to assist." Agent Holt interjected.

"We feel that your presence would only incite the man to further
violence since he may feel betrayed by you.  The arrest will go
smoother if you are not there.  This does not mean you will not get
credit for bringing this to its conclusion; there will be a
commendation on your record, in fact."

"It's my size and my sex.  Let's not lie to one another." She managed
through her teeth.

Skinner paused a moment, surprised at her bluntness.  He decided he
liked that.  He appreciated uncompromising honestly.  He saw so
little of it.

"It has something to do with your size, true.  But, I promise you it
has nothing to do with the fact you are a woman."

She nodded, seemingly deep in thought and started slowly toward the
door.

He followed to escort her out. *That went better than expected*

Suddenly, Agent Holt turned with her leg extended and swept the
A.D.'s knees.

Skinner collapsed with a "Wha-?!" on his back and felt the back of
his head connect with the carpeted floor. Shots of light filled his
vision.

He tried to raise up, but was greeted with an elbow to the lungs,
knocking the breath out of him.

And he couldn't get it back.  There was a weight across his chest.
His head cleared and he became aware of Agent Holt straddling his
chest as he lay on the floor in the middle of his office.

For a moment they regarded one another, the only sound in the room
their heavy breathing.

"How tall are you, Mr. Skinner?" She said, breaking the silence.  She
was hunched over him, her long, brown hair sweeping his cheeks on
either side.

*She really is beautiful* he thought and dismissed it just as quick.

"6 feet even," he answered breathlessly, still trying to catch his
breath.

"And you're an ex-marine.  I took YOU down and I could take HIM
down." She was poking him in the chest with her index finger.

She straighened up, still sitting on him. He lifted his head slightly
and dazedly noticed she had a run in her stockings across one
knee.  "So, now you can either fire me or bring me up for
disciplinary action-"

The office door opened and Kimberly, Skinner's secretary, walked
in, "Sir, Agents Mulder and Scully-"

Kimberly froze at the sight of the two of them on the floor.

Agent Holt had the good sense to blush profusely, but seemed too
petrified to move.

Skinner cleared his throat and folded his hands across his chest as
though he were casually resting.

"Give me a few minutes to finish my meeting with Agent Holt and then
send them in, " He tried to say in a normal tone of voice.  He took a
deep breath, replenishing the air in his lungs.

"Um..yessir," Kimberly backed out of the room, quickly, and shut the
door.

*****************************************************

Agent Holt immediately scooted off of Skinner's chest, stood, and
righted her skirt.  Skinner snuck a glance at her legs as he then
stood and straightened his glasses.

Skinner cleared his throat and experimentally took a breath.

"Point made, Agent Holt.  However, the decision still stands.
Besides," he conceded, "the decision was A.D. Smith's, not mine.  He
is your direct supervisor."

She folded her arms across her chest. "Then why didn't he tell me
himself."

"I think he was...concerned.. about your...reaction." Skinner
answered diplomatically.

"He was chicken," she translated.

"Yes," Skinner said as he sat again at his desk.

She seemed amused and looked at him with a slight smile.  Then, the
smile disappeared replaced by concern.

"Sir? About my behavior here this afternoon-"

Skinner waved his hand dismissively. "Consider it forgotten. But, I
would ask you to remember that you took me by surprise and I was not
trying to hurt you as the suspect would be."

"But I would also be taking the suspect by surprise, sir."

He stood again and walked to within inches of her. "But he would
definitely be trying to hurt you in return, Agent.  And these 'moves'
you have?  How good are they against a surprise attack against a
larger opponent whose intention it is to harm you?"
 

Her lips curved again, almost ferally.  "Care to try me, sir?"

Skinner's eyebrows shot up, "Excuse me?"

"I owe you.  You try an attack on me and I'll try to fend you off,"
she stepped back from him and waited, arms hanging casually at her
sides.

He laughed. "Wouldn't be much of a surprise, now would it? Besides,
the best place for this sort of exercise is the gym."

"It still loses the surprise aspect that way, sir," she answered.

"Is that a challenge to catch you unawares, Agent?" Skinner joked,
trying to end this meeting on a light note.

"Think you could, sir?" she made the 'sir' a sarcastic afterthought.

Skinner regarded her through his glasses.  *Is she saying what I
think she's saying?*

"We'll discuss this later if you wish, Agent Holt.  I'll see you
then."

She grinned.

"Not if I see you first," she responded as she let herself out of
Skinner's office.

*******************************************************************

Tuesday Morning
6:44 a.m.

Skinner began to plan out his attack.  First, he tracked her
movements.  *Be honest. You're STALKING her.*  He shook his head to
free himself of the thought as he sat outside her apartment in a
nondescript car signed out from The Bureau.

*This was HER idea.  I'm just proving a point.*  But he still wasn't
able to convince himself of that.  He felt slightly like an old
pervert when he watched her stretch on the sidewalk in front of her
apartment building in preparation for her morning run.  She was built
nicely.  Strong, but not butch.  She had her hair in two pigtails on
either side of her head. This made her look unexpectedly cute and
years younger.

Which is what prompted Skinner to feel like an old pervert. He sighed
and watched her take off on her daily run.  He sat and read the
morning paper while waiting for her return.  To his shock, she
appeared at his passenger side window.

"Hi," she said with a grin, leaning in.

"Hello," he answered, unable to say more.

"Waiting on someone?" Her eyes were twinkling with amusement.

"Uh, yes.  I...I was going to offer you a ride to work, actually." He
tried to recover his senses.

"Oh? How nice of you," she laughed softly, "Are you coming on to me,
A.D. Skinner?"

His face paled.  *Sexual Harrassment!* "No! I mean, no, of course
not, I was just..just-"

"Just casing me out, weren't you?" She raised an eyebrow at him,
daring him to deny it.

"Yes," he admitted. "I was. And apparently I've lost my touch."

She laughed again.

*****************************************************************

Tuesday Afternoon
3:34pm

Skinner sat at his desk, fingers steepled, thinking.  His mind
wandered back to that morning. She had caught him surveiling her.  It
had ended with her inviting him up for coffee and he had indeed given
her a ride to work.  She had asked him to call her Shauna and he, in
turn, had told her that outside of work he would be pleased if she
called him Walter.

*Things certainly are taking an unexpected turn* he thought wryly and
wasn't sure whether he was pleased or not.

He jumped in his chair when Kimberly appeared at his side, seemingly
out of nowhere. She was holding a stack of file folders.

"Sir? Are you alright? You seem...distracted."
 

Skinner looked up into Kimberly's concerned green eyes.  She really
was worried.  *Am I that obvious?*

He leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Just some things on my mind,
that's all."

Kimberly nodded and opened her mouth to continue.  She hesitated.

"What is it, Kim?" Skinner prompted.

"Well, sir, I know your personal business is your personal business,
but..."

"Yes?" Skinner patiently waited.  He had wondered when she was going
to ask about what she'd seen.

Kimberly sat in a chair in front of his desk. "Sir, is there
something going on between you and Agent Holt?"

Skinner smiled. "Is that all?"

She seemed relieved at his relaxed acceptance of her personal
question. "I've just been wondering since I walked in and-"

"-found her and I on the floor?" Skinner finished for her.

Kimberly nodded.

"Agent Holt was merely making a point about size not being a factor
in one's ability to defend one's self.  I was blind-sided." He said
bluntly.

Kimberly tried not to laugh, but ended up snorting. "Is THAT what
happened? I thought you had become one of those executive-types who
has trysts in his office.  I was really concerned."

Skinner blushed. "Kim, you ought to know better than that."

"True.  I can't remember the last time I've heard you even talk about
having a date."

Skinner frowned at her. "I date."

"When?"

Skinner didn't answer.  Kimberly lifted one brow at him as though to
say "See?"

Suddenly she realized who she was talking to. "Sir, I'm sorry to be
so personal.  Its just that after being your secretary for so long, I
worry about you sometimes.  You work late, come in early and never
seem to talk about a home life." She paused. "You know, my Dad died
of a heart attack at 51. He was a workaholic."

The unspoken "too" hung silently between them.

She made a show of standing and straightening the piles of folders on
his desk. "You know, I heard Agent Holt say that she was looking
forward to a relaxing weekend of doing nothing at home."

Kimberly looked at Skinner to gauge his reaction, "Maybe you could
change her plans."

Skinner blushed again and looked down.

Kimberly grinned triumphantly. " You DO like her! For goodness sake,
sir, ask her out!"

*****************************************************************

Mulder's knuckles froze a mere inch from Skinner's barely-ajar door.
He had been about to knock and ask about the 302 he and Scully had
turned in for a case in Idaho.

*Ask who out?*
 

Skinner's response to Kimberly's entreaty reached Mulder's ears.  "I
may do that.  Since she jumped me in the office the other day-" This
earned him a slight laugh from his secretary- "since then," he
continued, "we had a very pleasant conversation over coffee this
morning and she did ask me to call her by her first name."

Mulder's jaw fell.  He distinctly heard Scully's voice in his mind
from the phone call he received early this morning. 'I'll be a little
late, Mulder, I'm meeting my Mom for coffee this morning.'  *Her
mother. Right.*

And 'jumped him in his office?' What was THAT about?  His mind was
painting him a picture of Scully's history with older, authoritative
men.

Mulder shook his head and tuned back into what Skinner and Kimberly
were saying.

"-find her attractive?"

There was a moment of silence. "Well, yes, but she is younger than
the women I would normally date."

"Does that bother you?"

"No, but I am her superior here at work.  That bothers me."

"Pardon me, sir, but you're making excuses. I think you should ask
her out.  It is only a date, not a marriage proposal. And she's very
nice.  And assertive.  And smart.  I know you like smart.  Go have
some fun."

Mulder couldn't take it anymore.  He rapped on the door and pushed it
open to find Kimberly sitting in a chair in front of Skinner's desk
and Skinner leaned back in his chair with hands folded over his
stomach.

They both looked up surprised.

Skinner recovered first.  "Yes, Agent Mulder?"

Mulder stared at him for a moment, feeling jealousy and anger rise in
his throat. He cleared it. "Sorry sir, there was no one at Kimberly's
desk, so I thought I would announce myself.  Did you get a look at
the 302 Agent Scully and I turned in this morning?"

Skinner glanced at Kimberly who whispered. "I put it in your 'IN'
box."

He knew then that he hadn't even seen it yet.  Skinner hadn't done a
bit of work from his 'IN' box all day.

"I'm sorry, Mulder, but I haven't had a chance to look at it yet.
I'll give you a call when I do."

Mulder clenched his jaw. *Mind been on other things, sir?*  He
pictured Scully "jumping" Skinner in his office.

He blinked the image away. "Alright, sir," he managed to say.

Mulder left while he could still resist the urge to smack Skinner
upside his bald head.

**********************************************************************
*

Tuesday Evening
9:06 p.m.
 

Skinner sat on his couch, remote in hand, flipping through his cable
channels.
 
But his mind wasn't on television.

He was plotting again.  Almost against his will, he was reformulating
a plan of attack on Agent Holt...Shauna.

It would have to take place somewhere isolated.  They would have to
be alone.  Any witnesses could prove not only to be embarrassing, but
possibly lethal.  What if someone thought he was truly trying to harm
her and shot him?

He began to narrow down locations in his head.  Not her apartment
building. Too much potential for being seen. Same with outside her
building or on the street during her morning runs.  At work?

He smiled slowly. Yes, at work.  On one of the many nights that she,
as he and many other agents did, worked late in the dimly-lit
building.

In the hallway? Her office? The parking garage?

Security cameras.  He had forgotten about the security cameras.
That's all he needed was videotape of him attacking a female agent.
The potential for blackmail would be incredible.

Skinner's smile had become a frown of concentration.  Where-? Ah, but
his office would be too easy, too expected.  Safe, true, but too
safe.  She would almost be expecting it.

And he got the feeling she would be disappointed in him if he took
the easy way out.

 
**********************************************************************

Wednesday Morning
8:30 a.m.
 

Scully whistled her way into the basement office, a full thirty
minutes late.

Mulder knew this because he had been glancing at the clock every few
seconds when she didn't arrive on time.  He had almost decided to
start calling around for her.

He studiously did not notice when she walked through the door.

"Sorry I'm late, Mulder," she breezed in and began taking off her
coat, "but my Mom is planning this big party for Bill's and Tara's
anniversary and we got caught up in some of the planning...."
 

She was striding to her chair and plunked down in it with the air of
someone glad to finally put her feet up.  He got lost in observing
her for a moment and then tuned back in to what she was saying.

"...and then, my car broke down on the damn freeway!  Thank goodness,
Skinner was running late too and gave me a ride in."

Mulder perked up at this last bit of information.  "You rode to work
with Skinner?"

"Yes," she did a double-take from the file she had just opened, "Why?"

Scully studied Mulder's face.  It was pale and his hazel eyes were
wide.

"Mulder, are you feeling o.k.?"

Mulder stood suddenly, "I'm going for real coffee," he said, grabbing
his jacket, "You want me to get you some?"

She relaxed, "Yes, please.  French Vanilla Cappacino, grande."

Mulder curtly nodded and ran out of the office as fast as he could.

*****************************************************************

Skinner sat in his office, silently staring at the far wall, plotting.

He resisted the sudden comical urge to cackle evilly.

His plan was almost complete.

******************************************************************

Mulder drove like a maniac down the freeway toward Scully's apartment.

*She said she broke down on the freeway.  Proof! This will be proof
that I am driving myself crazy for nothing and there is nothing
between her and Skinner.*
 

But he couldn't find her car.  He got all the way to Scully's
apartment building before turning back dejectedly.  He decided to try
one more tack.

"Hello?" The pleasant female voice on the other end of the phone call
made Mulder smile involuntarily even though he wasn't exactly in a
smiling mood.

"Mrs. Scully? How are you? It's Mul-Fox." Mulder said, remembering
that she always addressed him by his given name.

"Hello Fox.  Is-Is something wrong?" She sounded pleased to hear from
him, but hesitant and a little scared.

*The only time I ever call is when Scully's hurt* he realized with a
pang.

"No, no, Mrs. Scully. Everything's fine.  I just heard about Tara's
and Bill's anniversary plans and wanted to offer my congratulations."

He wondered if that sounded as lame to Mrs. Scully as it did to his
ears.  He and Bill certainly had never gotten along.  In fact, Bill
hated his guts.  And he'd barely met Tara. Why would Fox Mulder care
about Bill's anniversary?

There was a pause on the other end of the line while Scully's mother
tried to figure out Mulder's real motivation.  She finally sighed in
resignation.
 

"Thank you, Fox. That is very sweet.  I will certainly tell Bill and
Tara you said so."
 

"Oh, and I'm real sorry your coffee with Scul- Dana was cut short
this morning.  She could have come in later to work.  This is a
special occasion for your family and I'm sure The Bureau wouldn't
have minded."  He hoped that sounded off-hand and sincere.

"Fox? I didn't have coffee with Dana this morning.  She said she had
to go to work and so we-"

Mulder didn't even realize he'd hung up on Mrs. Scully until he
dazedly looked down at the cell phone in his hands a few seconds
later.

*Scully lied to me.*

**********************************************************************
*****
 

Wednesday Evening
7 p.m.

Skinner casually strode through the linguistics section and past
Agent Holt's office.  *She's working late* he noticed and she didn't
seem to see him stride past her office window.

He looked around and noticed a few agents still lingering in the
hallways.

*Just a little longer* He thought to himself and headed back in the
direction of his office.

********************************************************************

Agent Ramirez poked her head into Agent Holt's office. "Hey, Shauna?"

Shauna looked up from her computer. "Yeah?"

"You know how you said to let you know if I saw A.D. Skinner around?"

"Yes," Shauna cocked one eyebrow at her.

"He just walked by."

Shauna chuckled in her throat. "Thanks."
**********************************************************************
*****

Scully stood outside of Mulder's apartment, sighing partially in
relief and partially in anger.  *I'll either kill him or kiss him*

She had spent the better part of the day looking for Mulder, not
finding him at his apartment the first time she had checked.  She had
decided to try his place one last time before panicking.

And he was here.

She knew he was here by the soft glow coming from his apartment
window and the television sounds emanating from behind the door.

Scully knocked twice and waited.

And waited.

"Mulder?"

Silence.

"MULDER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF HELL YOU PUT ME THROUGH TODAY?! LET
ME IN AND TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON, RIGHT NOW!"

The door across the hall opened to an elderly lady in her bathrobe.

"Miss Scully, dear, could you please keep it down? My Harold is ill
and trying to get some sleep."

Scully blushed.  "I'm sorry, Mrs. Reinfeld." Scully began to pull out
her spare key to Mulder's place.

Mrs. Reinfeld regarded Scully for a moment and then shuffled to
Mulder's door.

She knocked lightly.

"Mr. Mulder, this young lady is very worried about you.  You should
be ashamed of yourself.  Open this door right now, young man."

She did not yell, but spoke in the loud, firm voice of experience.

"Two sons," she said to Scully in way of explanation and shuffled
back to her own apartment, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Mulder opened the door reluctantly and leaned in the doorjamb.

A moment of awkward silence passed between them.

"She reminds me of my Grandma Mulder," He finally said, looking at
the floor.

"Well, at least she got you to open the door," Scully commented,
trying not to yell at him again and shoving her keys back in her
pocket. "Where have you been all day, Mulder?  And why weren't you
answering your cell phone?"

Mulder looked up, directly into her worried blue eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me you were having an affair with Skinner?"

Scully's jaw dropped with shock.

*******************************************************************

Shauna smiled at the soft light coming from under Skinner's door.
She would turn the tables on him.  He was waiting for them to be
mostly alone in the building before he staged his attack on her.
*Well, we'll see about that. The stalker becomes the stalked.*

She pressed herself into the shadows of the hallway and waited.

********************************************************************

"What did you just say to me, Mulder?" Scully stared at him, thinking
she must have misunderstood him.

"I said, why didn't you tell me you were having an affair with
Skinner?"

Scully stared at him.

"Mulder, are you on something? Are you drunk? Do you have a high
fever? What the HELL are you talking about?  I'm not having an affair
with Skinner!"

Mulder just continued to regard her with that sad, resigned look.

"Have a nice coffee with your mother this morning, Scully?"

Scully's eyebrows shot up at this seeming unrelated line of
questioning.  "I didn't have coffee with my mother this morning."

"That's not what you said when you came into work LATE with SKINNER,"
he emphasized.

Scully looked at him as though he was dancing the cha-cha in a tutu.

"Mulder, can I at least come inside to discuss this insanity?"

He stepped aside and she walked swiftly into his apartment and to the
couch, plopping onto it tiredly.
 

Mulder closed the door slowly behind her and stood looking at her
openly.

"Well, Mulder? Care to explain?"

"You said you met with your mother this morning, got caught up
planning Bill and Tara's party, broke down on the freeway and caught
a ride in with Skinner - but it was all a lie, wasn't it, Scully?"

"Mulder, I didn't say my mother and I got caught up in the planning
THIS MORNING.  I KNEW you weren't listening! It was late last night
and I accidentally slept through my alarm this morning.  That made me
run late.  I DID break down on the freeway and I DID HAPPEN to catch
a ride in to work with Skinner. What makes you think I'm lying and
why does any of this mean I'm having an affair with Skinner?!"

She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for Mulder's
explanation.

He paced up and down for a minute.

"I looked.  Your car wasn't on the freeway where you said you broke
down."

"I had it towed to a mechanic."

"I called your mother.  You didn't have coffee this morning-"

"I explained that part already."

Mulder stopped and jabbed a finger at her.

"Skinner said you "jumped" him in his office.  He said you asked him
to call you by your first name, DANA."

Scully was on her feet now, indignant, her mouth open in surprise.

"He said WHAT?!  I never jumped him in his office, or anywhere else
for that matter! And I never specifically told him to call me Dana.
I can't believe Skinner said that!  When did he tell you this?"

Mulder, realizing something, ran a hand over his unruly hair and sat
on the couch suddenly.

"Actually, I overheard him telling Kimberly..."

"He really said these things about me?"

"He never actually said it was YOU, but-"

Scully looked to the heavens for assistance and sat next to Mulder.

"You assumed it was me?  Why?"

Mulder shrugged and tried not to look humiliated.  *I am such a fool!
*  He was blushing profusely to the tips of his ears.

"I-I don't know, I-"

"Mulder, it wasn't me.  And I don't appreciate all the snooping
behind my back.  Why didn't you just come out and ask me?"
 

Mulder swallowed. *She's going to figure out I'm in love with her and
then it will be over*

But Scully had a thoughtful look on her face. She looked at Mulder.

"Hey, I wonder who's jumping Skinner in his office?"

******************************************************************
Wednesday Evening
8 p.m.

Shauna had been lurking in the dark corner of the hallway outside of
Skinner's office for an hour.

She tried not to fidget and to be patient. The light still softly
glowed from inside Skinner's office.  *Maybe he just left his light
on?*

She started to sigh and held herself in check.  *I'll just go peek in
at him and make sure he's still in there*

She tippy-toed into the dim light.   Shauna softly knelt and bent
over to peer under the closed door-

She never saw it coming.

(continued in part 2)
 

Wednesday Evening
8pm

Mulder and Scully had their feet propped on Mulder's coffee table and
were swapping theories on who was jumping Skinner's bones.

"Kimberly?"

"Naw, Scully.  You forget; that's who he was talking to about it."

"What other females does he come in contact with?"

Pause.

"Besides that prostitute, Mulder."

"How did you know-"

"After all these years, I can read your sick little mind."

"Gee, thanks.  What about that lady in the motorpool?"

"Marge the Barge? Gimme a break-"

"Hey, Scully, that's not very P.C. of you.  Maybe he's got a thing
for really big, tough women.  I think she's an ex-Marine too."

"It's not Marge in Motorpool.  Skinner's got more class than that.
Besides you said yourself that she's younger and that Skinner's her
boss.  That leaves only one type of woman-"

"She's an agent."

"Exactly."

The two of them contemplated quietly among themselves for a moment.

"Geez, it could be anybody."

"You're right, Mulder.  This is getting us nowhere."

They sat and thought.

Scully sighed after a moment.

"Well, I'm going home."

Mulder nodded sheepishly, glad that she didn't pursue the reason she
originally came here any further.

Scully stretched her back, put on her shoes, and stood.

"And goodnight Mulder," Scully bent over, took his face in her hands
and placed a tender kiss on his stunned lips.

Scully smiled wickedly as she closed the apartment door on a
speechless Mulder, paralyzed, sitting on the couch.

**********************************************************************
 

Skinner tackled Shauna where she knelt on the floor outside his
office and she felt her ankle twist painfully as the two of them
rolled, flailing into the legs of Kimberly's desk.

"Oof!" The air was forced from Shauna's lungs by the force of the
attack.

She tried to turn over beneath Skinner's bulky form in order to
defend herself, but couldn't force his weight off her back.

She wiggled furiously, but Skinner held her flat to the floor with
his weight, arms restrained to either side by his hands encircling
her wrists.

"Surprise," he whispered smugly in her ear, resisting the urge to
release one of her wrists to right his askew glasses.

"It ain't over yet," she whispered back while her mind whirled,
trying to formulate a counter attack.

A few seconds passed.  The only sound was their heavy breathing and
the whir of the air-conditioning in the nearly empty building.  He
began to wonder what to do next.

She laid her cheek down on the carpet in a posture of defeat. "Ok,
maybe I'm wrong," she admitted.

She felt him relax his grip minutely.

Shauna jerked her head back and felt it make contact with the A.D.'s
nose.

"AAAAUUUGH!!" Skinner yelled and automatically grabbed his nose.

Shauna pulled an arm free, and rolled away.

"Ha!" she yelled, victoriously....until she saw the blood running
from the A.D.'s nose.

Skinner lay on his back, both hands clutched over his face and blood
running down one cheek and onto the floor. His glasses sported one
broken lens and now sat crookedly across his forehead.

"I gib up, " he muttered with a dull twinkle in his eye, "May I hab a
tissue or subthin?"

She stood and limped to Kimberly's desk and began pulling drawers
open.  She found what she was looking for and knelt next to Skinner,
holding the box out as a peace offering.

"Oh man, I-I am so incredibly sorry, sir.  Here, sit up," She helped
him ease into a sitting position, "Easy now.."

He tried unsuccessfully to staunch the flow of blood.  He sighed.

"I tink its boken.  I need to go to da emewgency woom."  He stood.

"Please let me drive you, sir.  Its the least I can do. Besides,"
she winced, "I think I may need to go too."

He raised a questioning eyebrow.

"My ankle.  I think its at least sprained, if not broken," she
swallowed the yelp as she shuffled her feet, "Come on, let's go."

He looked hesitant.

"Please....Walter?"

*She is the most competitive, stubborn, overreacting...*

His inner voice faded at the look in her eyes.

*..beautiful, caring, smart, tough..*

He sighed loudly. *Oh, Walter, you've got it bad.*

Skinner and Shauna hobbled to her car.

*******************************************************************

Thursday Morning
9:38 a.m.

Mulder and Scully tried not to stare as they sat across from A.D.
Skinner at his desk.  A huge, white bandage covered Skinner's nose
and purple bruising colored the areas under his eyes.

He held his spare glasses up near his face and peered at the 302 in
front of him.

"You want to travel to Durin, Maine to investigate reported out-of-
body experiences of several of the town's city council members?"

Mulder cleared his throat.  "Yes sir. And what makes this even more
credible than the fact that it happened to city council members -
reliable sources - is that during the out-of-body experiences, they
were able to observe events that they would have no knowledge of
otherwise."

Skinner squinted at the report and then gave up, sighing.  He threw
the folder and his glasses on the desk in front of him and squinted
at Mulder instead.

"Ok, what events?"

Mulder squirmed slightly; he had been purposely avoiding revealing
this part of his report.

"Well, Mulder?" Skinner added a frown to his expression.

Scully interjected, clearing her throat.

"Sir, the city council members claim to have intimate knowledge of
the sex lives of several of the towns population.  They claim to
have...acquired..this knowledge during these..out-of-
body..experiences.  Several of the..witnesses..also claim to have
knowledge of a series of sexual assualts committed in a township over
50 miles away, which is what makes this within the Bureau's
jurisdiction.  "

Skinner stared at the two of them.

Mulder spoke into the awkward silence. "Sir, if we can validate these
claims, not only would we catch a serial rapist, but it would be
proof that paranormal phenomena actually exist.  Actual, factual
proof from reliable resources!"

Skinner's eyes closed for a moment. He took a deep breath and
released it slowly.  *What a week I'm having*

He opened his eyes to two sets of eyes appraising him with concern.

"I'm fine," he answered the unasked question, "I just have a
headache."

"No wonder with a broken nose, sir," Scully responded.  "May I ask
what happened?"

She felt a little less worried about him when his eyes began to
twinkle a little. "No, Agent Scully, you may not.  But you may go
ahead with your investigation in Durin, Maine."

The amused tone in his voice caused her to feel no offense at his
rebuff.

Mulder caught the unspoken as well as spoken exchange and raised an
eyebrow at Scully.  She shrugged and the two of them decided to leave
well enough alone.

**********************************************************************
**

Kimberly tried not to look up at Agents Mulder and Scully as they
exited Skinner's office.  Oh, she wanted so badly to tell them!

*I will not gossip..I will not gossip..I will not gossip..*
 

She loved Skinner dearly as a father-figure in her life, but she
wanted to tell Mulder and Scully about his unlikely adventure *love
affair?* with the HIGHLY competitive and  - ahem - physical Agent
Shauna Holt so incredibly badly that Kimberly thought she would burst.

She couldn't believe the man had entrusted her with the truth behind
his injury.  It seemed so..personal. He had then proceeded to ask her
advice on asking Shauna Holt out on a date.

She remembered his embarrassment.  "I only ask you this because
you're young and it has been AGES since I've asked anyone out.  And,
Kim? Please keep this to yourself."

She had given him the only tip she knew about dating.  "Just be
yourself, sir."

*I can trust them.  Skinner's family to them too; they wouldn't idly
gossip behind his back.  Besides, they know how that hurts.*

Convincing herself, she cleared her throat.  "Agent Mulder? Agent
Scully?"

The pair stopped and turned almost in unison to look at her.
Kimberly choked back a smile.

"Um, did A.D. Skinner say anything about needing an aspirin?  He had
a headache earlier."

*O.k., I baited the hook.  The rest is up to you..*

To her surprise, Agent Scully bit first.

"He did say he was getting a headache.  Kim-,"  She leaned toward
her, "how did Skinner break his nose?"

Mulder tugged at Scully's sleeve, "Scully! Come on, he said it was
none of our business!"

She turned twinkling blue eyes to him. "Mulder, he did not say that."

"Well, not exactly, but that's what he meant!"

Kimberly watched the exchange in silence, waiting for the final
decision.

Scully switched her trajectory and leaned toward Mulder.

"Come on, Mulder." Scully said in a soft voice and fiddled with his
tye.

Kimberly watched Mulder melt under Scully's scrutiny.

"Well, o.k...."

Scully grinned un-Scully-like and turned to raise an eyebrow
inquiringly at Kimberly.
**********************************************************************
****

Agent Shauna Holt tried to manuver her crutches into the doorway of
Skinner's office.

"Ohhh, crap!" She plunged forward out of control.  The large cast on
her ankle caught on the carpet and she spun to her right as she fell.

Two strong arms stopped her descent. She leaned gratefully for a
moment into a white dress shirt divided by a very loud tye.

Shauna looked up into two amused hazel eyes.

"Agent Mulder!" Shauna struggled to standing. "Um, thank you for
catching me."

He smiled. "Anytime, Agent Holt."

Shauna turned to Kimberly's desk.  Skinner's secretary and Agent
Scully were looking at her with bemused expressions on their faces.

"Is..Is A.D. Skinner in?"

Kim calmly nodded, "Yes, Agent Holt, he's been expecting you.  Please
go right in."  Kim stepped forward and knocking once on Skinner's
door, opened it.

"Sir? Agent Holt to see you?"

Skinner voice, altered by the inability to breath through his nose,
boomed from within.

"Send 'er in.  An' hold all my calls."

**********************************************************************
***

Skinner helped Shauna sit in one of the chairs facing his desk.

He then stepped around to his own chair and regarded her with a
piercing stare.

Well, he hoped it was a piercing stare, because without his glasses
all she appeared to be was a multi-colored blur.

He lifted his glasses in front of his face and took a good look at
her.

She looked nervous and had a HUGE cast on her ankle.  He also though
he saw a bruise on one of her wrists as she crossed her hands in her
lap.

He suddenly felt very guilty.  She was so much smaller than him.  And
female. (His mother taught him chivalry!) And an agent under his
supervision.

How had he let things get so far?

"I'm sorry-" They said at once and stopped at the sound of the
other's voice.

Skinner jumped in again before she could. "No, it is I who should be
sorry, Agent Holt.  I'm afraid I took your 'challenge' too far.  Are
you o.k.?"

She smiled shyly and nodded.  "I'm fine, really. Broken ankle, bumps
and bruises, but nothing serious."  She looked down at her
hands. "And you didn't misunderstand my challenge, sir.  I'm the one
who took trying to prove myself too far. Just look what I did to your
nose..."

Skinner sighed LOUDLY and pushed his chair back.  He strode to her
chair and pulled her up by one hand.

"Shauna, unless we are around other agents, I wish you would just
call me Walter."

She was looking at him with watery eyes. "Alright,...Walter."

"And, I hope you won't accuse me of sexual harassment if I were to
ask you out to dinner sometime?"

Her lip quivered. She smiled a little in surprise and shook her head.

"You won't sue me for sexual harassment or you won't go out to dinner
with me?"

"Walter, I would love to go to dinner with you."

She really did smile then.  He took a chance and leaned forward and
kissed her.  Well, kissed her the best he could with a bandaged nose.

She left her eyes closed for a moment, cherishing the awkward kiss.

When she opened them, it was to find Walter Skinner regarding her
with soft amusement and affection.

She grinned her mischevious grin of old.

"And I promise not to beat you up."