By mimic117
mimic117@yahoo.com
 

Rating: PG-13 to R for cussin'

Category: V, S, tiny A, some H, sequel to Chapped

Summary: Chapfallen: adj. -- dejected

Archive: Most certainly, if you like. I'll do Gossamer and
Ephemeral myself, thanks.

Disclaimer: All praise to CC the Creator and his Mighty
Minions. I'll give 'em back when I'm done.

Author's Notes: This was written for the 2004 TexasCon at the
persistent ootching of Emmy and Doc. Challenge elements
used will be listed at the end.

Beta Thanks: To xdksfan for jumping into the breach at the last
moment and distracting the monsters so I could make my
escape. Or was that a movie I fell asleep watching...?
Actually, what xd did for this story was even braver than that.

Feedback: Is printed out, fawned over and stroked to tatters at
mimic117@yahoo.com

Visit all my fics at the little house that XochiLuvr built:
http://www.mimicsmusings.com
Your depravity levels may vary.

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Chapfallen
by mimic117
 

Parkland Memorial Hospital
Dallas, Texas
5:36 PM
 

~groan~ "I never should have gone on that Texas Giant roller
coaster."

"That wasn't the problem, Mulder."

"You think it was the big thing with the six loops instead?"

"The Flashback? No, it wasn't that, either."

"Maybe it was --"

"Mulder, I don't think it was anything at Six Flags Over Texas
that made you sick."

"Then what was it?"

"You have salmonella."

"Really?"

"That's what the test results show. A common variety of food
poisoning, leading back to that hole-in-the-wall Tex Mex place
where we ate lunch."

"But you ate there, too, Scully."

"I didn't have the chicken nachos smothered in cheese sauce.
Eight other people have come down sick today and they all ate
the same dish you did."

"How long am I gonna feel like shit?"

"You should be doing better by tomorrow morning, but you'll
probably feel weak for a day or so."

"So what happens now?"

"We keep you hydrated. You've purged your system already.
It's just a matter of replacing the fluids you've lost."

"Pump some Shiner Bock into that IV."

"I don't think beer is on your list of approved medications."

"Approved nothing. I want to get drunk enough so I don't care
how I feel anymore."

"You'll feel better once you get some fluids and rest. Maybe
you should lie on your back instead of rolled up in a ball like
that."

"I like the fetal position. It's cozy."

"It looks uncomfortable from here."

~sigh~ "I guess this sort of spoils our weekend off, huh?"

"That's okay. It's not like you planned it."

"Of course not."

"Mulder? You didn't plan it. Did you?"

"Scully, no one makes plans to feel this bad. Believe me."

"I don't suppose they do. You want to get some rest now? I
could come back to get you settled for the night after I shower
and eat some supper."

"How can you mention food at a time like this?"

"I didn't get sick and I'm hungry."

"Scully, can I ask you a question before you go?"

"Sure."

"Does food poisoning make you go insane?"

"Why on earth would you think that?"

"Well, either every doctor that's walked past this room has been
wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey under their lab coat, or I'm
going out of my mind."

"They are."

"They are? Then I'm not crazy?"

"Not this time. You're just very sick."

"Why?"

"Why are you sick, Mulder?"

"Why are they wearing football jerseys?"

"Ah. Because it's Sunday and the Cowboys are playing the
Cleveland Browns at home."

"Oh. You sure it's not because the hall is caught in a temporal
loop and I just keep seeing the same doctor over and over?"

"I'm sure, Mulder. Try to get some more rest now. That's what
your body needs most. I'll be back in a couple hours."

"Can I ask another question first?"

"What now?"

"How come the nurses aren't wearing Dallas Cowboy
Cheerleader outfits?"

"Go to sleep."

"I can't, Scully. I hurt too much."

"What still hurts?"

"My stomach muscles. My face muscles. My head. My...
Let's just say I've spent enough time in the bathroom to last me
a while."

"Poor baby."

"Yeah, you say that *now*. I didn't hear a lot of sympathy from
you when I puked on those two lawyers who were in front of us
on the ride."

"I didn't realize you had food poisoning. I just thought it was
motion sickness."

"And that gave you the right to yell at me for getting sick?"

"I've already said I'm sorry, Mulder. But if you remember, that
was *after* the lawyers threatened to sue us and *before* you
passed out. I didn't yell again after that."

"I wouldn't know. I was unconscious at the time."

"Well, I didn't. Quit pouting. I'll make it up to you when we
get home."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

"So, what are you gonna do to make it up to me?"

"Can't this wait until I come back?"

"No. Details, please. Now."

"Fine. I'll humor you, and then I'm leaving whether you're
asleep or not. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Well, first we'll find you some chaps."

"Hold it, Scully. I've already told you, I'm not buying chaps."

"You are too."

"I am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are not."

"Am -- Stop that! This is not a Bugs Bunny cartoon."

"Hey! I just thought of something, Mulder!"

"And don't change the subject."

"No, really. I just realized where you are."

"I'm in the hospital. Weren't you paying attention?"

"You're in Parkland Memorial Hospital, to be precise."

"In Dallas, right?"

"The very same."

"No shit! The hospital where they brought JFK after he was
shot?"

"Yep."

"Man, wouldn't the guys love to hear about this!"

"Yeah, they would, wouldn't they?"

"Wait a minute. I don't like the look in your eyes, Scully."

"What look?"

"That look. The one that says I've just reached an unsanitary
tributary and my only paddle is floating downstream."

"I wouldn't know about that."

"So what *do* you know?"

"I know that IF the guys find out where you've been, they're
going to want details, precise diagrams, photographs and
possibly even blood samples so they can vicariously share your
experience. It would be a shame if your location just happened
to leak out."

"You wouldn't!"

"Wouldn't I? The laptop is sitting in the motel room. All I
have to do is email them. A couple sentences -- nothing special.
Just a little wave 'hello' from the center of their Holy Grail."

"All because you want me to buy chaps?"

"I told you yesterday -- cowboys turn me on."

"I know, but still..."

"So what do you say, Mulder? A buttery-soft pair of tanned-
leather chaps that hug your legs like a second skin, in
exchange for me not telling the guys where you spent your food
poisoning convalescence."

"That's blackmail."

"I prefer to think of it as a mutually beneficial exchange of
services."

"In that case, there's only one thing I CAN say, Scully."

"What's that?"

~sigh~ "Yee fucking ha."

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THE END

Challenge elements used (you sadistic Texans, you)

2 lawyers - the poor things
a doctor - well, a mention of one
Dallas Cowboys - and Cheerleaders
Tex Mex Restaurant
Shiner Bock beer
JFK
Parkland Memorial Hospital
Six Flags over Texas

Feedback: mimic117@yahoo.com

Homepage: http://www.mimicsmusings.com