By Sally Bahnsen
rbahnsen@optusnet.com.au
Category: Post Ep, MT, SC, A, UST
Rating: PG-13 for bad language
Summary: After the events of Two Fathers, One Son, Scully
confronts Mulder about his past with Diana.
Spoilers: Hmm, yes there is, especially for Two Fathers,
One son.
Written for the ATF list.
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully are CC's, not that he
deserves them but there you are, he owns them. He owns
Diana too, and that was one of his biggest mistakes. She's
all yours CC, after this story I never want to have think
about her again. Oh, and no money is made from this. I'm
just borrowing then reluctantly returning them (except for
Diana, she goes back with no regrets.)
Thank you to- Vickie for helping me justify my anti Diana
cause. Thanks to Suz for a really quick turnaround and
confirming things I suspected to be true. Thanks to my
really good buddies Judie and Kristen. Judie for the hours
of telephone conversations and Kristen for detailed betaing
that goes beyond the call of duty. Thank you to TJ for your
comments in the midst of RL chaos, and a very big thank you
to Mary for providing me with much-needed guidance in comma
placement. You guys are the best!
Author's notes at the end.
All feedback is gratefully accepted
and replied to. - rbahnsen@optusnet.com.au
Mulder first person POV
FACING THE TRUTH
By Sally Bahnsen
********************
Local Gym
Washington D.C.
One day after the events of Two Fathers, One Son.
10: 09PM
********************
They wanted answers. Demanded them really. After taking my
work from me they were still justifying their disinterest
by claiming ignorance. Ignorance is bliss. Declaring it
enables them absolution from blame. Allows them to place
the responsibility somewhere else. And where better to lay
it than at the feet of the man who has been their lowly
scapegoat for the past 7 years. I'm tired of it. I'm fed
up to my very core with the deceit, the lies, the pain. My
pain, Scully's pain, my parents, my sister, shall I go on?
And now I have discovered a new deception. One, I too, am
trying to justify. One I want to attribute to anything but
the truth I know it to be. Ignorance is truly bliss. And
48 hours ago, I was living blissfully unaware of just how
complete a fool they have made me.
And just who are 'they' you may ask? Faceless men
wielding their power and hiding amongst us. Someone's
father, brother, son. Are they all dead now? Did the threat
of colonization end with their demise? Or was it another
sham, a smokescreen, a deadly hoax? Is it over? Is it? I've
asked myself that a thousand times and each time a
resounding NO! is screamed back at me. Not while they are
still out there. Men like CGB and Krycek. And women
like...No. Let's not go there. Not yet. I'm not ready.
And, so, here I am. Back in the gym. Pounding the boards,
trying to lose myself in the heady rush of endorphins.
Doing everything and doing nothing. Buying myself time
before I confront the inevitable truth that is haunting my
every waking moment. Here I can forget. In the gym I'm just
a guy shooting hoops. I know nothing of the conspiracy that
threatens the very existence of mankind. Here, I'm
blameless. Here, nothing more is expected of me than
scoring a few baskets.
In a way, the simplicity of the gym has become my haven.
Its newness surrounds me and lets me believe that life
will go on. In the fresh coat of paint, the polished wooden
floorboards and the faint smell of lacquer, I find hope.
Strange? You better believe it. Why would you expect
anything less from me?
My fellow patrons have no idea how close they came to
losing their freedom and their lives. They come, they
play, and they leave. They go home to families and friends.
Here I can pretend to be like them. I can wrap myself in
their ignorance and make believe that everything will be
all right. Even if only for an hour or two.
But tonight there's no one else to distract me. I'm here
alone. Just the ball, the hoop and me. And an assortment of
memories I wish I could forget.
I juggle the basketball between my hands, gauging its
weight, enjoying the feel of leather as it ricochets
between my palms. Two quick bounces and I take off.
Striding towards the ring, the rhythmic thud of ball
against wood echoing off the walls.
The ball hits the backboard then drops through the hoop. I
take my own rebound and dribble back to the center. Then
turn to start the process again.
"A little one on one, Mulder?"
Scully's question shatters my concentration as I line up a
three point shot. The ball falls short of its target.
"What are you doing here, Scully?"
She drops her bag by the bench and saunters across the
court, dressed in sweat pants, sneakers and a t-shirt that
hangs almost to her knees. She says nothing. Simply
continues towards me. A living, breathing reminder of what
I came here to forget. Am I happy to see her? No. Yes. I
don't know.
She's wearing my shirt.
"Hey, isn't that *my* Knicks t-shirt?" I ask, nodding
towards her chest.
A quick glance down at herself and then she's looking back
at me. "Not any more."
I shrug. It looks better on her than it ever did on me.
"Why are you here?" I walk over to where the ball has
landed by the back wall and pick it up, hoping she isn't
intending to stay.
Scully follows. "Why am I here? Well, you weren't at
work today and your cell phone diverts straight to voice
mail. This seems to be your favored place of residence
lately, so ... I figured I might find you here."
"Okay, here I am. Now what do you want?" I give the ball
a couple of quick bounces.
"I want to play ball, Mulder." She's standing in front of
me now. Her eyes are locked with mine, hands resting
defiantly on her hips. And she doesn't look like she plans
on leaving anytime soon.
"Really? Who were you thinking of playing against?"
She grabs the ball out of my hand and takes a step back.
"You."
Me.
"Um, Scully." I give her the once over and wave my hand
between us, indicating our height difference. "We're not
exactly evenly matched."
"Oh, I don't know." She bounces the ball a couple of
times and then drops her voice to a whisper. " I promise to
go easy on you."
And before I have a chance to answer she dribbles around
me and drives to the basket, making a perfect lay up. I
hate to admit it, but I'm impressed.
"Aren't you supposed to try to stop me, Mulder?"
So, she really does want to play. Fine. I'll wrap this up
quickly and she can be on her way. I wave her towards me.
"Bring it on, Scully."
She crouches low, dribbling the ball at her feet.
Forwards, back, to the side. I take up a defensive stance,
one arm up, the other guarding low, ready to pluck the ball
from her hands. "Come on, Scully, let's see what you've
got."
She ducks to my right; I go with her. She pulls back then
feints to the left, I'm there too but she changes direction
and drives around me. Before I can regain my balance, she's
at the basket again and scores.
I'm seeing a side of Scully I never knew existed.
"You've been keeping secrets, Scully."
"Secrets are the order of the day it would seem, Mulder."
She bounces the ball and heads back to the center of the
court.
"What does that mean?" I stay where I am, hands propped
on my hips.
"Let's play, Mulder. First one to 20 points."
She avoids my question as easily as she skirted my defense
earlier and starts to go on the attack again. I up the
ante; my ego getting the better of me. This time when she
attempts to side step me, I cut her off and hit the ball
from her hands. A couple of bounces gets me back to the
center circle and I turn and drive for the basket. My shot
goes in and I toss the ball back to Scully. The twinkle is
gone from her eye--in its place there's a glint of steel.
"That's 4...2," she states before taking off at a run again,
heading towards the center.
What she lacks in height is more than made up for in
determination. I know this, yet I find it difficult to take
her challenge seriously. Eventually I will win.
She starts to come at me, showing no sign of backing off.
Fine. I stand still, ready to take the charge, but at the
last second, she steps around me and makes a jump shot.
This time she tosses the ball back at me and it packs some
power behind it.
"Six...two, Mulder." She's puffing now and there's a thin
film of sweat on her face.
I turn to the basket and without bothering to move, sink
the ball from outside the key making a three point shot.
"Six...five. Scully" I toss the ball back at her.
A stray strand of hair has slipped free from her ponytail
and it hangs limp across her eyes. She puffs it out of the
way and wipes the back of one hand across her brow. Her
mouth is set in a straight line as she walks back to the
halfway mark.
Our eyes lock as she starts to bounce the ball. I get the
impression *she* is toying with *me* as she moves towards
me slowly, just walking and bouncing. I crouch down to
guard her. The bouncing quickens, and she adds some
footwork, shuffling her feet backwards and forwards,
waiting, judging, figuring out the best way to get around
me. I'm just as determined to stop her this time.
She darts towards me. I'm ready for her. Then she stops,
just dribbling the ball in one spot. "So, Mulder, when are
you going share your secret?"
What? I drop my arms and stand up straight. It's the break
she's been looking for and she takes off at full speed. I
step into her path but instead of sidestepping she ploughs
straight into me. Woomph! The breath is knocked from my
lungs and I double over clutching my stomach. Through my
peripheral vision I see Scully sitting flat on her ass.
The ball still in her hands.
I squat down, one hand on the floor for balance the other
wrapped around my middle as I try to force air into my
lungs.
Scully gets to her feet and brushes off her rear. I push
myself up, still bent over but starting to take in some air.
"Sorry, Mulder."
I nod my head, not trusting my voice to operate with
anything more than a squeak.
She hands me the ball. "That was my foul, it's your ball."
I suck in a deep breath, let it out slowly and walk back
to the center, giving myself some recovery time. Scully has
set herself up in a defensive stance. Eyes totally focused
on the ball as I start a slow dribble. Her face is a mask
of concentration and she swipes ineffectually at that loose
lock of hair.
"Hey, Scully, would you think less of me if I told you
your youthful display of girlish athleticism is turning me
on."
"Shut up and play ball, Mulder."
There's more to this game than exercise and fun. It's time
to call her on it.
I move slowly towards her. "Have I done something to piss
you off, Scully?"
She meets me head on, one hand flailing at the ball,
trying on a steal, but I protect it with my body.
"You haven't answered my question." I say to her, puffing.
"Are you pissed at me?"
"Now, why would you have that impression, Mulder?" She
lunges at the ball but I side step her and once again drive
to the basket and make the shot. "I believe that's 7...6."
And toss her the ball.
Five or six long, angry strides and she's back to the
center and we start again. Her expression tells me she has
no intention of easing up. She huffs angrily at a new
strand of hair that has worked itself loose, and drives
towards the basket, stopping suddenly then slowly moving
backwards.
"You've done this before."
"You better believe it, Mulder." She dodges to my left,
threatening to take me on but I reach out my hand and
snatch the ball from her as she goes past. I drive around
her, back to the center, then without pausing make a
beeline for the basket.
From the corner of my eye I can see Scully hot on my
trail. I decide to play with her a little and pull up
short. She races past me and gets into position to defend.
By the look on her face you'd think we were playing for
blood. And I wonder briefly why she seems set on turning
this into some kind of grudge match.
I dribble the ball in front of me. She makes a grab at it,
but I'm too quick and redirect it between my legs, swapping
hands as I continue bouncing. "Come on, Scully, come and
get it." My teasing only seems to incite her more and she
lunges forward, at the same time swatting at the ball with
her hand. I move back, still bouncing. I dribble to the
side, in front, behind my back, through my legs and no
matter how much she slaps and hits at the ball she isn't
able to get it. I move gradually away from her, preparing
for the grand finale. Scully is panting openly now, and I
can feel the sweat sliding down my back and chest, dripping
off the end of my chin.
Scully stays put as I continue my retreat to the center.
My intention is to drive at the basket, dribble around her
and impress her with a slam-dunk. Just to show her who is
really king of the hoops.
I take off at a full run. Scully immediately goes with me.
She is closer to the basket and manages to stay in front.
I head towards the ring but Scully steps into my path as I
prepare to launch myself through the air. I have nowhere to
go. No matter how tough she thinks she is the impact of my
body slamming into hers can only end up badly. In an
awkward twist, I try to jump to the side. It throws me off
balance and as I land, my right ankle rolls under me with a
sickening crunch. Agony shoots through my foot, robbing me
of breath and sending me crashing to the floor in a tangled
heap. "Fuck! Shit!"
With both hands firmly wrapped around my injured ankle, I
lie on the floor, writhing.
"Mulder! Are you all right?"
"Shit...No!"
Wave after wave of pure agony rolls through my ankle and I
don't even bother to stifle my groans.
"Lay back, Mulder. Let me take a look."
"No," I grind out. "Leave me alone." Oh, God. I turn my
face into the floor, eyes squeezed shut and just try to
wait it out.
"Mulder? I...I'm sorry."
"Scully...just...just give me...a minute." The only thing I'm
concerned with is the pain in my ankle and somehow dealing
with it.
I feel Scully trying to pry my hands loose. "Mulder, let
me take a look. I need to see what you've done."
"It's not...rocket science, Scully! I've twisted...my damn
ankle." Despite my protests, I let her pry my hands loose
from the death grip on my foot. She gently runs her fingers
over the side of my ankle.
"It's already swelling. We need to get some ice on it. Can
you sit up?"
Probably, but I'm not sure I want to.
Without waiting for my reply, Scully grasps me under the
arms and hauls me to a sitting position. I keep my foot
carefully suspended above the ground.
The sudden spike of agony has settled down to a rhythmic
throb, and I begin to think that I might survive this.
Carefully, I slide myself back so I'm resting against the
wall. Scully settles herself by my feet and starts probing
my ankle. "Shit! Scully! Watch it!"
"Sorry." Leaving me to sit in not-so-silent agony, she
crouches back on her haunches and scans the gym. "Any idea
where I might find some ice?"
"There's...an ice machine." I nod towards the door. "Out in
the foyer."
"I'll be right back." She gives my thigh a light
reassuring pat and heads off.
I let out a long breath and tip my head back against the
wall. Great. Just what I need. A perfect end to a
perfectly lousy week. I knew it was a bad idea for Scully
to be here. My eyelids slip shut and I can barely keep from
moaning as a solid pounding throb undulates through my
ankle. I let my right hand wander towards my knee and
massage the muscle there: a feeble attempt at relief.
"Mulder?"
I raise an eyelid. Scully is standing next to me, a bag of
ice in one hand and a small towel in the other.
"I'm still here, Scully."
"Are you okay?"
"Just...wonderful."
She crouches down beside me, wrapping the ice in the
towel. I flinch slightly when she lays it across my ankle.
"How does it feel?"
"Have you ever sprained your ankle, Scully?"
"Once or twice."
"Well, then, you should know how it feels."
She drops her head to her chest. "Mulder..."
I wait but she doesn't continue. "What, Scully?"
"I...I'm sorry. This is my fault."
I snort quietly. "Isn't that my line?"
There is a slight lift at the corners of her mouth and she
turns to meet my gaze. "Do you think you can make it to the
bench? You really should elevate your foot."
The bench she's referring to is against the wall to our
left, not far from the exit, but a good 20 yards or so from
us. I'm less than thrilled at the prospect of moving.
Scully stands, taking the icepack, and offers me her hand.
"Come on, I'll help you."
I take hold of her hand and allow her to pull me up, using
the floor as leverage. For a second my head spins and the
thud in my ankle reaches new heights as the blood rushes to
my feet. Leaning against the wall, I keep my foot off the
ground and attempt to regain some composure. Scully stands
by, one hand on my arm and looking as if she fears I might
land flat on my face.
Tentatively, I put my right foot to the floor. It hurts,
but I think I can make it across the room.
"Mulder, try not to put weight on it." She drapes my right
arm across her shoulder. "Lean on me."
Yeah, right. Easier said than done.
Clenching my teeth, I limp, with Scully's help, towards
the bench.
"Sit, Mulder."
I sit down, scoot along the bench and let Scully fuss over
my ankle. She sits beside me and reapplies the ice then
slides my gym bag under my foot.
"Mulder...I'm sorry you got hurt."
"Hmph. Not half as sorry as I am. This will keep me out of
action for a couple of weeks and the guys had a big game
planned for tomorrow. Wait till they hear I was getting
beaten by a girl." I give her arm a playful punch so she
knows I'm joking.
For a second she looks as if she wants to cry and I wonder
if I hit her harder than I intended.
"Scully?"
"You didn't hurt yourself, Mulder."
"Well, strictly speaking, no. It was an accident. But..."
"This was my fault." She starts to loosen my shoelaces.
"Yeah, you keep saying that. Please explain how me landing
awkwardly is your fault? Unless you've figured out a way to
control the laws of gravity."
Scully doesn't look at me; her attention focused on the
task of removing my shoe. I brace myself as she eases it
off my foot. "I got in the way. If I hadn't tried to block
you, it wouldn't have happened."
"In case you hadn't noticed, that's the whole point of the
game."
"Yeah, but I had my own agenda. And it wasn't just scoring
baskets," She says quietly, making sure the ice pack is
back in place.
I tap her on the shoulder. "I'm all ears."
Her eyes are still focused towards my foot. "Mulder, I
came here tonight to talk to you about something. Something
I think we need to get out in the open."
"We've got one thing out in the open; you're a damn good
ball player. Where did you learn to play like that?"
"Bill. And Charlie. And pick up games on navy bases."
"Ah, yes." I should have guessed.
Scully lifts her head, thrusts her chin forward and looks
me in the eye. "I want you to tell me about Diana."
"Scully." No. This is exactly what I was afraid of.
She gets to her feet, tucking her hands under her arms and
then walks a few steps away keeping her back to me.
"Mulder, I need to know the truth."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Not now, Scully.
I'm not ready to go there.
Scully turns suddenly to face me. "Mulder..." She sighs,
takes a breath, and decides to press on. "We've been
partners for five years. During that time... after all the
evidence against her, why do you continue to just blindly
defend her? I don't understand it."
"Scully, leave it alone." She's forcing me into the
confrontation I've so diligently tried to avoid. I can't do
this. I just can't.
But she doesn't quit. "No. Not this time. I deserve an
answer. If that woman is involved in the conspiracy, if
she's part of that group who planned and orchestrated my
abduction and put this chip in my neck..." She lifts her
ponytail to make her point. "And cost me the life of my
sister and hell, Mulder, your father, too! Don't you want
to know? Aren't you the least bit curious?"
"No!" Yes. Maybe. But not now. *Not here.*
"Well, why the hell not!?"
"Because she wouldn't betray me! I trust her." But even
as I say the words, feel the lie pass my lips; I know them
to be untrue. It is so hard to admit it, to accept it.
"You trust her. Just like that. No ifs, buts or maybes.
Fine! Maybe you should partner up with her again." She
grabs her gym bag from beside the bench and starts
searching through it.
"What are you doing?"
Again she huffs a sigh. Without turning around she
replies, "I'm leaving. There's nothing for me here."
"What do you mean?" I ask with a sudden surge of panic.
"Mulder...where Diana Fowley is concerned...there's no
reasoning with you. You are so completely blind to any
possibility that she just *might* betray you that it's
pointless for me to even try to convince you otherwise."
"Scully..."
"No. I can't be with you knowing what I know about that
woman. She's a risk to you and to me, and the X files. And
while your judgment is clouded by whatever the hell she
seems to be holding over you... well, maybe I need to rethink
my priorities."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Fear uncoils in
my stomach like a living creature.
"It means I'm going to see Skinner tomorrow and request
some time off."
"With a view to ...?"
"Reassignment."
"Scully, no."
I edge along the bench, the pain in my ankle paling in
comparison to the ache in my chest.
She pulls the car keys from her bag and stands up. "Do you
need a ride home?"
"No...I..."
She turns towards the door.
"NO! WAIT!" I lunge to my feet. "Ah Fuck!" And
immediately regret the action. Shit! I hop blindly back to
the bench and draw my knee up, clutching my ankle.
"Mulder! What the hell do you think you're doing?"
That's the sixty-four thousand dollar question, isn't it?
And the answer is: thought didn't even enter into the
equation. But the effort required to voice that fact just
doesn't seem worth it.
"Are you all right?" she asks coolly, appraising me with a
skeptical eye.
I nod my head.
"That wasn't very smart, you know."
"No argument here." I say through gritted teeth, and rest
my head on my knee.
She hesitates, and then heaving a sigh, drops her bag to
the floor and walks towards me. "Foot up." She says,
indicating my gym bag. Again, I scoot along the bench and
raise my leg.
She picks up the icepack and puts it back on my ankle,
keeping it in place with her hand as she sits beside me.
"You probably should get this X rayed."
"Probably," I say, rubbing my hands across my eyes.
"But you won't."
"Probably not."
We sit in silence. And I wonder about the circumstances
that led us to this point. About the domino effect of an
action that took place back in 1991 and the way the
toppling is able to reach across a 7-year time span. Still
making an impact all these years later.
"Scully. I have a confession."
She lifts an eyebrow.
"I do need a ride home."
She chuckles quietly, shaking her head.
"What?"
"I don't know, Mulder. I guess I thought you were going
to admit to something more...profound."
"Hey, it's not easy for a guy to admit he doesn't have
wheels."
"Apparently it's not easy for a guy to admit to a lot of
things."
"Touche."
"Mulder. Let's get you out of here. I'll bring my car
around front."
I grab her hand as she gets up to leave. "Not yet.
Let's...Let's just sit for awhile." I'm not sure why I stop
her. I just...I need to make things right.
"Is your ankle bothering you that much?"
"No. Well, yes, but that's not the reason." I pause,
licking my lips as I try to figure out what to say.
"Scully...I...about Diana." Instinctively her body tenses.
"It's kind of a long story. And...I..."
"It's late, Mulder, and you're in pain. I know I said I
wanted to have this out with you but... we don't have to do
it now. I was...I guess I was angry."
I ignore her. As much as I want to keep avoiding the
subject, it has to be now. "I learned something the other
night. Something that got me thinking." I swallow hard;
this isn't easy. The truth is crushing me with its
insistence. Demanding me to let it loose. "I went to
Diana's apartment."
Scully's bristling is almost indiscernible. She purses her
lips in an obstinate pout and lifts her chin. "Why?"
"It doesn't matter now."
She links her arms across her chest and glares at me. The
ice pack slides off my ankle and I crumble under her
scrutiny. "I was looking for evidence."
"Of what?"
"She's a part of it, Scully. Of everything we've been
fighting against."
Scully looks as if she's going to choke. "Mulder!"
"I know. I should have listened." I lean towards her.
"Hey, can you do me a favor? Have a look here." I point to
my forehead. "Do I have the word 'sucker' tattooed on my
skin? Because it's sure starting to feel like everyone in
my life is out to take me for a ride."
She offers me a sad smile. "Not everyone, Mulder."
We look at each other for a few seconds, me searching for
confirmation that what we share isn't an illusion created
by mirrors and slight of hand, and her...I guess she's trying
to convince me of the same thing. The moment passes and so
does my doubt, but not my self-loathing. How could I have
been so blind?
Scully breaks me out of my reverie. "Why are you willing
to believe it now? After all the evidence I've shown you,
the evidence you've chosen to ignore."
I grunt quietly. "You of all people should understand the
need for irrefutable proof, Scully."
She allows the corners of her lips to lift a fraction.
"So, what changed your mind?"
"The smoking man."
She tips her head to the side, silently questioning me.
"He came to Agent Fowley's apartment while I was there. He
let himself in. Like he had every right to be there."
"Mulder, if you knew this, then what was all that crap
about her not betraying you? Surely you don't still trust
her."
I close my eyes and slowly shake my head.
"It's...complicated."
Scully takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. "So, what was
he doing there?"
"He said he was looking for his son."
"Jeffrey Spender?"
"Yeah."
"At Agent Fowley's apartment?" Scully's question is
dripping with disbelief.
"So he said."
"You don't believe that, do you?"
I look at her. And she knows I don't.
"I didn't want to believe Diana was against me. I thought
I knew her. But clearly, I don't anymore."
Scully looks away, wrestling with what she wants to say.
When she finally speaks, it's to the floor, not to me.
"Where did you meet her, Mulder? What happened to make you
trust her unconditionally?"
My tongue suddenly seems too big for my mouth as I
contemplate her question. Everything I came here to forget
is being paraded in front of me. Lies, betrayal. And now
I'm being asked to share a secret I've never discussed with
anyone.
"Mulder?"
I decide to start at the beginning. Get this over and done
with. "Diana and I were working a case together--her case
actually--and I'd been called in as a specialist profiler.
It was early 1991."
"You were out of the Behavioral Science Unit."
"I was. I'd been out in the field for a few months. You
remember Jerry Lamana?"
She nods.
"I'd just been partnered with him. Apparently my time with
Patterson must have counted for something. I'd made quite
a reputation for myself and occasionally would be called on
to help out on the more difficult cases."
"And this is when you met Diana."
I shift my leg a little, attempting to alleviate the
escalating thud in my ankle. Scully adjusts the ice pack
and rests her hand lightly on top.
"She was the Agent in Charge. It was a missing persons
case." I pause wondering how to explain the order of
events that pushed me onto a path it would seem I had
little choice in taking.
The hand that had been resting against my ankle edges
along my shin and Scully gently strokes my leg. "Mu--"
I hold up my hand. "It's okay." I lick my lips and forge
ahead. "I'd undergone the regression hypnosis nearly 2
years earlier. In my spare time, I was researching
everything I could find on alien abduction. Towards the end
of 1990 I actually investigated my first X file. Only at
the time I didn't understand the full ramifications of what
they were, what they could mean."
Scully continues to absently rub her hand along my shin.
She's quiet, pensive and doesn't interrupt me.
"Anyway, it was just before I was called to assist with
the missing person's case that I actually found where all
the old case files had been stashed. I began reading them.
I was fascinated and realized that they might provide a
means by which I could investigate Samantha's disappearance
with the full use of bureau resources.
"When I started profiling Diana's case, I found there were
a few things that didn't add up. More and more of the
evidence, the clues, were the same as what I'd been reading
in the X Files. At first I thought I was being influenced
by my experience with Samantha and that my head was so full
of alien abduction scenarios that I was projecting them
onto this case."
Scully still doesn't say anything, instead lifts the ice
pack, which is now more of a water bag, and sets it aside.
"Do you have a bandage in your bag?"
Carefully, I lift my foot off my gym bag so she can access
it. "Try the side pocket."
I use the time-out to examine my injury. Quite impressive
by anyone's standard. The outside of my ankle has swollen
to twice its normal size, despite the ice treatment. This
is going to hurt like hell tomorrow.
Scully rummaging around in my bag pays off and she
produces a slightly worn elastic bandage, complete with
clip. "This looks like you've had your money's worth,
Mulder."
I smile sheepishly. "It's served me well over the years."
She settles herself against the wall and pats her lap.
"Foot."
I lay it across her knees and she starts to work at my
sock. "This might hurt a bit."
"AH Shit!" Not even close, Scully. It hurts a lot. I
clench my teeth and sit rigid as she eases the offending
garment over my ankle.
"All done." She traces a finger over the swelling then
lays her palm gently across the worst area, rubbing
lightly. "Go on, Mulder, you were up to the part about
things not adding up on the missing person's case."
While Scully wraps the bandage, I continue my tale.
"Okay...the more I studied the evidence, the more I became
convinced that I wasn't imagining it. I was sure we were
looking at several cases of alien abduction." I sigh
quietly. "What I didn't know, was how the hell I was going
to break the news to Diana and the rest of the team."
I pause, gripping the side of the bench when Scully
inadvertently jerks my foot.
"Sorry, Mulder. I'm trying to be gentle."
I nod, clenching my teeth together.
"So, what did you do?"
Sucking in a deep breath, I let it out slowly before
continuing. "As it happened, I found Diana alone in the
command center one night. She was deep in thought and
poring over a pile of notes. She looked troubled. We
started talking about the case and..." I let out a soft
snort. "And she ran the alien abduction theory by me.
Scully, you could have knocked me over with a feather. It
was the last thing I expected."
"I'm sure."
"It was pretty late and the rest of the task force had
gone home for the night. I told Diana what I suspected and
one thing led to another and before I knew it I'd told her
everything. About Samantha, the X Files, my growing
interest in the paranormal and my desire to investigate the
X files and make them a legitimate section within the FBI
mainstream."
"Diana offered to help you."
"Yes. But not outright. She had friends in high places,
some favors she could call in. She was able to bypass the
Bureau hierarchy and go straight to Congress. I was working
on the X Files within two months of wrapping up the missing
person's case."
"And was it alien abduction?"
"Huh?"
"The case you and...Agent Fowley were working."
"It was a classic case, Scully. In every possible way.
Including the clean up and cover up. The missing people
came back, no memory of where they'd been, and their
families, although grateful for our help, didn't want any
more disruption to their lives. It's filed away down in the
basement."
"And that's it?"
"That's what?"
"That's why you've given her your trust?"
"That and..." I hesitate, not sure how to put into words the
circumstances that bound Diana to me a little over 7 years
ago.
"Mulder?"
"Diana got pregnant-Ah! Scully! Shit, what are you doing?"
She has pushed the clip through the layers of elastic,
catching my skin in the process. I try to snatch my foot
away but she holds tight.
"Sorry." Scully makes another attempt, this time taking
more care with her aim. Without looking up she asks
quietly, "Were you the father?"
"What?!"
Her gaze locks onto mine. "Was it your baby?"
"You think *I* got her pregnant?" If the look on Scully's
face weren't so serious I'd be laughing.
"You were dating," she states matter-of-factly.
It takes me two attempts to get the words out. "What the
hell are you talking about? We were friends, Scully! Where
did you--?" And suddenly it dawns on me. "You thought Diana
and I were...what? *Sleeping* together?"
Stony-faced, Scully just stares at me.
"Where the hell did you get that idea from?"
"Fro,,," She stops herself from saying something. "It
doesn't matter, Mulder. I just assumed...there had to be a
reason you behaved the way you did around her."
"I behaved the way I did around her because...because out of
some stupid sense of loyalty I still felt I needed to
protect her. But I can assure you, Scully, there was never
anything more between Diana and myself other than
friendship. When she came to me and told me she was
pregnant, she was a mess. The guy was in the bureau, high
up in the chain of command, I never knew his name, but he
had the potential to ruin her career. The relationship was
over and she needed help. I guess she thought she could
trust me."
"What did you do?"
"Not a great deal, really. Everything was arranged in
secret by her 'boyfriend'. The clinic, the doctor's fee--
the only thing he didn't take care of was Diana. She asked
me to go with her."
"And did you?"
I nod my head. "I wasn't allowed in the room while they
did the procedure, but I was waiting for her when she came
out and took care of her while she recovered.
"Diana joined the foreign counter-terrorism unit not long
after she had her pregnancy terminated. She told me she
needed a change of scenery, some time to forget and pick up
the pieces and she couldn't do that in D.C."
"Mulder?"
"Yeah?"
Scully looks uncomfortable. She runs her tongue over her
lips, averts her eyes briefly then meets my gaze. "I'm
sorry, but I have to ask this. Do you really believe she
was pregnant?"
"What?"
"Are you sure she just didn't tell you she was?"
"What the hell kind of a question is that?" I pull my
foot from her lap and sit up straight, wincing at the
sudden movement.
"Mulder, when Diana was in Europe, she used the counter
terrorism unit as a cover to monitor the MUFON women."
Scully pauses, her gaze intense. "Test subjects, Mulder.
Women who for all intents and purposes were being
experimented on for the sole purpose of becoming alien-
human hybrids."
"Scully, we don't know that for sure." Denial is a mighty
strong sword. One I find myself relying on more and more
to defend against the onslaught of accusations Scully is
proposing. How could the woman I protected and sat with 7
years ago, my ally in obtaining the X Files, be involved in
such heinous acts of treachery against the human race?
"You're reaching." I say to Scully. "You didn't see her
after the operation."
Scully remains unconvinced. "The FBI counter terrorism
unit doesn't move outside of the US borders. You know that.
And, if she was going to be stationed anywhere in the early
nineties, it would have been in the Middle East. Iran,
Iraq, Kuwait, not Europe. Don't you see what's happening?
The whole thing was a cover story perpetuated by the
consortium.
"If she was never pregnant, Mulder, that would mean that
she was a plant right from the start. The pregnancy act was
a means for Diana to gain your trust so she could be used
against you at a later date."
"Like now? That's what I call forward planning, Scully."
"You told me on our first case together that you were only
allowed to continue your work because you had connections
in Congress. Is that the same connection Diana used to get
you assigned to the X files in the first place?"
Clunk! Clunk! Clunk! Hear that? The pieces are slowly but
surely falling into place. And the picture they're forming
is making me sick to my stomach. Never let it be said that
I need to be whacked across the head with the truth before
I can see it staring me in the face.
"All those times I've been blocked by the government.
Access...to classified information denied, evidence...stolen or
lost. Who better to oversee my downfall than...than the men
pulling the strings? The people who put me in the X files
in the first place."
"That makes sense, but there's something that doesn't fit.
Why give you the X files if you are such a danger to them?"
"Give a man enough rope, Scully and eventually he'll hang
himself."
"What are you talking about?"
"Cancerman told me my father was against working with the
aliens. He wanted to use the alien DNA to create a vaccine.
The consortium took a vote and he was the only one that
voted against collaborating with them. I'm my father's son,
Scully. And they knew it would only be a matter of time
before I carried on his cause. Don't you see? By giving me
the X files they could control what I found. How I used it.
They could control me and I wouldn't even know it was
happening."
"Only you did know, Mulder. We both did."
"And a fat lot of good it's done me. Knowledge is only a
weapon if you know how to use it, Scully. And I've been
duped at every turn." I laugh, a hollow bitter sound.
"They've had all the aces up their sleeve: Diana,
Samantha, my father." I pause and look long and hard at
Scully. "And you."
"Mulder..."
"They sent you to debunk my work, to discredit me. To reel
me in. And when that failed, they tried to take you away
from me. They know that all they have to do is pull any
one of those cards from their sleeve and I'll dance to
their tune."
Scully grips my arm. Her fingers curl tight around my
flesh. "No. Not any more. We've beaten them, Mulder.
They're dead. And we're still here. It's over."
I shake my head. "It's not over, Scully. El Rico was a
setback for the project, but not the end. You can't wipe
out 50 years in one day."
"Do you think they're regrouping?"
I nod slowly. "There are still a number of key players
alive. Cancerman, Krycek and Diana. But we've got an ace or
two up our sleeve." Scully looks at me, trying to figure
out what I mean. "They don't know what we know. As far as
Diana is concerned, I'm still her little lap dog. And
that's something we can use against her."
Scully's gaze is unwavering as she studies my face. "Do
you think she'll be back?"
"Yeah, she'll be back. But this time I--*we'll* be ready
for her. Unless of course you're going to take that leave,
and reassignment you mentioned."
"I didn't really mean that, Mulder." She looks sheepish.
"I was hoping to jolt some sense into you to get you to
talk to me."
I chuckle softly. "I guess it worked."
We sit for a minute, not saying anything. Scully takes one
of my hands in hers, drawing lazy circles around my
knuckles. A shudder runs along my spine as I contemplate
the last 2 days. The near catastrophic events in West
Virginia, the futile loss of human life to alien predators.
And tonight, the final destruction of an illusion I've held
true for the last 7 years; the loss of a friend. Even if
that friendship only existed in my mind.
Suddenly it feels as if the temperature has dropped about
10 degrees. My body trembles in response.
"Mulder, you're shivering. Let's go home."
She's right. I'm cold. My ankle is throbbing and the
basketball court no longer feels like the haven it did just
a few short hours ago. I lean down and pick up my shoe,
loosening the laces as far as they'll go. "Yeah." I say,
carefully sliding the shoe over my neatly wrapped ankle.
"Let's get out of here."
The End.
Author's notes-This story was simply an act of indulgence
for myself. It also acted as a means of rationalizing
something that has bugged me since the end of season 5.
Diana Fowley. I can't stand the woman and the thought that
Mulder could have had any sort of intimate relationship
with her is totally abominable to me. So, in my world, she
didn't. And I'm partly justified in my belief when, in Amor
Fati, Mulder has that drug-induced nightmare about marrying
her. The next morning (thank you, Vickie, for pointing this
out to me) he says, "Diana, you lay all this on me after I
sleep with you ONE time." I rest my case. <G>
Feedback and comments to rbahnsen@optusnet.com.au
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