Hoax

By Wayne X
waynex1@hotmail.com


Casefile. Humor. M/S friendship
CC and Fox owns the whole kit and caboodle  

~~~
HOAX


"Mulder."  
"Agent Mulder, I'd like to see you in my office
right now." Mulder cringed inwardly as he held
the phone to his ear. Assistant Director
Skinner's tone was business-like and stern.
Not a good sign.

"Should I bring Scully?"

"By all means."   
Click.   

Mulder replaced the receiver.
Scully peered over the folder she was
perusing, one eyebrow arched.   

"Mulder?"   

"Skinner wants to see us."   

"About what?"   

"He didn't say."   

"Should we bring our reports?"   

"He didn't say."   

"Do you think we should bring them anyway?   

"I don't know."   

"Mulder..."

Scully crossed her arms staring at Mulder as
he proceeded to pull on his jacket. He stopped
when he felt her eyes burning holes in his
forehead.   

"What?"   

"You're not being much help."

"What do you want me to tell you, Scully?"

"What did he say?"

"He said," Mulder cleared his throat, lowering
his voice, "Mulder, get your sorry ass in here
now."   

Scully chuckled. She stood and reached for her
own jacket from the back of her chair.   

"He did not."   

"How do you know? Did you grow bionic ears
overnight, Scully?"   

"Skinner wouldn't use the word 'ass'."   

"Neither would you normally, but you just did
then, and he has, I've heard him."   

"I was merely duplicating your word and maybe,
but he wouldn't say 'sorry ass'."   

"And I was merely replicating Skinner."   

"And not very well."   

"Scully, you really know how to damage a guy's ego."   

Mulder spread his hand over his chest, feigning an
intensely hurt _expression. Scully exited their
office door ahead of her partner.  

~~~~~~~~   

Skinner sat back in his chair, locking his fingers
together before him. His brow was creased and his
jaw set, muscles twitching.  Mulder ushered Scully
before him. They sat down before the Assistant
Director, and waited for him to break the silence.
Skinner leaned forward on his desk, pushing his
glasses further up his nose. He nodded, clearing
his throat.    

"Agents."   

Mulder and Scully waited for more. None came.   

"Sir?" Scully sat forward. "Did you need to see
our reports?"

Skinner shook his head but did not speak.
Mulder grew restless and shifted in his
seat.   

"Sir, have we - me in particular - done
anything to piss you off lately?"

Skinner sighed heavily and sat back again.   

"Agents, I have an assignment for you."   

"An assignment?"   

"Yes, Mulder." Skinner focused his attention
on Mulder's shifting form. "You do remember
what they are, don't you?"   

"Well sir," Mulder fiddled with his tie,
"we've been doing so much paperwork
lately, I'm not sure."   

Scully shot a scathing glance at Mulder.
He shrugged his reply. Skinner grunted.   

"Mulder, I'm sure this will be right up
your alley." Mulder's eyebrows shot up.   

"Paranormal activities?"   

"Not exactly."   

"Some inexplicable anomaly?"   

"Perhaps."   

"Manure that has no explicable source
of origin?"   

Scully stifled a laugh.   
"Okay, Mulder, I know these last few
assignments have not piqued your
interest..."   

"Just our sense of smell..."  

"Agent Mulder..."   

"Sorry, sir. Please continue."   

"As I was saying, this assignment that was
placed on my desk this morning calls for your
expertise. I'm actually reluctant to send you
on this case though."   

"Sir?"   

"It's in Roswell, New Mexico."   

"So it's extraterrestrial?"   

"Actually, no, Mulder."   

"But Roswell..."  

"I knew you would take it that way, but this
has nothing to do with extraterrestrials or
U.F.O. sightings." Skinner handed files to
both Mulder and Scully. "However, there
seems to be a paranormal aspect to this
particular case."   

"Paranormal, sir?" Scully interrupted,
pausing in her sifting of the file in
her hands.

"Yes, it seems that there has been some
kind of unidentifiable 'happenings' within
one of the residents there."   

"I have pissed you off." Mulder sat back,
slapping his knee with his file.   

"Mulder..." Scully began, but Mulder held
up a hand.   

"Sir, is this some kind of joke assignment
for all the times I've deflected off a
recent case? I mean, if that's the case,
I persuaded Scully..."   

"Mulder, shut up." Mulder's mouth snapped
closed. Skinner stood, moving around to
lean against his desk in front of his agents.
"This is not a vindictive motion on my part.  
It is an actual case, Mulder. It may not turn
out to be bona fide, but it's a small step
back towards an X-File.  Take it or leave it."   
Mulder stared at Skinner for some time before
getting to his feet.   

"Well sir, then I guess we're off to Roswell."   

~~~~~~~~   

The house loomed before them, gloomy exterior,
paint peeling from various parts of the weather
-beaten walls.  A large willow cast shadows
over the front porch in the fading late
afternoon light. Scully stood by the front
gate, looking up at the somber exterior.
Mulder nudged her from behind.   

"Are you just gonna stand there, or are
 you going in?"   

"Doesn't look like anyone's lived here
in years. It's in such disrepair."  

"Well," Mulder leaned down beside Scully
and unlatched the gate, pushing it open,
"this is the address we were given." He
nodded toward the front door, smiling.  

"Just gonna stand there?"   
Scully stepped onto the porch. The gate
screeched closed behind them, causing
them to both jump and turn toward the
noise. They faced back to each other,
both producing smiles of relief and
slight embarrassment, only to jump
again as the door opened before them.
A plump woman with rosy cheeks stood
before them, wiping her hands on her
 apron. As she looked from one agent
to the other, her smile grew in size.   
"Are you the people from the police?"   
Mulder produced his badge, Scully
followed suit.   

"Well," the woman squinted at the
objects flashing before her, "I
can't  really read without my glasses,
but you look like detectives."   

"We're from the Federal Bureau of
Investigation, ma'am.  I'm Special
Agent Mulder and this is my partner,
Special Agent Scully."   

"My, my, my," she opened the door wider,
gesturing for them to enter, "so official.
I had no idea there were special agents
for investigating hauntings."   

Scully raised an eyebrow in Mulder's
direction. Mulder grimaced but turned
back toward the woman, a brilliant
smile planted on his face.   

"So, Mrs. Jennings, isn't it?" Mulder
kept the smile aimed at the woman.   

"Oh, please call me Ruth." She waved a
hand in front of her. "Can  I get you
some coffee or tea? Perhaps something
cold?"   

"No thank you." Scully offered her
own smile. "Mrs. Jennings ...Ruth...
we're here to..."   

"To find out who my ghost is." Ruth
interrupted. "The police told me
someone would come to help me find
the rascal."   

"The 'rascal'?" Mulder sighed and
placed both hands on his hips as he
searched the cluttered living room.
"I'm not sure what you mean? You
sound as if you like having these
hauntings."   

"Doesn't bother me. Causes me no
harm but can be a bit messy sometimes."   
"'Messy'?" Scully glanced at Mulder
who was scanning an assortment of books
scattered on the coffee table in the
middle of the room. "Could you
please be more explicit?"   

"Come see for yourself dear."   
Ruth led them through a narrow
hallway to the right, stopping at
the doorway of what appeared to be
 a study.  Furniture was sparse with
 a single bed beside the wall and a
wooden desk by the window. A splattering
 of children's books layered the top
of the desk.   

Scully stepped into the room when she
noticed the books were glistening. At
a closer inspection, the glistening
seemed to be caused by a green substance
that coated the books. Mulder approached
the desk, leaning down for a better view.   

"Ectoplasm?"   

"Mulder, I need to get a sample of
this and send it to the lab."   

"Mrs. Jennings, does this happen often?"   

"Ruth dear." Ruth smiled at the male agent
 from across the room. "Call me Ruth."   

"Ruth," Mulder sighed, "does this happen
often?"   

"Happened just this morning. There's
always a noise and then when I get
here, that green goop..." She pointed
to the desk. "Never bothers me. Only
in this room."   

"How long has this been occurring?"   

"Oh just after I moved in."   

"And that was...?"   

"About 3 months ago."   

"Mrs... Ruth, why didn't you inform
the authorities then?"   

"As I said, it never bothered me then."   

"But it bothers you now?"   

"Well, it gets a bit monotonous cleaning
up after it all the time and I think perhaps
it wants to tell me something. That's why it
persists in this mischievous stunt."   

"'Tell you something'? What do you mean?"   

"I think it does this..." Ruth gestured with
 her hand toward the desk. "...because I'm not
listening. Maybe it wants me to find out who
it is."

"So you think you have a poltergeist?" Scully
 turned, removing her latex glove. "Is that
what you think, Ruth?"   

Mulder grinned and leaned into Scully's ear,
 whispering so Ruth couldn't overhear.   

"Scully, I just got so turned on then."   
Scully pushed past Mulder, ignoring his comment.
She stood in front of Ruth, the glove still
in her hand.   

"Ruth, did you really think people
would believe this?"   

Ruth shuffled her feet and twisted her
apron between her fingers nervously.
Mulder noticed beads of sweat breaking
out on her forehead.   

"There is something in this house."   

"Ruth, this is dishwashing liquid." Scully
shook the latex in front of her. "Why?
Surely you knew that you would be found
out easily?" Mulder scooped up a finger-
full of the green substance and held it
to his nose as the women spoke.   

"I... I..." Ruth began, "I just wanted
people to start coming back to Roswell.
I moved here hoping to be a part of the
tourist market and make this into a bed
and breakfast. It wasn't working so I
thought that if the story that my
house was haunted spread, maybe..."   

"Maybe people would come back to Roswell
and stay here to catch a glimpse of the
specter." Mulder finished.  

Ruth nodded.   

"Dishwashing liquid?" Mulder sniffed the
 matter covering his index finger.   

"Yes. I needed something... something
substantial to let people know that there
is something in this house." Ruth shrugged,
then her smile returned. "Just the knowledge
that someone was coming to investigate was
enough to start the rumors. That was enough."   
Mulder sidled up beside Scully, wiping his
finger on his handkerchief.   

"Are you going to arrest me?" Ruth's cheeks
turned a brighter shade of red. "Should I
pack some overnight things?"   

Scully tilted her head up to see Mulder's
grin widen. She decided to allow him to
answer Ruth.  Just as she didn't think he
was ever going to reply, he spoke.   

"Ruth, I don't think this is even worth
the paperwork. I think as long as you don't
waste the local authority's or the Bureau's
time any more, we can let this slide."   

"Sorry for bringing you all the way out here.
I can fix you that coffee now if you like?"   

"Thank you, Ruth, but we have a flight to
catch." Scully passed back into the hallway,
closely followed by Mulder. "We can see
ourselves out."

Mulder watched the petite redhead clicking
her heels efficiently on the floorboards
ahead of him with some amusement. They stood
 just outside the front door, both looking
back into the living room. Ruth had not
followed them out, most probably cleaning
up the mess in the study.   

"Well Scully," Mulder bent down to her ear,
"that was certainly a waste of time. I guess
Skinner really is pissed off at me."   
Scully folded her arms.   

"Mulder..."   
The door suddenly slammed shut behind them.   
"Hey, Scully..." Mulder's eyebrows shot up
in question. "You think...?"

"No, Mulder."   

"Maybe we should check this out further.  
She said there was something in the house
and she just wanted to bring attention
to it."   

"No, Mulder."   

"But..."   

"It was the wind."   

"No wind today."   

"Then it was Ruth."   

"She wasn't anywhere in sight and we
would've heard her footsteps."   

"This is an old house, Mulder."   

"Scully..."   

"It was a hoax, Mulder. Plain and simple."   

"Maybe." Mulder looked up to the shadows
 on the second floor. "Maybe not."   

Scully tugged on his sleeve, pulling
him off the porch.   

"No, Mulder. We are not going to
investigate this further or I will
personally kick your sorry ass!"   

"Oooo! Scully! My sorry ass is yours!"   
Scully sighed, returning through the
gate back towards their rental car.
Mulder lagged behind, taking one more
look at the house.  A shadow passed by
the window on the second floor.
 

Ruth