by shannono
shannono@iname.com
 

Story, Angst, Mulder/Scully Romance

Rated PG

Spoilers through "The Red and the Black"

***DISCLAIMER***: All "X-Files" elements and references
in this story belong to Fox Broadcasting, Chris Carter,
and 1013 Productions, and I am making no money from it.
The songs lyrics used in the story belong to Billy Joel.

Summary: When a crisis strikes in Scully's family, Mulder helps
her through it.

==========
Getting Closer
by shannono

==========

I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are

==========

Rest Inn
Luverne, Alabama
Friday, June 12, 1998
2:32 p.m.

Dana Scully sighed for about the thousandth time in the past
few hours as she followed her partner across another parking
lot toward another low-end motel room. They'd come to this small
town in southern Alabama to investigate reports of unusual light
displays in the sky and two missing teen-agers. But so far they'd
uncovered nothing more "paranormal" than helicopters from nearby
Fort Rucker, and a pair of apparent runways.

Scully was about to make another attempt at talking Mulder out
of investigating the case any further when her cell phone rang
in her pocket. Pulling it out as she walked, she pushed in a
button and said, "Scully."

It took Mulder, lost in his thoughts, a few moments to realize
that his partner was no longer a step behind him. He stopped and
turned, just in time to see her cell phone drop from her hand and
fall to the ground. He took one step in her direction, her name on
his lips, then leapt forward as she began to fall and caught her
just before she hit the pavement.

==========

Rest Inn
Room 38
2:45 p.m.

The room slowly swam into focus as Scully moved her eyelids open.
Disoriented, she looked around and saw Mulder stepping out of the
tiny bathroom, a wet washcloth in his hand and a look of concern
mixed with fear on his face.

He was at her side in a flash. "Scully?" he asked softly, reaching
to set the cloth on the bedside table.

"Mulder, what ..." Scully's voice trailed off as memory returned.
"Oh, God, Mulder ..." She pushed herself to a sitting position,
pausing as a wave of nausea ran through her.

"Careful, Scully, take it slow," Mulder said, reaching out a hand
to steady her as her equilibrium returned. He paused, then said,
"Scully, what happened out there?"

Her head jerked up, and he nearly recoiled at the raw fear and
anguish he saw in her eyes. "Mom," she said, reaching out blindly
to grasp his hand. "Mom's been hurt."

Mulder's heart contracted in his chest. "Oh, God," he breathed.
"Where? When?"

"I ... I don't know," she said. "That was ... the hospital that
called." She squeezed her eyes shut. "Um, I think Mercy, in
Baltimore." She looked around. "Where's my phone?"

"It's broken," Mulder said, grabbing for the bedside phone with
his free hand and punching in the numbers for information. "I
grabbed it before I brought you inside, but I guess it broke
when you dropped ..." Then, into the phone, "Baltimore ... Mercy
Hospital information ..." He waited, glancing at Scully every few
seconds, then broke the connection and punched in another set of
numbers. He waited again, then said, "Yes, I need to get information
on a patient I believe you have there, a Margaret Scully? ... No,
but I'm calling for her daughter ... Well, can you at least tell
me if she *is* a patient there? ... Thank you."

He hung up, then looked back at Scully. "She's there," he said.
"They wouldn't give me any information on her, though."

"I've got to go," Scully said, pulling her hand from Mulder's
and sliding her legs off the side of the bed.

"You pack for us, I'll call the airline," Mulder said, picking up
the phone again.

"Mulder, you don't have to go," Scully said. "You can stay here
and finish the investigation ..."

"The investigation is horseshit, Scully; we both know that. And
even if it wasn't, there's no way I'd leave you to deal with this
alone."

Scully looked at him, then smiled gently. "Thank you," she
whispered.

He returned the smile. "You're welcome," he said softly.

==========

The cold hands
The sad eyes
The dark Irish silence
It's so late
But I'll wait
Through the long night with you

==========

Mercy Hospital
Baltimore, Maryland
11:18 p.m.

Mulder paced from the surgical waiting room into the hallway and
past the nursing station, then whipped around and retraced his
path, trying desperately to fight off his rawest instinct --
grabbing the first hospital employee he saw by the collar and
screaming for information.

He paused in his travels to watch Scully for a minute. She sat
on one of the slightly more comfortable cushioned sofas in the
deserted waiting room, one leg pulled up under her, her arms
folded across her chest. She stared, unseeing, at the institutional
piece of artwork hanging across the room from her.

Mulder's heart constricted again at the sight. She'd barely spoken
a word since thanking him back in the Alabama motel room, simply
going through the motions of packing and loading the car, then
sitting as he drove the two and a half hours back to the Birmingham
airport. He'd managed to find a late afternoon flight directly to
Baltimore, and they'd made the trip by rental car from the airport
there to the hospital. Luckily, they'd taken a motor pool car to
Dulles when they'd left for Alabama a few days earlier, so he'd been
able to request that someone from headquarters pick up that car.
Their own cars sat safely in the parking garage of the FBI building.

Now, they were waiting for word on Margaret Scully's condition.
After making the flight arrangements, Mulder had called Skinner
to tell him what was going on and ask him to get any information
he could. Skinner had called him back just a few minutes before
their flight and told him Mrs. Scully been hit broadside by a
drunken driver who ran a stop sign, just three blocks from her
house.

"The good news is, they got the guy," Skinner had fairly growled
through the phone. "He's been arrested four times in the past
five years for drunken driving, but he's only spent three days
in jail. *This* time, he was still on probation from the last
arrest, so he'll do some time."

Mulder had glanced at Scully during his conversation with Skinner
and recognized the signs of shock setting in. She was shaking where
she stood, and her face was paler than he'd ever seen it. He ended
the phone call quickly and moved to her side, putting his arm
around her to help her onto the plane. She didn't resist, and that
scared him even more.

She had recovered slightly and managed to doze a bit on the plane,
Mulder's arm still around her shoulders and his coat tucked tightly
around her legs. When they'd made it to the hospital several hours
later, Skinner was waiting for them. He told them Mrs. Scully was
in emergency surgery to repair a punctured lung. She also had a
broken arm and a concussion, but those injuries were secondary.

Now, nearly an hour after their arrival, they were still waiting
for further word. Skinner had offered to go back to headquarters and
retrieve one of their cars, but Mulder had told him they'd worry about
the cars the next day.

"We'll be here all night, I'm sure, sir," Mulder had said. "But thank
you, and thanks for your help."

"Don't mention it, Agent Mulder," Skinner had said, nodding over his
shoulder at Scully where she sat, motionless. "You just keep an eye
on her, and keep me updated on the situation."

"I will, sir," Mulder said, receiving a short nod for an answer before
the older man turned and left.

Now, as Mulder watched Scully, he realized neither of them had eaten
anything since lunch, nearly 11 hours before. He walked cautiously
up and lowered himself into the seat next to her, turning so he faced
her.

"Scully?" he said softly, hoping he wouldn't startle her.

She didn't move.

He waited, then reached out and put his hand on her knee, shaking it
slightly. "Hey, Scully," he said, a little louder.

This time, she reacted. She turned slowly to face him, her face
blank and her eyes empty. He wasn't sure she was even seeing him.

He crooked a small half-smile. "Hey," he said again. "I just
realized you're probably pretty hungry. I think we need to try to
get something to eat."

Scully still stared at him, but her eyes were gradually focusing
on his. He waited a few moments, holding the smile, then lifted his
other hand to brush back a lock of hair that had fallen in front of
her eye. "Scully?" he asked again.

Her lower lip began to tremble, then, as if in slow motion, her face
crumbled. "Mulder ..." she half-moaned, as tears began streaming
down her cheeks.

Mulder didn't hesitate, gathering her slight form into his arms and
pulling her half into his lap. He held her, and she cried.

==========

If I only had the words to tell you
If you only had the time to understand
Oh, but I only have these arms to hold you
And it's all that you can ask of any man

==========

Mercy Hospital
Baltimore, Maryland
11:33 p.m.

Scully cried for a while, not in loud, wailing sobs, but quietly,
almost gasping for each breath. Mulder held her close, stroking her
hair and rubbing her back, whispering soothing words and periodically
pressing his lips to the top of her head.

Gradually, her crying eased, and her breathing evened out. Mulder
soon realized she had drifted into a light sleep and was loathe to
wake her. She was likely to be up half the night, and who knew how
long her mother might be in the hospital. She definitely needed
the rest.

So Mulder carefully shifted into a slightly more secure position,
Scully still curled up against his chest. He worked at keeping his
breathing steady, though he could feel the wetness still on his
cheeks where his own silent tears had fallen as Scully wept.

He closed his eyes, lowering his head to rest against the sofa back.
He knew how much Scully hated to lose control in front of anyone,
including him. She'd done it so rarely, and even then it was more
likely to be anger. She thought it was a sign of weakness, to show
emotions like this in front of others.

He felt privileged to have witnessed a side of her she let so few
people see.

But he knew how much this was affecting her. The bond between
Margaret and Dana Scully had always been tight, and, if anything,
the events of the past few years had done nothing but strengthen
their relationship. They were strong women, independent, living
on their own and dealing with whatever life threw at them.

Mulder was in awe of them.

He'd seen Mrs. Scully's inner strength shining like a beacon from
the first day he met her. Such a bitter memory for their first
meeting, standing in the shattered remains of Scully's apartment,
where Duane Barry had dragged her away. Mulder had reached out to
Mrs. Scully when he saw her, but then their eyes had been drawn
to his hand, and the bloodstain on his fingertips.

Scully's blood.

Mulder suppressed a shudder at the memory. Despite the horror they
felt, or perhaps because of it, he and Mrs. Scully had formed a
bond of their own during Scully's disappearance. They hadn't always
agreed on a course of action -- he still believed it had been too
soon to buy that headstone -- but they were steadfast in their loyalty
to Scully and their joy at her recovery.

Mulder hadn't seen Mrs. Scully very often since Scully's recovery,
and their meetings had seldom been on happy occasions. Melissa's
funeral. Scully pointing a gun at him in her mother's living room.
Scully's hospitalization. Emily's funeral.

Now, Mrs. Scully's own hospitalization.

Mulder looked down at the small redhead in his arms. Despite their
situation, he couldn't stop himself from thinking how *right* it
felt to hold her like this. True, she had often given of her strength
for him, and it was nice to feel he had given something back.

But he knew that wasn't the only reason it felt good to put his
arms around her.

Mulder shoved those thoughts aside. "Not the time, Mulder," he
muttered under his breath, wondering idly when *would* be the time.

Just then, a tall Asian man wearing standard green hospital scrubs
stepped through the waiting room door, and Mulder's head shot up.
The man spoke. "I'm looking for the Scully family?" he said, a
bit hesitantly.

"That's us -- I mean, this is her daughter," Mulder answered. He
reluctantly pulled his hand away from Scully's hair and lightly
shook her shoulder. "Hey, Scully, wake up," he said softly. "The
doctor's here."

Scully's eyes gradually opened, but she didn't move for a few
moments. Then, Mulder's words sank in, and she sat up with an
"Oh!" She looked toward the door. Mulder kept his left arm around
her shoulder, and she reached out with her right hand to grasp his,
pulling it into her lap and wrapping both her hands around it.

The doctor walked over and pulled up a chair across from them.
"Ms. Scully?" he said, and she nodded. "I'm Doctor Chu. Your
mother is out of surgery and in recovery. We were able to repair
the puncture in her lung, and we also set the broken arm." He
paused, glancing at Mulder, then went on. "She will be in
recovery for a few hours before we move her to a room. You will
be able to visit her then."

"How bad was the damage, Dr. Chu?" Scully asked. Mulder could tell
just by the tone of her voice that she had slipped back into her
"Doctor Scully" mode.

"Well, I don't know how much you know about ..."

"I'm a medical doctor, Dr. Chu," Scully said. "Please, tell me
all you know."

Dr. Chu nodded. "She has three broken ribs on the left side,
and one of them punctured her left lung just above the diaphragm.
As I said, we were able to repair and reinflate her lung. She
also has a compound fracture of the ulna in her left arm, as well
as a concussion. Since she remains unconscious, due to her injuries
as well as the anesthesia, we have been unable to determine the
severity of the concussion. However, from the apparent force and
angle of impact, we do not expect anything worse than mild."

Scully inhaled deeply, then exhaled. "What is the prognosis, Dr.
Chu?"

At this, he gave a slight smile. "All things considered, very good,
Dr. Scully," he replied. "She will be in the hospital for at least
several days, and will of course be wearing a cast on her arm for
quite some time. But if our expectations about her concussion hold,
I see no reason for anything other than a full and complete
recovery."

This time, Mulder and Scully exhaled in tandem, relief flooding
them both. Dr. Chu stood, and they followed suit, releasing their
hold on each other.

"Thank you so much, Dr. Chu," Scully said, shaking his hand. "We
really appreciate your work."

"We do," Mulder agreed, also shaking the doctor's hand.

Dr. Chu chuckled. "You're welcome, both of you," he said. "Now,
why don't you go get some rest, and you can come back and see
Mrs. Scully in a few hours."

Mulder answered before Scully could protest. "We'll do that," he
said, shooting Scully a look that made her hold her tongue. "And
thanks again."

Dr. Chu nodded at them. "Good night," he said, then left.

Scully immediately turned on Mulder, barely contained fury in her
eyes. "Mulder, if you think I'm going anywhere before I see Mom ..."

"No, no, no," Mulder said, holding up his hands defensively.
"Neither am I. I just didn't want an argument breaking out here.
I'm not up for it, and I don't think you are either."

Scully held her look, then relented. "Okay, you're right," she
conceded.

"Me? Right? Really?" Mulder teased, drawing a slight laugh. He
held out his hand. "Well, since we're staying here, why don't
we at least scout out some vending machines and get some food.
I don't know about you, but I could use some coffee."

Scully hesitated only a moment before slipping her hand into his.
"You've got a deal," she said, and they headed out the door.

==========

Did you know that before you came into my life
It was some kind of miracle that I survived
Some day we will both look back and have to laugh
We lived through a lifetime and the aftermath

==========

Mercy Hospital
Baltimore, Maryland
Saturday, June 13, 1998
12:24 a.m.

Mulder and Scully had managed to find a small snack bar on the
first floor with a pretty impressive selection of vending
machines and had selected tuna salad sandwiches and coffee. They
sat across from each other at one of the small round tables as
they ate silently.

Mulder finished first, balling up the plastic wrap and stuffing
it into his empty coffee cup. He watched Scully nibble at her
own sandwich until she laid it back down. She'd eaten about
half.

"That's it, Mulder, that's all I can handle right now," she said,
to head off the protest she knew he was about to offer up. "I
promise I'll try to eat a little more later, but really, I'm
still too worried to eat."

Mulder nodded. "Okay, Scully, but I'm gonna hold you to that,"
he said, waggling one finger at her in mock warning. He was
rewarded with another small smile and returned it as he picked
up their trash and deposited it in a nearby can.

Suddenly a thought hit him. Scully was standing as he turned
back toward the table, and he said, "Scully? Do you think ...
do you want to call your brothers?"

She froze, a look akin to horror flashing across her face.
"Oh, God, I didn't even think of that," she said. "I guess I
need to. But ..." She closed her eyes and ran a hand across
her forehead. "Um, I think they're both out on their ships
this week. And I hate to call this late and wake the kids."
She sighed and refocused on him. "Mom's doing okay, so I think
unless something changes I'll wait until tomorrow."

Mulder nodded. "I agree," he said. He held his hand out to her
again. "C'mon, let's go back and reclaim that nice comfortable
sofa," he said.

Scully took his hand without hesitation. "Hey, can't be any
worse than that thing you sleep on, Mulder," she said, and
they headed back down the hall toward the elevators.

==========

1:28 a.m.

Mulder and Scully had indeed returned to the same sofa, although
Mulder had begged off sitting on it and insisted Scully take the
chance to stretch out. He sat instead on a shorter sofa nearby,
watching her doze, a cushion under her head and his trenchcoat
pulled around her.

He enjoyed the picture.

He turned slightly sideways, so he was still facing her, pulling
the cushion around behind his back. He leaned his head back and
tilted it to the side, his eyes still on her.

Finally, his eyes drifted shut, and he fell into a light sleep.

==========

1:58 a.m.

Mulder awoke with a start and sprang into a sitting position.
He knew he'd heard something, and he immediately looked over
at Scully. She was still asleep, though her brow was furrowed
and her head was slowly moving from side to side.

Then, he heard a low sound come from her, and realized she
must be having a nightmare, and that must have been what woke
him up. He pushed himself to his feet and stepped over to her
side, squatting on the floor next to her.

"Scully. Hey, Scully," he said softly, putting his hand on her
shoulder and shaking her gently.

"Nooo ..." she moaned, squeezing her eyes more tightly shut.

"Scully," he repeated, a little louder, shaking her again.
"Come on, Scully, you're having a nightmare. Everything's
okay."

"NO!" With that, Scully sprang up to a half-sitting position,
her movement throwing Mulder off balance and sending him back
onto the floor. Scully looked at him and suddenly realized
what had happened. "Mulder, are you okay?" she asked, sitting
up fully and leaning forward.

"I'm fine," he said, grinning up at her. "But next time, warn
a guy before you jump like that!"

Scully lifted one corner of her mouth. "Well, Mulder, *you*
were the one sneaking up on *me*."

Mulder climbed up off the floor, then plopped himself down next
to her on the sofa. "Just trying to rescue you from your
nightmare, Scully."

"My white knight," she said teasingly, running her hand through
her sleep-mussed hair. "Come to awaken the fair maiden, have you?"

"Naw, that always involves kissing, and you'd shoot me again for
that," he shot back, waggling his eyebrows.

"You never know," she drawled, looking at him through half-closed
eyes.

Mulder's grin widened into a leer. "Ooh, is that an invitation,
Agent Scully?"

"You never know," she repeated, batting her eyelashes a few
times before pushing herself to her feet. "Too bad I'm already
awake, though. And I'm headed for the restroom."

"I'll keep your spot warm," Mulder said.

"You do that," Scully said over her shoulder as she walked
out of the room.

==========

Don't say a word
Nobody noticed
Nothing was heard
It was committed discreetly
It was handled so neatly
And it shouldn't surprise you at all

==========

Mercy Hospital
Baltimore, Maryland
Saturday, June 13, 1998
2:12 a.m.

Mulder was still sitting on the sofa when Scully returned
from the restroom, although he had pulled off his shoes,
slid down to one end, and stretched his long legs out on
the cushions. His eyes were closed, and for a moment Scully
thought he was sleeping.

Until he spoke.

"C'mon, Scully," he said, holding out his hand. "Told you
I'd keep your spot warm."

A brief, soft laugh escaped Scully's mouth as she stepped
forward and placed her hand in his. "Yeah, and the rest of
the couch, too," she said teasingly.

Somehow, without opening his eyes, Mulder managed to
convey an expression of mock frustration. "Watch it, woman,"
he growled. "Or I won't share."

He tugged at her hand, intending to pull her onto the sofa
next to him. But his move caught her slightly off-balance,
and before either of them knew what was happening, she was
sprawled on her stomach atop him, her hands on his chest and
her legs lying between his.

His eyes shot open in shock, and their gazes locked. Their
faces were less than an inch apart. Neither of them knew if
it was the fatigue, the worry, or their close proximity, but
suddenly their mouths met, not hesitantly, but as if they'd
been kissing every day of their lives.

Mulder's arms came to Scully's waist, then slowly slid up her
back to rest lightly on her shoulder blades, his thumbs moving
in slow circles around the sharp points of the bones. Scully
moved one hand to the side of Mulder's neck, lightly running her
index finger along his jawline.

Then their movements stopped, and they pulled apart, breathing
raggedly. Scully could feel not only his reaction but her own,
and she knew they had to stop.

Now, if only her body would obey her mind.

Gathering her resolve, she planted both palms on Mulder's chest
and pushed herself up, climbing off the couch and to her feet.
Mulder knew what she was doing and let his hands slide down onto
his chest. He lifted one to rub across his face as he braced
himself with the other and rose to a sitting position, concealing
a wince as he moved.

He looked at Scully, who was standing with her back to him and her
arms tightly crossed, her eyes glued to the same framed print she'd
stared straight through earlier.

Shit, Mulder thought eloquently, unsure what to say or do.

She saved him the trouble. He could see her square her shoulders
slightly before she turned to face him. "Mulder, that was a
mistake," she said. He started to speak, but she stopped him
with a hand. "No, let me finish. I don't mean that us kissing
was a mistake. To tell you the truth, I'm surprised it hasn't
happened sooner." She uncrossed her arms and rubbed her damp
palms along the sides of her legs. "But now is not the time or
the place for it. We're both tired, and worried. Neither of
us is ready to deal with this right now."

Mulder nodded. "I agree," he said. "It's not the right time,
or the right place." He stood and stepped closer to her, and
she fought the urge to back away. "But when this is over,
when your mom is back home and doing okay, we will deal with
this. It's been hanging between us long enough. And I'm not
willing to let it slip back into the woodwork."

Scully stared at him, then smiled slightly. "Neither am I,"
she said. "But in the meantime ... we need to keep this
between us. It's too risky right now."

Mulder nodded again. "Agreed," he said, then held out his
hand again. "But I'm still available as a pillow, Agent
Scully."

She wavered a moment, then took his hand and led him back
to the couch, where they settled in to wait a while longer.

==========

Maybe this won't last very long
But you feel so right
And I could be wrong
Maybe I've been hoping too hard
But I've gone this far
And it's more than I hoped for

==========

Dana Scully's apartment
Friday, June 19, 1998
7:33 p.m.

Scully sat on her sofa, feeling a bit nervous. He was coming over.
They were going to talk. About the kiss, and ...

Her brain kept trying to shut down on her. She hoped she'd be able
to make sense by the time he arrived.

She'd had nearly a week to think about what she wanted to say to
him. Shortly after their *accident* in the hospital waiting room,
a nurse had arrived to inform them that Mrs. Scully was being moved
to a room. They'd gone there quickly, and Scully had settled into
a chair next to bed, her hand holding her mother's. Mulder had
started to stay back, but Scully had reached out with her other hand
and pulled him to her side.

They stayed like that, talking softly, for a while, but Mulder soon
realized how tenuous Scully's hold on consciousness was. Murmuring
a quick "I'll be right back" to her, he slipped out and found an
orderly, requesting that a cot be brought in the room for Scully.

He had returned to the room to find Scully had dozed off, so he
didn't bother her until the cot arrived. Then, he roused her just
enough to get her shoes off and move her onto the small bed, which
was placed near her mother's bed. He went downstairs to the rental
car and retrieved Scully's overnight bag for her, then returned to
settle himself into the chair, carefully positioning it so he could
see both Scully and her mother.

Mrs. Scully awoke mid-morning, disoriented and sore, but in good
spirits. Dr. Chu came by a little later and informed them that she
should be able to go home by Monday, which she had, and Scully had
taken the week off work to look after her, with Skinner's blessing.

Mulder had been ready to take time off as well, but Scully talked
him into going in and at least clearing up some of the paperwork
that seemed to continually clutter his desk. Every evening, though,
he would appear on Mrs. Scully's doorstep with dinner, staying
until the two women were ready to settle down for the night.

On Friday, Charlie's wife had arrived with her two boys to stay
with Mrs. Scully for the weekend and give Scully time to rest.

Scully told Mulder on Thursday night about the change in routine,
and he had insisted on bringing dinner to her instead on Friday.
"Besides," he said, smiling crookedly. "I think we owe each other
a talk."

Now, Scully was waiting for him to arrive, and she wasn't sure
she could go through with the discussion, no matter how badly
they needed it.

She hadn't quite realized how tightly wound up she was until a
knock on the door made her jump. She smiled ruefully at herself,
then crossed to let him in.

She paused at the door, peeking through the viewer to be sure it
was him, then took a deep breath before opening it. Despite her
nervousness, she couldn't help smiling when she saw him, a pizza
balanced on one hand, a small bouquet of street-corner flowers in
the other.

He grinned at her. "Miss Scully, I presume? Your pizza has arrived."

She laughed then, relaxing a bit, and stepped to one side. "I just
hope they got the order right," she teased.

His eyes never left her as he moved into the apartment. "Pepperoni,
green peppers, mushrooms, and olives -- hold the chloral hydrate,"
he returned. Then, he held out the flowers. "And these are for you."

She could feel the blush creeping up her face as she reached out
and took the bouquet from him. "Thanks, they're beautiful," she said
softly. "Let me go put them in the some water."

She turned toward the kitchen, but Mulder stopped her with a hand on
his arm. "Relax, Scully," he said, smiling crookedly. "I'm not gonna
bite -- at least, not anything but the pizza. I promise."

She returned the smile, tilting her a bit head to one side. "I know,
Mulder," she said. "I'm fine." She saw the look on his face at her
words, and knew he never quite believed her when she said that. She'd
used it to cover her true feelings too many times. So she clarified,
"No, really, Mulder, I'm okay. I'm just ... well, I'm a little nervous,
if you can believe that."

He laughed then, a short bark that erupted from his throat before he
realized it. "Yeah, I can believe it," he said. "The feeling is
mutual."

She held his gaze, then nodded toward the couch. "Why don't you
break open that pizza on the coffee table, and I'll get us something
to drink and put these flowers in water."

"Sounds good," he said, slipping his hand from her arm, and this time
she did move into the kitchen.

After a few moments, he heard her voice call out. "I have a little
wine, Mulder, if that's okay?"

"Sure," he said, pulling open the pizza box lid. "Uh, and maybe some
napkins?"

"Got 'em," she called back. A few moments passed, and she returned
to the living room, carrying the wine bottle and napkins in one hand,
two glasses in the other.

They talked as they ate and drank, Mulder asking about Mrs. Scully,
Scully filling him in on the day's events, Mulder telling her what
she'd missed at work.

Finally, though, they'd eaten their fill. Scully topped off their
wine glasses, and they sat back against the sofa, looking at each
other.

The time had come.

==========

I went searching for the truth
But in my innocence I found
All the con men and their acrobats
Who stomped me in the ground
If I count up their percentages
I know they're getting rich
But they haven't taken everything
Those paybacks are a bitch

Though I've lost quite a lot
I am still in control
They can keep what they've got
But they can't have my soul
And if I don't have this all worked out
Still I'm getting closer
I still have far to go, no doubt
But I'm getting closer

==========

Scully's apartment
Friday, June 19, 1998
8:21 p.m.

Neither Mulder nor Scully knew quite where to start, or who
should start. Each was relatively sure of the other's feelings,
but putting their thoughts into words had always been hard, for
both of them.

Mulder spoke first. "Scully, I'd say I'd like to apologize for
what happened at the hospital last week, but I don't want to,"
he said. She looked up at him, one eyebrow raised, and he chuckled.
"You're giving me that 'Mulder, you're crazy' look again, and I
think this time maybe you're right." He set his glass on the coffee
table, then reached for hers and placed it beside his.

He slid a bit closer to her and took both of her hands in his,
letting them rest gently on the cushions between them. His eyes
remained on their hands as he continued. "I don't want to take it
back. But I don't think we can let this go any further. Not that
I wouldn't like for it to, but it's just too dangerous, for both
of us."

Scully pulled one of her hands free from his and lifted it to rest
along his jaw, coaxing his face up so she could look into his eyes
when she spoke. "Mulder," she said. "I am so glad you said that in
the way you did, because now I know how to say what *I* want to say
so that you'll understand."

She dropped her hand back to grasp his again but held his gaze.
"Mulder, for the past five years we have let these people dictate
our lives to us. We've looked into most of our cases either because
they wanted us to investigate, or because they *didn't* want us to
investigate. They've determined our friendships, our family
relationships, even the way you and I deal with each other.
*Especially* the way you and I deal with each other."

Her eyes drifted again to their hands. "A few months ago, you told me
there are relationships in our lives which are neither accidental nor
under our control. Well, I think we can agree that our partnership
was not accidental. I was assigned to work with you for a specific
purpose -- to undermine your work and keep you from interfering with
their plans."

At this, Mulder interrupted. "But you didn't. You haven't."

"No, I haven't," Scully agreed. "But they're still controlling us,
Mulder. We've been so concerned about what they might do to us that
we've been sidestepping the real issue." She looked at him. "This is
hard for me, Mulder. You know I'm no good at talking about my feelings
with you. No, not just you, with anyone." She looked away, drawing
a deep breath. "But this is something that has to be said. We've put
it off too long already."

"Five years." The words were soft, and she looked up in surprise to
meet his gaze again. The look in his eyes gave her the assurance she
needed to finish what she had to say.

"Mulder, you are the most important person in my life. I know you
think I'm the strong one, but I have depended on you and drawn from
*your* strength, not just this past week, but more times than I can
recall. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with this. I don't
like being dependent. You know that. But I have finally realized
that it's okay to lean on someone else sometimes." She paused and
looked down at their intertwined hands. "It's okay to open up," she
said, her voice softer. "And ..." She raised her head and caught his
gaze again. "And it's okay to love."

Mulder's eyes widened at her words. "Scully ..." His voice broke with
emotion, and he swallowed before he went on. "Scully, I don't know how
you can say that. You've lost so much, because of me. I don't know how
you can ... love me ... after all that."

Scully smiled again, softly. "Mulder, I have lost things. I've lost my
sister. I've lost parts of myself. But everything I've lost, every void
that has opened within me, has been filled. With you. *By* you. Without
you, the wounds are open, gaping, sore. With you, they heal. They are
still there; the scars and the memories remain. But they no longer ache.
You are all the cure I'll ever need."

Her words stole Mulder's from him. His mouth opened and his jaw moved,
but no sounds would come out. Scully disentangled her hand from his and
lifted it back to his cheek. "I love you, Mulder," she said gently. "I
love you. And no matter what anyone says or does, I always will."

Suddenly she was in his arms, pulled tight against his chest. He buried
his face in her hair, and she could barely hear the soft whispers that
were all he could say ...

"I love you. I love you. I love you ..."

==========END==========

SONGS NOTE: Okay, a lot of you know I'm a big Billy Joel fan, and
here are the songs I used in this (listed in order):
"Just the Way You Are"
"Through the Long Night with You"
"If I Only Had the Words"
"This is the Time"
"Surprises"
"The Longest Time"