By NonEssential and NonExistent
oneprana@hotmail.com

CLASSIFICATION: Casefile
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: A case file involving serial kidnapping with
homonymous overtones.
DISCLAIMER:  The characters in this story, both named
and unnamed, belong to Fox, 1013, and Chris Carter.
AUTHORS' NOTES: This story was written for the
Mulder's Refuge July "Moose on the Loose" Challenge.

DEDICATION: This story is dedicated to Sixth
Extinction and Xtreme Unction, both for their belief
in truth, honesty, justice, and fair play, and for
their willingness to champion these ideals in support
of an unpopular cause.  If we are blind to, or lack
the courage or commitment to oppose minor injustices,
where will we find the fortitude to stand for our
beliefs in times of true crisis?

"Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to
improve the lot of others, or strikes out against
injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and
crossing each other from a million different centers
of energy and daring those ripples build a current
which can sweep down the mightiest walls of
oppression and resistance."
Robert F. Kennedy (1925 - 1968), Capetown, South
Africa, June 1966

"'He wouldn't let it go.  He said this was not the
kind of thing any decent human being could just let
go.' [...] 'The very thing that is most aggravating
about Kevin is the same thing that makes him such a
wonderful man.  He just doesn't know when to give
up,' she whispered."
Anne in "Extenuating Circumstances" by Xtreme Unction
and Obfusc8er, Ephemeral, August 2003

The authors also acknowledge those Refugees who
supported us in our writing, especially Obfusc8er,
Jenna, J. Millington, Satchie, and X-Phylia.

*****

Things had been very dull for the X-Files division.
The partners had done nothing but catch-up on
paperwork for two solid weeks; the pile of completed
reports gave Scully a feeling of accomplishment.
Mulder was just glad they were done.

Two weeks of paper work had been pure Mulder torture.
Of course, he had taken time out to peruse The Globe,
The National Enquirer, and the Internet, among other
resources, for potential cases.  He had even
submitted several 302's to Skinner.  But eventually
it became clear-even to him-they were staying right
here-in this office -until Skinner had every single
overdue report in his hands.

Scully had worked carefully and methodically; he had
worked carefully and erratically, his efforts
interrupted by a frequent need for coffee, snacks,
lunch, a sharper pencil, anything that would
momentarily free him from the mind-numbing drudgery
of final reports.  On the side, he had honed his
free-throw skills using bits of the reports that he
had written and Scully had rejected, enhanced his
ability to flip freshly sharpened pencils into the
ceiling, and had even constructed an impressive
silver chain using every available unused paper clip
in the X-files division.  Now, finally, they were
done.

Scully had taken the substantial pile of reports up
to Kim while he cleaned up the remaining mess of
papers and files that littered the office.  It had
taken less than five minutes to stack all the files
and loose papers and file them under R for random.
Scully would be pleased to see both their workspaces
cleared.  Mulder kicked back in his chair, propped
his feet on the now pristine surface of his desk, and
eyed the decorated ceiling proudly, his mind happily
considering a series of potential cases that he would
soon be free to investigate.  Freedom was just around
the corner.  Mulder doubted there would be a problem
with getting the stack of reports approved.  Scully
had long since mastered the fine art of making his
theories and thoughts sound scientific, and that gift
alone was reason enough to love her.  As soon as she
returned, they could be about the important business
of preparing for their next case.  He was a lucky
man.

Hearing the door open he turned, goofy grin in place,
expecting to see his partner back from her errand.
His eyes settled instead on a broad chest,
fastidiously starched and ironed white shirt,
expensive silk tie, and impeccably fitted suit coat.
His eyes shifted up to meet bespectacled brown eyes
as he scrambled to his feet, straightened his own
somewhat less than conservative tie and shifted his
features into a more professional arrangement.  "Good
afternoon, sir, what brings you down here?" he
queried as the last vestiges of good humor drained
from his eyes with the realization that a visit from
his superior rarely heralded anything but the worst
of news.  For a brief moment his mind skittered
across the horrible fear that something had happened
to Scully.  Fortunately he quickly rejected that
thought.  He had after all heard her board the
elevator only minutes earlier; an abduction between
the basement and fifth floor of the Hoover building
seemed unlikely-even within his admittedly paranoid
world view.  Preparing for the worst, he raised his
defenses, schooled his face into the impassive
expression he used to hide from the world, and waited
for the AD to impart his news.

True to form Assistant Director Skinner maintained
his stern visage, pointedly ignoring the rolled up
sleeves, goofy grin, and, most of all, the pencil-
decorated ceiling.  He watched with a mixture of
satisfaction and sadness the impact of his arrival.
It wouldn't do for his wayward agent to realize he
had a sense of humor.  Furthermore, the cause
precipitating his unexpected visit left little room
for levity.  Both of his agents were anxious to
return to the field, but neither would welcome the
case he was about to assign.  "Good afternoon,
Agent," he ventured as an icebreaker.  "I have a case
that I would like you and Agent Scully to
investigate."  His eyes scanned the room, seemingly
only just realizing that the two men were alone.
"Where is Agent Scully?"

"I don't know how you missed her," replied Mulder.
"She just took the overdue case reports up to your
office for approval."  A frisson of fear passed
through Mulder's body before he quickly tamped down
on the emotion, certain that there would be a logical
explanation for why Skinner had missed seeing her.

The AD raised his eyebrow at this bit of news.  "So
you finally caught up on all that back paperwork.  I
am glad to hear that as you may be away for an
extended period on this new assignment.  I just came
from the Director's office, which is probably how I
missed running into Agent Scully."  Skinner's eyes
shifted around the room seemingly unwilling to meet
the curious eyes of his agent.  "He specifically
requested that the two of you be assigned to the task
force investigating this case.  Please look it over."
Mulder gingerly accepted the proffered file,
wondering what the hell had his normally stoic boss
acting so ill at ease.  Skinner continued his
uninterrupted monolog, "Despite weeks of work, the
task force has made little headway.  I'd like both
you and Agent Scully to meet with me in an hour and
discuss any questions you might have.  The Director
would like you on a plane for Minneapolis tonight, so
you don't have a lot of time.  Unfortunately there is
no airport in Frostbite Falls, so you'll have to
drive the rest of the way."  Without waiting for a
response and glad to have completed his somewhat
onerous task, Skinner pivoted and left the X-Files
office, leaving a slightly bewildered agent staring
at the space he had just vacated.

Mulder slouched back into his chair, eyeing the
delivered casefile distastefully, loath to open it
and learn what new evil had been unleashed on an
unsuspecting populace.  It must be a doozy, if
Skinner's odd behavior was any indication.  He heard
the elevator ding, hopefully signaling the welcome
arrival of his partner as well as the equally welcome
departure of his boss.  He sighed, listening to the
familiar click of her heels as she returned to him.
Whatever horrors the mundane manila folder contained-
at least he would not have to face them alone.  He
turned and smiled as Scully entered the office.  The
smile was a shadow of the one that had greeted
Skinner only moments earlier, but he hoped Scully
appreciated the effort.

Within moments Scully had taken in Mulder's slumped
form and pathetic smile, compared it to the jubilant
partner she had left in this office only minutes
earlier, added in not only the oddness of
encountering Skinner at the elevator entrance, but
also his distracted behavior, and deduced that those
observations equaled trouble.  Conclusion drawn, she
pinned Mulder with her gaze, "Ooookay Mulder, what
the hell happened in the ten minutes I was gone?"

"Sculleee," he responded with raised eyebrows, "It
wasn't my fault.  I had just finished cleaning up the
office when Skinner walked in and left this."   He
pointed disdainfully at the innocent-looking file
folder on his otherwise empty desk.  "You know
everything isn't always about me."

Scully arched an answering eyebrow and in a still
suspicious tone replied, "That may be true, Mulder,
but you do have a way of finding and causing trouble
without even trying.  So, if you didn't do anything
and I didn't do anything, the problem must be in that
file.  Have you looked at it yet?"

"No, but I was just about to do so.  How about I look
over the police reports and the interviews while you
check out the autopsies?"  In a clear delaying action
he gingerly pushed the file in her general direction.
"Here, you pull out the autopsies.  I need to visit
the little agent's room and run upstairs to the snack
machines before settling in to read."

"Sounds like a plan," sighed Scully, indirectly
acknowledging her awareness of his ruse to avoid
opening the file, even as he rapidly escaped out the
door.  As she sifted through the thick folder for ME
reports and autopsies, she mused over her partner's
strange behavior.  It was very unlike him not to hog
the file on a new case.

Having exhausted all the reasonable delaying tactics
at his disposal, Mulder reluctantly turned his steps
back towards the basement office.  No sense in adding
Scully irritation to an already bad situation.  Damn.
He had been so close to freedom-just him, Scully, and
the open road-and then Skinner had assigned them to
this bad-ass task force-no doubt with the SAC from
hell.  Turning into the office, he was surprised to
see a very puzzled Scully hunched over the file, one
eyebrow cocked in a way that clearly conveyed her
complete confusion over its contents.  She was so
absorbed that she failed to notice his entrance.
Slightly unnerved by her single-minded focus, he
prodded her, "Scully, is there a problem?"

She momentarily jerked up from her perusal of the
case.  "Geez, Mulder, give a girl a heart attack, why
don't you?  And yes, there's a problem.  This case is
weird, really weird," she muttered, as her eyes
drifted back to the file.

At the word 'weird,' Mulder brightened considerably.
He moved closer, even as he asked,  "Care to be a
little more specific?  Weird encompasses so much of
what we do."  He reached out seeking to gain
possession of the file so that he could formulate his
own opinion relative to its weirdness, but Scully
pulled it away, still engrossed in her perusal of the
contents.  "C'mon Scully, give me a little more
information.  Is this an X-File?"

At the word 'X-File' Scully seemed to return to the
present.  "Nope, Mulder.  Sorry, but I don't catch
even a whiff of that paranormal bouquet of which
you're so fond.  This looks like the work of an
ordinary kidnapper, but it's damn odd."

Mulder visibly slumped at her words, dropping into
his own chair and tilting backwards.  "Well, how
about handing me the police reports and interviews so
I can get a handle on the weirdness level for
myself?"

"I would, Mulder, but there aren't any autopsy
reports, so we'll just have to share the police
reports and interviews."  She began to summarize what
she had learned, hoping to prepare him a bit before
he looked at the pictures of the victims for himself.
"There have been 15 kidnappings in the past month,
all children between the ages of seven and nine, a
variety of socioeconomic levels, and no pattern in
sex or ethnicity.  The only commonality among the
victims is that all are extremely bright.  It appears
to be the work of a serial kidnapper as all the cases
share a similar MO.  None of the victims or their
bodies has been recovered.  The city is in a state of
panic, and the local press is crucifying the law
enforcement agencies-city, county, and state, as well
as the Bureau.  Here, take a look at the case summary
and these reports and interviews.  It's been a month
since the kidnappings started, and there has
essentially been no progress in capturing the
kidnapper.  The UNSUB has made no effort to
communicate with the families of the victims, the
police, or the press, so we have no insight into
motive.  The only thing we know is that another child
can be expected to disappear every other day."  On
that solemn note, Scully handed the file over,
watching her partner slump even lower in his seat as
he absorbed her words.  She knew he hated cases that
involved children, especially kidnapping cases-or
abductions, as he was prone to think of them.  She
knew as she examined his pensive form that he was
reliving his own sister's abduction.  Unexplained
serial abductions, her mind laughed.  Now she knew
why Skinner was worried.  And, of course, who did the
FBI want?  Wonder Boy.  Spooky Profiler Mulder.  Her
mind unwillingly dredged up the Lucy Householder case,
skittered briefly over his behavior during the
Patterson case.  Mulder, abducted children, and
profiling were a very bad mix.  Why the hell couldn't
Skinner have found someone else for this case?  She
sighed.  Much as she might hate it, she knew there
was no cogent argument for that scenario.  Mulder was
the best, and those kids deserved the best.  She knew
Mulder wouldn't have it any other way.

At her sigh, Mulder looked up from the casefile.  "Oh
Scully, I almost forgot.  Skinner wants to brief us
in an hour-well, now it's about 40 minutes.  Then he
wants us to fly out tonight."

*****

Scully glanced over at her sleeping partner, glad
that he was getting some rest since she was sure the
days ahead would allow little time for sleep.  The
briefing with Skinner had been uneventful.  It was
clear to her discerning eye that he regretted
assigning the case to them, but it was also clear
there would be no reprieve.  The Bureau wanted this
case solved, and they were counting on Spooky Mulder
to deliver, regardless of the cost to his well-being.
The orders had come directly from the Director.  It
had been a hectic day, and she could feel her own
eyes beginning to close with fatigue.  It was hard to
believe that it had only been this morning when they
had completed all their back paper work.  Then
Skinner had arrived and their leisurely day had
become a day filled with briefings, packing, and
ultimately a mad dash to the airport to catch the
last flight of the day.  As she mentally reviewed the
contents of the file, her head drifted to her
partner's shoulder and she joined him in sleep.  The
next thing she knew, they were on the ground, the
pilot was making chatty announcements, and a grinning
Mulder was looking down at her.

"Hey, Scully, you drooled on me.  You must have
really been tired to sleep through the landing."  He
then stood, assisted her to her feet, and pulled
their carry-ons from the overhead bin.  "Let's go,
Scully, daylight will be here in no time."  And
indeed, by the time the partners had rented a car,
driven to Frostbite Falls, and checked into their
motel, dawn was beginning to lighten the sky.  By
mutual agreement they entered their respective rooms
and tumbled into bed.  If they were quick, they could
get two hours of sleep and still make it to the 9 AM
briefing at the local bureau office.

*****

Mulder and Scully arrived at the Bureau office at
exactly 8:45 looking sharp and professional.  Except
for slightly bloodshot eyes, no one would ever guess
the agents had spent the night on the redeye out of
D.C.  They approached the receptionist and Scully
introduced them, asking, "could you direct us to the
briefing room?"

The receptionist gave them the room number and
directed them in the general direction.  She was
mildly surprised by their professional and normal
appearance.  The guy was pure eye candy-not at all
what she expected, given the rumors that had been
flying about ever since the SAC received notification
of the addition to the task force.  Who would have
guessed that Spooky Mulder would look so good?  Oh
well, she had been working for the Bureau long enough
to know that many a fruit loop was hidden under a
great exterior.

The briefing room was a beehive of controlled
activity as agents conferred, gobbled donuts, and
made last minute changes in their morning reports.
Despite the high level of activity, the overall
atmosphere was subdued as the agents from the various
teams compared notes and realized that they were not
one step closer to solving the string of kidnappings
than they had been on day one, with fifteen victims
and-unless their luck changed-another one projected
for today.  Mulder and Scully entered the room
together, eyes sweeping over the 11 other agents in
the room, as their own entrance temporarily went
unnoticed.  Then the noise-as though controlled by a
rheostat-slowly died away as the other agents paused
in their conversations to inspect the new arrivals
and then gradually returned to its previous level as
agents completed cursory examinations and self-
consciously returned to abandoned conversations.  The
conversations now had a new focus as agents randomly
discussed the bits and pieces of gossip they had
heard about these newcomers from D.C.  Did they
really chase aliens?  Was he as crazy and brilliant
as they had heard?  Did they really think they were
going to come in here and crack this case?  Was she
as crazy as he was?  Scuttlebutt on her was mixed;
they had heard she was a gifted pathologist and
investigator, that she just put up with him because
he looked good and was a great lay, and
alternatively, that she was cold as ice and just as
crazy as he.  They would watch and draw their own
conclusions.  As the conversations continued, one
figure drew away from the others and approached
Mulder and Scully.

He walked up to the agents, "Hi, I am Mark Rossini.
I'm the SAC for this task force, brought in on
special assignment from the Minneapolis office.  I
gather you are Agents Mulder and Scully."  He
extended his hand as he completed his greeting.

Mulder grasped the proffered hand, and the two men
exchanged a professional handshake.  The man then
diverted his attention to Scully, offering his hand
to her and exchanging a softer and more attenuated
version of the handshake he had shared with Mulder.
Mulder carefully scrutinized his new SAC throughout
the introductions.  He was smaller than Mulder, only
about four inches taller than Scully, but well-built.
Mulder wondered if he might have wrestled in college.
More importantly he wondered if he would end up as
friend or foe.  In the long run, it didn't matter; he
would do his job regardless-it was just a lot more
pleasant if he didn't have to buck the man in charge.

Having completed opening civilities the SAC addressed
the two agents more directly.  "I've heard a lot
about both of you, some good, some bad.  I don't want
you coming in here and interfering with our ongoing
investigation, but I am hopeful you will be able to
provide us with some new directions.  I have orders
from A.D. Skinner to give you as much freedom as
possible in following your own avenues of
investigation.  But Agents, there is a limit to my
patience.  I will not have you disobeying orders or
turning this task force into a cartoon."  Then he
turned, focusing his attention on Agent Mulder.
"Please keep in mind that this is not one of your so-
called X-Files.  And Agent Mulder, while a different,
and rather unusual vehicle was used in each
kidnapping, none of the kidnappings involved a flying
saucer.  I look forward to seeing a completed profile
as soon as you have the necessary data to formulate
one."  He then pivoted and moved to the front of the
room to initiate the morning briefing, his mind
preoccupied with the two new agents and how they
would affect the dynamics of his task force.  At
least he didn't require Agent Scully's autopsy skills
yet, although he had little doubt that her skills
would, unfortunately, be needed in the very near
future.

Mulder and Scully took their seats and exchanged
raised eyebrows and strained smiles as Mulder
mouthed, "Nice."  The briefing lasted for over an
hour as the leader of each of the three teams gave a
report of their previous day's activities and
findings and answered questions from other team
members.  Unfortunately the reports added very little
to what was already known.  At the conclusion of the
briefing, the teams separated to pursue their
assigned responsibilities.

Mulder and Scully were left to follow their 'own
avenues of investigation,' which suited them just
fine.  They quickly decided to visit the crime
scenes, then interview the six eyewitnesses, and
finally interview the families of the victims.
Mulder realized that other agents had already covered
this ground, but personally visiting the sites and
interviewing witnesses and family members was very
helpful in formulating a profile.  He abhorred
talking with the family members, but it was that part
of the process that gave resonance to his
understanding of the victim.  Without that, he found
it nearly impossible to visualize the UNSUB, and it
was his ability to see the UNSUB in three dimensions
that made his profiles so eerily accurate.

By mid-afternoon, both agents were exhausted, the
previous day's marathon reflected in their tired
steps.  Little new information had been garnered
through their efforts.  Basically, they knew that the
kidnapper took a new victim every other day, that he
used a variety of vehicles and none of the reported
license plates were real, and that the victims
voluntarily climbed into the vehicles.  And then
there was the odd fact that the vehicles themselves
were rather fanciful, not standard Fords and
Chevrolets, but brightly colored custom jobs.  Their
onsite investigations had added a little flesh here
and there, but nothing really new. The most
interesting bit, other than the diversity and oddness
of the cars, was that every eyewitness emphasized
that the children not only voluntarily climbed into
the kidnapper's car, but also seemed most eager to do
so.  Even the most recent victims had happily climbed
into the kidnap vehicle-despite having recently
received dire warnings about the danger of speaking
to strangers.  The only conclusion to be drawn was
that the kidnapper must have somehow momentarily
inveigled the children. Mulder considered the
possibility that he might have a puppy or some
equally attractive inducement to draw the children
in.

Having just completed interviews of three of the
victim's families, the two agents were discussing how
to best use the remainder of the day.  Scully wanted
Mulder to return to the motel and begin working on
the profile, while she interviewed more of the
families before joining him for dinner.  Her proposed
justification for this division of labor was SAC
Rossini's desire to have a new profile to work from
as soon as possible.  In truth she could see that the
interviews were torture to her partner; every victim
was Samantha, every broken sibling, him.  The last
family had been especially difficult.  The mother had
broken down in tears when he asked her to relate how
she and her son had spent the day of the kidnapping.
The irate father had then accused Mulder of getting
his kicks by forcing innocent family members to
relive the horror of that tragic day when he should
have been out catching the bastard.  Mulder had
simply clammed up at that point, leaving Scully to
complete the interview and guide his nearly catatonic
form back to the car.  Her justification fell on deaf
ears as Mulder insisted he could not complete the
profile until he had at least met all of the
families.  They had compromised by agreeing to
interview the family of one more victim before
returning to the motel and beginning to collate the
information they had.

It was at this point that they got their first break
and certainly the highlight of the case.  SAC Rossini
called to say that the most recent kidnapping attempt
had failed.  The victim was a seven-year old girl
named Rebecca Sooter.  The kidnapper had pulled over
to the curb and engaged her in conversation as she
played outside her home.  Then, unlike all the other
victims, she had-according to witnesses-suddenly run
away screaming.  However, she steadfastly refused to
relate the experience to any of the agents at the
scene and had now been taken to the local hospital
for observation.  The staff psychologist there found
no evidence of emotional trauma, but the girl was
resolute in her refusal to divulge any details
regarding the attempted kidnapping.  Her doctor
elected to keep her overnight and refused to allow
any further interviews until the following day.  The
big question now was whether a second attempt would
be made.

Deprived of their opportunity to interview Rebecca,
the agents decided to continue with their original
plan and visit the family of the next victim-Sharon
Indersen-before returning to the motel.  Sharon was
nine years old, blonde, and blue-eyed.  The interview
of her family progressed much like the earlier
interviews they had conducted.  The family was
typical; both parents worked, and there was an older
brother and younger sister.  They had spent the day
doing normal things.  The brother spent the day with
a friend while the girls had gotten up early, watched
cartoons on the cartoon network, and then gone
grocery shopping with their mom.  It had been a quick
trip to the Value Rite grocery store to pick up a few
of the staples they were running low on.  They came
home, had tuna sandwiches, baked beans and chips for
lunch.  Then Rob, the father, decided to take a nap
after having worked in the yard all morning.  Sharon
and her sister went to play in the front yard.  Their
mom reminded them to be careful and not to talk to
any strangers.  She then went upstairs to vacuum.
She paused to check on the girls through the upstairs
window and saw a bright purple car sort of like an
oversized Volkswagen bug pull up to the curb.  Sharon
had immediately walked over to it.  She screamed out
the window to get back, but got no response.
Terrified she raced down the stairs and burst out the
door-too late to save her daughter.  She had written
down the license plate, but the police had been
unable to find a match in their database.  It had
been a beautiful, normal day culminating in a
horrible, very abnormal, tragic event.  The two
agents listened sympathetically as the mother related
her story, waiting patiently when tears caused her to
pause in her recital of events.  When she was
finished, Mulder asked her what items she had
purchased at the grocery store.  She thought about it
a minute before listing milk and bread.  "Oh, and I
got each of the girls a box of cereal.  I wasn't too
happy about that because we had plenty at home, and
it costs so much more at the local grocery store than
it does at the Walmart Supercenter, but you know how
kids are.  They had been so good all morning that I
didn't really mind.  Sharon picked Trix.  I know it's
loaded with sugar, and I'm not even sure she likes
the cereal, but she definitely likes the advertising.
Whenever her sister wants them for breakfast, Sharon
grabs them and says, 'Silly Rabbit, Trix are for
kids.'"
 
On that bittersweet note the agents stood to leave,
Mulder pausing to ask why the food was so much more
expensive at Value Rite.  Mrs. Indersen seemed
bewildered by the strange question, but was willing
to provide any information that these two new
investigators thought might help save her daughter.
"I don't really know, Mr. Mulder.  I suppose it's
buying power.  The big chains get better wholesale
pricing.  I mean, I know that Value Rite is part of
an association of independent grocers and that helps
them with prices, but they still can't really offer
the discounts that the big chains have."

Mulder seemed to consider the answer carefully.
Finally, he said, "Thank you, Mrs. Indersen.  You've
been very helpful.  We'll be in touch if we need any
further information, or if we uncover any information
concerning your daughter's whereabouts."  With those
parting words the two agents took their leave and
returned to their dark blue Taurus rental.

Scully slid into the car and buckled up, waiting for
Mulder to do the same before inquiring, "So, Mulder,
care to enlighten me as to your sudden interest in
grocery store prices?"

Delaying his response, Mulder pulled out into the
street before finally glancing over at Scully, a
small smile playing across his features.  "Well,
Scully, I think that bit of information may not only
end up saving me money when I grocery shop, but could
also be the connection that we've been missing.  I
mean, we have considered every possible connection
between these kids and found absolutely nothing.
They live in different neighborhoods, have different
doctors, go to different schools, play on different
sports teams, and even shop at different stores.  It
looked like the kidnapper was just randomly driving
around until he spotted a victim and nabbed them, but
the high intelligence of all the kids is
contradictory to the idea of chance selection.  And
it just doesn't fit with the profile I am developing.
But now I have a possible connection-if it pans out.
Scully, even though all the stores had different
names, perhaps they are connected through that buying
association she mentioned.  I'm going to ask Rossini
to have someone look into that while I work on the
profile.  Maybe, just maybe, our guy works for this
association.  Maybe he supplies or delivers
commodities to all the different stores-maybe even
cereal-and has access to the kids somehow while they
are shopping.  I mean, every single family reported
having taken their son or daughter shopping on the
day they were kidnapped.  But because they all
frequented different stores, no one thought that
would turn out to be significant.  And Scully, none
of the stores mentioned were major chains.  I just
feel like this might be the break we've been looking
for."

"I hope you are right about this, Mulder, because so
far we have nothing. The one thing we know for sure
is that the longer these kids are missing, the less
likely it is we'll find them alive.  But I'm afraid I
don't see how any suspects we turn up through this
proposed connection would be able to identify the
brightest children as victims."

Sighing, Mulder replied, "Yeah, I wondered about that
too, Scully.  I know I'm reaching here, but it's the
only straw I've been able to grasp.  I just hope it's
the right straw."

The partners completed the remainder of the drive
back to their motel in silence, both lost in their
own thoughts about the case: the lack of progress,
the concern for the kids, and the overriding fear
that the bodies were going to start showing up.
Mulder was anxious to start putting the profile
together, but realized that so far he just didn't
have enough insight into the UNSUB.  He was
reasonably sure it was a guy, but it was more of a
gut feeling than anything else.  It was certainly
nothing he could justify in front of the task force.
He ran it through his head: male, probably Caucasian,
fairly short and slender, non-threatening demeanor,
and very good with children.  Mulder was certain of
the last part.  Whoever was kidnapping these kids had
a real knack with kids, the Pied Piper of Frostbite
Falls.  Not much of a profile to go suspect hunting
with, but it might be useful if his proposed
connection held up, and if they could generate a list
of suspects that would have reason to be at each of
the stores.  Those were still two big ifs, and even
more problematical was the question of how the UNSUB-
even if he had contact with the kids-was able to
determine they were gifted.  Furthermore, why would
the kidnapper use intelligence as the winnowing
criterion for selecting his victims?  And on a
slightly more frivolous note: where was he getting
all those weird cars?  The cars described by the
eyewitnesses were not exactly cars you could drive
around town unnoticed.  Mulder pulled into the motel
with that last thought still bouncing around in his
brain.

Preoccupied with brightly-colored vehicles, Mulder
followed his partner into her room and was startled
when she tapped him on his shoulder.  "Earth to
Mulder," she intoned while peering into his face.
"Anybody home in there?"

Mulder smiled.  "Sorry, Scully.  I was lost in
thought.  I'm having a tough time getting into this
guy's head.  The only profile I have thus far is so
superficial that if I actually presented it, Rossini
would probably laugh his ass off."

"Well Mulder, tomorrow is another day.  You were able
to identify a possible connection between the victims
today, and tomorrow, we might have the opportunity to
interview Rebecca Sooter.  If she opens up, she may
give us the dynamite we need to blow this case wide
open.  On top of that, the kidnapper didn't get his
next victim.  How about you go type up as much of the
profile as you have, and I'll call Rossini and see if
he can get some agents to look into the connection
between the grocery stores?  Then I'll order us some
dinner.  Any objections to Chinese?"

"That sounds like a plan, Scully, and Chinese sounds
wonderful.  I am starving.  If you don't mind, I'm
going to grab a quick shower before dinner."

Scully watched her partner disappear into his own
room, eyebrow raised in amazement at his unexpected
behavior.  She wasn't complaining, but she did wonder
where Spooky Mulder was hiding, and when she could
expect him to show up.

*****

After a good night's sleep, Mulder was awake before
five and went for a quick run.  He then showered and
dressed before knocking on Scully's door.  A slightly
bleary-eyed Scully appeared and balefully eyed her
hyper partner.  "Mulder, it's only six, we don't have
to be at the briefing until nine, and Mulder, you
can't wear that tie.  The colors hurt my eyes, and
FBI agents do not wear ties with Porky Pig on them.
And what are those other creatures?  Never mind, I
don't want to know.  Just take it off.  SAC Rossini
looks like a by-the-regs kind of guy, and while you
haven't really done anything to piss him off yet, I'm
sure it's only a matter of time."

"Aw, c'mon, Scully, I got this tie on eBay.  It's my
new favorite, since I ruined my Marvin the Martian
one.  Besides, I'm not going to the briefing.  That's
what I came to tell you."

"Mulder, you have to go to the briefing."

"No, Scully, I don't have to go to the briefing, and
I'm not going.  You can go and tell me what I miss.
Here are the keys to the rental.  Oh, and here is my
profile, such as it is.  Please give it to SAC
Rossini."

"And exactly what the hell am I going to tell him
you're doing?"

Mulder smiled at his partner.  He loved the way her
eyebrow went up and her eyes got all wide when she
was angry.  And she looked so damn cute all sleepy
and rumpled.  He sure was lucky to have her for a
partner.

"Mulder, wipe that stupid smile off your face.  What
the hell is wrong with you?  You do have to go to
that briefing.  And if you don't go, what am I
supposed to tell Rossini?"

Still smiling, Mulder turned to climb into the
waiting cab.  "Tell him I'm revising my profile and
pursuing my 'own avenues of investigation.'"  With
those parting words, he was gone.  He turned his
attention to the cab driver.  "Drop me off at the
Frostbite Falls Memorial Hospital, please."

In retrospect, he had to admit Scully had a point.
What the hell was wrong with him?  Here he was,
working a serial abduction case involving kids, and
he wasn't even mildly depressed.  He was clearly
slightly manic, but overall he felt good.  His
"spooky" ability to get into the UNSUB's head seemed
to have completely deserted him.  Usually on a case
like this, it felt like he was swimming in a
cesspool.  Maybe it was because there weren't any
bodies.  The casefile was filled with smiling faces,
all before images and no after images.  God, he
dreaded the possibility of seeing the "after"
pictures.  He had to find the kidnapper before that
happened.  He just had to.

*****

Finding Rebecca Sooter was easy.  Getting in to see
her was not.  First, he had to convince her doctor
that he was indeed an FBI agent; the doctor didn't
seem to like the tie any better than Scully had.

"Look, um...Agent Mulder, I understand how important it
is that you learn as much as you can about the
kidnapper, and I know that Rebecca is apparently the
only child with whom the kidnapping attempt was
unsuccessful.  I don't want to see another child
taken anymore than you do, and I do realize the
probability of finding any of those unfortunate kids
drops with every passing minute.  But Agent Mulder,
Rebecca seems to remember nothing of the event.  I
see no reason to harass or upset her any further.
Rebecca's parents are extremely protective of her;
she hasn't been around other children much.  Her
parents have always treated her as an adult, so she
is very mature.  Her refusal to discuss what happened
is most unusual, but whenever anyone even mentions
the experience she clams up, claiming she remembers
nothing.  The Bureau even sent a child psychologist
down to talk to her.  He got nothing.  What makes you
think you'll have any more success?"

"I understand your concerns, Dr. Sanders, and I don't
know if I'll have any more success than any of those
other people.  All I know is I'm trying to put
together a profile on this guy, and I just don't have
the information I need to do it.  Just talking to
her-even if she won't talk about the kidnapping-will
give me information.  I promise if she shows any
signs of distress, I'll back off.  If I can't get a
better read on this guy, kids are going to start to
die, and none of us wants that."

"Look, Agent Mulder, I'd really like to help, but I
just can't take a chance on you pushing Rebecca too
far and causing a serious problem.  She is clearly
repressing the event.  It's going to take time and a
professional psychologist to help her deal with the
trauma."

"How about if I promise to not even ask her about the
kidnapping?  We'll just have a nice talk.  You can
come in with me, and if you don't like the way things
are going, just say the word and I'll stop.  C'mon,
what harm could that cause?"

The doctor sighed and gave in.  "Okay.  This goes
against my better judgment, but I will let you talk
with her.  Keep in mind, though, that when I say the
word, the interview is over, and you leave-no
questions asked."

With the rules established, the two men walked into
Rebecca's room.  Mulder was surprised to see her
engrossed in reading "A Tale of Two Cities."  He shut
the door firmly in order to divert her attention to
him.  "Hi, my name is Fox Mulder, and I just dropped
by to talk with you for a bit."

Rebecca turned to consider her newest visitor.
Fixing him with cornflower blue eyes, she replied,
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Mulder.  My name is Rebecca
Sooter, but I guess you already knew that."

Mulder had the feeling he was talking to a middle-
aged woman in the body of a seven-year old, a feeling
that left him slightly adrift concerning the
direction his interview should take.  "So, do you
read a lot, Rebecca?"

"Oh, yes, and I love Dickens.  Reading is one of my
favorite things to do."

Mulder searched his memory for some other books she
might have read, finally asking, "So, are you a big
fan of the Harry Potter books and movies?"

"No, I never read silly things like that," was her
unexpected answer.  "Mother says it's a waste to read
such fanciful things.  Everyone knows there aren't
any real sorcerers, witches, ghosts, dragons, or any
of that sort of nonsense."

More than slightly taken aback and with his interest
piqued, Mulder continued, "So you only read serious
books, nothing about Santa Clause or the Easter
Bunny?"

"Of course not, Mr. Mulder, those are all made up
things.  Mother has always been very truthful with
me.  She told me that other children believe in those
things, and I should never try to dissuade them, as
it wouldn't be appropriate.  But I know they're not
real.  Mother says when they get older they'll know
too."

"Well, that is an interesting point of view, Rebecca.
Please call me Fox; no one calls me Mr. Mulder."

"Okay...Fox.  That is a funny name, but I think it
fits.  That's a pretty silly tie you have on, by the
way.  My father would never wear anything like that.
You know, looking at that tie makes me want to tell
you something.  I haven't told my mother or father
because they would think I needed counseling.  But I
have wanted to tell someone and everyone keeps
asking.  You didn't ask, but I think you want to
know.  First, though, you need to tell me why you
have on such a funny tie."

"Everyone's a tie critic today.  What, you don't like
Porky Pig?"

"Well, actually, I don't know who Porky Pig is, but I
can tell he isn't real.  And that is sort of what I
wanted to talk to you about."

Mulder smiled what he hoped was a reassuring smile
and prompted her to continue.  "I'd love to hear
what's on your mind, Rebecca."  He glanced over to
make sure the doctor wasn't making any move to
interrupt.

"Well, Fox," she smiled at the odd name, "yesterday I
was outside reading under the big oak tree in our
front yard, and Mr. Peabody came by.  It was the
first time I ever saw him outside the grocery store,
so I went over to talk to him.  Mother said, 'Don't
talk to strangers,' but Mr. Peabody isn't a stranger.
I said hello to him, and he asked if I would like to
go for a ride with him and his friends.  At first, I
didn't see anyone else in the car, but then I looked
in the back seat.  Now, Fox, this is the part where
it gets weird.  There was a moose in the back seat-a
moose and a rabbit.  The next part is kind of
embarrassing for me, but I was so frightened when I
saw the moose that I ran away screaming.  Mr. Peabody
drove off, my mother came running out, and everyone
started talking about the kidnapper.  Soon, the
police arrived, and everyone wanted to know what
happened.  I didn't know what to say.  I know Mr.
Peabody wouldn't kidnap me.  And how could I tell my
mother that the reason I was frightened was because
there was a moose in his backseat?  Now, I certainly
hope you don't think I made this up because I promise
you, it's the truth."  She paused at that point and
waited nervously for a reaction to her story.  It was
the truth, but she couldn't imagine anyone believing
her.

Mulder had listened with amazement to the child's
story.  His mind was going a mile a minute.  Had the
lack of myth and legend in her childhood coupled with
the attempted abduction caused her to snap?  That
didn't seem to be the case.  She seemed as sane as he
was-well, to be honest, she seemed a lot saner than
he was.  But how could the kidnapper-Mr. Peabody-have
a moose riding around in his car?  He decided to
focus for the moment on Mr. Peabody.  They could talk
about the moose later.  "So, Rebecca, what does Mr.
Peabody do at the grocery store?"

Rebecca relaxed when she realized that Fox didn't
seem to find her story the slightest bit odd.  She
had definitely chosen wisely when she picked him to
share her strange experience with.  He just seemed
like the kind of person who would believe in weird
stuff.  "Mr. Peabody brings the cereal and puts it on
the shelf.  He comes every Thursday to Big Star
Grocery.  That's the night Mother shops.  He is so
kind and interesting.  We talk about history, but he
makes it seem real-not like he is telling you about
things he read in a book, but like he is telling you
about things he actually saw."

Mulder could barely contain his excitement.  He hoped
that Rebecca had just given him the kidnapper's name
and job.  Now, he just needed to find out about the
moose.  Trying to sound nonchalant, he asked, "What
about the moose in the back seat?  Was it a real
moose?"

"Of course it wasn't a real moose.  How could a real
moose sit with a rabbit in the back seat of a car?"

 "Good point, but if it wasn't a real moose, was it a
stuffed moose?"

"Fox, do you think I would run away screaming from a
stuffed moose?  The moose was alive; it just wasn't
real."

Mulder, at this point, was a having a very hard time
keeping up.  "Rebecca, I am a little confused here.
You're telling me the moose was alive, but it wasn't
real.  Did you imagine it?"

"Fox, that's a little insulting.  I don't imagine
things.  This moose wasn't real, but it was alive,
just like that pig on your tie.  I'm telling you,
Fox, there was a moose in the back of Mr. Peabody's
car, and not only was the moose alive, but the moose
was loose.  And don't forget that there was a rabbit,
too, but it wasn't nearly as scary as the moose.  Oh,
and don't tell anyone, but the moose said 'hello' to
me.  That's when I ran away."

Mulder was really confused at this point, and he
could see the doctor was ready to bring the interview
to an end.  For the time being, the moose would have
to remain a mystery, but he had a good lead as far as
the kidnapper's identity.  He smiled a real smile at
Rebecca and thanked her for her help, promising to
drop by and talk to her again later.

*****

Mulder called Scully as soon as he was out the
hospital doors.  She answered on the first ring.
"Mulder, where are you?  SAC Rossini is ready to put
you on the first flight back to Washington.  He
clearly views ditching his daily briefing as a
personal insult."

"Listen, Scully, I got a lead.  Did they present any
information on the possible connection between the
grocery stores today?"

"No, Mulder, I'm not even sure Rossini has anyone
looking into that angle.  I don't believe he thinks
much of your idea, or of you.  He said your profile
was crap, and you sure as hell weren't living up to
your reputation as a crack profiler, but he could
definitely see why everyone thought you were a pain
in the ass.  He wants to see you immediately."

"Oh, Scully, that wounds me.  You know how important
it is to me to be loved.  If you can avoid it, don't
tell him you talked to me.  Oh, one last thing.  I
don't know how important it is, but there is a moose
involved in this case, and the moose is on the loose.
I gotta run.  Places to go, people to see."

"Mulder, don't you dare hang up on me.  Mulder, where
are you?  What's your lead and what are you talking
about, 'the moose is loose'?"  Dammit, she was
talking to the ether-again.  "What the hell is wrong
with that man?"

*****

Thanks to his eidetic memory, Mulder was able to
remember each of the grocery stores visited by the
kidnapped children.  He was on his fifth store, Mel's
Discount Grocery, inspecting the cereal aisle, when
he saw the man that had to be Mr. Peabody.  He was
small, slender, close to Scully's height, and was
wearing black-rimmed glasses.  He was busy stocking
the shelves, but was also busy chatting with several
children.  Both Mr. Peabody and the kids seemed to be
enjoying themselves immensely.  This man certainly
didn't look like a serial kidnapper, but Mulder was
sure this was the Mr. Peabody that Rebecca had talked
about.  He didn't want to start anything here in the
store, not with so many civilians in the vicinity,
and especially not with the children so close to the
man.  He sure didn't want a hostage situation, and he
sure didn't want a dead suspect.  He needed this man
alive to find out where the other children were being
held.  At least, he hoped the man was still holding
them captive; the alternative was not something he
wanted to consider.  Mulder's careful perusal of the
suspect didn't reveal any obvious weapons, but it was
best to err on the side of caution.  He would wait
until the man was in the parking lot before
approaching.

Unfortunately, Mr. Peabody had already noted his
presence and was busy formulating a plan of his own.
He gradually worked his way down the cereal aisle,
stocking the shelves as he went.  He was now as close
to the exit as he could get without leaving the
aisle.  At that point he turned to his young charges
and conspiratorially asked, "Do you see the tall
gentleman in the dark suit with the cool tie?"  When
the children nodded vigorously, he continued, "Well,
he's a friend of mine and a policeman.  He has a gun
and everything.  Why don't you go and talk to him,
while I run out to the truck for another load of
cereal?  I am sure he has some great stories.  Just
address him as Mr. Detective."  With the children's
attention diverted, Mr. Peabody was on his way,
slipping around the corner, into the office, through
the employee exit, and out into the alley-instead of
the parking lot where his delivery truck was parked.

Mulder started to move after him, but he suddenly
found himself surrounded by small children calling
him Mr. Detective and demanding a story.  Damn, the
man had made him.  Just his luck that the only one
who thought he looked like a law enforcement officer
would be the suspect.  He quickly extricated himself
from the ring of children and was on the chase.  He
flew out the front doors, scanned the parking lot
with a practiced eye, and noted the delivery truck
still parked in the same spot.  He raced back into
the store, shouting, "Which way did Peabody go?"  He
was met with shocked faces and fingers pointing to
the office.  He tore out of the office in hot
pursuit, just in time to see the elusive suspect
disappear around the corner.  The man was faster than
he expected considering his small stature, but now
that he had visual contact, he was confident of his
ability to catch the surprisingly swift suspect.  He
careened around the corner, pleased to see that he
was quickly gaining ground.  He nearly had him when
the man disappeared through one of the doors lining
the ally.  Mulder, fearing he was about to be
thwarted by a locked door, put on a last minute burst
of speed and foolishly flung himself through the
still open door after the suspect.  He had a
momentary glimpse of the wide-eyed, shocked
expression on the face of Mr. Peabody as he hurtled
past him.  Then, his body plummeted downward,
striking the floor with a thunderous thud.  He
woozily lifted his head and saw that he was at the
bottom of some kind of shaft, with a door to the
right.  He could hear Mr. Peabody clambering down the
ladder after him; he knew he needed to get up and
away before he became Peabody's latest victim.  With
a final effort, he pulled himself to his knees and
was able to crawl through the fortuitously unlocked
door.  He had a brief impression of bright light and
bodies before he lost consciousness.

*****

Scully was approaching full panic mode.  She had
repeatedly called Mulder's cell, only to be greeted
with the hated, 'The cellular customer you are
attempting to reach is unavailable or is outside the
coverage of the network.'  She had initiated an
emergency search for his location using the GPS
location software in his phone, but even that had
failed to reveal his whereabouts.  She had just
returned to the Bureau office for the 7 PM briefing
and was debating how she would break this unwelcome
news to Rossini.  Her thoughts on the matter were
scattered when the SAC entered the briefing room, and
noting Mulder's absence, angrily demanded, "Where is
Agent Mulder?  I've had it with his cavalier attitude
and half-assed profile.  As far as I am concerned,
he's off this case.  We've got fifteen missing kids,
and he has been less than useless in finding them or
their kidnapper.  On top of everything else, I got a
complaint about him from Rebecca Sooter's doctor.
The doctor said he barged in there early this
morning, demanding to speak to Rebecca; claims that
Mulder had the girl talking nonsense about the
kidnappers, including a moose and a rabbit.  For good
measure, he even added that Mulder didn't look or act
like any FBI agent he had ever seen."

Scully took a deep breath and delivered the unwelcome
news.  "Sir, I believe Agent Mulder may be in
trouble.  I spoke to him early this morning, at which
point he was following what he believed to be a lead
on the kidnapper.  Since then, I have had no contact
with him.  He was supposed to check in around noon.
I'd like to initiate a formal search."

"Agent Scully, I see no evidence that Agent Mulder
has met with any misfortune.  He didn't contact me
about any leads, solid or otherwise.  I understand
your concern, but as you know I'm critically short of
manpower."

Scully, sensing that she was about to be turned down,
interrupted the SAC's tirade.  "I understand that you
don't have enough agents for the case, but surely you
can at least spare me.  My skills are not yet needed,
as luckily, thus far there have been no bodies that
require autopsies.  I could start the search for
Agent Mulder."

"I just don't like the idea of sending you out
without backup.  The Bureau assigned a new agent to
the case yesterday.  He would have been the perfect
match for you, but at the last minute they diverted
him to a serial murder case in New York.  With him
you'd have some backup-just in case Mulder really has
gotten his ass in trouble."

Scully bit her tongue to keep from saying something
she would regret in response to the disparaging
remarks being made by Rossini, instead simply waiting
for him to finish.  When he was done, she would go
find Mulder-with or without the Bureau's blessing.

"Yeah, he and I go way back.  We were kids in Georgia
together.  He's a terrific agent, solid and down to
earth.  You'd be able to depend on him, unlike that
flake you have for a partner now.  He believes in
good solid police work, a real dollar to donuts kind
of guy.  His name's John Doggett.  He'd of been a
real good influence on you.  I'm sorry, Agent Scully,
but without him, I just can't spare anyone to back
you up while you search for what I consider to be a
rogue agent."

Her concern for Mulder ratcheting upward with every
passing second, Scully looked the SAC straight in the
eye and with extreme effort managed a polite and
professional response.  "Well, in that case I would
like to continue the search on my own.  I'll keep in
close touch with the team and keep you posted on my
investigation.  I think I'll begin with the grocery
store link that Mulder found so interesting.  If I
get worried, I'll call in for backup."  She then
tilted her head up and locked gazes with her
superior.  "And sir, Agent Mulder is a fine partner,
whether you think so or not.  There is no one I'd
rather have watching my back."

"I am not going to argue Agent Mulder's qualities
with you Agent Scully.  His absence speaks for
itself, but I sympathize with your concern.  It is
against my better judgment to send an agent out
alone, but you have my permission to initiate a
search for him.  I hate sending you out without
backup, but under the circumstances, I just can't
justify additional manpower.  Make certain you check
in regularly and keep me informed of your location."

Scully mumbled a barely coherent "no problem, thank
you for approving the search" as she headed out of
the Bureau Headquarters, SAC Rossini and his
prejudice already dismissed from conscious thought as
her mind focused on the search for her missing
partner.  Panic nibbled at her heels, kept at bay
only by her faith in Mulder's profiling and survival
skills.  If he believed the grocery stores were the
key to this case, then that would be where she would
initiate her search for him.  And he would somehow
hang on-wherever he was-until she could get to him.

*****

Mulder could feel consciousness returning to his
aching body.  He tried to remember where he was, how
he had gotten there, and why he had this excruciating
pain in his head, but it was just too hard to think.
Someone was vigorously shaking him, and a familiar
voice was demanding that he not only wake up, but
also get up and get moving.  He ineffectually tried
to push the offending hands away.  Gradually the
sense of urgency in the anonymous, annoying, yet
strangely familiar voice, began to filter into his
pain-wracked brain.  With superhuman effort he pulled
his eyes open and was greeted by the worried
countenance of his partner.  "Scully, where am I?
How did you get here?  And stop shaking me, my head
is killing me."

"Never mind that, we have to get out of here-now.
This building is going to blow, and it will take us
with it if we don't get moving now."  His diminutive
partner continued to pull on his arm, urging him to
his feet.  Accustomed to obeying that voice without
question in times of danger, Mulder lurched to his
feet, sincerely hoping that his head wasn't really
exploding in response to the sudden movement.

The partners rushed through the only door leading out
of the room they were in, hauled themselves up the
rickety escape ladder, and hustled through the exit
door and out into the darkened ally.  Mulder stumbled
after his partner who offered as much assistance as
possible, considering the huge difference in size.
Finally judging they had put sufficient distance
between themselves and the building, they ducked
behind a dumpster just as the building they had
escaped from erupted into a huge orange fireball that
briefly turned darkness into daylight.

Mulder mumbled a heartfelt, "Thanks Scully," before
noting that she was giving him a very strange look.
"What's the matter, Scully?  You're looking at me
like I just sprouted antlers."

"What's the matter with me?  The question is, what's
the matter with you?  Don't you remember me?  I'm
your partner, and what are you talking about, 'just
sprouted antlers'?"

"Of course I remember you, Scully.  Nothing's the
matter with me except for a pounding headache.  The
last thing I can remember is chasing the suspect in
our serial kidnapping case.  I almost had him, too.
Now, could you just explain what happened, why the
building blew up, and how you found me?"

The highly agitated smaller partner peered into the
much larger partner's eyes, obviously searching for
signs of a concussion.  "First of all, my name isn't
Scully.  Second of all, something is clearly the
matter with you.  Third of all, I don't know why the
building blew up.  Last of all, you went into that
building chasing a suspect two days ago and
disappeared. I've been searching for you ever since,
but it was like you disappeared into thin air.  It
was just luck that I stumbled across you when I did;
one minute the room was empty, and the next, there
you were.  And even more last of all, Bullwinkle,
you've always had antlers."

At that last remark, Mulder dropped his head into his
lap and moaned.  Bullwinkle?  This had to be a bad
joke.  He wondered if he was dead or just delusional.
After a moment's reflection, he decided he'd best
find out which of those was true.  He looked into the
very familiar face of his partner and asked, "Ok, if
I'm Bullwinkle, then who are you, and what are we
doing here?"

"I'm your partner and best friend, Rocket J.
Squirrel, but you just call me Rocky.  We've been
investigating a cereal kidnapping.  I'm sure that
dastardly duo Boris Badenov and his cunning cohort
Natasha Fatale are behind the kidnappings, but so far
we haven't been able to find any proof.  You've got
to pull yourself together, Bullwinkle, and we've got
to foil the fiendish plot to corner the Frostbite
Falls cereal market and find the missing cereal
before the children of Frostbite Falls develop
malnutrition."

Mulder reflected on his new circumstances thinking
that at least the part about investigating a serial
kidnapping sounded familiar.

*****

Mr. Peabody stumbled into the room in hot pursuit of
the persistent FBI agent.  He was shocked to find no
sign of the aggravating agent, but he was relieved
that all of the children were just as he had left
them.  Quickly, he asked his charges if they had seen
the troublesome man.

One of the children responded, "A man was here for a
minute.  He didn't look too good, and then he kind of
evaporated."

At that news, poor Mr. Peabody dropped his head into
his hands, mumbling, "Things were bad before, but now
they are worse."  Raising his head, he addressed the
others in the room.  "Children, if you have finished
your history assignments for today, you may watch
cartoons.  I'll be in my invention room.  And Sharon,
would you please ask Silly Rabbit and Bullwinkle to
load the tooncars onto the truck after they get the
cereal unloaded?  Ask them to come see me as soon as
they are done."  With those words, Mr. Peabody
disappeared into the invention room to think.

The perspicacious Agent Mulder was already well known
to Mr. Peabody as his perverse penchant for truth
seeking had frequently threatened to alter the flow
of history.  It now appeared that Agent Mulder was
the alter-ego of either Silly Rabbit or Bullwinkle.
He had known that the presence of those toons in this
time and space would create a vacuum in the adjacent
universe, and that there was, therefore, a slight
risk of an event such as this.  The uncommonly
unfortunate agent had apparently gotten too close to
the portal and been sucked into the alternative
universe to restore the balance.  What were the odds
that this would happen?  Six-billion people on this
planet, and who follows him home?  One of the only
two humans alive that could possibly pass into the
other universe.  It was his invention that made it
possible for toons to move into this universe against
the gradient, and it had been his decision to have
Silly Rabbit bring the shipments of cereal here so
that he would have a means of support while he
searched for his boy, Sherman.  He thought the risk
of Silly Rabbit's alter-ego showing up at the portal
to be negligible.  Then, Bullwinkle had unexpectedly
arrived after falling into the back of Silly Rabbit's
delivery truck while investigating a cereal shortage.
Mr. Peabody had been forced to intervene to prevent
Bullwinkle from inflicting bodily harm on Silly
Rabbit for his role in smuggling cereal into this
adjacent universe.  Bullwinkle was, of course, quite
understanding now that he understood that Silly
Rabbit's motivations had been entirely altruistic.
Well, almost entirely altruistic.  Mr. Peabody had
allowed Silly Rabbit to eat all the Trix he wanted.
After all, he needed to repay the rabbit for his
services somehow.  In any case, the small amount of
cereal Silly Rabbit had smuggled between universes
would never have been enough to cause a cereal
shortage.  Clearly, the cereal shortage was the
result of the machinations of another group whose
motives were no doubt much more diabolical.

No matter how it had all happened, though, Mr.
Peabody had created quite a mess and he needed to fix
it quickly.  Agent Mulder could not be left to wreak
havoc in the wrong universe.  He had to be returned
to his own time and space.  With a heavy heart, Mr.
Peabody decided that he and his friends were going to
have to return home without finding his boy Sherman.
At the loud arrival of Bullwinkle and Silly Rabbit,
Mr. Peabody looked up to explain his plan.  "I am
going to have to return to the toon side of Frostbite
Falls.  Both of you will have to remain here until I
am able to bring Agent Mulder back to the vicinity of
the portal connecting the two universes.  In the
meantime, take good care of the children and make
sure they keep up with their lessons.  You can only
remain in this universe for 22.5 more hours before
you will be real-ized-like I was.  You both know how
dangerous that is.  If I have not yet managed the
transfer by then, you will have to come through the
portal on your own.  Your arrival will be extremely
dangerous for Agent Mulder since the presence of his
alter ego in toon Frostbite Falls will cause his
immediate real-ization, but it is unavoidable.  You
simply can't risk remaining here beyond the
deadline."

*****

Mulder kept pinching himself, hoping all of it was a
bad dream from which he would awaken at any minute.
He passed his hands in the air over his head, waving
for the antlers.  Baam.  His head jerked backwards as
his left hand collided with something hard.  Mulder
followed the protrusion upwards, noting the many
forks.  He had really sprouted antlers.  Then he felt
his nose.  It was soft and furry and even bigger than
before.

With a sigh, he turned to follow Scully - no, he
forcibly corrected himself.  Not Scully. Rocky.
Rocky the lovely squirrel.  He shook his head.  He
followed Sc-Rocky as the squirrel kept talking.
"Bullwinkle, would you please focus and quit fawning
over yourself?  We have got to find the missing
cereal!  It's been disappearing from kitchen tables,
factories, and delivery trucks all over town.  There
have been multiple complaints from citizens about the
cereal shortage.  Cereal.  Don't you care about that
at all?"

Mulder blinked.  Rocky sighed.  "What is wrong with
you?  First you call me Scully, and now you don't
even bother bringing up box tops when I mention
cereal in front of you."

Mulder blinked again.  "Box tops?"

"A few days ago, every time I tried to discuss this,
you went off on your box tops.  Would you like me to
list your box tops for you?  I've only heard about
your amazing personal collection of cereal box tops a
million times.  Oh, wait, I believe you called it,
'my world-famous collection of box tops'."

"I have a world-famous collection of box tops?"

"Oh, whatever is wrong with you today, Bullwinkle?
It is almost as if you've returned a different
moose!"

*****

Mulder watched nervously as Rocky approached the
Skinner-look-alike.  Rocky had already glared at him
for yelling, "Skinner!"  And that was after he had
received a lecture on paying attention and dealing
with the matters at hand.  He didn't know how much
more of this he could take.  It was already wreaking
havoc with his confused mind.  Skinner looked very
odd in that red Canadian Mounted Police uniform.

Rocky and Dudley Do-Right held a whispered
conversation, regarding the sudden shortage of cereal,
the concomitant rise in cereal prices, and "Boris"
and "Natasha", whoever they were.  Rocky had
mentioned them once before and was certainly under
the impression that they were to blame for the
current cereal shortage.

He glanced up to see Rocky stalking back towards him.
Rocky was really little, but he could get scary when
he developed an attitude.  His alarm went off full
blast: "Scully mad, Scully mad, Scully mad."  He
turned it off and, trying to be civil, asked, "So,
Rocky," with an emphasis on the name, "did you find
anything of interest?"

 "No.  Absolutely nothing.  What about you?  Don't
you have anything to add?  You were supposed to be
investigating this case!  You followed Silly Rabbit
into that abandoned building.  Then poof, you ditched
me for two days!  Where were you for two days, and
how did you suddenly end up back in that building?"

Mulder stumbled over his words.
"Umm...uhh...investigating?"

"Dudley Do-Right told us three days ago that somebody
had seen Silly Rabbit loading a truck with cereal.
You were supposed to interrogate him.  Don't tell me
it took you two days to question somebody.  Did you
ever even talk to Silly Rabbit?

Mulder blinked slowly and rubbed his antlers, doing
his very best to make sense of his new reality.
"Silly Rabbit?"

Clearly confused and more than slightly aggravated,
Rocky saved him from making any further attempts at
intelligent conversation by announcing.  "You know
what?  Forget it.  I'll go interview Silly Rabbit
myself.  You just sit here and don't move.  Maybe
your mind will come back to you while I am gone"

With that, Rocky stomped off, leaving a stunned
Mulder sitting on the ground contemplating the
cracked reflection of reality that had become his
life.

*****

Mulder looked up to see a dog running towards him, a
dog with spectacles.  As the dog neared, it opened
its mouth and panted, "Finally.  Here you are.  I've
been looking all over for you.  You have got to come
with me now."

Mulder stared.  The dog was talking to him.  He
finally managed to say, "I'm sorry.  I can't.  I
promised my partner I would wait here for her."

"She?  Your partner?  And who would that be?"

"Sc-Rocky.  My partner is Rocky."

Mulder watched, confused, as the dog hit himself in
the head repeatedly, finally grasping one of Mulder's
antlers and tugging. "Come on.  Come with me now.
And just for the record, Rocky is male."

Having had quite enough of this, Mulder pulled his
antler free and brusquely interrupted, "Who are you?"

"I'm Mr. Peabody.  Now will you quit yapping and come
along like a good little moose?"

"Mr. Peabody?"  Mulder scratched at his antlers, idly
wondering how Mr. Peabody had managed to turn into a
dog.  "I've been looking for you, too!  I'd like to
question you about the kidnappings-"

"Okay, okay, fine.  I'll explain it all.  That's the
only way to get you pigheaded moose to do anything."

Mulder flinched at the word 'moose' but sat quietly
awaiting the explanation.

"A month ago my boy Sherman and I went on an
expedition with The Wayback Machine.  We were
traveling to the Queen Anne.  Somewhere along the way
we got separated.  I ended up in your universe-real-
ized.  I don't know how it happened, but I lost
Sherman, so I fabricated my plan to find him.  I
didn't harm any of those kids.  I just needed to
bring them to the portal, to see if they were Sherman.
I was very careful to see that they were properly
nourished and that they did not neglect their studies.
I was going to return them as soon as I found Sherman.
Probabilities indicated that he would also have been
real-ized and deposited in the same general locale
where I found myself."

For some reason, that explanation sounded perfectly
reasonable to Mulder, whose thought processes were
not exactly up to par.  Perhaps antlers obstructed
clear thinking.  Then, at the mention of the Queen
Anne, Mulder cut in excitedly.  "I think I know what
happened to Sherman.  One month ago, I was on the
Queen Anne-in the Bermuda Triangle.  There was a time
anomaly.  You and Sherman were probably separated by
the time rift, and you ended up back in the present
while he remained in the past.  Can you go back there
using that Wayback Machine you mentioned?  I think
Sherman will still be there-on the Queen Anne."

Mr. Peabody was so excited at the prospect of finding
Sherman that he forgot his original plan to return
Mulder to the portal and set the worlds right again.
Instead, he hustled off to his den, where The Wayback
Machine was harbored, leaving Mulder still sitting on
the ground.

*****

"Bullwinkle, get up!  Why are you sitting on the
ground?"

Mulder glanced up to see Rocky glaring at him in an
unnerving fashion.  "You told me to wait here for
you."

"Well, get up now, you big lump.  No one knows where
Silly Rabbit is.  We're going to go see the deputy,
to see what he has to say."

*****

Mulder wanted ear plugs.  Quite desperately.  If he
had to hear the Deputy draawwlll his name one more
time, he would go crazy.  If he wasn't already.  "So,
Buulllllwinkle, what do you think?"

What did he think about what?  He had absolutely no
clue what he thought beyond the certainty that he
didn't want to play BS with that deputy.  A game
could take a whole year if he said "Buullllshit" as
slowly as he said "Buullllwinkle".

Rocky spoke up for him.  "The eyewitness claims it
was Silly Rabbit, but I don't think Silly Rabbit
would do such a thing.  Silly Rabbit is a petty thief,
and his only interest is Trix.  I still think Boris
and Natasha are behind it, and it's just my luck that
nobody has any idea where Silly Rabbit is."  Rocky
muttered something under his breath that Mulder
couldn't catch.  It did, however, sound suspiciously
like, 'Bullwinkle was supposed to find Silly Rabbit.'
"I'm going to go look for him one more time, and this
time you're coming, Bullwinkle.  Do you understand?"

Mulder nodded, but not before the Deputy jumped in
again with his drawl.  "Ya' know, Rocky, we turned up
an eyewitness to one of the cereal nappings.
Nobody's had the chance to question him yet; maybe
you could go, especially since nobody can find Silly
Rabbit right now."

Rocky nodded his enthusiastic agreement to the
deputy's suggestion.  A new witness might provide
some additional avenues of investigation and they
were certainly stymied at the moment.  Excited at the
possibility of gathering new information, Rocky
started shooing Mulder out the door, turning back
when the deputy offered his opinion that "dollars to
donuts, Silly Rabbit's your guy".

Rocky had opened his mouth, starting another tirade
pinning all the conspiracies in this world on Natasha
and Boris, not Silly Rabbit, when he suddenly
realized the Deputy had neglected to tell him exactly
who the eyewitness was.  Changing topics halfway
through his argument, Rocky asked, "Who am I going to
question?"

The Deputy looked a bit taken aback by the sudden
question but realized his error and told them it was
Daffy Duck.  Rocky seemed satisfied and bid the
deputy goodbye.  Meanwhile Mulder was smiling to
himself, glad to see Rocky forgetting something for a
change and wondering just who the heck Natasha and
Boris were.  Rocky sure had it in for the two of them
and seemed especially antagonistic towards Natasha.
His musings were interrupted as Rocky again began
shooing him out the door.  His mind suddenly
processed what the Deputy had said.  Daffy Duck?
They weren't really going to go interview a duck,
were they?  And not just any duck, but a daffy duck?
Mulder took one last look at the short, heavyset,
floppy eared deputy with a bulldog jaw, and a big
nose and was suddenly very curious.  "I'm sorry, but
I didn't catch your name..."

The Deputy shot him a look of pure confusion, but
after a moment's pause said, "My name is Dawg.
Deputy Dawg."

*****

After they left, Rocky rounded on Mulder.  "You
didn't catch his name?  You've only been working with
him forever.  What is wrong with you today?  Oh,
whatever.  Let's go find Daffy Duck."

Mulder almost asked, "Daffy Duck?" before realizing
he would probably be better off keeping his mouth
shut.

Right then, Mr. Peabody bounded up behind the pair,
dragging along a smaller boy.  He shouted with joy,
"I found Sherman!  I found Sherman!  Thank you so
much, Bullwinkle!"  He paused.
"Bullwinkle...Bullwinkle!  You need to come with me
now!"  He glanced at his watch shouting, "Oh, no!
Silly Rabbit and the real Bullwinkle will be coming
through the portal in fifteen minutes.  We have to
hurry or you will be real-ized when the real
Bullwinkle returns, and then you can be killed.  You
know toons can never die-well, they can be erased,
but they can never die." With that cryptic remark, Mr.
Peabody ran off.

Rocky and a very confused Mulder followed Mr. Peabody,
and, as they ran, he began to recognize his
surroundings.  Peabody was leading him back to the
building he had first found himself in.  He wondered
why.  As they approached the rubble, they saw a two
figures climbing up out of the rubble, seemingly from
a shaft or room ensconced beneath there.  Mulder
shouted, "It's Cancer Man and Diana!" as Rocky
simultaneously yelled, "It's Boris and Natasha."
Both took off in pursuit as Boris and Natasha
disappeared back into the rubble, completing ignoring
Mr. Peabody who was shouting, "Stop, stop, Bullwinkle!
You are about to be real-ized.  It's too dangerous."

Rocky and Bullwinkle raced down the ladder after the
diabolical duo, catching a brief glimpse of them as
they disappeared through a secret door and into a
massive hidden room.  The intrepid moose and squirrel
pushed the previously undetected door open, revealing
thousands of boxes of cereal before Natasha and Boris
opened fire, forcing the partners to seek cover.
Then, Mulder had the strangest feeling as a white
rabbit and the real Bullwinkle materialized in the
room with him.  Simultaneously, a ricocheting bullet
glanced off Mulder's forehead, and the chaos and
gunfire dissolved to black.

*****

Next time he awoke, he saw Scully peering at him.
"Mulder, are you okay?"

"You're still here, Rocky?"  Suddenly, it occurred to
him that Scully had called him Mulder.  She knew who
he was!  He surreptitiously reached up, first to feel
the top of his head, and then his nose.  He heaved a
great sigh of relief: no antlers and no furry nose.
He was Mulder again, Scully was here, and all was
right with the universe.

Scully eyed Mulder oddly.  "Rocky?  Rocky the flying
squirrel?  Rocky the flying squirrel who works with
Bullwinkle?  Rocky the flying squirrel who works with
Bullwinkle the moose?  Are you sure you're feeling
okay, Mulder?"

At the word moose, Mulder grimaced, but quickly
changed that to a grin at the knowledge that he was
finally back with Scully.  "Yep, Scully, I'm feeling
fine, but boy, do I have a story to tell you.  First
of all, did you find the kids?"

"Yes, they were in the same room where I found you.
They were quite concerned about you, but they were in
excellent mental and physical health and seemed to
have learned a great deal of history during their
ordeal.  They were very unclear on how you happened
to be there, unconscious and bleeding from a head
wound.  I'd been looking for you since yesterday.
While SAC Rossini was less than concerned, I was
worried sick; this ditching has got to stop.  But, in
any event, you are the hero of the moment.  Dashing
FBI agent is injured in the recovery of 15 missing
children and all that."  She held up the local paper
with the headline and his picture.  "You made the
Bureau look good.  Really good.  Of course, everyone
is wondering what happened to the kidnapper."

 "Scully, there never was a 'real' kidnapper,
although there was an abetting rabbit and 'a moose on
the loose', just as the astute Miss Rebecca Sooter
informed me.  I didn't really do anything, but the
coolest thing happened.  I was in this alternate
universe, and Scully, you were a squirrel, and you
could fly.  Skinner was there, too.  He was Canadian.
Hang onto your hat and listen to this tale."

Scully eyed him critically, but in view of all the
painkillers he was on, decided to humor him, giving
him a barely perceptible nod to continue.  At her
look of compliance, he began his amazing tale at the
point where he chased Mr. Peabody from the grocery
store and ended it at the point where they discovered
Cancer Man, Diana, and the stolen cereal.  Having
completed his fantastic story, he gave Scully a self-
satisfied smile.  "So, what do you think, Scully?"

She resisted the eye roll in consideration of his
drugged state and gave him a raised eyebrow instead.
"I think, Mulder, that was a very interesting story,
and I will see you when the drugs wear off."

As she approached the doorway, he called out, "Hey,
Scully," and fixed her with his best puppy dog look.

With a slight sigh, she returned to his bedside.
"Yes, Mulder?"

Mulder gazed into the serious and beautiful eyes of
his partner, momentarily losing himself in her return
gaze before finally confessing, "Scully, I moosed
you."

Scully rolled her eyes and groaned.  "Oh, brother..."

Mulder watched her leave with a cryptic smile.  It
was deja vu all over again.

*****

END

Additional Disclaimers:  Rocky, Bullwinkle, Dudley
Do-Right, Natasha, Boris, Mr. Peabody, and Sherman
are the property of Jay Ward Productions.  Deputy
Dawg is a Terrytoon and Daffy Duck and Porky Pig
belong to Looney Tunes.  Frostbite Falls is a
fictional location created by Jay Ward Productions.