By Katvictory
Katvictory57@aol.com

Date: Tue, 31 Aug 1999 11:01:42 -0600
DISCLAIMERS: They all belong to Chris Carter
and Fox, I want nothing. Don't sue. There
really is a Rustic, Colorado but there are no
extremist living there. There really is a Sky
Watch Bed & Breakfast but Mr. Wagner doesn't
own it. I have tinkered with the history,
geography, even the weather in this long
story. No offense was meant, it was all done
simply to advance the story.

RATING: R

SUMMARY: Mulder gains amazing and frightening
psychic powers after suffering a
debilitating, life altering head injury. The
search for the truth, of where the powers
come from lead the pair to Central America
and some amazing discoveries about God,
aliens and themselves.

CATEGORIES: Mulder torture, Scully angst, MSR
there toward the end, Post colonization in
parts, Alternate universe.

SPOILERS: Every dang episode  clear up to the
Unnatural. But no Biogenesis,    Believe it
or not, this story was started and first
posted well before I saw this season's
cliff-hanger. Everyone likes stories about
space seed, alien
astronauts, and Mulder developing
third-eye-like Psi powers.

FEEDBACK: Katvictory@uswest.net

Note from the author: Eventually this story
will be composed of three separate files,
each one detailing a separate story. This is
File 1.
 
 
 
 

THE DAMASCUS FILES  FILE ONE
by Katvictory
 
 

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

"As he neared Damascus on his journey,
suddenly a light from heaven flashed around
him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice
say to him, "Saul, Saul, why do you persecute
me?" "Who are you, Lord?" Saul asked. "I am
Jesus, whom you are persecuting," he replied.
"Now get up and go into the city, and you
will be told what you must do." The men
traveling with Saul stood there speechless;
they heard the sound but did not see anyone.
Saul got up from the ground, but when he
opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they
led him by the hand into Damascus."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
 
 

<><><><><><><><><>
 CHAPTER ONE
<><><><><><><><><>
 
 

FOX WILLIAM MULDER
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT - ONE
November 26, 1999
 

WAGNER - You sure you're up to this Mulder?

MULDER - Yeah. (cough, muffled laugh) I talk,
it types?

WAGNER - No, I'll get Kami to transcribe it.
You don't have to do this, you know? We have
enough on what happened to document it
without you. Are you sure you don't mind?

MULDER - I want to tell it.

WAGNER - Okay, well, I'll leave you alone
then. You got everything you need?

MULDER - Yeah. Where's Scully?

WAGNER - She went to Denver, remember?

MULDER - Why? (pause)

(Machine off/restart)

MULDER - Okay, here we go. My last case as a
Special Agent for the FBI was one I never
should have taken. You know the old saying
--fool me once, shame on you? I'd gone
undercover once before. It was a lot like
this case. I almost got killed that time,
too.

I hope this isn't too confusing for you, Mr.
Wagner. If I could figure out a way to make
notes, maybe I could keep everything in
order. I'm sorry, maybe when Scully comes
back she could help me...

KAMI WAGNER - I'm here, Mulder. I'll help,
okay? Just start at the beginning. Tell how
you got assigned the case. Wasn't it your
friend, Skinner?

MULDER - Yeah, Assistant Director Walter
Skinner. I never thought he'd do this to me,
you know? Scully, that is, Special Agent Dana
Scully was out of town when I left. They sent
me to Kansas City first. I picked up my cover
story there. I was Marty Fulcher. A professor
of Sociology at Middlebury College in
Vermont. I quit teaching to join the
Brotherhood.

KAMI - What was the Brotherhood?

MULDER - The Brotherhood of Barnabas. An
extremist group. They had a compound in a
little town in the Rockies, Rustic, Colorado.
It's not far from Fort Collins. We had an
informant, who'd told us that they were
planning something. That they were building
up their fire power. That part was true. They
were. I mean they'd gotten enough guns they
coulda armed a small country. And they were
going to hit several federal offices in
Denver. Right before New Years was when they
planned to do it. I was there with the
Brotherhood for two months. I thought they'd
bought my cover. They let me in on all their
plans. I thought I was getting away with it.
I was just biding my time, until I could
surface. I'd learned everything. I did what I
was supposed to. I had all the information. I
did the job that they sent me there to do.
Just like they told me.

KAMI - It's okay, Mulder. Do you wanna stop?
We can do this later.

MULDER - No, I'm fine. Can I have something
to drink? (pause)

(Machine off/restart)

MULDER - Aramis, that's Brother Aramis, he
was our informant. He was the one who set me
up, I guess. Did they ever find out for sure?

KAMI - No, Mulder. He was killed in the raid.
All of the leaders were killed. Remember?

MULDER - I remember. You want me to tell
about that day, right? We were supposed to be
going to Laramie. To meet our contact, Mike,
to buy some ammo. Brother Aramis suggested I
go along. I thought he was giving me a way
out. You know? So I could surface, and make
my report. We left out early in the morning.
It's a pretty canyon. The Poudre. Cache Le
Poudre Canyon. You know the trapper's named
it that because that's where they used to
hide their supplies. It means, hide the
powder in French. Ironic, huh?

KAMI - The Brotherhood sure had enough guns
hidden there.

MULDER - Yeah, they did (laugh, long pause).

KAMI - Mulder, do you wanna wait to tell this
part?

MULDER - No. No, I can finish. (pause) I
should have known something was up, but I
didn't leave the compound too many times in
those two months. I didn't really know the
area that well. I mean, I didn't realize we
were on the wrong road. I saw the sign. I saw
we were going to Glendevey. It just didn't
click. We passed the Boy Scout camp before I
realized what was happening. When I saw the
Boy Scout camp, I started thinking I might be
in trouble.

KAMI - Mulder, what did passing the Boy Scout
camp tell you?

MULDER - You know, Kami...

KAMI - Mulder, I know. But Dad wants you to
tell this for the files. Tell me why passing
the Boy Scout camp worried you.

MULDER - Sorry. I'm sorry Kami.

KAMI - Mulder, it's okay. Can you go on?

MULDER - Yeah, I'm fine. (sigh) I knew when
we passed the Boy Scout camp that they
weren't taking the main route to Laramie. You
can get to Laramie the way we were going, but
why would anyone want to try it?  Not during
winter. We should have gone down 287. We were
going the back route. Then I noticed nobody
would look me in the eye. I knew something
was wrong. My cover'd been blown. They were
taking the back route to get rid of me. We
turned off the main road. I could feel the
sweat running down my ribs, underneath my
shirt. When we stopped at an open field, out
in the middle of nowhere, I knew I was dead.

"Marty, it's over," David Moye told me. He
had a gun. What could I say? For once in my
life, I was too scared to say anything. I'd
gone through this once before. The last time
I had gone undercover. I started praying that
history would repeat itself. That I would
come out of this alive. Well, my prayers were
answered. I'm alive. I've just learned to be
a little more specific when I pray.

They made me strip. I don't know why. Thank
God it was only down to my long johns, but
they still took my shoes and socks. They
cuffed my hands behind my back and made me
follow them. I was barefoot and shivering. We
stopped in the middle of the clearing. It was
more dramatic that way, I guess. They told me
to kneel. I acted like I was going to do it.
I don't really know what I was thinking. I
knew there wasn't any place to run. I knew if
I did run, they'd have a clear shot at me.
But, I guess instinct took over. I pretended
I was getting down to my knees, but I lurched
against David. He fell into the snow and I
took off. I made it exactly 12 yards. It said
so in the report.

The first bullet hit me in the back. It
didn't really hurt. All I felt was the
impact. It knocked me off my feet. Sometimes
cold is a blessing, you know. And shock,
shock helps a lot too. I got to my feet and
tried to run, again. I was kind of stumbling.
Falling down, getting back up. They had all
the time they needed. They had a clear shot
that whole time. They just wanted to have
some fun with me. They wanted to watch me
scramble.

The second bullet took my life away. I don't
even remember it hitting the back of my head.
It went in here, just under my left ear. When
it came out it left a three inch crater in my
face. It took out my eye and most of my
sinuses on that side. I fell face first into
the snow. That saved my life, the cold kept
me from bleeding to death. (long pause) I
think that's all. I'm tired now. Can I stop,
Kami?

(Machine off).

END SESSION
-KWW-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

Report -For S.A.Wagner
By Dana K. Scully, MD
December 1,1999
 

I first discovered that Special Agent Fox
Mulder had been given an undercover
assignment upon my return from emergency
leave. When I found out that it had something
to do with the Barnabas Brotherhood, I was
irate, both at Assistant* Director Skinner
and Mulder himself. Agent Mulder, while an
excellent field agent did not specialize in
deep undercover cases and I felt the bureau
was negligent in assigning someone with his
lack of experience to attempt a covert
operation this dangerous. I felt there was an
ulterior motive for sending my partner into
such a potentially disastrous situation so
ill equipped. I was right.

For two months I fought the system. I
continued to run the X-Files to the best of
my abilities, but my main focus was on trying
to find out where they had sent Agent Mulder
and attempting to convince the powers that
be, to reassign him to his regular duties.
When A.D. Skinner informed me on February 22,
1999 of Agent Mulder's hospitalization, I
immediately booked a flight to Colorado and
tendered my resignation. I left the hand
written notice on Skinner's desk and walked
out of the building. I have never returned.
All correspondence with the bureau has been
handled by my mother at my behest.
 

Dana K. Scully
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

December 1,1999
Sky Watch Bed & Breakfast
Wellington, Colorado
 

Dear Mr. Wagner:

I know this letter will wind up in your
files. This is my unofficial report. Somehow,
I feel more comfortable telling you what
happened, about my feelings concerning the
betrayal and Mulder's injuries this way. I
think I have made my last official report.
Anything else you want to know from me, it'll
have to be this way. I am making this a
prerequisite of my employment. Please, no
more reports! Just newsy letters.

I first want to thank you for all you've done
for us. You've opened your home and your
heart to us and I can never repay you for
your kindness. I don't believe Mulder would
have come so far in his recovery if it hadn't
been for you. In six short months he has made
such amazing leaps in his journey back. I
honestly have hope now that he'll be able to
make a life for himself. I read the
transcripts of his report to you and I cried.
I see a shadow of the old Fox Mulder there.
Thank you for giving him back to me.

So now, I'll tell the first part of my story.
As I stated in my "Official" report, I booked
a flight, gave Skinner my resignation, told
my mother what had happened, where I was
going and that I'd be in touch. I then
boarded the flight at 6:00 PM, and fell into
an exhausted sleep the moment we were in the
air. I awoke when the plane touched down at
DIA. I had chased the sun, and it was only
7:00 Mountain Standard Time. But, since it
was wintertime, I drove to Fort Collins in
the dark. I didn't have much information on
Mulder's condition. Just that it was
critical, that he'd been shot twice. Once in
the head. And that it didn't look good. I'll
admit to you I prayed, selfishly, that he
wouldn't die. I didn't care at that point,
how badly he'd been hurt. I just didn't want
to lose him.

I arrived at Poudre Valley Hospital at 8:30.
I'm listed as Mulder's next of kin, so I was
allowed to see him. If I hadn't seen his
hands, I wouldn't have known it was him. They
had found him the morning before. The rancher
who owned the property near Glendevey had
heard the gunshots. He had called the sheriff
and Mulder was airlifted to PVH.

I know his records already have a place here
in your files. You know what the damage was.
I can't really explain what it felt like to
see him the way he'd been left. Mulder's face
was  so grotesquely swollen he didn't even
appear human. The skin over his left cheek
had actually split. There was nothing left of
his ocular socket and very little of the
upper bridge of his nose. Luckily the nurse
saw me sway. I honestly believe I would have
fainted if she hadn't slid a chair beneath
me.

I didn't see how he could live. That is when
I first wondered whether Mulder would want to
live, damaged the way he was. Not just the
physical deformities. I knew there had to be
brain damage. There was no way he could have
escaped it. I needed to speak to his Doctor.
I knew what his wishes were. It was my place
as his next of kin, as his friend, to make
sure his living will was honored. I reached
out to touch his hand, hoping to let him know
I was there and that I would do what he'd
want me to do.

When I saw those long tapered fingers, that
hand I'd held so many times, it hit me. This
was Mulder. My Mulder. I cried.
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

LETTER FROM DANA SCULLY
Written December 2, 1999
 

Kami,

Thank you for being there for me last night.
I'm so sorry I woke you. In answer to your
question, yes...it's always the same dream.
It started the second week after Mulder got
hurt. That's before we found the right meds
for his convulsions. At that point he was
having upwards of 15 Grand Mal seizures a
day. I was at my wits end. So was Doctor
Raposa.

You see Kami, Mulder reacts strangely to
medication. He is such a fighter that he was
never fully comatose and the doctor was
afraid to put him deeper because of the
reactions he's had. A good part of the time
we were having to restrain him. She weaned
him off the respirator the first week because
he fought it so hard.

I was so tired by that time. Kami, I hate to
admit it but I was afraid he was going to
live. There, I said it. Isn't it horrible? I
didn't want him to have to live like this and
I was afraid he wasn't going to get any
better. That night I went back to the motel,
the night I first had the dream, he'd had 18
Grand Mal seizures in 16 hours. I collapsed
on the bed and fell asleep in my clothes.

I dreamed. This is the dream, Kami --

I feel his touch. We've never been together
like...that. But I love his hands. He has the
hands of a musician. I feel those long,
beautiful fingers gently caressing my skin.
Feather light, they run down my side and over
my hip. Half asleep, I squirm back and melt
at the warmth of his flesh against me. I feel
him grow hard. I want him. I turn over to
face him and I see him as he was then. The
way he looked right after he was injured. You
never saw him like that, Kami, but his face
was a bloody ruin of mangled flesh.

He smiles and his lips split open. Blood
trickles down his chin and still he grins. I
touch the tear and his skin falls off in my
hand. This is wrong! I'm making it worse! I
need to help him. I have to fix him. But I
can't. The more I try, the quicker the tissue
slides off his bones. I know I'm losing
him...

It's better now Kami, but I still don't
sleep. Now you know why.

Dana
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FOX WILLIAM MULDER
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT -TWO
DECEMBER 7, 1999
 

SCULLY - Mulder, Mr. Wagner wants me to ask
you a few questions about when you were in
the hospital.

MULDER - We already talked about this.

SCULLY - I know WE did Mulder, but the tape
wasn't running. We need to do it again. For
Mr. Wagner.

MULDER - Why? Why does he wanna know this
stuff, Scully?

SCULLY - He keeps files, Mulder. Files on all
kinds of things. You understand, Mulder?
About files?

MULDER - I know what files are, Scully.

SCULLY - I'm sorry, Mulder...

MULDER - I'm not a "thing," Scully!

SCULLY - Why don't we just stop right here...

MULDER - No. You still didn't tell me why he
wants to know this stuff about ME, about US.

SCULLY - We work for Mr. Wagner now, Mulder.

MULDER - I work for him? How do I work for
him? What do I do, Scully?

SCULLY - Mr. Wagner, he -- well, he used to
follow our work, Mulder. Back when we had the
X-Files.

MULDER - So what do I do now? Why does he
want to know these things? He's always
watching me Scully. I can feel it. He's
always is asking me questions. You're always
asking me questions. I'm tired of it.

SCULLY - Mulder, you really don't want to do
this today, do you?

MULDER - No.

SCULLY - What DO you want to do?

MULDER - I don't know. I don't know what I
want to do. What can I do? What can I do now,
Scully?

(Machine off)

END SESSION
-DKS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

December 8,1999
Sky Watch Bed & Breakfast
Wellington, Colorado
 

Mr. Wagner,

I look at these files, all that you have on
Mulder, and I'm stunned. He is making
progress by leaps and bounds. I understand
your interest in him. His recovery HAS been a
miracle. It IS fascinating.

I just transcribed the second interview. I
don't know if you'll even want it. He talks
about nothing. He was in a mood.

He talks about nothing, but he says
everything! I can't answer his questions.
Where DOES he go from here? What CAN he do?
Why did he live? I've known the man for 7
years. He has to have a purpose. Even like he
is now. Can't you see that?

Mr. Wagner, what is it you want from him? Do
you think he still has a purpose? Some
purpose other than being interesting reading
for your files? I'll tell you, that's not
enough for him, Mr. Wagner. He needs to have
more of a reason than that to keep going. I
need him to have more.

-DKS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FOX WILLIAM MULDER
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT - THREE
DECEMBER 14, 1999
 

( NOTE - Dad, I talked him into this. He has
agreed to talk to me as a brain injury
patient, responding to questions regarding
how the mind recovers from that trauma. He
can deal with you wanting to know about his
disabilities from a scientific point of view.
The other day, his problem was he couldn't
get past thinking you were probing him
personally. We might try allowing me alone to
do the interviews. Scully is just too close.
While he talks to her about everything, he
feels violated when she shares what he says
with you.

I'm going to color these transcripts up a
bit, take notes and tell what he does during
the session. I don't think we can quite get
the true picture of what he says without more
description of his emotional responses. That
is another area where he is beginning to
flower. He hasn't yet learned to control
them, but now his range of emotions go beyond
simple anger and calm. Read this transcript.
See if you like how I flesh out the
interview).
 

KAMI - Mulder, what is the first thing you
remember after you got shot?

MULDER - Scully's voice.

KAMI - Were you in pain?

MULDER - No, I don't think so. I just
remember Scully talking to me.

KAMI - Looking back, can you put this in a
time frame.

MULDER - (M. pauses. Look of concentration.
He chews his bottom lip. It's a habit he
has). Ah-h-h...I think I was still in the
ICU. Look it up, Kami. (He seems interested
by where the interview is going. He is
excited).

KAMI - What, look what up Mulder?

MULDER - (impatience) I know I still had the
thing in my neck. What's it called? (He's
frustrated. His aphasia has him unable to
find the right word. He waves his hand,
giving up, then demands of K). Look up when
they fixed my neck.

KAMI - (surprise) The ventilator?

MULDER - (disgust, concentration) No, No...I
mean before the closed that hole. I was
breathing through my neck. I couldn't talk.
(Stops surprised by K's information ) They
had me on a machine? I don't remember that. I
hate those things...

KAMI - (checking records) Mulder they closed
the tracheotomy March 7th. You were moved
from ICU on March 23.

MULDER - Okay, then that's when, sometime
before they closed it. I don't remember what
all she said to me. The words really didn't
come through. But I would wake up and I could
hear her talking. It was the sound of her
voice. She was always there. Always. (Mulder
begins to cry, silently). Can I have some
water? Turn it off, Kami, please.

(Machine off)

(I suggested ending the session. Mulder was
intrigued where this interview was going and
the memories that were surfacing. After
getting his emotions under control, Mulder
chose to continue).

(Machine restart)

KAMI - Mulder, do you remember if you
understood something had happened to you at
this point? Did you have any idea you had
been hurt?

MULDER - No, I don't think I was really all
there. I don't know if I thought about
anything except waiting for Scully's voice
and listening to her when she talked.

KAMI - Well, when was it that you first
realized that you'd been injured?

MULDER - When Scully yelled at the man. I
remember knowing something was wrong with me
when he was there. I knew something had
happened to me because he was talking to me
but I didn't understand him. I was all mixed
up...(M. becomes agitated describing his
feelings about this episode).

KAMI - What man? It's not in the files...

MULDER -I DON'T KNOW! I don't know what man!
The man! The man Scully yelled at! You know
the man...

KAMI - Mulder, calm down okay...just a
minute.

(Machine off)

(I calm Mulder down. It doesn't take long.
Then we talk. It is decided that Scully could
probably help clear up the mystery. We ask
her to join the session).

(Machine restart)

KAMI - Scully, Mulder was telling us that the
first time he fully realized he had been
injured was just before he heard you yelling
at a man who was in his room. Can you clear
this up for us?

MULDER - Yeah, clue us in Scully. (He has
brightened up since Scully came in. He is
grinning).

SCULLY - (a quick laugh) He's talking about
when Donnelley tried to get a statement from
him. It was the day after the Brotherhood
raid. April 7th.

MULDER - He got a lot out of me, huh? (there
is a wry grin on his face).

SCULLY - (Laughs and squeezes M's hand). Not
at that point...

MULDER - (His excitement makes him animated.
He gestures flamboyantly with his good hand
as he talks). I remember it, Scully. I
couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.
It was dark. I didn't know who he was. I
couldn't really hear him that well and I
didn't understand anything he said to me. It
bothered me because I knew I should have
answered him or done something...I, I, I
can't explain it. I knew something was wrong
with me. I knew this wasn't a dream. I knew
something had happened to me and I wasn't
like me anymore...I,I...everything was
wrong...

(Mulder's excitement turns to tears. Scully
hugs him and waves for me to stop the
session).

(Mulder is calmed and given some water. He
surprises both of us at how quickly he is
recovering from emotional upsets lately. He
claims he wants to go on).

(Machine off/restart)

MULDER - I remember when you came in. I could
hear you screaming. You told him get out. I
heard you.

SCULLY - (dryly) The whole floor heard me.

(We all laugh)

MULDER- You told him to leave me alone.

SCULLY - (She has grown serious, has tears in
her eyes). Mulder, do you remember that was
the first day you spoke? You said my
name...(She breaks down, crying softly into
her hands).

MULDER - Turn it off, Kami. (He waves at me
frantically as he moves to comfort Scully).
Off, Kami!

(Machine off)

END SESSION
-KWW-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

December 15,1999
Sky Watch Bed & Breakfast
Wellington, Colorado
 

Mr. Wagner,

I just read Kami's transcript of yesterday's
sessions with Mulder. Tell her I really like
the "color commentary." It works for me. I'm
an emotional mess, so excuse this long and
rambling report.

He's doing so well. He's becoming Mulder
again. A person again. A whole person,
complete. You know, I can't believe I'm
telling you this but, I feel complete now.
I've felt so hollow, since his injury. I felt
like 'I' would never feel normal again.

He made Kami stop the tape, because I was
crying. Do you know what that means in his
recovery? It's such a big step. Mulder can
now comprehend a reality apart from himself.
He was able to recognize the emotions, the
feelings of another person. That's the first
step toward truly interacting with others.
With his type of injury, the frontal lobe
being involved like it was, I didn't think
empathy was going to be possible.

Let's see. I think I'll try to bring the file
up to the point when we met you. That would
be almost three and a half months after
Mulder's injury. I see that was June 1, 1999.

Mulder claims in Interview Session Three that
he remembers me talking to him. I can confirm
he was responsive, even that early, because
while still in the ICU, he reacted to the
stimuli of me squeezing his left hand by
squeezing mine in return. As I've stated
before, at no point was Mulder ever fully
non-responsive.

At three months post injury a complete
evaluation was done just prior to Mulder
leaving PVH Neuro Care Unit. At that point he
showed classic left brain injury symptoms
--i.e., weakness, paralysis of right
extremities, loss of language skills both
passive and responsive. He was totally blind.
There was no sign yet of any vision returning
to his remaining right eye. (The surgery of
course came later, as you well know, you made
it possible) The hearing loss in his left ear
was total and permanent. His spatial
perception was almost non existent,
especially pertaining to his right side. What
this all means is that Mulder was blind,
partially deaf, he could not speak, except
for monosyllables, nor could he fully
comprehend what was being said to him. He was
paralyzed on his right side, and his brain
refused to acknowledge that he had a right
side, so even sitting up was impossible. He
could not balance.

The medication had reduced his seizures and
he had only had two Grand Mal in the entire
month of May. He was fully conscious and
aware of his surroundings. Emotionally,
Mulder was either entirely passive or totally
agitated. There was no middle ground. On his
worst days, he was more than a handful. On
his best, he was almost comatose. I knew that
his time at the hospital was almost over.
They'd done all they could for him. It was a
primary care facility. He needed extensive
rehabilitation, and if I was going to stay
with him in Colorado, I needed a job.

If I had to work, who would take care of him
while I was gone? It would be a fight all the
way with the insurance companies to approve
home care with the extent of his
disabilities. The most cost efficient route
was clearly placing Mulder in a nursing home.
I hated the decision that lurked ahead. I
even toyed with the idea of having my mother
come stay with us to help out. But she'd been
ill and Mulder was just too much for one
untrained person to handle.

I knew I could find work in the Front Range
area and there were several very nice
rehabilitation centers right there in town
all waiting to serve Mulder and his Blue
Cross. It didn't make what I was going to
have to do any easier.

But I never had to make that decision. Mulder
and I received a call from you. Within the
month we'd moved into Sky Watch and Mulder
started making his way back to me.

-DKS-

end 1/9
 

TITLE: THE DAMASCUS FILES FILE 1 PART 2/9

AUTHOR: Katvictory

All disclaimers, summaries, etc., in part 1
 
 
 

The Damascus Files Part 2/9
by Katvictory
 

<><><><><><><><><>
 CHAPTER TWO
<><><><><><><><><>
 
 

FOX WILLIAM MULDER
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT - FOUR
DECEMBER 24, 1999
 

KAMI - Mulder, do you remember coming here to
Sky Watch?

MULDER - (who is very distracted on this day)
Yeah,(pause) where's Scully?

KAMI - She went into Fort Collins.

MULDER - Why?

KAMI- You always ask that. (laughs) I think
she went to the doctor...

MULDER - (quickly) Is she sick?

KAMI - No, Mulder, sorry. She went to your
doctor to reup your medication. Maybe
shopping, too. I don't know for sure. So,
Mulder, do you remember coming here...?

MULDER - You asked me that already.

KAMI -(Kami is getting a headache, so there
is a pause so she can grab something for the
pain). So, what was your answer then?

MULDER - Yeah. How old are you Kami?

KAMI - Not now, Mulder, let's get these
questions answered, okay?

MULDER - (Mulder sulks a bit, like a little
boy). Okay.

KAMI - At that point, did you think about
your future? Did you realize how badly you
were injured?

MULDER - (rapid fire answers) No, yes.

KAMI - What?

MULDER - (He speaks as though explaining
something to a child). No, I didn't think
about the future. Yes, I knew I was messed up
pretty bad.

KAMI - (pause) Do you know you're an asshole?

MULDER - Yes. (He is proud of this fact and
gives Kami a grin that would melt Saint
Mary's glacier in the winter).

KAMI - (laughing) Mulder, I'm 18...
 

(Machine off)

SESSION END (You don't have to put this in
the file, Dad).
-KWW-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

December 25,1999
Sky Watch Bed & Breakfast
Wellington, Colorado
 

Mr. Wagner,

I just read Kami's latest transcript. This is
what you have to look forward to. Meet the
real Fox Mulder -- true asshole. I love it.
I've missed him.

-DKS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FOX WILLIAM MULDER
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT - FIVE
DECEMBER 26, 1999
 

MULDER - Let's try it this way, Kami. I talk,
you listen. Okay?

KAMI - (laughs) Okay. (pause, Mulder is
silent). So talk already!

MULDER - (He can blush. He laughs) Start at
the top. Okay? (He forces himself to be
serious. It works and his brow wrinkles in a
frown). Did they have me on drugs when I
first got here?

KAMI- Well, let me see. Ahh, not any more
than they have you on now. Why?

MULDER - I guess it's the way I felt. It's
like nothing felt real to me. My life, the
world. I'm starting to remember things, but
none of them seem real. Is this going to be
real? What we say right now, is this going to
seem real tomorrow, when I remember it? Will
I keep feeling like it's all a dream? I don't
like this. Kami, it scares me. Is it the
medication I'm on? Or am I just going to be
like this forever? (Mulder is deeply upset,
but I leave the tape running. Maybe he is
getting used to it, because he doesn't make
me stop it).

KAMI - Mulder, you gotta ask people about
these things. Ask the doctors, ask Scully.
Don't wait till we have a session. Ask them
when you first think of them. When they first
bother you. You want me to get Scully right
now? Maybe she'll know if it's a side effect
of something they have you taking? Let's ask
her if what they give you is supposed to make
you feel like this.

MULDER - (a slight smile) No, she reads these
things as soon as you type 'em up, Kami.
She'll know. I'm okay. I'll ask her after she
reads this. Or maybe she'll ask me. She's
watching out for me. It'll get handled. (He
reaches out a hand to let me know he's calmed
down). I'm sorry, Kami. Scully'll take care
of everything. Now that she knows.

KAMI - Yeah, Scully'll take care of it.
(pause) She's more than your partner, huh? I
mean you two more than just worked together?

(Machine off/restart...Dad, I really didn't
mean to erase that part, all he said was he
didn't understand what I meant. I promise, I
won't get personal like this anymore).

KAMI - I better get back to asking what's on
the list, okay, Mulder?

MULDER - Sure.

KAMI - Mulder, what I need you to do is try
to tell me what you remember of your stay
here so far.

MULDER - Does it have to be in order? And
make sense? (laughs).

KAMI - If you wander too far, Mulder, I'll
bring you back.

MULDER - You're not a redhead. I'm used to a
redhead holding my hand.

KAMI - Can you see my hair, Mulder?

MULDER - Yeah, I know your hair's light. It
looks like silver, Kami. I bet you have lots
of boyfriends.

KAMI - Yeah, you see them hanging around here
all the time, right? (Kami sounds bitter.
Ignore her, okay?) We gotta get back to the
interview, Mulder. If I don't get at least
some of what Dad wants, he'll kill me.

MULDER - Sorry, Kami. I warned you. I still
don't focus too well. (pause) Great. Give me
a hand here. Get me started.

KAMI - Mulder, you remember Dad sent you to
Denver? He'd set up surgery for your right
eye. For the doctors to remove some bone
fragments that they'd missed. You stayed a
week. Do you remember?

MULDER - No, not really. I know it happened
and I know I had the surgery to help me get
some sight back. But really, the first time I
think I realized I could see anything again
was your birthday party. Isn't that weird? I
couldn't see at all at first. Then I had the
surgery and it made it so I could at least
see shapes and light and all, but it didn't
register with me that anything had changed.
They did this light thing at the hospital but
I'd noticed lights before the surgery. Maybe
I followed it better so they thought I knew I
was seeing. I don't know. I was just so out
of it, it didn't sink in that I was seeing. I
think it's the drugs, Kami. They make me feel
dull, like I'm just going through the
motions. Like I'm not really even alive. Does
that make sense? I don't know if I'm
explaining it right.

KAMI - It sounds clear to me.

MULDER - Good. I do remember little pieces of
some things, like your birthday. You were
dancing with somebody. Scully was sitting
beside me, helping me eat some cake. I was
still in the chair then. I saw the sunshine
on your hair. I don't know, it just woke me
up. I knew I'd just seen sunlight shine on a
person's hair. I remembered it from before.
So I knew I was seeing again. I looked over
and saw Scully. I knew it was her. I
remembered. I saw her different. But I knew
it was her.

I wanted to know who you were. I needed to
put a name to what I could see, so I asked
Scully. It surprised her. She told me,
"Mulder, that's Kami. You know Kami, don't
you?" She didn't know what had happened. She
didn't realize I really didn't see her
before. That was how long after the surgery?
What, almost 2 months and that's the first
time I understood that I was really seeing
again.

KAMI - You'd seen me everyday, Mulder.

MULDER - But I don't think my mind was
letting it sink in 'til then. I started to
remember things more after that. I don't know
if I was walking any before then. I guess I
had to have been, in therapy. But I remember,
I started with the walker about a week later.
Scully took me out to the back yard and I
looked around. I was outside again seeing the
trees and all.

Do people actually believe this is a Bed and
Breakfast? I mean, who would come all the way
out here to stay? There's nothing out here.
It's in the middle of a cow pasture, for God
sakes.

KAMI- (laughing) Dad's family has been here
forever. People in town have always thought
the Wagner's were weird. The Wagner's owned
almost all of North Colorado. At least they
did back during the cattle baron days. I
think everyone believes Dad is the Colorado
Howard Hughes. So nobody has really even
questioned what Sky Watch is. They figure if
S.A. Wagner wants to build a ranch and call
it a bed and breakfast that never has any
customers, well, it's his money. He can call
it whatever he wants to.

MULDER - Okay, if you say so. (M. laughs
puzzled, shakes his head).

KAMI - Has Dad shown you the basement yet?

MULDER - No, what's in your basement, Kami?

KAMI - Just ask him to show you the basement.
(pause) Let me see, what's next? (pause) Oh,
Mulder, this isn't a question about what you
remember. Dad would like to know how you feel
about the surgery next month.

MULDER - What surgery?

KAMI - Ahh... (Pause, thanks, Dad. Didn't you
realize he might not remember this?) You're
supposed to have reconstructive surgery on
your eye and nose next month, in Denver,
Mulder.

MULDER - Oh-h (Pause. His hand actually went
up to touch the damaged side, Dad. He'd
forgotten about that part of his injuries.
Did you ever think we might have talked to
him first? Kind of reminding him gently?) Can
we stop now?

KAMI - Okay.
 

(Machine off)

END SESSION
-KWW-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

December 29,1999
Sky Watch Bed & Breakfast
Wellington, Colorado
 

Mr. Wagner,

Sorry I didn't get this written up for you
sooner. I've just been so busy. I have taken
care of two of the three problems that showed
up on transcript and I have an idea on how to
solve the third.

First, I talked to Mulder about his
medication. I discovered that since the
middle of November, almost six weeks now, he
has been taking one fewer of each of his
pills. I fussed at him and explained that is
not how we adjust dosages. I talked to his
doctor and Raposa said leave it. Mulder IS
more lucid now. He has been since he pulled
this stunt. We WERE over dosing him. I told
Mulder we'd let it stay this way. He wants me
to bring down the dosage even more. I
reminded him how dangerous his seizures are
and how he feels afterwards. Then we talked
about how he has only been seizure free for
two months. I suggested working on finding a
new dosage after his surgery.

That brought up the second problem. With his
sight the way it has been, and  with much of
his awareness just now returning, I don't
think he had really dwelled on his physical
appearance. I remember him discovering the
damage the bullet had done in the hospital.
The only response he made upon touching the
scars and ruined tissue was a faint grimace.
That's all the attention I'd noticed him
giving his disfigurement. But he has begun
paying attention the last two days. I caught
him trying to see his reflection in the
mirror that first night. Since then when he
thinks no one is watching, he is touching the
scars, exploring what happened. He is
distressed over the discoveries he has made.

Before this happened, Mulder was not
narcissistic about his looks, but I would
definitely say he had a healthy,
self-assurance that he was a good-looking
man. Sadly, I don't think we've seen the
worst of his heartache about this matter. I
hope the surgery helps. He has been protected
here from peoples, reactions -stares, rude
comments, etc.  We wouldn't want him to hide
here at Sky Watch forever. More on this
later.

So we come to the final problem. I think I
have a way to make sure we don't have a
repeat of the "Erased Tape" matter. A
camcorder. Let the two of them continue the
interviews. Mulder and Kami, while not
following your script, are very productive.
Just have her transcribe from the video. And
we will tell them both, no machine off. No
stops, once they start.

Mr. Wagner, I do think it's just a crush. Fox
Mulder is an honorable man, even with all
that has happened to him. He'd never do or
say anything to hurt her.

-DKS-

*****

Kami,

Mulder told me what happened between you two.
Don't worry, your Dad will never find out
from me. I think you should tell him though.
You know he suspects that you erased the tape
to protect Mulder? I'm not mad, Kami, but I
think you should put your father's mind at
ease that you are perfectly safe with Mulder.
Don't you?

I'm not mad at you. Your asking Mulder
whether or not we had ever had sex, doesn't
bother me. We worked together for a long
time. I think everyone at the bureau was
wondering the same thing. I know you were
suprised he wouldn't have sex with you. I
think he sensed it was a game with you, or a
challenge. Mulder, even with his problems,
still knows that you don't play games with
your heart. It hurts too much to lose.

Kami, some things go deeper than the
physical. I think there's a certain bond we
only find with one or two people in our
lives. And that's if we're lucky. If you wait
until you find someone with whom you can make
that special connection, everything, even sex
is better. Trust me, I know.

I understand how you feel about Mulder,
though. I've known the man for seven years.
There's something special about him that
defies explanation. Believe it or not, I am
human. I completely understand what you're
going through.
 

He's fragile now, Kami. Be his friend. Love
him. But don't play the games. Men are often
easy to manipulate. Mulder was susceptible to
feminine wiles, even before his injuries.
But, I know you're above things like that.
You're too mature to want a toy. And he's too
good a person to be treated like one.
Especially now, Kami. Don't do this to him.
He trusts you.

Dana

(Dad, this needs to be in the file. I told
Dana I was giving it to you).
-KWW-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

January 1, 2000
Sky Watch Bed & Breakfast
Wellington, Colorado
 

Mr. Wagner,

Well, I'm glad to see KAMIGATE worked out
fine for all concerned. You've got a
wonderful child there Mr. Wagner. You should
be very proud.

Mulder's appointment with Dr. Raposa went
great. We're leaving the dosages as they are
and still no seizures. He is doing well in
all phases of his therapy. His walking has
improved. He shuffles less and seems more
sure of his balance. He's having less trouble
with the aphasia. He's more able to modulate
his tone, to compensate for the hearing loss.
The aphasia has improved. The biggest miracle
is in his memory and cognitive skills.  It
almost frightens me. I've been afraid to
believe that he'd make it all the way back,
but at the rate he's progressing that just
might happen. He has already surpassed my
hopes.

The bad news is I am seeing signs of
depression. I've tried to talk to him, to
help him to bring out the pain he feels over
all he has lost, over what has happened to
him. But he either can't or won't express
what's inside. I'm frightened that the more
aware he becomes, the more he'll feel the
part that has been taken from him. I watched
Mulder change, in the blink of an eye, from
the man/child who was left after his
betrayal, to the person I know and love, and
then back again.

I know, as a doctor, the part of the brain
that was most damaged was what we believe to
be the seat of human emotion. I've seen
patients who were lobotomized, witnessed the
soulless creatures that are made by that
surgery. When this first happened, it was my
greatest fear that Mulder would be left like
that. Thank God, it didn't happen. He
surprised us all. He proved the doctors
wrong.

But I can't help wondering, where do we go
from here, Mr. Wagner? He wasn't supposed to
make it back this far. I don't know what lies
ahead and it worries me. Do you know? Do you
have the answer, there in your files?

-DKS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FOX WILLIAM MULDER
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT - SIX
JANUARY 1, 2000
 

MULDER - Well did you party like it's 1999?

KAMI - Stick to the program, Mulder. Big
brother's watching.

MULDER - I guess that means you did. How's
the tummy? Want some breakfast, Kami, eggs,
bacon?

KAMI - Look if I call you an asshole, I'M the
one in trouble, so shut up. We can't even
turn the camera off...

MULDER - Camera?

KAMI - Yeah, we are now under video
surveillance...

(Mulder has stumbled to the library door but
I always lock it to keep people out while we
are working. He doesn't know this and he is
struggling to open it. He is panicked).

KAMI - Mulder, wait I'll get it open for you.
No, Mulder, what's wrong? Mulder, Just a
minute let me undo the lock. Please, just let
me get by...

(Mulder will not let Kami undo the door. He
doesn't hear her. He has a seizure).
 

(Machine off)

END SESSION (Why do you have to have the
video of this too, Dad?) - one of the other
subjects in your fucking files -
-KWW-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

LETTER FROM DANA SCULLY
written January 1, 2000
 

Kami,

What happened today is my fault. Not your
father's. Certainly not yours. I take the
entire blame. I'm the one who suggested the
camcorder. I never asked him how he felt
about being filmed. It was me.

You did great. You handled everything like a
pro. He came through it fine. The blood was
from hitting his nose on the carpet. He'll be
up and around tomorrow. He wants to make sure
you're okay, Kami. He feels bad about scaring
you. If you feel up to it, could you drop by
and let him know you survived okay? Thanks.

Dana
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FOX WILLIAM MULDER
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT - SEVEN
JANUARY 2, 2000
 

(This is from the video, I was not there for
taping).
 

MULDER - Kami, I talk -- you type. (he
laughs). On my own this time. Scully set it
up. Told me what we were supposed to cover
that last time. (pause) I'm sorry, Kami,
about what happened. I panicked. I just
didn't want to be taped. I, I...Yeah. (pause)
I, I don't know what I look like. I guess I
shouldn't care but... I mean, shit... (
Mulder stops, and it's a good two minutes
before he speaks again).

(Enormous sigh) Sometimes, I gotta work at
telling myself there's a reason I made it
through this. Sometimes, I don't think I
should have. That it might have been better
for everyone if I hadn't. I feel like the
fact that I'm still here is some big,
practical joke. So, I keep hanging around,
waiting for the punch line.

Then I start thinking about you and your Dad,
and Scully. It's like you all know something
I don't know. You all know why I'm still
here. Why I made it through. Like there was a
reason I didn't die out there in that field,
and if I don't keep trying, I'm gonna let you
down. I think I've let too many people down
in my life. So maybe this is how I pay all
that back. You think? (Mulder stops and rubs
a hand over his face. It lingers a second on
his ruined side and he gives another sigh
that is almost a sob).

(This is said low, more to himself than the
camera). Okay, I can do this. (He lifts his
head) Used to have a pretty good memory.
Maybe there's enough left up there so I can
do this, huh?

(clears throat) First question, what is man's
place in the universe? (laughs) Nope, sorry.
I'm joking. I just can't believe I have
anything anyone would want to hear. Ha,
(laughs again) I spent the last seven years
trying to find the truth and be heard and now
I say that.

Back on track, Mulder. Mr. Wagner wants to
know how I feel about the surgery tomorrow.
Okay. Ummm. I don't really know how bad I
look but if there is some way to repair some
of what was done, well, I'm for it. (laughs)
Is that good enough? Can I maybe get a nose
like Brad Pitt? Or who's that new one,
Leonardo de... not Vinci... Caprio? Yeah. I
gotta figure out a new career for myself. I
might as well try teen idol, huh? (There's a
very long pause. Mulder has his head down,
thinking. Suddenly he looks up, almost like
he has heard someone call. At first you can
read surprise in his face, but then there's a
quick flicker of hurt which turns almost
instantly into a dark scowl of anger).

I do have some questions of my own, if
anybody really cares. I guess not. I don't
hear anybody saying anything.

First off. Why are you so interested in us,
Mr. Wagner? It's not like we have access to
any high level information. From what I hear,
we probably should've come to you -- years
ago. It would have saved Scully and I a hell
of a lot of time and trouble. I understand
you have the secrets to the universe in your
basement. And you're slick. We had no idea
about you and your little set up here. As far
as I know, neither do the gunman... or the
FBI. Nobody knows. Ever think of that Scully?

Have you ever wondered why they went to all
the trouble of setting me up? Why me.
Because, after seven years of searching and
never finding shit, THEY...see I don't even
know who THEY are...THEY are so worried about
me, THEY decide THEY need to blow half my
fucking brains out. But then Mr. Wagner here,
who's just sitting in his little cow pasture,
with his fucking mystery files in the
basement...is allowed to continue his "search
for the truth." Now, I gotta admit I'm one
dangerous puppy, but doesn't that seem just a
little odd to you Scully? DOESN'T IT?

(At this point Mulder gets up from his chair
and totally wrecks the camera. And the
library. And we get to see it all, live on
tape).
 

(Machine off)

END SESSION
-KWW-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

NOTES FROM PAT BARNES R.N.
on F.W.Mulder Post operative care,
January 4,2000
 

"...you seemed to be resting comfortably, all
vitals checked out, when you suddenly sat
straight up. I turned and rushed over. You
stopped me. Just by looking at me. I swear on
all that's holy, it happened. Then you
started babbling, it wasn't any language I'd
ever heard. I don't know what it was. But you
were looking right at me. Through the
bandages, I knew you could see me...

"Ah kuna na? Pat, vei guasha alhenu bahre, ah
kunta nu?"

I knew what to answer you..."It's not me."

-FWM-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

February 2, 2000
Sky Watch Bed & Breakfast
Wellington, Colorado
 

Mr. Wagner,

Well, I finally have time to write. I think,
because of what happened the last two times,
I'll do any interviews in the foreseeable
future. I don't mind Kami being there, and
I'm sure Mulder would want her, but you know
how he has been. This last week has been
easier. My mom has that effect on him. Isn't
she great? Thank you for bringing her out. It
was just what I needed.

Okay. Catch up time. Got my notes, the
charts, everything right here. I'll try to
connect the dots. Looks like the
reconstructive surgery -- here we go again
--surpassed all expectations. Doctor Carter
is an odd one but he's a genius. An artist.
His skill in replacing the bridge of his nose
and eye socket was unbelievable. Scarring
looks minimal. I'm glad Mulder decided to go
with the patch. It makes him look rakish. He
has always had some kinda pirate fixation. Go
figure.

A note on the post op episode. Still don't
know what caused it. It appears it was a
onetime thing. Still frightening, though.
That nurse quit, did you know that? Was it a
drug interaction? Will we ever know? His
blood chemistry is back to normal. And he's
calm again, most of the time. As I said, my
Mom is a life saver. She knows just how to
handle him. Just what to say. He worships
her. I hope she'll stay till at least after
my birthday.

One thing does bother me. Mulder has started
dreaming again. He woke me last night crying
out in his sleep, so it must have been a
nightmare. I tried to question him about it,
but he says he didn't remember any of it. I
don't really know why it troubles me so much
except that his dreams are still nightmares.
I'd hoped since he has had to live through
the nightmare of what happened to him, if he
ever did get a chance to dream again, they
would be different now. It just doesn't seem
fair, he's finally making his way out of one
place of horror where his mind had him
trapped only to stumble back into his old
land of night terrors.

By the way, before I close. Has Mulder talked
to you? He wanted to know if he could trouble
you with getting him some information.I don't
really know what has triggered his curiosity
except that the blindness has him wondering
if he could be developing a sixth sense to
compensate for his loss of sight.  Typical
Mulder.  Kami and I have read him some
material from the internet, but it seems to
be all hype. Mulder calls it "Fucking yuppie,
crystal wearing New Age garbage." The man
does have a way with words. He says he needs
audio tapes on Edgar Cayce, Micheal Cremo
and, believe it or not, the Book of Mormon.
Hey, it'll give him something to do.

Can you help him out?

-DKS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FWM tapes -
Wellington, Colorado
 

It's Wednesday, February 2, 2000. Maggie
Scully got me this, a get well gift. I think
I'll use it to have someone to talk to. To
keep my thoughts together. I'm glad they cut
down on my meds...I, ah...I've halved the
dosage again. Started two weeks ago.
Everything seems to be fine. I'm starting to
think maybe she wants me to be a zombie. I'm
taking half of what she wants me to, and I
haven't had a seizure since January first.
What does that tell me? She knows how that
shit makes me feel. Like I'm in ozone. Like
I'm not real. I think she wants me drugged,
so she can handle me. God, do I blame her?
Shit. Shit. I was a pain in the ass before,
what am I now? Why has she done all this for
me? Why...my own mother won't deal with me.
She called last month to tell me why she
still couldn't come see me.

Scully just might be the only person I trust.
I don't know if I trust her now. No, I do.
She just thinks she's doing it for me. All
for me. She does it all for me. I know she
does.

End Tape

- DKS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FWM tapes -
Wellington, Colorado
 

Wednesday, February 2, 2000. Great Day.
Scully's mom got me this. A get well gift.
Scully loves her being here. She looks a lot
better, not so tired. Scully talked to Mr.
Wagner. He's getting me some audio tapes he
has on Cayce readings and he has the entire
Book of Mormon on tape. I'm gonna give it a
listen when I get done here. I never really
gave it much thought before. The Book of
Mormon. Great story, but not my type of
religion. Not too big on choirs. But I keep
having flashes of something I remember
reading in there.

I'm going to use this for notes and a kind of
diary. Let Mr. Wagner have some of them, too.
For his files. Hey, Maggie. Aren't I supposed
to have two blank tapes with this?

Dana Scully: (Barely audible) Mulder, you did
when you opened it this morning. What'd ya do
with them?

If I knew that would I be asking your mother.
(lower) Did I put them up? What...

Margaret Scully: Don't worry 'bout it Fox,
I'm always putting stuff up and forgetting
where I put it. Don't worry. okay?

Sure, thanks Maggie. Shit, now I forgot what
I was talking about. Ohh, yeah...The Book of
Mormon. I read it first when I was a kid. Had
a friend who was LDS. I used to go over to
his house after school. It was great. They
had like 20 kids. Everybody loved each other.
It was like a sitcom. His older brother gave
The Book of Mormon to me. Hard going but it
was pretty fascinating. Then my Dad caught me
with it. Didn't sit to well with
him...neither did I after he got done.

Any way, I think this'll work out great. I'll
make one of these a night.

End Tapes
-DKS-

End 2/9

TITLE: THE DAMASCUS FILES FILE 1 PART 3/9

AUTHOR: Katvictory

All disclaimers, summaries, etc., in part 1
 
 
 

The Damascus Files Part 3/9
by Katvictory
 

<><><><><><><><><>
 CHAPTER THREE
<><><><><><><><><>
 
 

FWM Tapes
Wellington Colorado
 

It's February 22, 2000. Tomorrow is Scully's
birthday. Have to figure out
something for her (laughs). I can remember
her birthday, now after I get shot
in the head, yet before, I always missed it.
I'm supposed to be brain damaged
now, so, what was my excuse before,
stupidity? It reminds me of that movie,
"Regarding Henry". Proof positive that a
bullet to the brain can make even a
lawyer a nice guy. I know several people at
the bureau I'd like to try this
theory on.

Holy shit. Damn, just a minute. Crap, that
hurts. Feels like a knife right in
the middle of my forehead. You know, science
doesn't know why we have
headaches. Maybe they should check Mr.
Wagner's basement. He has the answer to
every thing else down there, why not that?

I wonder if I should show Scully how to shoot
baskets this year. A little one
on one. Dream on Mulder. It would be a case
of the blind leading the blind.

Damn, my head hurts. Can't think. Ah-h-h,
where was I?

Oh, today's the anniversary of my execution.
Maybe I oughta get Scully to take
me up to the field to celebrate. She probably
wants to finish the job, then
she could get a life. You're such a bastard,
Mulder. Look at all you have to
be thankful for.

Oh God, it hurts. I can't take much more of
this, it's driving me nuts.

END TAPE
-WSS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

February 22, 2000
Sky Watch Bed & Breakfast
Wellington, Colorado
 

Mr. Wagner,
 

It was such a wonderful day today. I took
Mulder with me into Fort Collins to
do a little shopping. Nothing big. Just a
stop at the grocery store and we
poked our nose in at Long's Drug . The
excursion went great. I was truly
suprised, because Mulder's mood had been so
foul this morning. He finally
confessed he had a headache. I gave him a
couple of Tylenol and after he
rested a bit, he was fine. I was going on a
supply run and suprised him by
asking him to come along. HE suprised me by
saying yes. It was his first time
out in the public eye. Doctor visits don't
count. He handled everything
beautifully. It had to have been a culture
shock after this long year of
seclusion.

I guess it was just something he hadn't had
to think about in so long, but he
almost cried when I handed him his old Visa.I
knew that he'd been wanting to
get me something for my birthday tomorrow.
Now, that's sort of hard to do with
me right there, but he struck up a
conversation with a sales girl and I
believe she helped him out. They had made
their decision and she was about to
ring up his purchase when Mulder realized --
there was nothing in his pockets.
It's been a year since he's needed to carry
his wallet. I saw his face fall.
That's when I remembered I had his card. I
walked up behind him and slipped it
into his hand. He didn't smile 'til the girl
called him by name. He must have
thought it was my card I'd given him. You
know how long it had been since I've
seen Fox Mulder grin like that? He even
treated me to lunch at  "The Back
Porch." This has been the best day I've had
in, well, at least a year.

You do know it happened a year ago today. I
think Mulder knows, too. We didn't
talk about it. I'm trying not to think about
it. Still the memory of the way
he was that first night in the ICU... No, I'm
not going to do this. Just look
at him now. Things are looking up!

-DKS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FWM tapes
Wellington. Colorado
 

Today is February 22, 2000 and I feel alive
for the first time in a year. Got
up late and right off the bat Scully asked if
I wanted to go with her to town.
I couldn't believe it; no one has asked me
before. I jumped at the chance.
Gotta admit I had a few qualms when we first
got out in public. I mean, I
still don't know what I really look like. I
didn't hear any screaming, and
didn't notice that people stopped and stared,
so I guess it's not too bad.

Went to a drug store and picked up some tapes
for this damn thing. I don't
know what keeps happening to them. I must
just put them up and forget where I
put them. So much for my eidetic memory. I
asked the girl who works there what
type I needed, and it hit me that I might see
if she could help me get
something for Scully's birthday tomorrow. She
said "sure", so we picked her
out a little something. I got her a Celtic
bracelet, a design called the
Guardian Knot. It means forever.

That's when I remembered, I wasn't carrying
any money. I haven't been anywhere
that I've needed it. I don't even know where
my wallet is. Thank God, Scully
was there. I hope she didn't see the gift,
but I'm glad she was there. She
saved my ass again. She slipped me a credit
card, and I handed it to the girl.
I thought it was Scully's card. I was
relieved that I could pay for my
purchase, and I knew I could just have her
reimburse herself out of my
disability check, but I hated making her pay
for her own present. But what
choice did I have? I gave the girl the card,
she rang everything up then said,
"Thank you, Mr. Mulder."

That floored me. It was my card. One that I
had before. A scene from a movie
I'd seen somewhere, sometime, popped into my
head. I think it was with Steve
Martin, because I can picture him running
down the street yelling "I am
somebody!" That's exactly how I felt standing
there. It made me feel...normal.
Like I'm a real person again. Finally. I'm
getting a life. I have money. So, I
treated Scully to lunch. I can't believe how
good I feel.

END TAPE
-DKS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FWM tapes

I gave her gift to her tonight...wait a
minute. O.k. Today is February 23,
2000. Scully's birthday. I gave her the gift.
She cried. I think she liked it.

END TAPE
-DKS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

February 28, 2000
Sky Watch Bed & Breakfast
Wellington, Colorado
 

Mr. Wagner,
 

I am furious. You won't believe it. I can't
believe it. No, I do. I learned
how things were years ago. Why doesn't this
surprise me? Lies. Always lies
upon lies. In the Denver Post, The Rocky
Mountain News, The Fort Collins
Coloradian. Jesus Christ! I can't believe
they did this to him. There wasn't
any reason. The raid on the Brotherhood went
down without a hitch. There
wasn't any need for a cover-up. There wasn't
any public outcry. This wasn't
like Waco, for God's sake. They did it just
to put another nail in his coffin.
That's all it is, plain and simple.

Why are they afraid of him now? He can't hurt
them anymore. Haven't they done
enough to him? Mr. Wagner, you have to help
me. We have to bring them down.
You have the resources. Isn't this why you
hired me? To find the proof? We
can't let them get away with this. Please,
help me bring the sons of bitches
down.

Dana
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FWM tapes
Wellington, Colorado
 

Today is February 28, 200...no, it's February
29, 2000. I have to tell her
about my dream. I know what's happening now.
I've stopped all my medication. I
don't need it anymore. It makes me so I can't
think. It makes it so the change
can't happen. I want it to come! God, it's
all so clear. I am Adam. I saw
myself, in my dream, and I am Adam, the
first. I've found the passages I
needed. I listened to the Bible last night.
Also Cayce's readings. Why didn't
I ever see this before? It all ties in so
perfectly. It's all connected. Each
truth leads into the next. It's all so clear,
if you open your mind. I want to
tell her what it all means, but she won't
believe me. I know she won't.

She didn't believe me before. Now, she'll
just think it's brain damage. This
is a test. This happened to me, everything
that was taken away, was my trial
in the wilderness. You wander in the
wasteland and you are given visions. They
lead you to your destiny. I was blinded so I
could see. But no one will
believe me.

"Now Jesus himself had pointed out that a
prophet has no honor in his own
country." That is so true.

Nobody will listen to me. Wait. Mr. Wagner,
I'll talk to him. I won't tell him
everything. I won't tell how I found out
about the power. But I'll show him
the sign. He'll have to believe the sign,
when he sees it.

Scully wouldn't. She would find some way to
explain it. If I went to her and
showed her how the blood stops flowing and
the skin closes, she still wouldn't
believe. I know her.

She is upset now. She has been all day. She
thinks I don't know what happened.
I know. I know they set me up. I know they
put the blame on me. It doesn't
matter.  That was just part of the plan. The
change.

None of it matters. I know what's coming.

END TAPE
-WSS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FOX WILLIAM MULDER
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT - EIGHT
February 29, 2000
 

SCULLY - Mulder, it has been a long time
since we've dealt with this. I've
been going through the transcript and I see
there's one question that never
really got asked...

MULDER - (Interrupts Scully. She doesn't see
it but he looks really tired, or
maybe it's pain). What? We missed a question?
I don't believe it?

SCULLY - (She looks tired, too. She continues
her thoughts). Mulder, do you
believe you were set up that day out in the
field near Red Feather? Do YOU
think this was all just a plot to get rid of
you?

MULDER - (His face twists with irritation, he
winces and rubs at his patch).
Scully, what does all this matter any more?

SCULLY - (His answer irritates her. All this
matters to her. It matters very
much to her). Well, we just need to know your
thoughts on what happened. You
know what came down afterward, don't you,
after you were shot? You heard how
they say the ATF stepped in and saved the
day. Mulder, don't you understand,
they're making you a fall guy. They're
burying you.

NOW, there's no record that you were even
assigned to go undercover. NOW,
Skinner's gone, and Kersh is saying that your
being with the Brotherhood is
one of your insubordinate stunts. Mulder, in
the past year, their whole story
has changed. They have you playing the crazy,
loose cannon who almost blew
their whole undercover operation. There's no
mention of Aramis. You were
supposed to have gone in there, against
orders, like you thought you were the
Lone Ranger. They say it was lucky you were
so sloppy. They say it was good
that the Brotherhood found out about you and
took you out, or you would have
blown the whole operation.

MULDER - It doesn't matter.

SCULLY - (She doesn't see it yet, she hasn't
noticed the look on his face.
he's smiling). What the fuck are you talking
about, Mulder? They took your
life away! Don't you see? Can't you
understand?

MULDER - You don't understand, Scully. None
of it matters anymore. They can't
hurt me now. Scully, I've changed. (Mulder
gets to his feet. For some reason
Scully backs away. It must be because she has
finally noticed his smile). I
need to show you something.

SCULLY - (She is no longer angry. She is now
frightened. She doesn't know why,
so her brow is puckered with a puzzled frown,
but she is afraid). What,
Mulder? What's wrong?

MULDER - Don't worry, Scully. Listen, we have
to leave here. We need to find
the answers. I know where they are and Mr.
Wagner's going to help us. He
promised to help after I showed him what I
can do. Wait, just let me show you.
(He walks over to Dad's desk. His back is to
the camera and Scully).

SCULLY - (Her voice is a thin, fearful
whisper). Show me what, Mulder?...(She
walks toward him. Louder). Show me what,
Mulder?

MULDER - (He turns. He is facing her and the
camera. He has a pair of scissors
in his hand. Scully moves closer). Watch. I
have the power now, Scully.
(Mulder places his right hand on the desk and
stabs the point of the scissors
through the middle of it. Scully screams.
Mulder pulls out the weapon and
shows her the wound as she makes it to his
side). Now watch. (Scully is
stunned speechless. Mulder's hand was
bleeding. Now it has stopped).

MULDER - The skin will close. I make it
close, Scully. See... (He stops
suddenly, there's a puzzled expression on his
face. He is dazed. He looks
down, concentrating on the wound. He knows
that something has gone wrong. His
face twists). No... (Mulder collapses to the
ground. He is having a grand mal
seizure. Scully checks to make sure he won't
hurt himself, then runs to unlock
the door, calling for help. Kami and Mrs.
Scully run in the room. The two
women do what they can for Mulder while Kami
turns off the camera. We've seen
enough).

(Machine off)

END SESSION
-KWW-(What is happening to him, Dad? He said
he showed you, told you. What is
going on?)
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FROM THE PEN OF -
Dana K. Scully
February 29, 2000
Poudre Valley Hospital
 

So, I finally succumb to adding to the
chronicle. Will I show this to Wagner?
Ask me tomorrow. I'm too angry at him today.
No, better not ask me for a
while. I think I'm going to hold a grudge on
this one. This is not really
about being angry, though. This is about not
being able to trust that he has
Mulder's best interest at heart. What makes
it hard, though, is I'm going to
have to start trusting him again sooner or
later, aren't I? If I don't, then
how can we stay here? If we can't stay here,
where can we go? WE. Yes, it's
still we. But, as much as I hate admitting
it, Mulder scares me now. Why can I
accept him with a damaged body, even a
damaged brain and yet, I want to run,
because I now find out his soul has been
damaged.

Why didn't Wagner tell me about his and
Mulder's little talk? Wagner actually
believes him. He said he saw Mulder heal
himself with his mind. It makes me
ill to think that he could sit and watch a
disturbed person cut themself just
so he could discover if they truly had
special powers. Yet that's exactly what
Wagner did. He watched Mulder slice open his
thumb just to prove a point.

But it did heal. I just looked and there is a
faint, red, scar that wasn't
there before. I know those hands like my own.
I know each line, each mark and
that thin etching on his left thumb is new.
New from my birthday. A scant six
days ago I kissed that thumb. He had given me
my gift. I cried. His hand
touched my cheek. I turned into it. And I
touched that digit to my mouth.
There was no cut or scar that night. And no
hurt since could have healed so
completely. Where did it come from? Can he
heal himself? What has happened to
him? I'm frightened.
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

March 5,2000
Poudre Valley Hospital
Fort Collins, Colorado
 

Kami,

Well, they've run the gamut of tests. Now
they can't make up their minds. Left
brain injury -- a schizophrenia type mental
illness or congenital right brain
defect -- bi-polar manic depressive. Should
they flip a coin? One doctor
claims we should be treating him for both.
Mulder is relatively lucid right
now. Why? Was there a miracle cure? No, he is
back on his medication. It is as
simple as that. Mulder has finally admitted
he hasn't been taking any of them.
Not a single one. His emotions are still
unstable. They will be until he can
get the medication back into his system.

We have switched him from Zyprexia, which was
causing him to suffer that
drugged feeling, to Resperdal. I worry about
that though, because there is an
increased chance for seizures. Yet, if he
rebels again and stops taking all
his medication, he'll have seizures anyway.
So it's kind of a damned if you
do, damned if you don't, proposition.
Resperdal has been seen to help more
with the delusion factors of dementias so I'm
pushing for it.

Right now, Mulder is in rare form. One of the
early side effects of this new
drug is dizziness. It should fade, but he
cannot even make it to the bathroom
by himself, without toppling over. His weak
side causes him balance problems,
in the first place, so he is covered from
head to toe with bruises, bumps and
scrapes.  We've tried to insist that he use a
wheelchair, just 'til the
vertigo passes, but in his mind, that would
be a catastrophe. So he tries to
walk and since he refuses to wait for
assistance, a good bit of the day is
spent picking him up off the floor. I
suggested a Foley catheter -- if looks
could kill I would be dead right now.

So far, there have been no more delusion
episodes. Mulder absolutely refuses
to talk to me about what happened. He won't
even discuss what he remembers
about what happened with his therapist. I
suspect he does have some memory of
what he did to himself, because he has not
asked question one about the wound
in his hand. So he must know how it happened.

I am not one of his favorite people right
now, because I have insisted he stay
in the hospital until his condition is stable
in regards to his medications.
As you know, he hates hospitals and is hell
on wheels.

Dana
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FWM tapes
Wellington, Colorado
 

I don't know what date it is. If I had
thought of it, I would have drawn chalk
marks on the wall, like in the old prison
movies. That's exactly how I feel,
like I'm in prison. The warden has left for
the afternoon. Her mother is
flying home today. So, I at least have a few
minutes to myself.

Okay, it was a crazy thing to do, cutting off
my meds like I did. My problem
is, I've got no way to pick and choose which
one to stop. I don't know if they
have the PDR on audio tape, but I doubt
anyone would allow me access to it if
they did. I hate this! I can't walk without
falling over, I can't see 'cause
of the mood lighting in this place, and the
latest symptom from their frigging
pharmaceutical roulette is chronic dryness of
the mouth. I am constantly
licking my lips. I don't have any control
over it. My mouth has actually
started bleeding a few times. The ointment
they put on to help with the
chapping tastes like shit. I just keep
licking it off anyway, so I don't even
know why they bother putting it on.

This is fucking crazy! When is this all going
to end? I feel like I'm being
punished.

Maybe I am. I know I did wrong, cutting my
medication off. Scully tells me one
of the drugs I was taking was to keep my
heart rate stabilized. I could have
stroked out.

It's just that I gotta get out of here. I AM
going crazy in here. I need to
talk to Wagner. But how? He never comes to
visit when I've been in the
hospital. I don't think he ever leaves Sky
Watch. If you wanna know the truth,
HE should be up here, except he should be on
the psyche ward. Well, at least
that part has been good. They didn't admit me
to the psyche ward. I'm on neuro
again. I just have to go down there twice a
day for therapy.

I gotta get out of here. Scully wants me to
stay 'til I've leveled out with my
meds. That proves SHE'S crazy, too. I talked
to Dr. Raposa and it could take
six weeks before they know if all those pills
are working right. I HATE THIS!

I know there's something I gotta do. I keep
having that dream, where I talk to
Adam. But it's me. I'm talking to someone who
looks like me. Adam tells me
about the powers. He says they're here in my
mind. They're supposed to be in
everyone's mind, but you have to want to find
them. I guess I needed to find
them because I got hurt. It's like I knew I
could use them to heal myself. It
explains a lot. I should have been dead or at
least almost brain dead after
what happened. I know the powers are real. I
had Wagner convinced I have them.
I finally told him about talking to myself in
the dream, and finding that my
injury has given me special powers.

God, it does sound pretty crazy. But I'm not
crazy. I know the dream is
symbolic. I know it's my subconscious
speaking, but something really IS
happening to me. I've changed. Maybe it's
because I'm having to use a part of
my brain I never used before. When I cut
myself and showed Wagner, he believed
me. I DID heal myself. There IS something
going on. The key is the ruins.
That's why I have to go there. If I go there,
will I become this Adam? Is this
the change that is coming? I can't figure out
what it all means. But I know I
have to go.

I have to play it cool though. I gotta figure
out how to convince Scully.
Wagner would pay for us to go there. I know
he would. If I could just show her
how I've changed without scaring her. How can
I show her?

God, I hate this! I can't think now. It's the
medicine again. I know it. I
hate this. But, I'll play the game. I'll play
HER game. I have to get out of
here. I have to go to Mexico. Then I'll know
what it is that's happening to
me. I'll know the answers.
 

The change is coming.

END TAPE
-WSS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FROM THE PEN OF -
Dana K. Scully
March 25, 2000
Poudre Valley Hospital
 

For two weeks, life was hell. But I think we
finally have a handle on Mulder's
treatment. Okay, I know, I thought that
before, but now it's been two weeks
and his improvement is marked. The addition
of Prozac to his Risperdal seems
to be the magic formula. No signs of
lethargy, he's not a zombie. No
depression, no agitation, no delusions, no
paranoia (are we really talking
about FOX Mulder here?) no headaches. He
seems well. Truly well.

We go back to Sky Watch next week. I don't
know what will come next. I've lost
my trust in our benefactor. It's funny, I
rarely speak to Wagner, but it
appears that the man has become Mulder's new
best friend. I can't believe it.
Kami says the last time her father left Sky
Watch was in 1997. That was to
have gall bladder surgery. If they could have
used the kitchen table, the
eccentric recluse would have probably had it
done there.

Yet he has visited Mulder every day this past
week. I have to admit it makes
me nervous, but Mulder himself has reassured
me that their meetings are only
because he is now researching the illnesses
they've diagnosed in him. I'll
just keep my eyes open and watch him. Really
good Dana, who's paranoid now?

How many years was Mulder bi-polar? The CT
scan shows that he just might have
been born this way. I've known him for over 7
years and I knew he suffered
from depression at times. I knew he bordered
on being hyperactive. He always
suffered from insomnia. At times he ate
enough to choke a horse. At others, I
couldn't get him to eat at all. And mood
swings, oh brother. Why didn't I ever
see it? Why didn't the doctors he went to for
psyche evaluations ever see it?
Did they pass the signs by because he was
"Spooky" Mulder and his eccentric
reputation preceded him?

These last 3 months, we leaned heavily on
treating him for schizophrenia
because of the damage he suffered to the left
brain and the way dementia
presented itself. The Risperdal will continue
to keep those symptoms in check
and now, Prozac will help the depression. I
don't expect a miracle cure. I
know he'll always have some "bad" days. But
God, what an improvement.
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FWM tapes
Wellington, Colorado
 

Today is April 1 and I have been sprung. I'm
actually outside, in the fresh
air. It's great. Even if it smells like cow
shit out here, it's better than
the smell of a hospital. I'm actually alone
out in the back yard. They're
probably watching me from the window, but I
don't care. That sounds really
paranoid, huh? Now that's even worse. I'm
paranoid about sounding paranoid.
Fuck it! I feel great.

I'm not experiencing any side effects from
the meds. Of course, they've got me
on about 20 pills. It's hilarious. They give
me one pill, which causes a side
effect, so they give me another pill to take
care of the side effect. But that
pill causes a different side effect. And they
call me crazy.

I don't care, I finally feel normal. I
finally feel like a normal person.
Sure, okay, so I'm blind in one eye, can't
see out of the other. And you'd
better talk to me in my right ear cause I'm
totally deaf in the left. I walk
with a limp that a drunken sailor would envy
and my right arm is so weak, I
can't brush my teeth with it but, hell, that
IS normal for me.

I have plans tonight. Mr. Wagner is going to
help me. He's going to finance
our trip to Mexico. We have it planned for
late August. He wants a study done
of the pyramids and ruins down there. And he
knows I'm just the guy to do it.
The new age, bullshit claims, are secondary.
I've told him there are secrets
to be found down there at these sites and
Wagner believes in me. It's great.
I'm back to work. It's an X-File. No, maybe
we should call it a Wagner File.
It doesn't matter.

I keep dreaming of these ruins. What the
dreams mean, well, I'm lucid enough
now to not even try to guess. I just know I
have to find out why I keep having
them. I'm hoping that going down there will
trigger my subconscious and maybe
I'll discover why I am fixating on all this.
I know Scully thinks it's the
tapes I've been listening to. Funny thing is,
the dreams made me want to
listen to the tapes, not the other way
around.

Tonight I'll tell Kami about the trip. That
way we'll all just gang up on
Scully and convince her she needs a vacation.
And Scully knows -- I'll want to
go, because I need Scully. I always have. I
think we can talk her into it.
Maybe we'll even offer to take Kami. We'll
just get her out of the house, too.
I'll explain to Scully that it's a working
vacation. She and Kami can go
stroll down the Street of the Dead. Very
educational. I'll gather information
for Wagner's files. Maybe we'll stop off in
Cancun. Scully would love it.
We've never vacationed together. It'll be
first class all the way and give us
a chance to earn our keep. Well, I've
convinced myself. Now, I have to
convince my partner. Trouble is, she worries
too much. After all, what could
happen?
 

END TAPE
-DKS-

End 3/9
 

TITLE: THE DAMASCUS FILES FILE 1/3 Part 4/9
AUTHOR: Katvictory
FEEDBACK: dev1025@uswest.net
Disclosures, ratings, etc. in Part 1
 
 

<><><><><><><><><>
 CHAPTER FOUR
<><><><><><><><><>
 

FWM Tapes
2002 (Exact Date Unknown)
Wellington, Colorado
 

How many times in my life am I going to have
to search for a reason to go on? Skinner
tells me I still have a purpose. I should
take up where Wagner left off. His files are
all here. The ranch is gone, but the files
are here. Scully's not here. Wagner's gone.
Dead. Kami. God, who's going to transcribe
this tape for me? Oh, yeah, Skinner. He said
he would do it. God, I'm so tired. We've
nothing for pain, or my seizures. That's why
Skinner won't let me up. He doesn't want me
throwing another fit.

Shut up, Mulder. You ungrateful shit. Skinner
saved your fucking life, for God sakes. And
don't let him hear you talking to yourself.
Why not? He already knows I'm crazy. Oh, God,
am I going crazy again? I think I am. It's
not my fault this time, Scully, really. I'd
take my meds if I had any left. I don't know
how to get them anymore. Can't run down to
the drug store after an apocalypse, can I?
They closed all the drugs stores. The world
is officially out of business. It's the end
of the world as we know it. I remember that
song. The end of the world. Joy to the world.
Oh, God, Scully, where are you?

Don't scare Skinner, Mulder. He tries to act
like he's not watching, but you know he is.
Hey, Walt, old buddy. This is just the manic
phase, you'll get used to me. Think this is
bad? Wait. Depression's just around the
corner. Yeah, that's right, keep smiling you
bald headed fucker.

God damn it, Mulder.  You can control this.
You've got to. You know you can. Concentrate.
Forget about pain. I need to work. Keep busy.
The files. Got a new tape. How're my
batteries? Fine. We're fine on those.
Wagner's got plenty of those stored. We can
keep going, and going, and going...

Concentrate. Skinner told me to catch up on
the file Wagner started on me. It'll give me
something to do while I'm healing. He told me
maybe it'll help. I've got nothing else to
do. I don't think THEY'LL come back. Why
would they come back? What did they want? Me?
What the hell do they have to worry about
from me? Nothing. So we don't have to worry
about another attack. Right? Now we just need
to pick up the pieces and go on.

Go on. We need to go on. Fuck. Why? They
killed Wagner. The mother fuckers shot Kami.
They killed Kami. They shot me. Kami tried to
help so they killed her; then they set fire
to the place. They burned it all. There's
nothing left 'cept the fucking basement. They
thought I was dead. They always think I'm
dead. I might as well be dead. I should be
dead. There's nothing left. Nothing. I
thought it was bad before, but now... Did
they find Scully? Why can't I feel Scully? Is
she dead? Oh, shit. That man, he came from
there. He said they burned D.C. to the
ground. Was she there? Is she dead? Why can't
I feel you? Scully?

End Tape
-WSS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FWM Tapes
2002 (Exact Date Unknown)
Wellington, Colorado
 

I'm better now. Skinner did a little recon
down in Fort Collins. Gotta give the man
credit. I guess I scared him so bad with that
grand mal last week, when I was making my
last tape, he decided it was time to do
something. I needed help, big time. It was a
bad one, I guess. He knew I couldn't take
many more like that one. He looked in the
files at what medications Scully said I was
on. He then made a midnight raid on some
store that he'd staked out when he was
getting our rations. Way to go, Marine.

We found a couple of Scully's Journals. She
brought them home with her, I guess. Stuck
them down here in the basement. That's all we
have left of the trip. I lost all my tapes.
Kami's videos never made it out of Guatemala.
God, all those tapes. She thought she was
Steven Spielberg (laugh). She filmed
everything that moved those first few weeks.
Oh, shit, Kami.

FUCK!

(A pause while Mulder composes himself).

Just tell the fucking story, Mulder. Hey,
don't worry. I'm okay, Skinner. You can
relax. Another Xanax? Okay, so, maybe I'll
relax instead. Back to work. We'll take it
from Mexico. Between this and Scully's
journals, we might be able to piece it all
together. Start with Mexico? Okay, from the
top. We went to Mexico...

(Pause, Mulder consults with W.S. Skinner,
who helps Mulder with dates).

We got to Mexico City the afternoon of
September 12th, 2000. I guess we should call
it the calm before the storm. We were like
tourists. The hotel was right across the
street from the ruins. Club Med has a deal
set with the Mexican Government. They're the
only commercial venture allowed on the
historical site. Of course, that makes the
rates at the place sky high, but hey, we were
being financed by the 11th richest man in the
world. It was great. A working vacation.
Scully didn't know. She didn't know that
Wagner believed me. That he believed in my
powers. Why else send a blind man down to
look for ruins. I'm not an archeologist. What
would I know about dating ancient artifacts?
Except Wagner knew I could do it. He'd tested
me. Scully never knew.

Wagner and I started our little
parapsychological experiments back when I was
still a member of the Poudre Valley Hospital,
"Cashew Club."  You know, the nut house, or
if we gotta be PC about it all for this
report, when I was undergoing psychiatric
evaluation. They finally figured out how much
was "crazy" and how much was "brain damage"
and then decided what pills it was going to
take to fix me. I know it took a lot.

Anyway, Wagner left the ranch to come see me.
He never left this place. But he was
intrigued. My little demonstration of
psychic, self-healing had hooked him. So we
did a few tests of our own, to find out if I
might have a few more "metaphysical" gifts.
It was tough going. They had me on so many
different medications, trying to find the
right combination that would allow me to
function, my "gifts" were being muted.

Our first success was with psycometry. We
discovered that, when I put my hands an
object, I could "read" flashes of it's
history. I tried this once with a psychic
named Clyde Bruckman, but we really didn't
have too much success. At first, I was even
less successful than Clyde. Wagner handed me
a rabbit's foot. Nothing. Maybe it was the
drugs I was on. This was still relatively
early in my stay and I was still pretty "out
there". But maybe, with a walnut sized brain,
the bunny didn't know his history. I got a
few, slight, sensory perceptions, but nothing
you could call a "reading".

Next, we tried an object that had never been
animate. Wagner gave me a tiny chain he'd
taken from around his neck. It had a little
gold cross, just like the one Scully has.
There was nothing at first, but Wagner was a
patient man. He watched while I held the
jewelry in my hand. I closed my eyes and
concentrated. There were no flashes of
insight, no great "vision" of where the
bauble had been. After several minutes I gave
up and handed it back to Wagner, with a sigh,
assuming I didn't have any psychic talents in
this area. I assumed we were on the wrong
track.

"No good," I told him, disappointed that our
experiment had failed. "Either I don't have
'it' or your mom just didn't give a shit
about jewelry this cheap."

Silence.

Wagner's face, to quote a golden moldy, went
a whiter shade of pale. The pen he'd been
diligently taking notes with clattered to the
floor. I didn't know what was wrong. Too many
drugs, I guess.

"Mulder, how did you know this was my
mother's?" Wagner finally choked out.

I didn't know how I knew. I'd just assumed.
It was not a masculine piece. So maybe I
guessed.

"Well, I just figured it wasn't yours, so it
had to have been given to you by a woman,
someone who meant something to you. Why else
would you be wearing it? Mom's a logical
choice, right?" A logical explanation. A
sensible explanation. My years with Scully
had rubbed off.

Wagner didn't say anything for a long while.
He just sat there, looking at the little faux
gold necklace. It was snaked in a tiny circle
on his open palm. I started to get nervous,
which, in itself, was odd. With the amount of
Xanax I was on, my nerves should have been
vacationing somewhere between Shangri la and
the Emerald City.

"What?" I almost shouted, "What is it? What
did I say?"

At last, my own private Daddy Warbucks came
out of his trance. He gave me a death's head
grin and explained, his voice a soft, calm
whisper, "Mulder, my mother never liked me.
It was sad, but true. I excepted it. Mommy
didn't like anyone in Colorado. She came from
old money, back East. Except the family had
lost most of what they'd had in the 20s. You
know, 'the crash'?"

I nodded, not yet understanding where his
confessions of family dynamics and financial
history were leading. Still, there was a
certain tightness in my lower 'gut' that
happens when a man feels fear.

"Well, she married my father to save her
family. Dad knew it. So did I. She married
him for his money and never let him forget
it. Well, to get to the point, Mulder, I gave
my mom this necklace when I was twelve. I
bought it on a field trip my class took to
Cripple Creek. I was so proud of my gift. But
she never wore it. She just stuck it away, in
a box in her closet. I found it when I was
going through her things after she died." He
paused a moment and his voice grew even more
haunted. "She did hate cheap jewelry, Mulder.
But how would you know that?"

I didn't know how I knew.  I just did.

"I guess the fact she kept it all those
years, surprised me. I was touched. So I wear
it."

He sounded tired. I knew how he felt.
Realizing that I did, in fact, now have some
kind of 'gift' didn't excite me as much as I
thought it would. To tell the truth, it made
me understand why Clyde Bruckman put that bag
over his head. Bruckman was right, that
really isn't a bad way to make an exit. I'll
keep it in mind. I kinda like the idea of
coming and going at the same time.

I think I'll take a break now, okay?

End Tape
-WSS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FWM Tapes 2002
(Exact date Unknown)
Wellington, Colorado
 

Skinner read back what he'd transcribed on my
last few tapes and if I ever had any doubts
before about my sanity, they're gone now.
They prove I'm one sick puppy. Who else but a
crazy man would want their deepest, darkest
inner thoughts down on paper. Especially when
they're bi-polar and suffer from seizures.
They sound like a textbook case of the
classic manic-depressive, epileptic without
medication. So, I'm a masochist for
posterity.

Skinner got to a working phone today. He's
becoming a regular Road Warrior. Good to know
at least one of us is gonna be able to
survive what has happened.

Shut up, Mulder, you're embarrassing yourself
again. Whatever future generation finds these
files will know I'm a whiner, on top of
everything else. Ha. Like they wouldn't have
discovered that before now.

Because we found those Journals Scully hid
away, I think we'll have a fairly good,
running commentary about the trip down South.
My own tapes were lost with Kami's. So from
here up to when they got us out of the
jungle, will be Scully's tale. I'll add what
I can remember in notes, when necessary, but
I think Scully's version would be the most
accurate.
 

TAPE END
-WSS-
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FROM THE PEN OF -
Dana K. Scully
September 27, 2000
Teotihuacan,Mexico
 

A week at a Club Med resort. Sitting next to
Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman at dinner.
Mulder smiling, joking, laughing again. Have
I died and gone to heaven? That's how these
last two weeks have been and if this is all a
dream -- please, God, don't let me ever wake
up.

Kami just came in to inform me she almost wet
her pants. She says she bumped into Brad Pitt
out in the courtyard. Seems they're filming
scenes for "The Vampire Lestat/Queen of the
Damned," here at the ruins.

She and Mulder are going back over to the
site, so I guess I'll have to spend another
day lazing about the pool and hitting the
gym. We're all in the best shape of our
lives. All tan, (well, Kami and Mulder are
tan, unfortunately that's another thing money
can't buy, melanin for the "Irish Ghost"
here). healthy and happy. Mulder just
informed me during lunch that this is our
last day here. We fly down to Cancun
tomorrow.

I idly watch him and Kami as they walk away,
then it hits me. I'm stunned. He's made all
the arrangements.

I repeat -- HE'S MADE ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS.
HE meaning MULDER. I'm amazed, because, well,
I didn't realize he could. I mean, how is he
capable? Where is this all coming from? God
knows, I'm thankful he has recovered as much
as he has, but...HOW CAN THIS BE?

The man I watch, crossing the wide tarmac
road, is not supposed to be where he is right
now, medically speaking. His last CT scan
clearly shows severe damage to the left
frontal lobe. Now class, what does that mean?
Well, we'd see a limp. Yes, that's true.  His
right leg is weak, though he's adapted his
gait, so it appears more of a swagger that a
true limp. Notice how he holds his right arm
so close to his side. It's almost useless, no
fine motor skills. But he's adapted to using
his left so well, that if you didn't know for
certain about his weak side, you might not
notice.

Now, the fact that he's vision impaired is
obvious, he's lost an eye. He wears a patch.
But watch him with the young girl, see the
way her hand rests lightly on his elbow. Now
if you didn't know, you would think that he
was leading her to their destination, not the
other way around.

It has been 18 months since I first saw him
lying near death there in that ICU. I
remember thinking at the time, "God, please,
just let him die. He can't live like this.
Not Mulder. Not my Mulder." I know the facts
of his case. I know where he's supposed to
be. It's not here in Mexico, making up the
itinerary for our vacation, strolling up the
boulevard without a care in the world. I
should be down on my knees; this is a miracle
that I've witnessed. But, instead, I'm
frightened. God help me, I'm so frightened.
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FROM THE PEN OF -
Dana K. Scully
September 28, 2000
Teotihuacan, Mexico
 

He didn't wake when I slipped away to answer
nature's call. Old habits remain, so our
rooms adjoin, and I carefully, quietly steal
away to grab this book. I feel the need to
sort through my thoughts. To commit this
night to the permanence of ink and paper.
They knew, the Ancients who lived there
across the road, that some things should be
made to last forever.

He sleeps and I ask myself how I presumed to
question God's mercy. I read what I wrote
just a scant 18 hours ago and I'm ashamed.
What had all my prayers been for? All those
times, I'd opened up my heart and asked God
for a miracle, why did I do it?  God answers
my prayers, and I question the hows and whys?
I don't deserve what he's returned to me.
Fortunately, God saw that Mulder deserves his
mercy.

The gentle candlelight casts soft shadows
while I study the sight of Mulder dozing
peacefully in his bed. What little sleep I
found was here, in his arms. I find I can't
stop smiling. Is this God's way of letting me
know he forgives me my doubts? My lack of
faith? Is this his way of telling me that
Mulder and I are meant to be, no matter what
"man" tries to tear asunder?

Mulder claims this is fate, destiny. He says
he knows, if not the future, at least when
something is meant to be. Just before he fell
asleep, he assured me that everything that
happened was kismet. Why is it, when THIS man
gives me that old line, I truly believe him?

It started with a note, left on the door to
my room, telling me I had an appointment with
the hairdressers, masseuse, the whole
Elizabeth Arden sort of treatment, here at
the hotel. I figured what the hell, Kami
probably made it for me. A little surprise,
one girlfriend to another. She and Mulder
would be gone all day, doing their Indiana
Jones thing over at the pyramid. Why
shouldn't I get a little pampering?

It was heaven. Thank you, Kami! Five hours
later, I was relaxed, shorn, coifed,
manicured, pedicured... my pores are the
cleanest they've been in my life. I opened
the door to my room and there, spread out on
the bed, was a beautiful peasant skirt and
blouse. Beside the clothing was a bouquet of
tea roses, tiny and red, (I made the
connection, Mulder). with another note
attached. A dinner invitation. 7:00 p.m., on
the patio of my partner's room. It was 6:45
and I am nothing if not prompt. I dressed in
my new outfit, slipped on a pair of sandals
and strolled to Mulder's room, wondering if
he would be able to see the grin plastered so
broadly across my face.

Mulder answered the door with a smile, happy
that I had accepted. The room glowed with the
light of a dozen candles. Mulder had been
shopping, too. He was dressed in white, which
set off the warm bronze of his recently
acquired tan. His shirt was the style we
called a "Mexican wedding shirt" during the
late '70s'. The fabric was a soft, thin
cheesecloth. His pants were simple slacks,
low slung and loose-fitting. He was barefoot.

"We've gone native," I murmured, as he
ushered me inside.

He blushed a bit and reached up to finger the
bright cotton of my blouse. His eye squinted
while he strained to see his gift in the dim
light, "Do you like it?"

"I love it," I laughed, turning so the skirt
twirled about me.

"Kami helped," he admitted. Another blush
darkened his high cheekbones and I noticed
for the first time how wonderful the man
looked in a beard. He'd stopped shaving the
day we arrived south of the border, so the
beard was filled in and full. There were twin
strips of white, that grew from the corners
of his mouth to disappear under his chin, but
the effect was strikingly handsome. His hair
was lighter and longer than normal and the
total picture, especially with the patch that
covered his left eye, was that of a
poet/pirate. A soulful rogue? A rakish
scholar?

"No magic mirror can erase, these lines of
living on my face; lessons learned and lost.
"Staring at his rough, rugged countenance, I
thought to myself that Mulder was somehow
more handsome now, that his pain had added a
touch of grace to his beauty. It was less
callow, so much deeper, more real.

He led me out to the small patio and my smile
grew even wider when I saw the intimate
atmosphere he and Kami had created for this
dinner. They'd thought of everything. All the
pieces were in place for an evening of
romantic dining, from wine chilling to music
wafting from some hidden recorder.

"Are you hungry?" Mulder asked, pulling out
my chair.

"Starved," I replied truthfully as I waited
for him to lift the silver covers from our
plates. I smelled chicken, chilies and lime.
"Smells wonderful."

Mulder reached for the wine and awkwardly
poured me a glass. His own was filled with
tea. "Wouldn't mix with the meds," he
sheepishly explained to me, then blushed
again when he remembered to whom he was
speaking.

His face darkened into a frown, "I keep
messing up. This isn't going right. God, why
can't I do this? It's only a dinner," he
muttered. His head was down but his voice
rose in desperation.

"Maybe you're trying too hard, Mulder," I
murmured, grabbing his hand. "Maybe we both
are."

"Scully, I wanted to make this special, you
know? Like before." His voice was so low it
was almost a whisper. "Things have been going
so well. I thought I could do this now."

"What don't you think you can do?" I asked,
worry and confusion making my grip on his
fingers tighten.

"I thought I was ready. I just wanted us to
have a night where we could talk, where we
could be alone. Where we could be "us" again.
Scully, this isn't how it was supposed to be.
This can't be how it was before."

Suddenly, I realized what was wrong. I
finally understood the problem and was
thankful the dim light would hide my smile.
"But, Mulder, we've never done anything like
this. You know? Before you were injured, we
never had an evening alone, with candlelight,
just the two of us. It was never like this.
We weren't like this before."

He leaned back in his chair, stunned. "But, I
remember...Scully, we were close. We were. I
know we were. I thought...We loved each
other, didn't we? I know I love you, I know
I've always loved you. This is the one thing
I'm sure of, about before. Us. There was an
"us", wasn't there? How can I be wrong about
that? I remember."

I watched him struggle against his tears, not
knowing what to say. How could I explain what
had been before when I hadn't even understood
it myself?

"Scully, then why are you here? Why are we
together now, if you didn't...if you don't
love me? Why did you stay? Through
everything? If you don't love me, why are you
still here?"

We didn't talk. You never asked me. There was
never time. It was never "the right" time. We
had time, so why rush it. We knew it, we knew
it was there, almost from the start, so why
couldn't we ever say...

"I love you," I whispered softly.

The Earth didn't stop spinning. Not a single
star fell from the sky. The ground didn't
quake. The fountains still flowed water, not
blood, and I was amazed. The world didn't end
because I let Mulder hear me say those three
small words. He almost smiled, but it died
before it touched the corners of his mouth.

"Why not then? Why not before? What stopped
us? I don't understand, Scully," he sighed,
his face etched with sadness.

"I don't either, Mulder," I agreed, tears
filling my eyes. I weakly pushed up, not sure
my legs would hold me and stumbled over. I
kneeled in front of him and took his face in
my hands. "We're together now. Now is what's
important, Mulder."

"I've always loved you, Scully," he murmured,
pulling me onto his lap. "Now," the word was
breathed softly against my neck and he held
me closer. "Now is when forever starts."
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FWM Tapes 2002
(Exact Date Unknown)
Wellington, Colorado
 

Skinner read to me from her Journal. I don't
know if this part really belongs in the
files, but I know I'll sleep better tonight,
because he read it. It got to Skinner, too.
When he got to that last part, after Scully
and I talked about 'now', he just closed the
book, put out the fire and climbed into his
bunk. He's already long gone. I wonder if
he's dreaming about her? I wonder WHAT he's
dreaming about her? No, maybe I'd better not
wonder about that.

I hope I dream about that night. You know,
it's funny, but for the longest time, after
getting shot, I couldn't dream. Another part
of the brain damage, I guess. What's really
strange, is I know that before, I never
slept, because I had too many dreams. Too
many nightmares.

Where do we keep our dreams? Where do they
come from? They can't come from just one part
of our brain, because now, I can dream. If it
was only the one place and I'd lost that part
when I was shot, then I shouldn't be able to
dream now.

I must have known before where our dreams
come from. I know I studied the mind at
Oxford. Ph.D. in Psychology. That's gone now.
Almost totally erased. All that's left is
like the burnt out shell of a house. If I get
to close, I'm afraid that what's left will
turn to ash, then disappear. I don't need to
lose any more of myself. There's too much
gone already.

Pieces are gone, only pieces. But the whole
picture will never really be clear, because
of what's missing. You find ways of figuring
out what you're supposed to see, to know, but
you're never sure if it's right. Even with
the power, I never really know. The powers
came when the dreams came back.

Scully would know about the dreams. She would
know why they came back. I think she was
afraid, when my dreams returned. I don't
believe they were supposed to, after what
happened to me. That frightened her. So much
of what happened made her afraid. I made her
afraid. That's why she left me.

*****

This is to remember. You gotta remember this
Mulder. Please, let me remember.

I dreamed about Scully. She was crying.
Someone told her that I'm dead. They told her
we're all dead. She was alone and scared. She
cried till she finally slept, then she
dreamed she was here with me.

I held her and spoke softly into her ear,
"Don't cry, Scully. It's still forever."

End Tape

End File 1/3 Part 4/9
 

TITLE: THE DAMASCUS FILES FILE 1/3 Part 5/9
AUTHOR: Katvictory
FEEDBACK: dev1025@uswest.net
Disclosures, ratings, etc. in Part 1
 

<><><><><><><><><>
 CHAPTER FIVE
<><><><><><><><><>
 

FROM THE PEN OF -
DANA K. SCULLY
October 8, 2000
Cancun, Mexico
 

We leave Cancun tomorrow for Merida. Even
though we have enjoyed our stay these last 10
days, both of us are ready to move on. I
think Mulder was ready after the second day,
but he stayed for my benefit thinking it was
the place, not his company, that I enjoyed.
We were together constantly those first few
days here. His and Kami's Mayan expedition
was put on hold. Poor Kami, not wanting to
intrude, graciously declined joining us that
first morning when we went out to see the
sights. Mulder and I got so caught up in each
other, we didn't return for four days. Kami
was stranded by herself at the motel. With
these accommodations, it was hardly a "hard
time", but still, I know from the loneliness
and boredom of this past week, even if the
cage is gilded, it still feels like prison.

I guess I'm just tired of being a woman of
leisure. I need something to occupy my time.
I'm ready for the "vacation" to be over, and
I'm thinking of asking my companions for a
job. I know it's my fault I'm not involved in
their daily chores out at the ruins. I'm
still not on "speaking" terms with their
employer, Mr. Wagner. I made it clear from
the start, when he set up this jaunt with
Mulder and Kami, I was only tagging along
because Mulder might need me. I wanted
nothing to do with the gathering of
information for his files, or with him. After
Mulder's breakdown this past spring, I don't
trust the man and it's a thorn in my side
that we are in his debt.

I need to get off the subject of Wagner in
order to be in the right frame of mind to
talk to Mulder and Kami. I don't really even
know if there's room for one more in their
workplace because, to tell the truth, I don't
exactly know what their duties are. I know
they are gathering facts on Mayan ruins, but
I
don't know how they're going about the task.
Even though both of them have chatted with me
a few times about the sites themselves,
neither has said a word about how they gather
these facts that they put in their daily
e-mails to their boss.

I hate to admit it but ever since I started
thinking about joining their little work
"crew", my biggest question has been, "How
exactly does Mulder search for clues at an
archeological site when he is legally blind?"
I hope they hire me because I really am
curious about the answer.
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

From The Pen of -
Dana K. Scully
October 9, 2000
Merida, Mexico
 

We are staying tonight at, where else with
our expense account, The Ritz. It's pretty
impressive -- luxurious, but with a classic,
old world charm. Our room is huge,
comfortable, tastefully decorated and, well,
ritzy. I almost sounded like a travel
brochure there, until the end.

Mulder's downstairs making arrangements with
the hotel on helping us find a guide to drive
us to Uxmal tomorrow. He already has our
motel reservations near the site and the next
day will be my first day at my new job. I'm
excited and yesterday I grabbed a paperback
guidebook on Yucatan ruins. It's not really a
textbook, more of a tourist manual.  I hate
to admit it, but I am totally ignorant on the
Mayan Civilization. I guess I shouldn't feel
too badly because Kami was too, a month ago.

Mulder had been listening to countless audio
tapes on pre-Columbian Central America during
the time he was falling so ill. He had a
fairly detailed knowledge even before we
arrived in Mexico and now he is almost an
expert on the cities, the history and even
the daily life of these ancient people. I
found out last night how Mulder became so
well versed on this subject when I finally
asked him to give me an idea of what we would
be doing each day.

Unorthodox is a good way to describe the way
we worked at the X-Files and Mulder hasn't
changed his methods in his new career. He
confessed to me how he unlocks the secrets of
the ancient sites and gave me an impromptu
demonstration. I guess I have to believe his
claims, but no one would fault me my initial
doubt. You see, Mulder is now psychic. There,
I said it. That didn't hurt too badly. Oh,
God.

Through all these years, all the cases we've
worked on, with all the strange, frightening,
miraculous mysteries we've uncovered, I
played the role of the skeptic. It has become
second nature to me and it was a part that
Mulder seemed to want me to...no, NEEDED me
to accept. I admit, with my background in the
sciences, I was the logical choice to be the
devil's advocate. But I found it ironic that
Mulder never questioned why I had become such
a "doubting Thomas."

I was the member of the partnership whose
dossier listed a religious affiliation. I
remember checking Mulder's, that day so long
ago, when I'd been assigned to the FBI's most
unwanted. Beside the query RELIGION, even
though the question was optional, Mulder had
boldly scrawled - capital ATHEIST,
exclamation point. I interpreted this
statement to be, not just the normal
definition of  "one who doubts the existence
of God" but a defiant proclamation stating,
"I refuse to believe in God." Hardly the
credo on which his life's work was based.

I have a theory as to why Mulder has always
seemed so anti-religious. Now, it is just my
opinion and purely speculation. To this day,
we've never really had an in-depth discussion
about the matter and it's not a subject
easily broached, so my idea will probably
remain unproved. You see, I think he
developed his beliefs as a defense mechanism
and his attitude evolved during his hellishly
traumatic childhood until he finally adopted
the tenet, "Since God doesn't believe in
me..."

Mulder knows that I grew up in a family that
was unshakably devout. Even though I had
seemingly abandoned the church as an adult,
my childhood beliefs still colored my
perceptions. I might have been a scientist
and a self-proclaimed skeptic, but underneath
I was...I am, the child who knows, that with
faith, cheap wine becomes the blood of
Christ, a sliver of a cracker, His flesh.

Mulder has never understood that I cry "foul"
so loudly because of fear. I was born with a
mind that works in a straight forward,
logical manner. It's a nice way of saying I
lack imagination. I found little comfort, in
my youth, from the stories and teachings of
my faith because I tended to take them all
literally. I never liked hearing about seas
parting to kill people and people being
struck blind. I knew the lesson being offered
was, the guilty will be punished, but I could
only focus on the supernatural manner in
which this punishment was carried out.

I never meant to sound sacrilegious or even
flippant when I bared my soul to Sister
Placita that day. She'd simply made the
mistake of asking if there were any
questions. Sister was a young nun, a rarity
at my school. She seemed so wise, so "with
it," and I had always thought of her as one
of the good guys, because of the way she was
able to communicate with her students.
Without a second thought, I raised my hand,
and when she acknowledged me, I just started
in.

"I don't think it was fair the way God
stepped in for Moses at the Red Sea and
killed all those men. Couldn't he have just
given the Hebrews boats to get away? After
all, He's God. Or maybe, make them able to
walk on water like Jesus? I don't like it
that in the Bible, it's like He's Santa
Clause on a "Dirty Harry" trip. It makes me
feel like we'd better be good or it's, "Go
ahead, make My day." Well sure, the Pharaoh
had it coming, but what about his men? They
were only carrying out orders. And that last
lesson, couldn't Jesus have found another way
to stop Saul from persecuting His followers
without coming out of nowhere and striking
him blind? What ever happened to that small
voice whispering to us?"

I took her silence as interest, so I
continued, "Sister, I know God gave us rules
and He wants us not to break them, but how
come He breaks the rules of science, that He
gave us, all the time? I mean, I believe in
Him without all the mystical stuff, like
visions. Oh yeah, and what about things like
vampires and werewolves, not that I believe
in them, but the stories had to come from
somewhere. Why does he let that kind of thing
happen? How come..."

I was on my way to the office before my next
question could be asked. Needless to say, I
never got my answers. I still don't have
them, and I still don't like the fact there
are unexplained mysteries. Why ARE there
things that can't be explained? Things that
can't be understood, can't be controlled? I
like control, and logic, and order. Mulder
has never realized that I do believe, I just
don't really want to. I don't want to believe
in Mulder's powers. It frightens me.
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

FWM Tapes
September 2002
(Exact Date Unknown)
Wellington, Colorado
 

I sat the entire day just holding this book,
stoking the fire and thinking of Scully.
She's alive. I told Skinner I knew she was
alive and even without being able to see his
expression, I know he's now my resident
skeptic. Scully claimed I feel I need one, so
I guess the Marine will step up and do the
job. God, did he know what he was getting
himself into when he found me last month?
Probably not, but he has assumed the role of
my doctor, my nursemaid, my therapist, my
psychiatric counselor and my friend with
diligence and no complaint.

Just awhile back, right after his drugstore
raid, he told me he felt responsible for what
had happened to me. I didn't say anything to
him, but Scully and I both had thought the
same thing at first. After all, he was the
one who had given me the assignment. Earlier
this year we discovered that he'd left
the bureau the day after Scully, after his
demand for an investigation on what had
happened to me had been denied. I can't help
but think Skinner's only sin was that he sat
too long on the fence. He just didn't realize
that sometimes duty and honor are on two very
different paths.

God, it's getting cold. We only have half a
ceiling here in the basement. It's what used
to be the floor of the kitchen. When Skinner
helped me to the head this morning he told me
there was already frost on the ground. We
might have an early snow this year. Neither
one of us noticed when summer left. Somehow
it just disappeared while I was sick and he
was busy keeping us alive.

Talking to him this morning, before he left
on a supply run, I found out that it has been
six weeks now since the end. I remember when
the announcement came over the news, it was
August 9th. It was a worldwide press
conference, and in each country it was
announced: "We have assumed control of your
government, after a bloodless takeover."
Yeah, bullshit. Bloodless. What do THEY know
about blood, God damn morphing, green, acid
leaking mother-fuckers! How much of Kami's
blood was on me when Skinner found me? How
much of my blood soaked into the dirt before
THEY dragged me into the house, so THEY could
burn the bodies?

Shit. (pause) Ah, God.

(Continues after several minutes silence) I,
ah, I made Skinner read a couple of pages
before he left to get our supplies. I close
my eye and I can hear her. It's like she's
talking to me, going off on one topic or
another. I had to laugh at "the little
heretic and the nun" story. Her mom probably
almost died of embarrassment. From what
Maggie says, Scully had a way of getting
under the sisters' skin at times. She told me
Scully was expelled for three days her junior
year because she wrote a report calling for a
bill that makes condom use education
mandatory in all accredited schools,
including parochial. The problem hadn't just
been that she had written it. The problem had
come when she'd gotten friends at the school
paper to publish it. And she always accused
me of being a troublemaker!

Ah, Scully!

You know, she never told me she was scared,
'til she left.

TAPE END
-WSS-
 
 

*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
 

From The Pen of -
Dana K. Scully
October 10, 2000
Merida, Mexico
 

We haven't left yet. Kami and Mulder and our
new employee are out equipping our
expedition. When I last wrote, Mulder was
making arrangements with the hotel to procure
the services of a guide for the forty mile
jaunt to Uxmal. It seems the man they
recommended did not meet Mulder's high
standards. He chose instead to enlist the
infinitely superior taxi driver/guide/ex-drug
smuggler we'd met when he'd ferried us about
the city yesterday afternoon on a
sight-seeing jaunt. This great, white
path-finder, who by the way, is known around
here simply as "Mohawken Jack," (the name
stems from the product he once illicitly
moved) had apparently impressed Mulder with
his knowledge of pre-Columbian ruins, while
he spirited us about, almost killing us with
his reckless driving and total disregard for
traffic rules.

When asked WHY Mohawken Jack was hired over
the other, seemingly more qualified, better
referenced driver, Mulder simply replied.

"He just felt right."

I do believe we are carrying