By Henle Girl
Henle_Girl@hotmail.com
 

ONLINE FEEDBACK FORM:
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DISTRIBUTION:  Just ask first, I'll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully Romance, Angst
SPOILERS: Pusher, Emily

SUMMARY: Dana Scully finally admits to loving her partner.  But
when it's all taken away, will he be able to help her find that
love again?

Disclaimer:  The characters don't belong to me.  I'm just
borrowing them for my own therapeutic purposes.  They will be
returned relatively unharmed to Chris Carter, or whoever wants to
borrow them next, when I'm done.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *
Gone But Not Forgotten
by Henle Girl
*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Chapter 1

Filler View Stay 'n Save
San Diego, CA

My name is Dana Scully.  And, God help me, I'm in love with my
partner.

When all this started, I don't know.  Actually, that's not true.
I know exactly when I fell in love with my partner.  I just don't
remember when I decided to admit it to myself.

It all happened about three years ago.  We were working a case
where people were apparently being pushed into committing
suicide.  Robert Patrick Modell, or Pusher as he called himself,
could seemingly push his will on others and make them do what he
wanted.  I, of course, didn't believe it until I saw it happen
with my own eyes.  He had Mulder under his control for a while
and it scared me what the man almost made him do.  It shook me to
my core to watch my partner put a gun to his own head and so
easily pull the trigger.  But what really got me was the effort
he exerted to avoid shooting me.  At that moment, I knew he'd
truly do anything for me.  And at that moment, I fell utterly and
completely in love with Fox Mulder.

I look up from the case file no longer holding my interest and
take a moment to just stare at him.  He's so observant that I
normally don't get the chance to just look at him like I am now.
But stick an x-file under his nose and he's oblivious to the rest
of the world.  I can tell how excited he is about this case by
the way his eyes dart rapidly across the page.  He's reading
faster than most normal people can process.  But that's my
Mulder.  Always two steps ahead of everyone else.

And his hair is always a fascination of mine.  He's just run his
fingers through it, so it's sticking up in little pointy spikes
all over his head.  My own fingers are practically itching with
desire to smooth it down, feeling the thick silkiness tickle my
hand.  I love Mulder's hair, I think with a sigh.  Or was it a
moan?  Thinking of him lately tends to get me all hot and
bothered.  I really have to stop doing this when he's around me.
One of these days he's going to catch on and ask . . .

"Anything the matter, Scully?"

Too late.  He heard me this time.  And by the heat in my face, I
can tell my cheeks are flushed.

"I'm okay, Mulder," I say quickly, looking down at my watch for
lack of anything better to do.  I just can't risk him looking in
my eyes and seeing the slightest bit of arousal there.

"You sure?"

"I'm fine," I try to assure him, but it doesn't work.  He eyes me
with that worried glance of his and decides that I'm anything
but.

"How about we call it quits for the day," he suggests.  "Didn't
you say you wanted to leave early?"

"That's right," I'm suddenly reminded.  "I have plans tonight."

Which is a good thing.  At least I won't be sitting around the
hotel room lusting after my partner all night.

"Hot date?"

I'm about to tease him with a joke about him being jealous when I
look up on his face and see that very look there.  He *is*
jealous.  All because he thinks it's a possibility I have a date
tonight.  I can't believe it.  Could it be my partner feels
slightly the same way about me as I feel about him?  Could it be
this is the time for both of us to lay our cards on the table?

I stand up slowly, knowing what I need to do.  I can't take this
not knowing anymore.  One way or another, I'm about to find out
how my partner feels about me.

"Mulder," I say sweetly, the unexpected tone causing his head to
jerk up and send me a stunned look.  "How can I go on a hot date
without the hottest man I know?"

The look I give him should erase all his doubts as to who I'm
talking about, but knowing my partner, I'm going to have to spell
this out for him using small words to be sure he understands.

"Wh-who's the hottest man you know, Scully?" he sputters, shakily
standing up next to me.  "Are you talking about me?  Please say
you're talking about me."

I giggle a little.  I don't think he meant to say that last part
out loud.

"Yes, Mulder.  I'm talking about you."

He gasps, in relief?  Shock?  I'm not sure.

"You really would go out on a date?  With me?"

Poor thing, doesn't get it yet.  This is tougher than I thought.
But at least he seems to feel the same way about me as I feel
about him.  That's a relief.  I was afraid I'd be stuck hiding my
feelings for my partner for the rest of my life.

"Oh, Mulder.  Don't you know by now I'd go anywhere with you?  Do anything with you?"

"Anything, huh?" he quips, thinking I'm joking.  "Like what?"

Before either of us can process my actions, I've lifted up on my
toes and pressed my lips to his.  He gasps in shock and I use
that opportunity to press on, sending my tongue into that warm
haven I've only dreamed about.

"Mmmm," I moan around his lips, drinking him in like I've always
wanted.  He tastes . . . well, like heaven is the only way I can
think to describe it.  Better than I ever imagined.

"Scully," he mutters, wrapping his arms around me for a moment
before pushing me off of him.  I seemed to have attached myself
like a little barnacle.

"Sorry," I say, embarrassed by how carried away I got with one
kiss.  Now that the oxygen is flowing freely to my brain again, I
have to wonder if he wanted me at all or if I just imagined the
whole thing.  I feel tears start to well in my eyes, so I turn
away so he won't see them.

"What was that, Scully?" he gasps, trying desperately to catch
his breath.

"I'm sorry," I sniff, unable to stop the tears.  "I didn't mean
to just attack you like that.  I guess you don't feel for me . .
. "

"Don't feel for you?" he interrupts.  "Are you kidding me,
Scully?  I just had no idea you felt anything for me.  I thought
you were just teasing me."

"I wouldn't tease.  Not about this," I whisper.

"So you really . . . "

"Love you?  Yes, Mulder," I admit, turning around to see his eyes
bulge from his head.  That's an interesting reaction, I decide,
almost amused at the sight.

"Oh, Scully."  He pulls me back into his arms, squeezing me
almost to the point where I can't breathe.  But I don't mind.  I
love the feel of him all around me.  "Scully, I'm so in love with
you, it hurts sometimes.  And right now I'm so happy, I could
cry."

He tips my head towards his and this time initiates the kiss.
This time it's his tongue that starts the exploration.  And
unfortunately, it's my turn to push him away.

"Too much?  Too fast?" he asks worriedly.

"No, Mulder.  We just can't right now.  I really do have plans
tonight," I explain.

"Oh," he sighs sadly.

"It's not like that," I assure him.  "I'm having dinner with my
family.   My mom's here in California visiting Bill and Tara, so
we thought it was the perfect time to get together."

"Oh," he says again, this time sounding a lot happier than
before.  "So it's a family thing."

"Yeah," I nod.  "You can come if you . . . "

"No thanks," he says quickly and emphatically.  "You brother and
I didn't exactly get along the last time we were here."

Oh yeah.  That was about 18 months ago when I found and lost
Emily.  My brother was upset at how much time I spent with
Mulder, but I didn't care at the time.  I needed him and he
helped me get through that horrible time.  Yet another reason why
I love him so much.  And yet another reason I want to prove it to
him.  Starting tonight.

"How about we have our own little party after dinner?  I'll just
tell them I need to come back early for a little, um, undercover
work with my partner."

"Scully, you wouldn't!" Mulder gasps in shock, but smiles from
ear to ear at the suggestion.  "You little minx."

"You have no idea," I purr into his ear, pressing one more quick
kiss to his lips before going to my own hotel room to change.
Just before going through the door, I turn back one more time.  I
can't resist getting one more look and telling him I love him one
more time, feeling strangely as if something big's about to
happen.  And not necessarily in a good way.

Could I be making a mistake with Mulder?  And if I am, will we be
able to go back to the way things were?  That thought is
unfathomable to me.  I love him, and nothing's going to change
that.  I know that deep in my heart.  But why do I still feel a
sense of foreboding?

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *
Gone But Not Forgotten
by Henle Girl
*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Chapter 2

My name is Fox Mulder and my partner has just made me the
happiest man on earth.  She told me she loves me.  That she's as
in love with me as I am with her.  Nothing she's ever said has
sounded so sweet.

I've loved her for so long that I've just about given up on her
ever loving me back.  I started falling for her on our first
case.  No one has ever wanted to know my story or listened to it
without ridicule.  But she was different.  That first night in
Oregon proved that.

I knew I had truly fallen in love when she went missing.  I had
never felt as if I couldn't live without a person until I was
forced to do so when she was gone.  If she had never come back, I
truly believe I wouldn't be here now.  She's saved my life in so
many ways.  And now it's my time to show my appreciation.
Tonight, I'll show her the romantic side of Fox Mulder she's
never seen.

Lucky for me, she took a cab to the restaurant, leaving me with
the rental.  A quick trip to the Target we passed coming in, and
I'm set with supplies.  I spend the next hour setting up the room
into a romantic paradise, filled with candles and roses.  After
ordering food from the local italian eatery, mostly appetizers,
desserts and some wine since she's already having dinner with her
family, I run to take a shower.  She should be back pretty soon.
And when she gets here, she'll be in for the surprise of her
life.

Twenty minutes later, there's a knock at the door.  My palms
start to sweat and suddenly there are butterflies in my stomach.
I take a deep breath and go to answer, expecting to see her
smiling face, but only finding the delivery guy on the other
side.  I quickly pay the man, set the food on the table, and
begin my waiting anew.

Another hour passes and I have to turn the TV on to keep myself
from dozing off.  Dinner with her family must be taking a long
time.  But I can't really begrudge her this time with them.  She
very rarely sees her brother with him living all the way on the
other side of the country.  And despite living within an hour of
her mother, I know for a fact she doesn't see her much either.

The movie I have on ends up being a lot more boring than I
thought it would be.  So boring, in fact, it completely puts me
to sleep.  I don't wake again until much later when my cell phone
rings.

"Hello?" I grumble into the other line, expecting to hear
Scully's apology on the other end for standing me up.

"Agent Mulder," the deep voice booms, startling me out of my
slumber.

It's not Scully.  It's Skinner.  I wonder why he's calling at . .
. I squint at the clock on the bedside table and see that it's
barely 3 a.m.  That sends up an instant alarm.  Even with the
time difference, it's still only 6 a.m. on the east coast.
That's too early to start the day.  Even for an assistant
director.

"Sir?  Is this about that report Scully and I were supposed to
send in last night?"  I asked, the confusion evident in my sleep
graveled voice.

"No, Agent.  I know it's early, but I just heard some disturbing
news.  I figured if you hadn't heard it, then you should hear it
from me."

Uh oh.  Now I'm really starting to panic.  I jump out of the bed
and run instictively to Scully's room, somehow knowing I'm going
to find it empty.

"This is about Scully, Sir, isn't it?"

"There was an accident, Agent Mulder.  Agent Scully was . . .
well, they say that she . . . it's serious," he finally spits
out.

My initial worry is now a full blown panic attack, labored
breathing, blurry vision, the works.  All I hear from Skinner are
the words Scully, accident, and serious.  And all I know is that
I have to get to her.

"Where is she?" I gasp, trying to calm my racing heart and keep
from vomiting what little is in my stomach.

How I managed to write down the name of the hospital with my
shaky hands, I'll never know.  But within ten minutes, I'm up and
dress and in the car on the way to the location written on the
paper.  Looking down absently, I notice that it's part of the
file Scully and I were sent here to work on.  It could be
important, but not as important as Scully.  She's the only thing
that matters.

"Hold on, Scully," I plead.  To who?  I'm not sure.  Maybe it's
time God and I developed a more one on one relationship.  If that
will save Scully, then I'll be happy to believe in Him.  I'll be
more than willing to pray prayers I've never before uttered in my
life.  Just save her, God.  Whatever it takes.

I don't stop to think how 'whatever it takes' is going to affect
me.  Scully being alive is all that's important,right?  What
could possibly be worse than her being dead?

- - - - - - - - - -

My name is . . . well, I'm not quite sure what my name is right
now.  All I'm sure of is the pain radiating through just about
every part of my body.  I try to open my eyes, but finds that too
difficult a task to accomplish at the moment.  I'm only met with
a pounding in my head that just won't quit.

The only place on me that doesn't seem to be in any pain is my
throat.  I manage to let out a weak moan that doesn't upset
anything.

"She's awake," I hear someone gasp.  It's a man, but that's about
all I can tell.  He grabs my hand, sending another wave of pain
through me.

"Arrghh," I groan, trying to pull out of his grasp, but only
causing the other side of me to hurt.

"Sorry, Dana.  I forgot about the broken wrist."

Dana.  So that's me.  That's my name.  Oh yeah.  Dana Scully.
It's starting to come back to me now.

"I'll go get the doctor, Billy," a woman says.  I hear the door
open and close before I finally attempt opening my eyes again,
squinting through the pain.

"Billy?"  I recognize the man next to me.  It's my brother.  But
the surroundings are unfamiliar.  As far as I can figure, I'm in
a hospital, but I don't know why.

"Hey Dana," he smiles at me.  "It's good to see you up finally."

"Where am I?  What happened?" I groan, trying to deal with the
headache as best I can.

"There was a car accident," he explains.  "Me and Tara came out
all right, but you and Mom were hurt pretty badly.  She's in a
room up the hall from here.  How are you feeling, Dana?"

"Tara?"  Who's Tara?  I try to think, but all I end up with is a
big blank and more pain.

"She went to get the doctor," he explains and I realize that Tara
must be the woman whose voice I heard earlier.  I must know her,
but I can't figure out how yet.  "How are you feeling, sis?"

"Like I got hit by a bus."

"Well, that's not far off from what happened," he mutters, almost
to himself before I hear another voice from the doorway.

"Miss Scully.  You're awake."

Great.  Another person I don't know.  But this person's dressed
in a white coat.  Must be the doctor.  Which means he can put me
out of the misery I'm presently in.

"Dana, this is Doctor Benedict.  He's been treating you," Bill
tells me.  But at the time, I could really care less.  I'm more
interesting in that needle he has in his hand.

"Hurts," I manage to whimper.  The pain in my head just won't
quit.

"I know.  You're still healing and you need your rest.  This
should help with the pain and help you get some sleep as well,"
the doctor says, thankfully inserting the contents of the needle
into my IV.  I'm soon drifting off to sleep, but not before I
hear a muffled 'Scully' from outside the room.  Must be someone
looking for my brother, I think, just as sleep claims me.
 

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *
Gone But Not Forgotten
by Henle Girl
*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Chapter 3

"Scully," I call out again, hoping this time she hears me through
the door.  But the tall figure standing in front of me makes sure
I can't get close enough to even get a glimpse of her.

"What are you doing here?" Bill growls at me.  "There's no way
you're dragging her off to chase some stupid flying saucer."

"What happened?" I ask, ignoring his little insult.  We can fight
later.  Right now, I need to know about Scully.  But all I'm
getting is silence from him.  Fine.  I turn to the doctor for my
next question.

"How is she doing?  I heard it was an accident."

"I'm sorry, and you are?" the doctor asks me.

I somehow manage to refrain from rolling my eyes and sighing my
impatience.  Instead, I reach my hand into my pocket to pull out
my badge, flashing it at him and introducing myself as Scully's
partner.

"Family only, Mister Mulder," Bill sneers.  "That badge isn't
going to do you any good around here."

"He's right, Agent Mulder," the doctor apologizes.  "I can only
update the family on this patient's condition."

"What about her medical records?" I protest.  "I'm listed as next
of kin."

"Until I get that . . . I'm sorry.  There's nothing I can do."

The look on my face must scare him because he leaves rather
abruptly.  I face Bill again only to see him sporting a smug
grin.

"Don't think you've won," I warn him.  "I'm not leaving here
until I know she's all right.  I'm going to wait right here for
that authorization.  Then you won't be able to kick me out."

Take that, I almost add.  But I see his grin fade and that's
enough vindication for the moment.  He stomps back into the room,
closing the door with more force than necessary.  I sit in the
chairs in the hallway and do what I hate doing more than
anything.  I wait.

- - - - - - - - - -

I hate Fox Mulder.  I hate him with a passion.  Why, out of all
the men in the Washington DC metro area, did my sister have to
meet that crackpot?  And even worse, why did she have to fall in
love with him?

I'm not stupid.  I know she has feelings for him.  She talks
about him incessantly.  I thought I was going to be sick at
dinner last night hearing her go on and on about him.  Mom and
Tara didn't help, either.  They just sat there, sighing and
giggling like little school girls talking about the captain of
the football team.

The beer helped me a lot, though.  The more she'd talk about him,
the more I'd drink.  Thinking back, I probably shouldn't have
risked driving home.  Lucky for me, the other guy was a lot more
drunk than I was and was blamed for the accident.  The cops
didn't even notice my inebriated state.  Only I know about my
part in the accident that almost killed my mother and baby sister
and that's the way it's going to stay.

"Why so serious, Billy?"

I look over at the bed and see that Dana's awake again, examining
me with the eye of the investigator I know she is.  I grab her
hand and give her a smile to cover up my guilt at having hurt
her.

"Nothing much, Short Stuff."

She cringes at my nickname for her.  She's always hated it, but
she always lets me get away with it.  Like it's my big brotherly
right or something.  But she also knows that I'm trying to
distract her and change the subject.  The look she gives me lets
me know she's still expecting an answer to her question.  I can't
tell her the truth, so I lie.

"Just thinking about Mom.  She's doing better, by the way.  The
doctors are about to downgrade her condition to stable."

"I want to go see her," Dana says, looking as if she's about to
get out of the bed.  I stop her before she gets too far.

"Out of the question.  You've barely been conscious long enough
for the doctor to check you out.  At least wait for the all clear
from him.  Mom's fine for now.  Tara and I have been taking turns
sitting with her."

"Tara?"

It's that blank look again.  I mentioned Tara earlier and she
gave me that same confused look, almost as if she didn't know who
Tara was.  At first I thought she was just a bit disoriented,
having just woken up from the accident. But this is different.  I
can see the alertness in her eyes.  She's not just confused this
time.  She really has no idea who my wife is.

Come to think of it, she hasn't mentioned that partner of hers
once.  From what Mom tells me, he's usually the first one he asks
for when she's in the hospital.  I briefly consider getting her
doctor and letting him know about her memory issues.  But the
more I think of it, the more I decide this could be a blessing in
disguise.  This could be my chance to get that lunatic partner of
hers out of her life once and for all.  I just have a few plans
to make.

"Billy.  You never answered me.  Who's Tara?  You've mentioned
her before, but . . . "

"Don't worry about it," I say, dropping a quick kiss on her
forehead.  "She's not important right now.  You get some rest and
I'll be right back.  I need to make a few phone calls."

I give her a smile before leaving the room to find a phone to
use.  With any luck, my troubles with Fox Mulder will soon be a
thing of the past.

- - - - - - - - - -

I watch from my spot around the corner until Bill disappears down
the hallway.  I knew he'd have to leave Scully's room sooner or
later.  I just hope he'll be gone long enough for me to slip in
and see for myself that she's really okay.  I've been so worried
about her.

I check once more that the coast is clear and then sneak inside,
gently closing the door behind me.  My efforts are rewarded with
the sight of her beautiful blue eyes staring up at me when she
hears me enter the room.

"Scully," I smile, grateful that she's alive.  "You're awake."

I cross the room to her bed and sit on the edge, grabbing her
hand in my own.  I place a kiss into her palm before cradling it
against my cheek.

"I was worried.  Skinner called and told me about the accident
early this morning.  It's been killing me not to be able to be in
here with you.  You know, Scully, I knew your brother hated me,
but I didn't think he'd actually try to keep me from you.  He
wouldn't let me in here to see you."

I see a look on her face that resembles horror.  I guess she's
just appalled at Bill's actions, too.

"It's okay," I assure her.  "I'm here now and I'm not going
anywhere.  Not until you're better."

I lean over to seal the promise with a kiss, my newfound right
that I plan on exercising as much as possible.  Instead of a sigh
of contentment or a moan of pleasure, Scully lets out a sound I
didn't expect.  She screams.  Loud enough to wake the dead and to
alert her brother who's standing just down the hall.  Within
seconds, he's back in the room.

"Billy, get this guy away from me," she shrieks.  I can see that
she's crying.  For some reason she's afraid of me.  This isn't
right.  I turn to Bill to see if he also notices something a
little off with his sister.

"Bill, what's going on?" I ask him.  "Why is she acting like
this?"

"Get out," he yells, ignoring my question.  "Get away from my
sister and don't come back."

He gives me a shove towards the door before moving to the bed to
cradle the shaking woman in his arms.  I consider her for a
moment before I heed his words and leave.  It's obvious Scully
doesn't want me there.  It's obvious that she's afraid of me
because she doesn't know me.

Scully doesn't know me.  That revelation shakes me to my very
foundation.  Who am I kidding?  Scully *is* my foundation.
Without her, I'm nothing.  My legs can no longer support me and I
fall into the nearest chair to me.  This isn't happening.  This
cannot be happening.  Scully's alive, but dead to me.  She made
it very clear she wanted me no where near her.

She may have survived the accident with her body intact, but what
about her mind?  Her memories?  Did they die in that crash?  Is
there any hope of them coming back?  There's no use in giving up
hope until I find the answers to those questions.  With a renewed
strength, I rise from my seat and go in search of the one person
who can answer those questions for me.  I have to find Scully's
doctor.  Maybe he can tell me what's going on.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *
Gone But Not Forgotten
by Henle Girl
*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Chapter 4

"Who was that guy, Billy?" I ask my brother, unable to stop the
shaking.  "Why was he touching me like that?  Was he going to
rape me?"

"It's okay, Dana.  Calm down."

I try to do what he says, but it's hard.  Something about that
man that was in here is unsettling.  I have to find out who he
is.

"Who was that man?  Why was he in here?  He acted like he knew me or something."

"That's because he does know you, Dana.  You two work together
with the FBI," he explains, causing my eyes to bug out in shock.

"I'm a federal agent?"

"Yes.  And that man is your partner, Fox Mulder."

"You're kidding?"  I let out a nervous laugh at the man's name.
"I don't really call him Fox, do I?"

"No, just last names.  He's Mulder.  You're Scully."

I just nod.  I remember him calling me by my last name.  Just
before he tried to kiss me.  I shiver at the memory, confused at
whether the sensation is from fear or from some attraction I
harbor for the man.

"Am I involved with him?  He seems to think so.  He tried to kiss
me.  I may not remember being in the FBI, but I'm pretty sure
that's not the typical greeting partners give each other."

"Not that I know of," he shrugs.  "Besides, why would you be
involved with the man responsible for killing our sister?"

"Missy?" I gasp, not believing what he just said.  "Missy's
dead?"

"Dana," he sighs, closing his eyes.  "I'm sorry I just blurted it
out like that."

"What happened to her?"  The tears are flowing freely down my
face.  Missy's gone.  I can't believe my sister's dead.

"Fox Mulder is what happened to her.  He's what happened to all
of us.  Missy.  You.  Dad."

"No, Billy.  Not Ahab!"

I can't hold it together anymore.  In two minutes, my world has
been shattered.  With the tears come gut wrenching sobs.  Billy
pulls me into his arms and just holds me while I cry it all out.
I remember him doing this with me when I was 15 years old and
Roger Callahan dumped me for Susie Griffith.  He may be bossy,
but he's a good big brother and takes care of me when I need it.
And right now, I'm not ashamed to admit I need it.

"What else?" I whisper after all the tears are gone.  "What else
have I forgotten about my life?  You included me in that list of
Fox Mulder's victims.  What has he done to me?"

"Ruined your career.  Ruined your life.  Ruined your future.
Take your pick.  The thing that you seem most bothered by is your
infertility."

"I can't have children?"

"Fox Mulder's a dangerous man, Dana.  Trouble follows him around
and too many people I love have been caught in the cross fire.
That's how you got kidnapped.  And the people who took you left
you unable to conceive."

"Why?" I cry.  "Why do I continue to even associate with that
man?  After all he's done?"

"That's the thing, Dana.  You'd finally gotten away from him.
You moved out here and started a new life.  He followed you and
was ultimately responsible for your accident."

I'm finding all of this almost unbelievable.  But this is coming
from my big brother.  I have to trust what he's telling me.  But
how could I have been such a fool for so long?  How could I have
gotten my father and my sister killed by being near this man?
How could I have let myself get hurt by this man?

"You okay?  I know this is a lot to deal with," he says
sympathetically, wiping the remaining tears from my face.

"I guess," I shrug.  "I guess now I see why I've forgotten so
much.  There's not much worth remembering, is there?"

"On the contrary," he smiles.  "Remember when I told you about
Tara?  Well, she's my wife.  We have a little boy about 18 months
old.  His name is Matthew."

"Oh, Billy, that's terrific."  Finally.  Something good.

"And I have one more surprise for you."

I watch him curiously as he goes to the door and peeks out into
the hallway.  After a few minutes, he comes back inside, and he's
not alone.

"Dennis?  Dennis McGrady?"  What's he doing here?  I dumped him so long ago.

"Sweetheart, you really don't remember me?  I thought Bill was
just kidding about that part."

Sweetheart?  Did he just say sweetheart?  This day is just
getting stranger and stranger.  I almost pinch myself to make
sure I'm not still dreaming.  I vowed to myself when I dumped
this loser never to date anyone like him again, let alone the
actual person himself.

"What's going on here?" I ask cautiously.  "We broke up a while
ago, Dennis, before I started medical school.  We didn't end on a
good note."

"I know, but when you moved back out here, we met up and decided
to give it another try, Danie Poo."

Ugh.  I *hate* that nickname.  That's one reason I stopped seeing
him.  I know now for a fact that he hasn't changed at all.  And
that there's no way I'd change my mind about how I feel about
him.  I have to get him out of here before I go even crazier than
I am right now.

"Dennis, could you give my brother and me a minute alone please?"
I smile sweetly, knowing the effect it'll have on him.  I keep
the fake smile pasted on my face until I hear the door close
behind him.

"Dana?  You don't seem happy to see Dennis.  I thought you two
were a pretty hot item at one time?"

I see the look on my brother's face and feel kind of bad.  I can
tell he was just trying to be nice by calling Dennis.  But he was
mistaken about any relationship between us.

"Look, Billy.  I don't know what Dennis told you, but it's long
over between us.  Tell him I don't want to see him here at the
hospital anymore."

"Okay, Dana," Bill smiles, but I can tell that it's forced.  He
goes out into the hall where I assume Dennis is waiting.
Hopefully I won't have to deal with him anymore.  I have enough
on my plate as it is.  My sister and father gone.  And my
association with this man Fox Mulder responsible for it all.
Whatever my reasons were for working with him, I can't figure
them out now.  But I do know one thing.  It stops right here and
right now.  I'm not going to let another member of my family be
lost because of him.  It's time to end my association with him
once and for all.

I breathe a sigh of relief, having made the decision to move on
with my life.  And it was the right decision, I'm sure.  So what
is that ache in my chest that just won't go away?

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *
Gone But Not Forgotten
by Henle Girl
*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Chapter 5

It's the next morning by the time I can track down Scully's
doctor and show him proof that I am listed as her next of kin and
should be privy to the information Bill is trying to keep secret
from me.  I don't know what the big mystery is.  I already know
about the amnesia, and what could be worse than that?  What could
be worse than her not knowing me?  Not remembering what we had
together?  Hopefully it's not a permanent condition.  I don't
know what I'd do in that case.  I don't know how I'd be able to
go on.

"Don't think you've won," Bill growls as he stalks towards me.
The doctor just gives us both a strange look before excusing
himself to take care of another patient.  I guess he figures the
last place he wants to be is in the middle of a war between me
and Bill Scully.

"Won what, Bill?"  I must sound as exasperated as I feel because
the look on his face just gets surlier.  "This isn't some kind of
contest.  I'm just trying to get Scully the help she needs."

"What she needs is to be rid of you," he yells, before realizing
his place in a hospital and lowers his voice again.  "You saw the
way she reacted to you yesterday.  You just about scared her to
death."

"I know."  Boy do I ever know.  I've never seen Scully look at me
like that.  I still haven't gotten over the fear she directed
towards me.  "I didn't mean to.  I didn't realize she had
amnesia.  And from talking to the doctor, neither did he.  Why
didn't you tell anyone, Bill?"

"I had just realized it myself just before you barged in.  She
had no troubles remembering me, so I had no reason to suspect she
had amnesia."

If that's true, then he's right.  Why would he have suspected
something was wrong?  But something tells me there's more going
on with Bill than he's admitting.  I don't know what it is, but I
have a feeling he knows more than he's telling me.

"The doctor said he had a chance to examine her yesterday and
doesn't feel the amnesia is permanent.  But he also said it's
important for her to discover her memories on her own, otherwise
she could be easily confused."

I see a look come to Bill's face that he quickly covers, but it
immediately raises my suspicions about him knowing more than he's
telling me.  I let it pass, though, because I'm more interested
in going to see Scully than I am trying to figure out Bill's
motives.  I know he won't like it, but I have to get into that
room again.  I have to see her.  I miss her so much.

"I guess the same thing goes for you," he challenges.  "No
filling her head with alien garbage.  She's better off not
knowing about that."

For once, I agree with him.  Scully *would* be much better off
without me in her life.  She would have a chance at that normal
life she deserves.  I know I couldn't live without her, but her
quality of life would be so much better without me.  But I don't
let him know I feel the same as him in that respect.  It would
give him too much pleasure.   Instead, I just push past him and
walk into Scully's room, closing the door behind me.

I can tell she's feeling better today because she's sitting up in
the bed flipping through a magazine.  My eyes drink in the sight
of her, taking in every moment as if it's my last.  Her eyes
raise to meet mine and once I look in them, I have the sick
feeling that my recent inclination isn't that far from the truth.
I see no recognition of me at all in her eyes.  In fact, what I
see is far worse . . . hatred.

"Agent Mulder.  Have a seat," she coldly offers in a tone that
comes out more like a command.  I have no choice but to obey her.

"You're looking better," I say, trying to ease the tension a bit.
But she just politely thanks me before getting back to her
initial plan.

"As you may have noticed yesterday, I don't remember much about
my recent life, including my apartment, my life, my job, or even
you."

"Yeah, I'm sorry I spooked you yesterday.  I wouldn't have
approached you with so much familiarity if I had known."

This is so strange.  I'm sitting here staring at Scully sitting
in that hospital bed.  But it really isn't Scully at all.  The
woman before me is a stranger and is looking at me as if I were
about to attack her again.

"I should hope so, Agent Mulder."  Again with the cold tone that
sends a shiver up my spine.  This is really starting to scare me.
"I would hope federal agents didn't make a habit of forcing
themselves on unsuspecting women."

"You make it sound like I was about to rape you, Scully.  You
should know me better than that!"

"But I don't," she reminds me, throwing a bucket of cold water on
my growing anger.  She's right.  She doesn't know me anymore than
I know the woman she is now.  And that terrifies me more than
anything else.

"So what do you propose we do about that?" I ask hopefully.  She
can't be like this forever.  I'm willing to get to know her
again, until her memories return.  So long as we're both working
on this together, I'll be all right. It'll be a disappointment,
since we'd finally gotten to the place where we've agreed to
cross that line between partners and something more.  But I can
wait as long as I know we'll get back there eventually.

"You scare me, Agent Mulder.  I don't know what to do about
that."

"I already apologized for yesterday, Scully."

"Dana.  My name is Dana," she corrects me.  "And I'm not talking
about just yesterday.  I'm talking about the trail of misery and
destruction you've led me down.  I'm not going down that path
again."

"Oh," I sigh, not really knowing what to say to that.  "Bill must
have gotten to you already."

"What does my brother have to do with this?" she asks
indignantly, her cheeks starting to flush and I can't help smile
a little at how much of 'Scully' this woman called Dana has in
her.  But that brief joy doesn't last.  I knew Bill was up to
something.  I just had no idea this was it.

"Your brother is the only one who would consider our pairing to
be 'misery and destruction'.  I guess he's been talking to you
about things."

"Things?  Like the deaths of my father and sister?  Like my
inability to have children?  Is my life that inconsequential to
you that you can talk about my tragedies so nonchalantly?"

"But, Scully . . . " I start to defend our work, but stop short.
How can I justify her losing those things when I have yet to stop
blaming myself?

"That's just it, Agent Mulder.  I'm not your 'Scully'.  And based
on the kind of life she led with you, I'm not sure I want to be
that person ever again.  I have a chance at a normal life now.
I'm not going to let you destroy what's left of my family and any
happiness I may achieve."

I'm starting to feel a little dizzy and the buzzing in my ears
block out a few of her words.  But I think I get the gist of what
she's saying.  Scully, my Scully, is gone.  And she has no
interest in finding her again.  Scully is as good as dead to me.

"Dead.  She's dead," I start to mutter.

"That's right.  Your Scully is dead.  So allow me to live in her
place.  Don't taint my chance at life with her past.  Don't
expect me to go down the same path she went with you.  I don't
know why she did it, but I know I won't be following her."

"It wasn't like that," I try to convince her.  I have try
anything to keep her with me.  "We're partners. A team.  We get
through everything together.  We can get through this too."

"Tell me something, Agent Mulder.  Tell me that my working with
you wasn't to blame for those tragedies in my life.  And based on
the many scars on my body, I'd guess there's a lot more that you
aren't telling me.  Tell me that my working with you didn't
result in these scars."

She's got me.  There's nothing to say because I can't prove her
wrong.

"Why would anyone want that kind of life?" she asks gently.  "I
can't for the life of me figure out why I lived it so long.  But
not anymore.  I'm not doing it."

"I understand," I whisper, my head down so she won't see the
tears in my eyes.  But I'm only saying that because I know it's
what she wants to hear.  I don't understand.  I can't understand
her leaving me.  I mean, I've expected it since the minute I met
her, but after six years, I can't seem to grasp the concept of
her not being in my life anymore.  It's all so overwhelming that
I feel like I'm about to explode.  I have to get out of here
before that happens.

"Thank you."  She sounds relieved.  At least I could do that for
her, despite all the pain my presence has caused her.  "I guess
this is good-bye, then."

I have to stifle the agonizing groan that's right at the back of
my throat.  Saying good-bye to her is literally tearing my heart
to shreds.  I can't even form the words in my mouth.  All I can
do is nod my head and give her a pitiful imitation of a smile.
It takes all the strength I have to walk out that door.  I barely
make it into an empty stairwell before the gut wrenching sobs
take over.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *
Gone But Not Forgotten
by Henle Girl
*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Chapter 6

Instead of relieved, I feel . . . well, I'm not exactly sure how
I feel.  But I know it's not the feeling of a woman who's just
gotten rid of a menace to her life.  I feel empty.  Like I've
just gotten rid of my best friend in the world.

I don't have long to ponder that notion.  The door opens again
and for a brief moment, I kind of hope it's Agent Mulder.  I feel
kind of bad about the way things ended between us.  He seemed so
devastated.

"Dana, I have a surprise for you," my brother smiles at me from
the door.  He hasn't come all the way in and it makes me curious
as to what this surprise might be.  I hope it isn't another
surprise like Dennis McGrady.  I can live without surprises like
that.

"Bill, I hope you haven't dug up another one of my old
boyfriends," I whine, starting to frown a little.

"Nope, not a boyfriend."

My frown turns into a smile when I hear that voice.

"Mom!"

I almost jump out of bed, but my brother stops me and tells me
he's bringing mom inside.  He turns around and backs into the
room with her wheelchair while she pulls her IV stand along.
When she's finally close enough, I ignore my brother's warning
glare and step off the bed, kneeling down next to my mother.

"How are you feeling, Dana?"

"Better, now that you're here."  I bury my head in her lap and
almost let out a purr when she runs her fingers through my hair.
There's nothing in the world like some TLC from you mom.

"I was so worried about you, Sweetheart."

"Worried about me?  I was worried about you.  I didn't realize
until just recently that you were hurt, too."

"Well, I . . ." she pauses and then looks to Bill.  "Son, could
you give me a few minutes with your sister?"

"Mom, I promised the doctor I'd . . . "

"We'll be fine, Billy," I swear to him.  "I'll even get back in
the bed if that'll ease your mind any."

"Okay," he relents.  "I'll go call Tara to see how Matty's doing.
Ten minutes, you two.  Not a second longer."

My mother smiles fondly until he leaves, then her face turns
serious again.

"What's up, Mom?  Is there something you couldn't say around
Billy?"

"I was so worried, Honey.  I thought something had happened to
you just now.  That's why I had to come see you."

"What would give you that idea?"

"I saw Fox.  He looked terrible.  It was as if his world had
fallen apart.  He didn't even notice me when he walked right past
me.  I just assumed something horrible happened to you."

"Fox?" I'm confused.  Who's Fox?  Oh, Fox is Agent Mulder's first
name.     "You mean Agent Mulder.  Why would you assume something like that?"

"You're kidding, right?"  When she sees I'm deadly serious, she
gets serious too.  "Oh, Honey.  Bill told me you had forgotten
some things.  I had no idea that included Fox.  I can't imagine
you *ever* forgetting him!"

"I don't know how I could have forgotten the man that ruined my
life, but I did.  And it's probably for the best."

"Ruined?  What are you talking about, Dana?"

What does she mean, what am I talking about?  What is *she*
thinking?  How could she not be thinking the same thing about Fox
Mulder as Bill and I?

"Mom, it was because of him Daddy and Missy died.  It was because of him I got kidnapped and made infertile.  Bill explained it all earlier."

"Bill told you those things?"

"They're true, aren't they?  Even Agent Mulder didn't deny the
fact that had I not been working with him, those things would not
have happened."

My mom doesn't seem to be buying it.  In fact, she has that look
on her face she used to get when one of us kids was in big time
trouble.  Somebody is about to get it and I have the sneaking
suspicion I'm not going to be a happy camper when she gets
through with me.  But she doesn't explode, surprisingly.
Instead, she takes a deep breath and puts on a calm facade.

"Well, Bill has never cared much for Fox and Fox . . . well, Fox
has never been able to forgive himself for anything.  Even if it
wasn't his fault.  And especially if you were involved."

"What does that mean?  Was Bill wrong?  Was Agent Mulder *not*
responsible for those things?"  I'm really confused now.  Mom
seems to be taking Agent Mulder's side, even when he didn't take
his *own* side.  I don't know what to think anymore.

"It means, Dana, that I should go and let you get some rest," Mom
sighs.  "I've gotten you agitated and that's not going to help
you recover your memories any sooner."

"What if I don't want those memories back?" I ask her with a
pout.  "What if I just want to get on with my life?"

She looks at me and I have to turn my head, unable to take the
look of disappointment on her face.  She obviously knows
something about this situation that she isn't telling me.  I know
the doctor said it's important for me to remember things on my
own, but I really want to know.  Unfortunately, I can tell I
won't be getting anything more from Mom today.

"Just rest, Dana," she sighs again, calling out for Bill to come
get her.   As they leave, she gives me one more sad look.  It
makes me wonder who she's sadder for - Agent Mulder or me.  That
question haunts my mind as I drift into an uneasy sleep filled
with foreign images of a life unknown to me.

- - - - - - - - - -

I manage to hold my peace the entire way back to my room.  Once
Bill helps me get settled into bed, I let him have it.

"William Scully, Jr.  How could you tell your sister those lies?"

If I weren't so upset with him, I'd laugh at the terrified look
he gets on his face.  I haven't seen it in a while, not since he
was a teenager and I caught him with his girlfriend half naked on
the living room couch.  But that was then.  That I could
attribute to him being young and stupid. Now is different.  He's
a grown man now and definitely should have known better.  He
should have known what a bad idea this would turn out to be.

"What lies, Mom?" he tries to defend himself.  "I just told her
the facts as I see them."

"But you know that's not how she sees them.  Or saw them, I
should say.  Before this accident, she never once blamed Fox for
the things you seem determined to blame him for.  But now, . . .
"  I just sigh and shake my head.  I still can't believe he'd
willingly deceive her like this.  I can't believe he'd hurt Fox
like this.  The man looked positively destroyed.  I don't know
what he'll do without Dana in his life.

"Now she knows the truth, Mom.  Now she wants nothing to do with
Fox Mulder.  She's ready to stay here in California with us and
live a normal life away from that lunatic."

"Why would she leave her home?"

"Well, I have to admit I did fudge that a little," he at least
has the good graces to blush at what I'm assuming was a blatant
lie.  "I told her that she had recently moved out here to get
away from him.  I even found her a decent guy that could take
care of her."

"You what?"  I am truly in shock at the lengths my son has gone
to and the damage he's willing the cause just so he can get his
way.  "Okay, so let me get this straight.   You deliberately
turned your sister against a life she used to know by lying to
her about her past and Fox's place in it.  Then you tried to pimp
her to some guy . . . "

"It wasn't a lie," he jumps in, interrupting me as I was about to
get on a roll.  "I told her the truth as I know it."

"But you also omitted the truth as *she* knows it.  A lie by
omission is a lie all the same, William," I tell him, using his
full name to make sure he pays attention to what I'm saying.
"You were dishonest and deceitful and should be ashamed of
yourself.  You and that man you're dishing her off to."

"First of all, I'm not 'pimping' her out, as you described it.
And second of all, it's not just any guy.  It's Dennis McGrady.
You know him, Mom."

As if that makes what he did any better.  Besides, even I know
this man is the last person on earth Dana would want to hook up
with.  Things didn't end well with them.  Surely Bill remembers
that.

"Bill, didn't Dana dump him right after medical school?" I remind
him.  "Why would you try to set her up with him of all people?
Now that I think of it, why would you try to set her up with
anybody?  You know how she feels about Fox."

"That's just it, Mom.  She doesn't need a man like Fox Mulder in
her life.  She needs to be as far away from him as possible.
This accident and her memory loss provided to solution to that
problem."

I just sigh, giving up before this child truly frustrates me.  He
honestly doesn't see why what he did is so wrong.  He's only
trying to help, but I know in my heart that this will only end up
hurting her.

"Trust me, Mom.  We're all going to be much happier knowing that
Dana's safe."

"But is Dana going to be happier?" I ask him.  "I don't think so.
In her head, she may believe all this nonsense you've been
shoveling at her.  But her heart knows otherwise.  And it will
eventually lead her to the truth"

I really hope I'm right about this.  She has to learn the truth,
but she can't learn it from me.  Telling her something opposite
what Bill said will only confuse her more and end up hurting her.
The only thing I can do is help her to remember the truth.  And
pray that it won't be too late for her . . . or for Fox.  I'm
worried about him, too.  He must be grieving for her like he's
lost her forever.  Unless I can help her memories along, that may
very well be the case.  Unless she remembers, we may never get
back the Dana we know and love.

Chapter 7

I stare at the case file in front of me, trying to focus on the
evidence, but having no luck.  I don't even know where to begin
anymore without Scully to help me.  I know that I was able to
work for years before I even met her, so technically, I should
still be able to do my job without her by my side.  I just can't
seem to muster up the desire to do so.

A noise in the room next door startles me, causing me to jump up
and disturb the files on the bed.  The noise is coming from
Scully's room.  Before I can even think about it, I've grabbed my
gun and charged into the room, ready to shoot to kill if
necessary.

"Freeze, and put your hands where I can see them," I order, not
caring that it could be housekeeping coming to clean the room.
That thought didn't cross my mind until it was too late.

"Put that thing away, Mulder."

It's Bill.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him, taking my sweet time
putting my gun away.  The temptation is great to take a shot at
him, but I know that wouldn't make Scully happy.  Even though she
isn't my Scully anymore, I can't deny her her happiness.

"We're here to pack up Dana's things."

We?  I look behind him and see a very ashen faced man standing
there.  I hadn't even noticed Bill had brought a friend.

"This is Dennis McGrady.  He's an old friend of Dana's who's just
recently come back into her life.  He's the kind of man who won't
lead her down a dead end path.  She'll have a shot at a normal
life with him," Bill taunts me.

I know I should be happy about that 'normal' life she'll be
getting because I'm sure it's going to make her happy.  And
didn't I just say something about not denying her her happiness?
Well, I lied.  I cannot be happy about some other man coming into
her life.  But there's nothing I can do about it.  Bill's made
sure of that.  Nevertheless, I manage to regain the dignity I
lost barging in here earlier, gun in hand, and give the guy a
forced smile.

"Nice to meet you," I grunt, not even bothering with offering him
my hand to shake.  "Sorry about the gun.  I'm used to watching
Scully's back."

"Well, hopefully she'll be able to have Dennis here do that for
her," Bill says.  "And hopefully, she won't ever have to see a
gun again."

"You know what, Bill?  I never heard her complain," I finally
explode.  It was taking too much to try to keep my anger in
check.  "In fact, she once told me that if given the chance, she
wouldn't take back a day of our time together."

'Except for that flukeman thing,' I hear her say in my head.  The
memory brings a tiny smile to my face.

"She chose to join the FBI, and although she didn't choose to get
me as a partner, she chose to *keep* me as a partner.  And if you
had given her the chance, she would have remembered how it used
to be with us.  After that, the choice would have been hers how
she wanted to spend the rest of her life.  So forgive me for
being a sore loser here.  I just don't think I even had a fair
chance to fight!"

I wind down my big speech and can tell by the look on Bill's face
that it's only amused him.  My pain is actually making him happy.
I have to get out of that room before I follow through with my
previous inclination to shoot first and ask questions later.

I stomp back into my room, slamming the joining door behind me.
I angrily sweep the files from the bed onto the floor, not caring
where the papers ended up.  Nothing matters anymore.  Let
somebody else deal with cleaning up this mess.  I'm going home.
I only take care to grab my wallet, badge, and rental car keys
from the dresser before leaving behind my mess.  None of it is my
concern anymore.  The only thing that made my life worth living
is now lost to me.  So, where does that leave me now?

- - - - - - - - - -

I watch in confusion as a blur of activity happens around me.  A
bunch of people I don't know are moving furniture into a house as
I stand by helpless.  The house is a beautiful, two story that
seems to be just the kind of house I'd pick out for myself.  The
people seem to be in a hurry, rushing past me with barely a smile
as a greeting.  They finally finish and leave and I notice for
the first time the sparkling diamond on my left hand.

"Hey, wait a minute.  You didn't let me carry you over the
threshold."

I stare in wide mouthed shock at the only familiar person is this
. . . whatever it is.  Is it a dream?  A memory?  I can't really
tell.  Mulder stands in front of me, a sexy little grin on his
face.

"You ready?" I ask him, my own little smirk on my face.

"Let's get it on, Honey."

With a jerk, I sit up in the bed and see that I'm still in the
hospital.  It really was just a dream.  A very realistic dream
that doesn't make much sense.  Am I married?  And to Mulder, as
the dream suggested?  I look down at my hand and see it lacking
the ring I had on in my dream.  I guess it wasn't real after all,
no matter how it felt at the time.  It seemed so much like
something that really happened.

The door to my hospital room opens and I'm shocked to see my
mother walk in.  When I saw her yesterday, she was a patient like
me.

"Mom!  You're up and around," I say, pointing out the obvious.

"The doctors are kicking me out," she smiles.  "I'm just about
back to my old self."

"I'm so happy for you.  But what about me?  How long do I have to
stay in here?"

I know I'm whining, but I can't help it.  I can't stand being
cooped up here any longer.  As far as I know, there's nothing
wrong with me, besides my memory issues.  But staying in the
hospital won't help me with that.

"You, my darling, are nowhere near your old self.  We're all
still pretty worried about the extent of your head injury."

"Just because I can't remember a life, which frankly seemed
pretty crappy to begin with, that I used to live?"

"Dana," my mother starts, giving me that exasperated look.  But I
don't let her finish.  I know what she's going to say.  She's
only going to try to keep me in here.  But in here is the last
place I want to be.

"No, Mom.  I need to get out of here.  I know you're hoping I get
my memories back, but that won't happen with me stuck in this
hospital bed."

"That's true," she nods, and I smile.  That was easier than I
expected.  "I'll talk to the doctor for you.  Maybe we can head
back east when you get released.  That way, you can look around
your apartment and see if anything seems familiar."

Okay, so she obviously isn't giving up on trying to make me
remember.  But, if it gets me out of this hospital, I'll indulge
her and go back to my old apartment with her.  What could it
hurt?

Chapter 8

It's almost comical the way I'm quickly packing my meager
belongings to get out of here before the doctors change their
mind and keep me another day.  After almost three days of
begging, I finally convinced them to let me go and I don't want
to risk them taking that back.

"Slow down, Dana," Mom says from the other side of the room,
laughing at the haphazard way I'm tossing items into my bag.
"Your doctors are signing your release papers now.

"That's easy for you to say.  They released you days ago.  I'm
the one who's been going stir crazy.  Besides, I don't want them
to rethink their decision," I tell her with a little smile that
belies my true feelings.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm very happy to
be finally getting out of here.  But for some strange reason,
there's also a sense of dread and anxiety mixed in there.  Not so
much fear of going back to where I used to live.  More like an
ominous niggling at the back of my mind that I just can't
pinpoint.  I don't know why I'm feeling this way, and it's
starting to unsettle me.

"Dana, are you sure you're okay?"

I see a worried expression on my mother's face as she gives me a
quick once over and realize I must have zoned out for a bit.  See
what I mean about being unsettled?

"I'm fine," I promise her.  "Just anxious to get out of here."

"Okay, then I'll go see what's keeping your doctor," she says
before leaving the room.

I go into the bathroom to make sure there's nothing in there I'm
forgetting when I hear the door open again.  It's kind of too
soon for her to be back, but I assume it's Mom anyway.
Unfortunately for me, I was wrong on that account.

"Hi, Dana."

It's Dennis again.  Why won't he just leave me alone?

"Dennis," I say, not even bothering with a smile.  I don't want
him to get the impression that I'm actually happy to see him.  "I
thought I explained this situation to my brother.  The last I
remember about our relationship is it being over.  So if you're
here to make me believe we're back together, I don't want to hear
it.  By the way, why *did* you and my brother try to make me
believe that anyway?"

"Wishful thinking on my part?" he says with a shrug, giving me a
cute little grin that makes me remember he wasn't all bad.

All of a sudden, a thought flies into my head that his grin isn't
nearly as endearing as Agent Mulder's.  I wonder where that came
from.  I don't remember seeing Agent Mulder smile those brief
times he visited me in the hospital.  So how can I seem to
picture it so clearly now?

" . . . your hotel and got your stuff," I hear Dennis say, and
realize I must have zoned out again.

"I'm sorry, Dennis.  What was that?"

"I was just saying that Bill and I went to your hotel a few days
ago and got your stuff for you, so you won't have to worry it."

"Thank you, Dennis.  That was very nice of you.  I'm a little
confused, though.  Bill told me I live here now.  Why would my
things be in a hotel?" I ask him, seemingly catching him off
guard with a seemingly simple question.

"You, um, haven't found a permanent place yet," he stammers in
response, raising my suspicions of this whole situation.  I guess
he can tell by the look on my face that I'm not really buying his
story.  He barely mumbles a good-bye, tossing my bag down by the
door, before beating a hasty retreat.  This only raises my
suspicions even more.
Something is going on here and I'm starting to get the bad
feeling my brother is involved.  Too bad I don't remember enough
about my recent pass to know what it could be.  I'll just have to
ask someone who would know.

"Okay, Dana.  You're all set," my mother calls from the door,
holding it while an orderly brings in a wheelchair for me.  She
would know what's going on here.

"I'm just about ready," I say, giving the orderly a look that he
properly interprets as one to leave us alone.  I wait until I
hear the snick of the door closing before hitting her with my
interrogation.  "Mom, Bill told me some things when he realized I
had lost my memory."

"Really?" is all she says, and I see that she's suddenly finding
it hard to meet my eyes.

"Yes.  He told me some things that I'm starting to wonder about.
Things that may not be entirely accurate."

"Like what?" she asks, but I can see that she's nervous about the
answer I'm going to give her.  I guess I'm right.  Something is
going on.  Something big by the looks of it.

"The thing with Dennis, for instance.  You remember him, right?"

"The boy you broke up with a few years ago.  Yes, I remember him,
Dana."

"Bill brought him here to the hospital to visit me, both of them
making me believe I was still seeing him.  But I know that isn't
true.  Bill also told me that I had moved out here to the west
coast, but I don't think that's true either."

"No, it isn't," she simply says, not telling anymore than I'm
asking her.  I'll just have to get more creative with my
questions.

"Bill also told me about some terrible things that happened to
me.  Things that Fox Mulder are responsible for.  Is that true?"

"Dana, your brother cares a lot about you," Mom sighs.  "He feels
he has to take care of you and me now that your father is gone."

"So that part *is* true.  Ahab's really gone?"  I feel tears
start to burn my eyes, but quickly push them away.  Now is not
the time for grieving.

"He died about six years ago, Dana, right when you started
working with Fox.  It was a heart attack."

"Heart attack?  How could Bill think Agent Mulder's responsible
for that?"

"I don't know, Honey.  Your brother is upset that Fox seems to
have more influence over you than he does.  Bill feels he should
have some input in how you live your life.  You haven't been very
accommodating of that.  It drives him crazy," she laughs a
little, before turning serious again.  "Listen to me, Dana.
There are things you need to remember on your own, so I can't
tell you everything.  But I can tell you this.  Like I said
before, you've been working with Fox for over six years now.  And
in that time, you've lost your father, you've lost your sister,
and you've lost your chance at bearing children.  All those
things you know.  But never in all that time have I ever seen you
ready to give it all up and leave Fox."

"But why?" I ask, tears threatening again.  "Why did I stay?
That's the part that doesn't make any sense to me."

"Matters of the heart rarely make sense," she says gently, giving
me a cryptic smile.  She takes my hand in hers, placing it over
my heart.  "Only you can answer the question of why, Dana.  You
just have to look in the right place."

I look down at our hands covering my heart and realize what she
means.  But I still don't know what to do.  If the mysteries of
my mind are locked in there, just how do I go about getting them
out?  Something tells me the key is back home.  And I'm suddenly
in a hurry to get there.

"Mom, would you mind terribly if we went straight to the
airport," I beg her.  "I think I'm ready to go home."

She just nods and smiles approvingly.  Something tells me I'm
finally on the right path.

- - - - - - - - - -

The phone on the desk rings, interrupting my review of the latest
batch of budget proposals.  I really hate paperwork, so this
phone call is a welcomed distraction.

"Skinner," I say into the phone, giving the caller my usual
greeting.

"Sir, you have a call from a Cookie Lewis, the manager of the
Filler View Stay 'n Save out in San Diego regarding Agent
Mulder," my assistant says almost apologetically.  She knows the
trouble that tend to follow that man and that this phone call
won't be a pleasant one.  I'm tempted to just have her take a
message, but I have a feeling this is something I won't want to
leave for too long.

"Thanks," I sigh in frustration.  "Send it through."

A few seconds later, I'm connected to the phone call.

"Ms. Lewis, this is Assistant Director Walter Skinner.  What can
I do for you?"

"I wasn't really sure who to call with this," she starts, and I
can hear the fear in her voice.

"This is regarding one of my agents, Agent Fox Mulder?" I prompt
her, trying to get to the point of her call.

"I'm a little worried about him," she finally says.

"How so?"

"Well, he seems to have disappeared.  Three days ago,
housekeeping found his room unlocked and it looked like it had
been ransacked."

"Ransacked?  How?"  I try to remain calm, but inside my stomach
is tied in knots.  I know something is wrong.

"Papers all over the floor.  A chair turned over.  Burnt out
candles and old takeout food."

Well, that's not so bad.  As far as I know, that's a normal
condition for Agent Mulder's abode.  But if he hasn't been seen
for days, that could be a problem.  Unless he's been at the
hospital with Scully.  I'm sure he wouldn't have left her side
after the accident.

"I do know that his partner was in a car accident.  He's probably
been at the hospital with her," I explain to the woman.

"His partner?  Agent Scully, right?  Yes, she actually was
checked out by her brother the day before we found Agent Mulder's
room empty.  He did mention something about an accident."

"Her brother?"  Why would he check out for her?  "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Sir, I am."

I thank the manager of the hotel and before hanging up with her,
promise to take care of any fines for damages done to the room.
Immediately I pick up the phone again to start tracking down my
wayward agents.  I should have known something was wrong when I
didn't hear back from Mulder.  I just assumed he'd be spending
all of his time with Scully.

But something else is going on.  Why would Scully's brother check
out of the hotel for her?  Why wouldn't Mulder check out of his
own room?  He knows he'll have to file that information on his
expense report.  So what's really going on?

From my phone calls, I learn that Agent Scully was just recently
released from the hospital and is currently on a flight due to
land at BWI in about two hours.  Mulder, it appears, has been in
town for three days, apparently having left California the day
the hotel noticed him missing.

I feel better knowing where everyone is, but I'm still feeling
unsettled.  Something must have gone horribly wrong for Mulder to
have left town with his room trashed and without Scully.  That's
the biggest thing.  There's no way he'd leave her in the hospital
all alone.  Something else is going on here and I have to find
out what it is.  Without giving it another thought, I grab my
suit jacket and tell my assistant that I'll be gone for the rest
of the day.  I have a feeling this is going to take awhile.

I arrive at Agent Mulder's apartment thirty minutes later, having
been delayed by the lunch time traffic.

"Agent Mulder," I call out as I knock on the door.  But I find
that's not necessary as the door pushes open on its own.
Immediately I'm on alert and pull out my rarely used gun, holding
it in front of me as I slowly enter the apartment.

It's eerily quiet inside, and the chills running up and down my
spine let me know I'm not going to like what I find here.  I
quickly search the kitchen and bedroom before turning on the
lights to give the living room a closer inspection.  I
practically trip over him as I walk past the couch.

"Mulder," I gasp before falling down on my knees next to him.  I
put down my gun to try to find any signs of life on him, letting
out a relieved sigh at the shallow breaths I feel and weak pulse
beating beneath my fingers.  It's not until I go to retrieve my
own gun that I see his on the floor next to it, laying just out
of the reach of his hand.

"Oh no."  This doesn't look good.  Based on the position of the
gun and his body, it looks like he was about to use it.  Possibly
on himself.  Before I can dwell on that thought, I take out my
phone and call 911.  Right now, they're the only ones who can
help him.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Hey Scully?"

This time I'm a hospital.  Except I'm not the patient.  He is.
Mulder.  He seems to figure prominently in my dreams.  Which is
odd seeing as how I'm trying hard to forget even knowing him.
But the more of these dreams I have, the less I understand why
I'm trying to forget him.  I know it has something to do with my
brother's claim that he ruined my life.  But somehow that's no
longer ringing quite true with me.  I'm starting to wonder if
there really is something more to my relationship with Agent
Mulder - something my brother wouldn't know anything about.

In the dream, I walk over to his hospital bed and bend over him,
my forehead practically touching his.  But I feel like I need to
be close, like he's about to tell me something important.

"Yes?" I say, giving him my undivided attention.

He pauses for a few moments, a dopey look coming to his face -
probably from the drugs - before saying the last thing I expected
to hear from him.

"I love you."

A bump on the plane wakes me, pulling me from the confusing
dreams.  I just don't understand why I'm having them or what they
mean to me.  Why would I dream about Mulder telling me he loves
me or about us being married?

"Honey, are you all right?" my mother asks me.

"Yeah."  I try to paste on a fake smile, but I'm afraid she sees
right through it.  "Just a weird dream, that's all."

That brings a frown to her face and I can almost see the thought
forming in her head before she utters a word.

"Oh Dana.  Maybe you shouldn't have left the hospital so soon."

"I'm fine, Mom.  I swear," I promise her before turning to look
out the window.  It looks like we've landed.  That was the bump I
felt that woke me up.  And now that we're here, I have to admit
that I'm feeling a little nervous about this whole trip.  What if
going to my apartment opens up a can of worms I'm not ready to
deal with?

"Don't worry, Sweetheart."  My mom pats my hand, seemingly
sensing my apprehension.  "Everything's going to work out the way
it's supposed to."

"I hope you're right, Mom," I say, wanting to trust her, but
unable to stop the growing knot of dread in my stomach.  It
expands and puts a pressure on my chest that makes it almost
impossible for me to breath.  I start to gasp, trying desperately
to get enough air.

"Dana!  What's wrong?"

"Can't . . . breath," I continue to gasp, briefly wondering if
this is an anxiety attack, but dismissing that thought when my
heart explodes in a burst of pain, causing me to scream.
"Arrgh!"

"Dana, you're worrying me.  Honey, what's wrong?"

My mother is panicking and I don't know how to convince her that
I'm fine.  Somehow I know that the pain I'm feeling is not my
own.  It's coming from the part of my heart that I only now just
realized belongs to someone else.  And with a sudden certainty, I
know who that someone is.

"Mulder," I manage to say weakly before the pain takes over,
rendering me mercifully unconscious.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *
Gone But Not Forgotten
by Henle Girl
*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Chapter 9

It seems like hours before the doctors tell me anything.  But
based on their report, I can understand why it's taken them so
long.  They just can't figure out why Mulder is in the state he's
in right now.

"It's a mystery," the doctor tells me, scratching his head.  "We
just have no idea what's going on with him.  It's easy to see
that he hasn't eaten in a few days.  That's a problem we can fix,
but it doesn't explain his condition now.  All the regular tests
we've run on him seem normal.  We've run some more extensive
ones, but those results probably won't get back until tomorrow.
If we can't find anything, I can only suggest a spinal tap.
Perhaps there's some sneaky little virus eluding the other tests.
Other than that, the only other alternative is that this is
something psychological.  Has Agent Mulder suffered any tragedies
lately?  Lost any loved ones?"

"Agent Mulder has a high stress job," I try to explain to the
doctor.  "It's possible that has something to do with it, but I
would guess it has more to do with his partner.  She was recently
in an accident.  Pretty life threatening from what her doctor
tells me."

"Are the two close?"

"Until recently, I would say absolutely.  They're closer than
most married people I know.  That's why it's so strange I found
him alone and collapsed in his living room while she was still
recovering in a hospital in California."

"That is strange," the doctor agrees.  We're interrupted by one
of the nurses running from out of Mulder's room.

"Dr. Brannon, the patient seems to be waking.  He's sobbing and
is muttering the phrase 'Scully dead'.  At least that's what it
sounds like," the nurse says.

"Scully is his partner," I tell the doctor.  "This is making more
sense now.  He must think she died in the accident.  That would
devastate him."

"I'll take that into account," Dr. Brannon nods.  "I'll get psych
down here for an evaluation.  This may not be medically proven,
but I've seen it happen.  Agent Mulder may simply be dying from a
broken heart.  He seems to have lost the will to live."

"What can we do if that's the case?" I ask.  The look on the
doctor's face tells me not to get my hopes up.

"This is more than likely a problem in his mind.  There's
probably nothing we can do if he doesn't want anything to be
done.  I'm sorry."

I refuse to accept that.  I wait until the doctor follows the
nurse back into Mulder's room before I walk down the hall towards
the exit.  I have to find Scully and bring her here so that
Mulder can see she's fine.  I fear she's his only hope.

On the way to the exit, I have to jump out of the way of an
incoming emergency.  It takes me a few moments before I recognize
the woman running behind the speeding gurney.

"Mrs. Scully?"

She looks up at me with tear filled eyes before turning her
attention back to the gurney.

"It's Dana.  We were on the plane.  She just collapsed," the
woman cries, slowing her pace to walk with me.

I grab onto her arm and find her a seat while the doctors take
her daughter back behind a curtain to work on her.

"What's going on?" I ask her after she's calmed down a bit.

"I just don't know, Mr. Skinner.  She seemed fine," she swears.
"Her doctor even released her from the hospital.  I have no idea
what could be the problem."

She lifts a hand to her tear streaked face to wipe away some of
the moisture.  I'm about to offer her my handkerchief when she
gives me a strange look.

"How did you know Dana was on her way to the hospital?  How did
you get here so quickly?"

"I actually was here already with Agent Mulder," I tell her.

"Oh no!  Fox!" she gasps in surprise.  "What happened to him?"

"Agent Mulder is . . . well, I'm not exactly sure how to describe
it.  He's not well.  He seems to think Agent Scully is dead.  The
doctors think he may actually be dying from a broken heart."

"Oh dear.  I was afraid of something like this happening.  Dana's
been having her own difficulties.  Her head injury in the car
accident has caused her to forget some things from her recent
past.  Fox was devastated to realize that meant him, too.  She
told him she didn't want anything to do with her old life,
especially him."

"You're kidding?"

"I wish I were," she says with a sigh, staring tearfully towards
the cubicle where her daughter lies.  "Dana's brother, Bill,
decided to tell her some things about her past and made them seem
worse than they really are.  He essentially tried to make her
hate Fox as much as he apparently does.  I never realized how
deeply that hatred went."

This time I manage to give her my handkerchief when her tears
return.  I'm tempted to keep it, my own eyes starting to well up
too.  These two just can't catch a break.  If it isn't one
tragedy, it's another.  But this, by far, takes the cake.

"That may explain the state I found him in," I say, letting out a
deep breath.  I run my hands through what little hair I still
have, knowing that after this I'm going to have even less.  "It
scared me to death to see him like that."

"Like what?" she asks innocently.

I consider for a brief moment keeping it to myself, not wanting
to sadden the woman any further.  But looking at her, I see the
strength her daughter inherited.  Now I know where it came from.

"He was on the floor.  His gun not far from him.  I thought for a
second he . . . "

"Dear Lord.  No!" she gasps, her hands flying to her mouth.

"He didn't, though," I add quickly.  "The doctors say he hasn't
eaten in a while.  He's been in town for a few days and I didn't
even know it.  My guess is that he's just been pining away for
Agent Scully before finally succumbing to his grief, not wanting
to live anymore."

"That gun might very well have been his next alternative," she
whispers, the tears evident in her low voice.  "I felt something
like this would happen.  I just thought I'd have more time to
help Dana recover her memories.  But we don't have any more time.
Fox needs her and he needs her now.  She's the key to helping
him."

"And he's the key for her," I agree with a nod.  "They're going
to have to help each other."

We both look up from our serious conversation when a ruckus
erupts behind the same curtain they took Agent Scully.

"I said I'm fine," we hear her say.

"Dana," Mrs. Scully sighs, a relieved smile growing on her face.
We both stand and rush back there to see what's going on.

"I have to get out of here," Scully fusses, ripping the oxygen
mask off her face.

"Calm down, Agent Scully."  I grab her arm to keep her from
hurting herself or the staff here.  She jerks away from me in
terror.  That's when I remember her memory issues and quickly
releases her.

"Mom?"

I cringe at the terrified look in her eyes and the fact that I
put it there.

"It's okay, Dana," her mother explains.  "This is your boss,
Assistant Director Skinner."

"You're my boss?  Great.  Then maybe you can help me."

"Help you do what, Agent Scully?"

"Find Mulder."

Chapter 10

He's so still, so quiet.  I don't remember anything about him,
but I just instinctively know this isn't a normal state for him.
All the life is gone from him, and it's all my fault.

"Mulder," I whisper at first before gaining some confidence and
speaking louder.  "That's what I call you, right?  You're Mulder.
I'm Scully."

"Scully," he moans from the bed, causing my eyes to bulge wide
open.  It's almost as if he actually heard me.

But then he starts sobbing, seemingly fighting a dream of some
sort and muttering the same phrase over and over between his
tears.

"Scully dead.  Scully dead."

It brings tears to my eyes.  He thinks I'm dead because that's
what I told him - that I was dead to him.  That was the biggest
mistake that almost ended my life right along with his.  I felt
his heart breaking, just as surely as it were my own.  He didn't
want to live a life without me in it.  And I don't think that
now, I can live one without him either.

"Mulder, it's me.  Please wake up," I beg, desperately trying to
reach him somehow.  Both our lives depend on this.

He starts fluttering his eyes, showing signs of coming out of his
unconsciousness.  His eyes finally fully open, blinking at the
bright light that must be blinding him.

"Welcome back, Mulder," I say, a relieved smile on my face.  "You
gave us a scare."

"Scully?  It is really you!"

He tries to sit up to reach me, but I warn him to stay laying
down, at least until the doctor comes to check on him.  The truth
is, I just wasn't sure I was ready for any contact yet.  He's
still a virtual stranger to me.  He just happens to hold my heart
in the palm of his hand.  I don't know how to deal with that just
yet.  Instead, I take a seat in the chair next to his bed and
give him a warm smile.  Despite my reservations, I really am glad
that he's all right.

"It's good to see you awake.  Like I said, we were worried."

"Scully, I had the worst dream.  You didn't remember me.  And you
didn't want me to be anywhere near you.  It was awful.  It felt
like you had died."  He reaches out to me, and I instinctively
draw away from him.  I can tell by the look on his face when
reality finally sinks in and he realizes it wasn't just a dream.
He's still very much living his nightmare.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

"It wasn't a dream, was it?" I ask quietly, drawing my hand into
a fist.  It actually hurt from not touching her.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, tears glistening in her eyes.  "But
I still don't remember anything.  I don't remember you."

"What are you doing here, then?"  I don't mean to sound
ungrateful, but I can't help but be confused.  One day she's
kicking me out of her life, and the next she's sitting by my
sickbed, willing me back to life.  It isn't fair.  Why couldn't I
have just died like I wanted to?

"Because I didn't want you to die," she says, answering my silent
questions.  Or maybe they weren't so silent.  I guess I spoke my
thoughts out loud.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her again.  I'm just so
confused.

"I'm not really sure," she confesses.  "I just . . . couldn't
stay away.  There's this connection with us.  I don't understand
it, but I can't ignore it.  Not anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She just shrugs, but it's not good enough.  I can't risk getting
my hopes up if she's just going to push me out of her life again.

"I need to know what's going on here, Scu- I mean, Dana."

She nods her head and takes a deep breath.  I can see her
mentally trying to gather her thoughts.

"It all started the dreams.  Images of different scenarios with
you would flash though my mind.  I could only assume they were
flashbacks of some sort, memories leaking through to my
subconscious while I was asleep.  The one thing in common between
all the dreams was the sense of affection and happiness I got
from being with you.  I couldn't shake the feeling that you were
someone really important to me, despite what my brother said."

"He's right you know," I say, turning my head away, unable to
face her.  "Working with me has cost you so much.  You really
would be much better without me."

"Then why did I stay with you all those years, Mulder?  There had
to have been a reason.  Just because I have no memory of it
doesn't mean it doesn't exist."

"But I met your boyfriend, Dennis.  He seemed like a nice, stable
guy who won't get you killed."

"Don't get me started on him," she groans, and I look back at her
in time to see her rolling her eyes.  "Dennis is not my boyfriend
anymore.  He hasn't been for a long time.  Why he and Bill tried
to deceive me, is beyond me."

"Bill just wants what's best for you," I sadly admit.  "I can
hardly blame him for not wanting you anywhere near me."

"But that wasn't his decision to make.  And that decision nearly
cost us both our lives."

"What do you mean?" I quickly ask her in a panic.  "Are you all
right?  What happened?"

"I'm fine," she says with a smile.  I just groan.  She's more
herself than she realizes with her 'I'm fines'.  But this time it
looks like she's telling the truth.

"I really am okay," she promises.  "Just worried about you."

"What happened to me?" I wonder, finally realizing that I have no
idea why I'm in this hospital bed.  "How did you know how to find
me?"

"Your boss, what's his name?"

"Skinner," I reply, smiling at the notion of anyone ever
forgetting that man.

"Yeah, he's the one that found you unconscious in your apartment.
And he ran into my mother in the emergency room after they rushed
me here from the airplane."

"You're a patient too?  Scully, you need to be in a bed," I
insist, instantly forgetting about my own problems and worrying
about her.

"I promise you I'm fine.  But it's hard to explain what happened
to me.  You probably won't even believe me, because it's so
strange."

I have to laugh at that, causing her to give me a crazy look.  If
I ever doubted her amnesia before, then there's no questioning it
now.  Me?  Not believing something strange?  I don't think anyone
has ever accused me of that before.

"You really don't remember your life, do you?" I chuckle.
"You're the skeptic in this partnership and I'm the believer.
I'll believe anything someone tells me, Scully, the stranger the
better."

"Oh, then you're going to love this," she says with a tiny smile
before turning serious again.  "I felt your pain, Mulder, on the
plane as we were landing.  It felt like your heart was breaking
into a million pieces.  And I felt it as if my own heart was
shattering."

"My heart did break, Scully," I admit, trying hard to hold back
my tears.  "I didn't know how to live anymore.   I didn't *want*
to live anymore."

"If you had died," she whispers, "I think I would have too.  It
scares me that I have this kind of connection with a man I don't
even know."

"It scares me that you don't know me," I tell her.

"I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry I let my brother influence my feelings
for you," she cries.  "I just don't know what to think any more.
I don't know what to believe.  I can't trust anything anyone has
told me.  All that's left is what I *feel*."

"And what do you feel?"

"You," she answers tearfully, placing a hand on her chest over
her heart.  "I feel you in here.  I may not remember how you got
there, but I know that you *are* there.  You're a part of me,
whether I know you or not.  My memories may be gone, but my heart hasn't forgotten you."

"You are my heart, Scully.  Without you, I can't survive."

"Oh, Mulder," she sighs.  "What are we going to do?"

"There's only one thing to do - we live.  We go on the only way
we can, and that's together.  I can't lose you again, Scully."  I
reach for her hand, fervently praying she'll allow the contact
this time.  It's been so long since I've touched her.  I won't
truly feel alive until I can feel her.

With a teary smile, she bridges the gap between us.  All I can do
is close my eyes in relief and pull her close to me, hoping I'm
not scaring her too much.

"I can't bear to break your heart again," she admits.

"So where does that leave us?"

"It doesn't really matter.  Together we'll figure this thing out.
It may be a little backwards, though," she says with a smile.
"Usually the love comes after the friendship."

"Well, we've never been the type to do things the conventional
way," I laugh.  "It only makes sense for me to love you while
we're virutal strangers."

"Strange as this may sound, I do love you, Mulder.  Now, I just
have to get to know you."

Strange as it may sound, I believe her.  It's not beyond the
realm of possibility.  At least not for me.  If she can believe
she loves me without even knowing me, then there's a chance for
us.  I want to believe that things will work out.  If that
happens, then anything's possible.  I may even finally convince
Scully of the existence of aliens.  Then again, maybe not.
 

Epilogue

He stands for a few moments just watching her, her smile to
glorious to ignore.  Ever since that day in the hospital, they
both had a new lease on life.  They no longer worried about the
past she couldn't remember.  They only worked each day to build
on a life they could live together.

They both quit the FBI and left DC, returning to his childhood
home in New England.  Living there with her and remaking the
horrible memories from his past gave him a new appreciation for
the tiny island he grew up on.  He loves the place now and can
hardly remember anything bad that's ever happened to him there.

She startles him, running up to him and catching him off guard.
Her jubilant grin makes her look positively radiant.  He can't
help but return it ten fold.  He loves smiling at her.

"Look what followed me home," she says, shoving a hairy mass into
his arms.  "We really have to keep it."

"What exactly is it?"  He examines the lump, holding much like
one would hold onto a bomb.  The lump starts to squirm before
finally jumping out his arms and letting out a yelping little
bark.  "A dog?  I'm not sure about this, Scully."

"Come on, Mulder.  It'll be fun.  And we can make sure this one
doesn't get eaten by any giant alligators."

"That was not my fault.  You should have just left the little
hairball in a kennel."

"Hairball?  Queequeg was my baby, Mulder.  And you know how I
feel about kennels."

"Yeah, I do know how you . . . wait a second.  How do *you* know
how you feel about kennels?"

She just smiles.

"Scully?  Do you . . . are you remembering?"

A nod is added to her smile and he whoops with joy, gathering her
up into his arms for a tight hug.

"It just all of a sudden started coming back while I was sitting
out on the beach.  I remember everything, Mulder.  The good, the
bad, and everything in between."

"How do you feel about that?" he asks warily.

"Things make more sense now," she says after a few moment's
thought.  "Like the pang I feel in my heart every time I see a
little girl that resembles Emily.  I understand now who she was
to me and why I'd yearn for her.  It makes sense now why I had
the overwhelming urge to volunteer to work in the cancer
awareness center.  Having almost lost my own life to the disease
puts a new perspective on my interest.

"And don't forget my uncanny ability to run in three inch heels,"
she adds with a laugh when things start to get a little to heavy.

"Yeah, I guess you did get a lot of practice chasing after me,"
he smiles.

"But most of all it explains the uncontrollable passion I feel
for you.  I've loved you for so long and wanted you for much
longer.  Losing my memory meant losing my inhibitions and
reservations about loving you.  I gained the freedom to open my
heart to you."

"When you put it that way, I guess I should have bumped you on
the noggin years ago," he chuckles, playfully tapping her head.
"Maybe it would have brought us to this point sooner."

"Let's not think of all the time we lost," she admonishes.
"Let's just enjoy what we have now.  We have love, we have
happiness, but most of all, we have each other.  It's not
important that I remember the past.  What really matters is my
future with you."

"I couldn't agree with you more."

His grin grows, but she soon loses sight of it as his mouth
closes in on hers.  It was a powerful kiss, combining all the
feelings from the past with the promises of the future.
Everything might not have been perfect before and she knows they
won't be perfect later, but being in his arms right here and
right now is about as close to perfection as she's going to get.
And that, she knows, won't ever be forgotten.

The end.

Author Notes:

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