Title:  Drive, Mulder

Author:  Gillian (cerulean_blue)

E-mail:  blue_cerulean@hotmail.com

Rating:  gentle

Keywords:  MSR, Alternative Ending

Spoilers:  A different take on The Truth

Disclaimer:  These characters and all things X-
Files are the property of CC, 1013 and Fox.
Story created out of respect for that amazing
gift.

Story:  A different explanation for why Mulder
drives south instead of north.

Dedication:  for Pat, thank you for always
writing, and for Amy.
 

Drive, Mulder
by Gillian
 

"The sign says south, Mulder.  Kersh told us to
go north, to Canada."

"I know, Scully, but we have to first see a man
about the truth."

Scully sat for a moment in silence.  And then,
calmly, although she felt like she had very
little self control, she turned to Mulder, "Stop
the car, Mulder.  Let me out."

"What are you talking about, Scully?"

"Since you've been back, every single decision
you've made, you've made without me.  'I know
what I'm doing.' 'Trust me.'  Well, Mulder, I'm
out of trust.  Tell me what it is that you've
found, or you're on your own."

Mulder pulled the car over to the side of the
road, and then pushed the lock button to stop her
from leaving the car.  They sat silently, both
barely daring to breath.

"I'm sorry, Scully."

"Sorry for what, Mulder?  For what piece of this
crazy story?  That you are going to let me out
here, in the middle of nowhere?  For leaving me
and William to fend for ourselves last fall?  Or
for not telling me what the hell is going on?
Damn you, Mulder."

They both sat in silence.  The most agonizing of
silences, until Mulder spoke.

"I needed you not to know what I found for two
reasons.  The first is that I was afraid the news
would break your spirit.  But I was wrong about
that.  I should have known that if I was not
prepared to accept defeat that you wouldn't
either.  Forgive me."  He sat silently.

"And what's the second reason, Mulder?"

"The second reason is that when you testified at
my trial, I wanted you to be able to tell the
truth.  The truth about William.  I wanted anyone
that talked about him to tell the truth as they
knew it."

"What truth, Mulder?  What are you talking about?
I told the truth, to you.  Skinner told you the
truth.  Monica testified to the truth."

"No, she didn't."

Scully turned to face Mulder, her eyes ablaze.
"What are you talking about?  Tell me."

"I have been with Gibson in New Mexico since I
left.  Trying to piece together all of the events
of the last nine years into something that made
sense.  Trying to sort out how Gibson, William,
you and I fit into it all.  Then, last week I got
sent a key and some information that enabled me
to enter the shadow government facility.  Gibson
just looked at me and told me to go.  When I
accessed the computer, I was able to read two key
pieces of information.  The first told me the
date of colonization, December 22, 2012.  The
second told me what would bring about that
event."

Mulder paused, and took Scully's hand.  As he had
the first real time they had seen each other, he
pulled it close, kissed it, and then held it
against his chest.  "The communication I saw,
Scully, told me that a boy, exactly 11 and a half
years old on the date of colonization, would be
the catalyst of the events.  A boy born on June
22, 2001."

Mulder paused as the date sunk in for Scully.

"And," he continued, "the message also told me
where that boy is now, and where he would be kept
until the date that colonization was to begin."

"Where..." she said, her voice barely a whisper.

"It said, that he would be with his grandfather,
kept safe in Anasazi ruins, surrounded by the one
mineral that would prevent anyone getting to him
until the time was right for his return."

"Mulder..."

"Forgive me Scully, for not telling you this
until now, but I needed you not to know so that
the story wouldn't be told until we figured out
what we needed to do.  How we could get to our
son."

"But, if they mean his grandfather, Mulder, who
could that be?  My father is dead.  Your father
is dead.  And..."  The staggering truth came to
Scully in full force.

"Exactly.  I guess it means that cigarette-
smoking son of a bitch has escaped death yet
again.  But, I have the location of the ruins.
And we, together, have the means to get our son
back now."

Scully sat in silence.  The magnitude of all the
choices she had made and he had made resting upon
her small shoulders.  She could feel his heart
beating, as he still held her hand firmly pressed
to his chest.

"But how can we keep him safe, Mulder, if we go
and get him now?  How can we prevent the events
from occurring the way they are predicted to
happen?"

"I don't know, Scully.  I just know, in my heart,
that whatever brought him to us, whatever forces
conspired to bring him into our lives, he is the
reason we had these nine years together.  He is
the truth, Scully, and he's out there.  Alone.
There is no-one in this world that I trust, or
love, more than you.  But William is bigger even
than that love and trust.  And we need to do what
we can to bring him where he belongs.  With us."

Scully took her hand from Mulder's, and gently
touched her fingers to his cheek, stroking lightly.
"Drive, Mulder."
 

(the end...)
 

~~~~
 
 

Drive, Mulder: Part Two
by Gillian

They hadn't spoken for over an hour.  The car was
pointing south, and Mulder was driving with the
steely determination of someone with everything
hanging in a balance.  She kept glancing over at
him, yet his eyes never strayed from the road.
Every few minutes she ran her hand up and down his
thigh, and he would take one hand from the wheel
and cover her hand, stilling it in one place.  It
was how she knew, that despite the silence, his
thoughts were only about her and where they were
going.

And, for the duration of the silence, she had just
thought and rethought the story he had just told
her.  Each piece more unbelievable than the piece
before.  They were heading to Anasazi ruins,
somewhere in New Mexico.  There they would find
William, who was with his grandfather, who could
only be the Cigarette Smoking Man, and who was not
dead.  And William was not with the family that
had adopted him.  Mulder had also told her what he
had discovered at Mount Weather, the date of
colonization, and that somehow William would be
the catalyst of the events that would be triggered
that date.  December 22, 2012.  His grandfather
was to keep him in the ruins until he was called
that day.  And they were going, now, to get him
back.  Somehow.

Scully finally broke the silence.  "I have two
questions, Mulder."

"Only two, Scully?"  He turned his head finally to
look at her, smiling.

"I'm serious, Mulder, there are two things I need
to know."

She could feel him shift in his demeanour,
confirmed by his anxious hand shooting down to try
and find hers, pulling it up onto his thigh.

"O.K., Scully.  What do you need to know."

"When I came to you, when you were in the cells at
Quantico, and I told you that I gave William up,
you told me you knew I had no choice.  Was that
true?"  Her voice wavered in the articulation of
the question.

His was firm, calm and resolute, "Yes, Scully.  I
know, with my whole heart, that you made the only
decision you could, and you made it with complete
selfless desire to keep William safe.  It is, I
think, one of the bravest things I have ever known
anyone to do."  He squeezed her hand gently.

"But Mulder, what you are telling me now, is that
William isn't with the couple who adopted him.
He's with that son of a bitch, Cigarette Smoking
Man.  So, I didn't make the right choice, or the
only choice, and I didn't keep our son safe."  She
tried to pull her hand from his, but he pulled it
back.

"That William is where he is now is my fault,
Scully.  Not yours."

"What do you mean, Mulder?  What are you talking
about?"

"I'll tell you.  But first ask me your second
question.  What else did you need to know."

Scully paused for a second, having forgotten her
second question in the shock of the moment.

"Yes.  I wanted to ask you how it is that you came
to know about William's adoption.  You said
Skinner told you, but that doesn't make sense to
me.  I was the only one that had access to you
until you started to prep with him for the trial.
When could he have told you?"

Mulder paused.  "The story I have to tell you is a
big one, Scully.  And you're right, it wasn't
Skinner that told me.  It was Gibson."

"Gibson, Mulder?  But how, and when?"

"Gibson hid me the whole time I have been gone.  I
was safe with him in New Mexico.  And together, we
tried to pull together what we needed in order to
figure out the connection between Gibson, William,
you and I.  You see, Gibson believes that William
has, or will have, the same powers that he has,
only stronger.  And, Gibson can sense William all
the time.  So, through Gibson, I always knew that
William was safe.  I still know that now."

"But Mulder, what did you have to do with
William's being taken from his adoptive family?"

Mulder drew a deep breath.  "All this year, Gibson
let me know how you were doing, both of you."

"He read my mind, Mulder and told you?"

"Essentially, Scully.  But mostly, he just let me
know when things were happening with you and
William.  So I could share in them, not worry so
much, and know that you were fine.  He would tell
me things like, you celebrated my fortieth
birthday.  Or that you went to your mom's for
Christmas.  He told me when William smiled for the
first time, began to crawl, sit-up.  And he also
told me when William would do things, like spin a
mobile, or move a toy from one side of his crib to
the other."

Scully sat silently, although he was conscious
that her breathing sounded laboured.  "And...,
Mulder?"

"And, Scully, when he was abducted, Gibson let me
know that he was safe, and that you were close to
him at all times.  Its why I didn't come.  And,
when it came time for you to make the decision you
had to make, Gibson told me all I needed to know
to be sure you were o.k., and that William was
going to the best possible place."

"But what happened, Mulder?  Why isn't he there?"

Mulder again breathed deeply.  "After he was
adopted, I decided I wanted to see him.  Gibson
was adamant that it was a bad decision, but I
couldn't be dissuaded, which I am sure shocks you,
so I went.  Drove to the place where Gibson knew
William was, and just went to the door.  I can't
even remember what I said, but I was met at the
door by this woman, holding our son.  I just
talked to her briefly, touched his cheek, and
left.  But my being there was enough of a signal.
It allowed them to find him, and to take him."

"Who found him?"

"I'm not sure, exactly, but at the end, all Gibson
could tell was that William was safe, and that he
was somewhere also sacred.  A place that made it
harder for Gibson to sense William.  And, then I
got sent the information about Mount Weather.  And
I left."

"And, the family, Mulder?"

"They're in mourning, but they're fine.  They
think that their son died a crib death.  It was
all carefully staged."

"But how, Mulder.  How did your going there,
matter?"

"It's the implants, Scully.  The one in your neck,
and the ones in my teeth and my belly from my
abduction.  They are the reason that William is
not safe with us.  When they want to know where we
are, they can.  Your plan for the anonymous
adoption, done without your knowledge or presence,
was perfect.  Without the ties to you or I, no-one
except Gibson can find him.  He could have been
raised not knowing the full extent of who he is,
until the time is right for us to get to him.  But
now, now that can't work.  Now we have to find
another plan."

"But if that's true, Mulder, if what you say is
true, then we are endangering him now, by going to
him, and we can't have him with us.  It just
starts all over, except that he is in danger with
either of us, all the time."

"I know, Scully.  But there is one place where he
is safe.  And that's with Gibson.  Gibson has a
home with Albert Hosteen's family.  The place is
sacred, and for whatever reason, even I couldn't
be tracked there.  With Gibson and the Hosteens,
William will be raised with an extended family.  A
huge, loving, wise and caring family.  And he will
be raised knowing who he is, who we are, and why
we are all not together.  At least until the time
is right."

Scully paused.  Again, the information was
overwhelming, but at least the pieces were falling
more into place.  "But, Mulder.  Why would you
have been willing to die for this information?
What would that have meant for William?"

"I couldn't tell that tribunal what I had seen and
what I knew.  If my only alternatives were tell,
and endanger William, or die, then I chose to die.
But now, now that you know and we have one more
chance to get our son back, I choose this path.
With you.  Always." He paused, "But first, Scully.
We have to find a way to get William.  We need a
plan."

Mulder looked at her and smiled.  How long it had
been since they had really worked together? How
long since the two of them has sat together
pouring over a file, or watching slides?  Sharing
a theory, or bantering about who was always wrong?
How odd it seemed, that he couldn't actually
remember their last case.  Their lives had changed
so much since then.  Their partnership had become
something entirely different.  And even with the
weight of the task at hand, the significance of
what they were setting out to do, the idea of
working with her again left him buoyant.

"I guess, Mulder, we need to find our way to these
ruins."  She paused, and giving his hand one last
determined squeeze, began to talk, "And I have an
idea about what we need to do when we get
there..."

(the end...)
 

~~~
 

Drive, Mulder: Part Three of Four
by Gillian

Part 3
The road to New Mexico
May 20, 2002
 

"I can't remember the last case we really worked together,
Scully."

The comment, out of the blue caught her slightly off guard.
"What do you mean, Mulder?"

"I was just thinking, and I know this will sound strange, but I
was thinking about how great it is to work with you.  How so much
of the past nine years has been about that, our partnership.
And, I just realized, that I can't remember the last time we
worked a case.  Where I got a tip, and worked up a theory, and
you said, 'What are we doing here, Mulder, or this isn't an
X-File, Mulder' but I made you come with me anyway, and then ..."

"Oregon, Mulder.  Billy Miles."

They both stopped and let the flood of the Oregon memories
accumulate. The last case was actually the first case.  And, like
so many of the other cases they had investigated, it had been
about so much more than just an unexplained moment.

"What if he gets called Billy, Mulder?"

"What?"

"William.  I can't believe that when I chose that name, I didn't
think to myself, one day someone is going to call my son Billy,
and it will make me think of Billy Miles."  She paused, and then
continued, "And I won't be there to say, his name is William."

Mulder didn't know what to say, so he let the story hang.  But
the more he thought about it the funnier it actually seemed.  It
had been such an amazing moment, seared into his memory, Scully
telling him that William was named after his father.  The first
real spoken confirmation between the two of them of what they
both had always known, that the baby cradled between them was
their son.  "William ... after your father."  Even when her own
father's name was also William, and so was her brother's.  And
neither of them, to this moment, had thought about what they
would do if some snot-nosed kid in a school yard somewhere called
their son, Billy.

"At least he isn't named after a small, bushy tailed rodent. Now
that would suck."

And then, for the first time in what seemed like forever, they
began to laugh.  Light giggling at first, from Scully, but then a
full out laugh until the tears were running down her face.  It
felt good to laugh, even with the heaviness of knowing that it
could be true.  And, for the first time since they had left
everyone at the side of the road, it also felt good to cry at the
realization that they might never be there to say to some kid,
"his name is William."

It was late now, and they were both exhausted.  Driving through
the night was probably not wise.  They were still almost 18 hours
from New Mexico, and they were going to need their energies once
they got there.  She didn't know if it was going to be safe to
stop, but she needed it.

"Can we stop Mulder?  Just pull over for a couple of hours and
sleep?"

"You should sleep if you want to Scully, I can keep driving.
I'll wake you up in a couple of hours."

"No, Mulder, I mean, let's both sleep.  Just for a couple of
hours, shore up our energy.  We have lots to do in the coming
day, and I want to know that we are both ready."  And then, to
make sure he really understood, she stroked the side of his head,
and pushed a strand of hair behind his ear. "Please?"

"O.K. Scully."  Mulder pulled the car over to the side of the
road, needing the sleep, but also wanting desperately to give her
whatever she asked of him.  "But the best I can offer you is an
old blanket and the back seat. And, that's not the first time
I've offered a girl that, let me tell you."

Scully smiled, as the car slowly stopped.  Moments of the old
Mulder, when they surfaced, felt like velvet.  She opened her
door, and stepped out of the car.  The night air was brisk, but
it smelled fresh.  And the stars were amazing. So far from city
lights, they seemed brighter and clearer than she could ever
remember seeing them.  Mulder had already opened the back doors
and flipped the car seat down.  The few clothes she had thrown
together were arranged in a pillow like shape, and he had found
the car's blanket, which looked brand new, its creases and folds
making symmetrical squares in their bed.

She suddenly had a huge pang of nervousness, and a feeling went
through her that reminded her of the first night she had gone to
Mulder, awakened him from sleep and slipped into his bed.  That
night, too, had started with an old blanket that he had
carefully, and delicately tucked around her. Very similar to the
very careful bed he had just laid out for them.

Finding a comfortable position together was not hard.  She had
always fit into his body in a way that had made each night they
had slept together feel like coming home.  There had been too few
of those nights in their nine years together.  Way too few.

They lay together for a moment, without taking a breath.  Both
feeling how amazing it felt, after all this time, to be back
nestled into the crook of each other's bodies.  Like their
partnership, a perfect fit of two people who could hardly be more
different.

"What's your moment, Scully?"

It wasn't what she had expected him to say, when the silence was
finally broken.  "My moment?  What do you mean?"

"I mean, when you lay down to sleep like this, and you want to
drop off, what is the moment you think about?  What place in our
partnership do you go to?"

She wasn't about to correct him on his arrogance or assumption
that the last thing she thought about before she went to sleep
was him, she just mused his question, despite having a clear
answer.  "I have many moments, Mulder.  But for the last few
months, when I want to sleep I think of a moment you and I shared
in an ambulance.  It was about three years ago, I think.  It was
a case that had left us at odds.  We had fought in a way that we
rarely had.  You reminded me that my science had rarely solved an
X- File, and that you were right, 98% of the time, or something
like that.  You called our to-and-fro a dance.  And, when you
asked me for my opinion, you scoffed at my routine, off the cuff,
run of the mill, completely plausible answer."

She could hear Mulder breathing in shallowly, as if attempting to
cautiously stifle words of regret.  But she continued.  "Anyway,
it's the case where you and I got trapped underground by that
large fungus, and we hallucinated ourselves into each other's
consciousness.  And I learned that my greatest fear in life was
that I would lose you."  She paused, knowing that they would both
savour the irony of how many times in their partnership that had
come true.  "And then, somehow, through our collective will, we
were able to escape the fungus, and we were found.  But the
moment, Mulder, the moment that I go to when I need to sleep, is
the moment in the ambulance, when I reached for you, only to find
that you were at the same time reaching for me.  I lay there and
feel in my body what it feels like to reach for you, and know,
with the certainty of my life, that you will be reaching for me.
It's the moment that reminds me that no matter how different we
are, how we see the world in different ways, that at the root of
our partnership, friendship and love, is the most complete trust.
I knew you would be reaching for me, and you were."

Again, the silence hung between them.  Mulder shifted his body a
bit, to more fully surround her, wanting to show her with his
whole body how that moment had moved him.  She burrowed a little
more into the space that so perfectly existed between his
shoulder and his neck, as if to say if I could be inside you, I
would be.   "And yours, Mulder?  What moment do you go to?

"I'm tempted, Scully, to tell you that it's the moment that I
barged into your apartment, gun drawn, to find you on a couch
about to get it on with "me", but that's a moment that takes me
somewhere else."  He laughed to himself, and then continued. "The
one I go to is a conversation we had, about five years ago, I
think, in a hospital hallway.  It was right after Penny Northern
died, when your cancer had just been diagnosed as terminal.  I
had been sitting for hours outside your room, and when you
finally came out, I could feel in my body that something had
changed.  And then you told me, that you were coming back to me,
to our partnership.  That you weren't going to let the cancer
beat you.  And we held each other.  God, I can still feel how
small you felt against me, and how much I needed you.  And I
remember feeling that whatever it was that we were searching for
was somehow going to save us, both of us."  He paused, then
whispered, as if the sound of the words would startle her, "It's
the moment I knew I was in love with you."

The lay there silently together for a long time, moving ever so
often so that more of their bodies were touching.  It wasn't
until sunlight began to stream through the back window that they
realized they had fallen asleep.  They woke, at the same time, in
exactly the position they had fallen asleep.

Wordlessly they sat up, and looked out the window.  It was time
to get to their destination.  It was time to put in place the
plan to get their son back. The night's conversation, though,
hung heavy on them both.  The realization that in their
articulation to each other of the perfect moment from their
relationship, neither of them had spoken of William.  Both of
their perfect moments from the last nine years had been a
complete moment with the other.  Just the two of them.

Scully slipped into the front seat, and tried to rub the sleep
from her eyes. Flipping down the mirror in the overhead visor,
she could see the lines in her face from sleeping pressed against
Mulder's shoulder.  She traced them with a finger and felt oddly
stirred by their intimacy.

Mulder started up the car, and slowly they moved from the gravel
at the side of the road.  It was a long way still until they
would reach the ruins, but the small sleep had done him good.
Now if only he could shake the ominous feeling that what awaited
them in New Mexico was something beyond anything their
partnership had offered them to date.

Squinting at the road ahead he reached down to the car seat
beside him,and found her hand, upturned, open, and he covered it
with his own.  They were ready.

(End of Part 3).
 

~~~~~~
 
 
 

Part 4
May 21, 2002
New Mexico

They had been in the car now for almost 24 hours.
The last part of the drive had been in silence.  A
gentle hand squeeze every once in a while as a
reminder to make sure that they were both awake,
but they had stopped talking.  They had their plan
in place, and they were both steeling themselves
for what came next.

They had crossed into New Mexico a few hours ago,
and she could feel the elevation gain in her ears.
Even though it had been dark now for several
hours, she was still aware of the drastic changes
in topography.  And with the first glimmers of
light, the red in the earth seemed almost eerie.
They had been many places in their partnership
that had challenged her concepts of time and
space, but she had never felt as she did looking
out at the New Mexico sunrise, that no place
mattered more than this.

Mulder pulled the car off to the side of the road.
They were within walking distance now of the ruins
where the Cigarette Smoking Man was holed up with
William.  In a strange way, both of them could
feel it, although neither wanted to admit it.
They needed to go through the details of the plan
one more time, and they needed a little more
light.

Scully unbuckled her seat belt so that she could
move closer to Mulder, sliding one hand behind his
neck, and placing the other one firmly on his
thigh.  He stayed still, looking forward, his
seat-belt still on.  They sat this way for a
moment, before Scully turned back to her seat,
suddenly breathing very quickly.

"Oh my god, Mulder. I'm not sure I can do this."

After hours of driving, and the quiet calm and
confidence Scully had displayed to him, in every
thing she had done since they had been reunited
just days ago, her words threw him.

"Scully?"

"I just realized, Mulder, that with you here, I
have this overwhelming sense of hope.  Of
optimism.  That you and I are going to get William
back, that this nightmare will be over, and we are
just going to go somewhere and have a life.  After
everything in the past year, after deciding to let
William go, I am not sure I can face this not
working out."

Mulder sat silently, realizing that he had no idea
what to say.  He could never comprehend the
hugeness of her decision to let William be
adopted.  He just knew, to the core of his being,
that the decision she had made was the right one.
He also knew, with firmness and conviction, that
the decision to go to where William was now and
get him back, was also the right one.  They both
were aware of the significance of William to the
final colonization plan, and nothing mattered more
than making sure that he would be safe until they
could figure out what to do about that.  Ten
years.  And the plan to get him to the Hosteen
family made sense.  It was selfish wanting him to
grow up knowing who they were, even if they
weren't together as a family.  But it was the only
remaining option that made sense.  What he hadn't
thought about, and should have, was what giving up
William again might do to Scully.  He hadn't been
there.  Despite knowing her more than any human
being in his life, he really didn't know what she
had been through this last year.  And he hated
himself.

"Please say something, Mulder.  Please tell me you
understand."  Scully turned her face away from him
and looked out the side window at the morning
light, now glancing off the red rocks at the side
of the road.  She didn't want him to see the tears
that she couldn't stop.  This wasn't going to work
if she felt as scared and vulnerable as she did at
this moment.

"I can never make up this year to you, Scully.  I
can only ask your forgiveness for leaving you and
William, when maybe we needed to be together most.
All I can do, to make that right, is to make sure
that he is safe.  And to give you and I a chance
to have some semblance of a life."  He paused
gentling rubbing his eyes with both hands, "But
I'll do whatever you ask me to, Scully.  If you
really think that we should try and keep William
with us, then we'll find a way to make that work."

The anguish in his voice was almost unbearable for
her.  Like so many moments in the past nine years,
she wanted to take away his pain.  The pain of
being separated from the two of them for so long.
The pain of the mistake of going to see William,
and how that had compromised his safety.  The pain
of having a son who might spend a lifetime
searching for his family, the way Mulder had spent
a lifetime searching for Samantha.  She ran her
hand down the side of his face, feeling the touch
of his skin through her whole body.

"No.  The plan is a good one.  If I can't raise
William, I want him to be somewhere where he will
be loved fully.  The idea that he will live in an
extended family, and grow up knowing about us, is
the right one, Mulder.  Its just that being here
with you, like this, makes me long for something
else."  She too paused and let her words hang in
the early morning air.  "I'm ready."

There was nothing he could say to her.  He just
reached for her and they held each other,
awkwardly at first, and then resolutely.  It was
the only way he had of making her realize that he
too longed for something else as well.  To get out
of the damn car, like she had asked him to do
years ago on a New Mexico road just like this one.
But he had no promises left.  Just the strength of
his convictions and the power of their
partnership.

The sun was now peeking above the strange New
Mexico skyline.  They left the car, bringing only
the few things they might need.  A bit of rope,
their flashlights, and some water.  But just as he
closed the back door of the car he suddenly became
aware of the sound of helicopters.  On the horizon
he could see what looked like four black
helicopters, moving at a ridiculously fast pace.
He turned to look at Scully, who was staring at
them in disbelief.  They looked like the
helicopters that had chased them through
cornfields a long ago and distant summer.

The helicopters were unmarked, and they were
clearly armed.  Without communicating, they both
broke into a full out run, heading towards the
ruins.  Around the corner in the road, they could
see what Mulder had described in detail they would
find, old Anasazi dwellings, carved into the side
of the cliff.

The sound of the helicopters was deafening,
however, and the wind that the propellers was
stirring up brought the dirt and dust from the
road up into their eyes.  Neither of them could
see.  Mulder ran to Scully and pulled her into the
cover of an overhanging rock.  From under the
cover they were able to get some relief from the
swirling dust, but not from the view that unfolded
before them.  The helicopters began to fire at the
ruins, an endless barrage of artillery followed by
huge explosions and fire.  It lasted only seconds,
but felt like a lifetime, the noise, the smoke,
and the chaos.  It took a moment for Mulder to
realize, above the din of the bombing, that Scully
was screaming, yelling their son's name over and
over.  She was trying to free herself from his
grasp so she could run out towards the ruins, but
he held her firm, until he finally had to push her
against the wall, away from the view and cover her
with his body.

He could hear that the helicopters were now gone.
He could smell in the air the fire and the sulphur
from the explosions.  The sounds were still
deafening, but he was now more conscious of
Scully.

"No, no, no, no, no..."  He tried to speak, but
couldn't only pulling her into him, as she
repeated over and over, in a trance-like voice,
"No, no, no, no, no."

*****

It has now been hours.  Mulder was becoming
increasingly more afraid.  She hadn't regained
consciousness since they had left the site of the
ruins.  He had been able to carry her back to the
car, and to get them to a small motel about an
hour's drive down the highway.  The image of the
large gaping hole in the side of the cliff where
the ruins had been, was seared into his memory,
but more pressing and terrifying was what that
image had done to Scully.

She had told him that she couldn't bear the loss
of William yet again.  He thought he had
understood that, but seeing her now, delirious and
unconscious was the scariest thing he had ever
experienced.  For maybe the first time in his
life, he had absolutely no idea what to do.  He
just held her, pressing the cold compress against
her burning forehead, and repeating over and over
a promise that he knew he couldn't keep, "It's
going to be alright."

There were moments when it seemed like she was
starting to come out of the state she was in, he
could feel her relax a moment, and then, as if her
subconscious reminded her of what they had just
witnessed, she would fall back into it, even
deeper. Sometimes she said words, calling his
name, or William's name.  But mostly it was just a
short, quick repeating of the word she had been
saying since they saw the first explosion, "no,
no, no, no, no."

He wanted to get her to a hospital, but he didn't
know how.  All he could do was wrap his body
around hers, and hope that somehow they would get
through the night.

*****

Mulder snapped awake.  His first thought was a
fury at himself for falling asleep.  But quickly
he realized that Scully wasn't in the bed, and a
panic went through his body.  He leapt to his
feet, but then saw her standing, holding back the
curtain and looking out the window.  He sat back
down on the bed, staring at her wordlessly.

When she turned to face him he could tell that she
was back.  Her eyes were red from crying, but she
looked eerily calm.  He had failed her again.  The
one task of their life that mattered, keeping
their son safe.  He had no words, and he wasn't
even sure if he should stand and go to her.  He
was terrified, that he had lost her too.

"He's alright."  She looked directly at Mulder,
who stared back at her, silently.  "I can feel it.
It's the same feeling I had all those months after
your funeral.  I know he's not gone."  Scully kept
standing by the window.  "I think they followed
us, and when they realized where we were going,
they destroyed those ruins.  But I think William
was gone before we got there.  I don't know how I
know, I just do."

Scully let the curtain fall and moved back towards
Mulder, sitting beside him on the bed.  His head
was bowed, and he looked broken.  She wrapped her
arms around him, and held him against her, as he
slowly began to sob.  He didn't share her
optimism.  He didn't feel like she did that
William was safe.  He felt desperate, ashamed and
alone.

"Tell me what it feels like, Scully.  Tell me what
it really feels like, to believe."

"I can't explain it," she whispered, "but it's the
same feeling that made me keep your apartment
exactly how it was all those months.  The same
feeling that prevented me from selling your
clothes or executing your will.  The same feeling
that enabled me to know that you were alive all
this year away from us.  It's not hope, Mulder,
its something way deeper than that."  She breathed
in, "trust me."

The words hung in the air.  Almost too much for
both of them.

Scully broke the silence first, "What was the next
part of the plan, Mulder?"  She stood up.  "Where
were we going to go after we got William to
Gibson."

Mulder looked up at her.  "Oregon.  There are two
site there, like there are in New Mexico, that
make it hard for us to be tracked.  Gibson would
be able to contact us there."

"Then, Mulder, let's go to Oregon.  Let's get
ourselves safe, and start to build a life.  Let's
trust in Gibson.  But mostly, let's make sure that
we don't lose what we still have left."

Scully turned and reached out her hand to him.
Her tiny body wasn't going to be able to pull him
off the floor where he had been sitting.  But the
gesture seemed enormous.  They had always been
stronger together than apart.  Her amazing
strength and confidence at this moment moved him.
He wished he could believe.  He wished at this
moment, that he had her strength.  Her
unbelievable strength. But he needed more.  "I
need some kind of proof, Scully."

She stood for a moment, quiet.  And then slowly
began to speak.  "Years ago, Mulder, when I had my
cancer, we realized that the truth might actually
be in me.  And then we met Gibson, who seemed to
be the answer to everything.  But nothing compared
to William.  All that time I carried him inside of
me, and then all of this past year, I was finally
able to see what you have been seeing all these
years.  That the truth can't be proven.  It just
has to be believed.  It's inside me, Mulder.  And
it's inside of you.  But mostly, it's inside
William.  Who he is.  The manifestation of our
love."

She breathed in and continued, "all these years,
you have been looking for the truth.  And, all
these years, I've followed you, hoping you would
find it, and through that process it would be
revealed to me too.  But, maybe, just maybe, it's
been here all this time, we just couldn't see it
until now."

"We are the truth, Mulder.  And together, we will
find a way to reunite our family.   But before we
do that, there is something we have to stop."

Scully, turned and headed for the door.  "Are you
coming?"

Mulder rose to his feet.  Amazed at what he had
heard, amazed at what he saw in his partner, and
amazed at the realization that everything she said
was indeed true.

"Yes," he said and then smiling from what felt
like the centre of his being, "but don't think
this means you get to drive..."

(The end...)