By M
Starbuk42@aol.com
 

Rating: G
Category: M/S UST, VA
Spoilers: None
Summary: Comfort, some of Scully's thoughts. (Scully, First person)
Archive: Gossamer, yes. Anywhere else, ask me first. I'll let you.
Disclaimer: Actually, there are no names mentioned, but the characters
themselves belong to CC, 1013 Productions, and Fox. They are used without
permission. This is for entertainment, not profit.
Feedback: Is more than graciously accepted. I will also accept constructive
criticism. And if you just want to tell me you read it, I'd like that too. E-
mail to Starbuk42@aol.com
Notes: I wrote this a few months ago but never posted it. Don't ask why, I
just didn't. Well, I just thought I'd tell y'all that, not that it matters.
Ok. I'll shut up now.
If you'd like to read more of my fanfic, please visit my website:
http://members.aol.com/Starbuk42/
Enjoy!

~~~

Comfort
by M
 
 

 Crying. I am crying.

 Tears are streaming silently down my cheeks. And I close my eyes tightly,
forcing more of them to spill over my lids.

 'Why am I crying?'

 'Why?' I ask myself. 'Why is this happening?'

 'I have to stop. I have to stop,' I repeat silently. But the thought only
makes it worse.

 Now I am sobbing. I bite my lip so as not to make a sound. I am trying so
hard, but it isn't enough. A small whimper escapes me, and I finally bring my
hands to my face and sob into them.

 And then his arms around me, comforting me. He pulls me towards his chest
gently. I feel his strength all around me. I feel *him* all around me. And it
feels so good.

 It feels so good to be held, to be comforted.

 I know I would never admit that. I know I wouldn't usually let him see me
like this. I wouldn't normally let this happen, but now I don't care.

 He lays his cheek lightly against the top of my head. And I close my eyes
tighter, willing the tears to stop, but they keep coming.

 He runs his hand delicately down my back, and then all is lost. I crush my
face into his chest and bring my arms around him.

 I let go.

 I feel his shirt dampening, and I try to pull away. But he won't let me. He
draws his arms more tightly around me.

 He has always been there. Even when I never knew I needed him. And I know I
need him now. More than ever.

 I need his strength to keep me going.

 I need his faith to keep me alive.

 And I need him. Just because.

 Just because he is my strength. Because he is my faith. Because he is a part
of me. And because he holds a part of me. A part I never realized I gave up
until it was too late to take it back.

 He stole my heart. He stole my soul. He's stolen me. And if he hadn't taken
those things, he would still have them. Because they are his.

 The more my thoughts drift, the more the tears flow. And I realize I'm not
crying out of sadness. But I'm not crying out of joy either. The truth is, I
don't know why I'm crying. It just happened. I tried so hard to hold it in,
but I couldn't stop it.

 I just couldn't stop it.

 Suddenly, I feel a wetness against my neck. It startles me. And I feel his
body begin to shudder slightly. I realize he is crying too. I couldn't even
begin to understand why. I'm not even completely sure why I'm crying. All I
know is that he is crying with me. He is always with me.

 He brings his head down slowly and sobs against my neck. And now I'm crying
even harder than I ever was before.

 I tighten my grip around him, letting him know that I am there for him as he
is for me. That I've always been here. And that I always will be.

 I know he knows. I feel he's always known.

 Then, slowly, he raises his head and looks down at me. I can't see his face,
but I know he's still crying. I can still feel his body quivering.

 He pulls me from his chest and looks deep into my tear-filled eyes. His face
lowers slowly as he plants a delicate kiss against my forehead. And then he
brings me into his embrace once more and rests his chin on top of my head.

 I can feel his tears as they fall lightly into my hair. He sniffles softly
and begins rubbing my back again.

 And I realize in that moment that I love him.

 So much.

 I love him more than I could ever know. More than I could ever imagine. And
more than I could ever hope to express.

 I love him for always being here. I love him for supporting me. I love him
for saving me in so many ways. I love him for being a part of me. I love him
because I found myself in him. I love him for all his flaws and faults. I love
him for being him. And I love him for loving me.

 Maybe I didn't just realize that. Maybe I've always known. And maybe I've
just never admitted it. Maybe it's because I'm too stubborn to believe it.
Maybe I'm just too stubborn to *believe*.

 And I am.

 And though I may not believe in many things, the one thing I'm certain of is
my belief in him.

 I believe in him.

 I always have. And I know I always will.

 I feel safe with him. I feel happy. I feel cherished. I feel wanted. I feel
strong. I feel alive. I feel loved.

 With his arms around me, I feel that there is always hope. And I never want
that feeling to end.

The End
What did ya think? All comments to -->Starbuk42@aol.com
Thanks for reading!