Category: Scully POV, MSR, Humor
Spoilers: Takes place after the events of "Millennium"
Disclaimer: The X-Files" and its characters belong to Chris
Carter, 1013 Productions, and FOX. No copyright
infringement is intended
Archive: Be my guest
Feedback: Welcome and always greatly appreciated
Summary: The hole truth and nothing but the truth
* * * * * * *
I confess. I love to look at him while he sleeps.
Correction. I love to look at his body while he sleeps.
Actually, I love to look at Mulder's body anytime; at work
or at play, on the basketball court or in the swimming
pool, in Armani or Levis or Fruit of the Loom. And let's
not forget that little red Speedo.
But the best time is when he's sleeping, because now that
I'm sleeping beside him, on a fairly regular basis, I'm
able to explore his body up close and personal. I want to
become acquainted with every freckle, birthmark, and
dimple. I already know how he got most of his scars; some
I'm even responsible for. But he has others, and I want to
know how he earned each one.
I know so much about my partner and friend, but now he's my
*lover* -- uncharted territory. I want to ... wait a
minute. What is that?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"See something you like?"
I lurched backward and nearly tumbled off the bed.
"Jesus, Mulder! You startled me!" I put my hand against my
chest and took deep breaths until my heart stopped racing.
"What did you say?"
"Good morning, Sunshine."
He kissed me and started my heart racing again.
"I asked you if you saw something you liked," he said.
"You were staring at me."
"I was not." I brushed my hair out of my eyes. "Good
morning, Mulder. Did you sleep well?"
"Never better," he replied. "If I'd known you were the cure
for my insomnia, I would have tried to get you in bed years
ago. So why were you staring?"
"Mulder, I can't believe I never noticed this before." I
touched his left earlobe to verify proof of my discovery.
"You have a pierced ear."
"If you think that's impressive, I have one exactly like it
on the other side."
I grabbed his chin and turned his head toward me. "I'll be
"Scully, Scully, Scully," he said as I let go of his chin.
"More than six years together and how many times have I
been conked on the head? How many bullets have bounced off
my noggin? How many people have poked around in my brain?
All those occasions to examine holes in my head and you
never noticed the holes in my ears." He shook his head
slowly. "And you call yourself a trained investigator."
I ignored his sarcasm and studied his earlobe closely.
"Well, in my own defense, Mulder, in most of those
instances I didn't have time to perform an aural inspection
as I was a little preoccupied with trying to keep you
"I forgive you." He pushed back the covers but I grabbed
"Hold it. Where do you think you're going?" I asked.
He pointed toward the bathroom. "Nature calls. And then I
thought I'd go make coffee and fix us some breakfast.
Bagels or wheat toast?"
"You're not going anywhere, Mulder" I said. "Not until you
tell me how and why you got your ears pierced."
He shrugged. "Youthful indiscretion, Scully. It's as simple
"Well, I want to hear the story anyway. And you're not
getting out of this bed until I do."
"Stories. Plural," he said. "My ears were not pierced at
the same time."
I pulled the covers back over us. "Okay, that does it.
Let's hear it ... them. The stories. What do you mean your
ears weren't pierced at the same time?"
With a defeated sigh, he sat up, leaned against the
headboard, and tugged on his left ear. "Well, I got this
one pierced my first month at Oxford."
"Was it some sort of hazing ritual?" I asked.
"More like a mating ritual," he answered. "Do you remember
I ignored his you-asked-for-this smirk. "Yes, I seem to
recall meeting someone by that name a few years ago," I
replied. "I believe you extended her a professional
He laughed. "Phoebe was my roommate's cousin. I was smitten
with her, but she hadn't shown any real interest in me.
Then one night a group of us were at a local pub. The beer
was flowing and Phoebe told me that I looked exactly like
the lead singer of some band I can't remember the name of,
except that he had a pierced ear, and she told me that if
*I* had a pierced ear, she would find me positively
irresistible. And since my primary objective at that time
in my life was to get laid ..."
"You went out and got your ear pierced."
"Not exactly," he said. "She did it that night."
"You let Phoebe pierce your ear?"
"I did," he nodded. "We went back to her place, had a few
more drinks, she got an ice cube, a needle, and a piece of
thread and the deed was done. And shortly thereafter, the
other deed was done."
"Didn't it hurt?" I asked. "The ear piercing, I mean?"
"Hurt? Are you kidding?" He made his brave Mulder face. "It
hurt like hell. I remember screaming. Not a girly-scream,
mind you, but an all-out blood curdling, wake-the-dead kind
of scream. I nearly passed out. But as noted, I did recover
and achieve my primary objective. And Phoebe gave me an
emerald stud to wear. She said it brought out the green in
I shook my head. "Well, I suppose the pain was worth it
since you got what you wanted."
"I did," he sighed. "But I also got an infection -- from
the ear, before you imply otherwise. And I ended up in the
infirmary for a week."
I chuckled sadistically. "The things we do for love. And
what about the other ear? I suppose you're going to tell me
that one was pierced by Diana Fowley."
He smiled. "No, my right ear was pierced by Diedre
"You're making that up."
"No, really, Diedre Dunwiddle. My final year at Oxford. She
was my lab partner. She convinced me that the reason ladies
weren't beating a path to my door was because women thought
a man with one earring was gay. So she pierced the other
one. The same way Phoebe did."
"Why on earth would you let someone put you through all
that pain again?"
He smiled broadly.
"Oh, I see."
"But I did learn from experience," he said. "That time I
drank more, screamed less, and only spent two days in the
"What, no jewelry?" I asked.
"A pair of tiny gold hoops. Diedre said they made me look
"Well, I think your friend Diedre misled you, Mulder," I
said. "I believe *two* pierced ears is often considered a
signal that the guy is gay."
"I guess that explains why the only person who asked me to
the senior mixer was named Bruce."
I giggled. "I don't suppose you still have these earrings?
Phoebe's emerald and Diedre's hoops?"
"Nope. Left behind in England. I left *all* my youthful
indiscretions in England."
"I find that nearly impossible to believe," I said. "How
about pictures? Any photos of you wearing your sexual
He thought for a moment. "Any pictures I had from my Oxford
days are at my mom's house. But I wore my hair pretty long
back then, over my ears. Made the earrings tough to see."
"Sounds to me like maybe you had a few regrets about the
price you paid for one night ... sorry, *two* nights of
"Maybe," he said. "When I got back to the States I was
pretty self-conscious about them, especially when I had to
cut my hair short for the Academy. The first few weeks I
even covered the holes with make-up. But one day I forgot
and no one noticed them, so that was the end of that. I
kept hoping the holes would close up, but they never did."
"Sometimes they do," I said. "I have a friend who's had her
ears pierced for twenty-five years, but if she doesn't wear
earrings for one day, the holes begin to close. I guess
you're stuck with a permanent reminder that it's dangerous
to fall for girls who like to play with sharp instruments."
He leaned over and kissed me. "And yet, I'm a slow learner.
I'm still falling."
I smiled. "In that case, I think it's only fair that I get
a chance to pierce something too." I flicked his left
nipple with my fingernail. "How about this? I think I have
a needle in my purse."
He winced. "Ouch. Don't say that. Even in jest."
"Well, those girls got a chance to put their mark on you.
What about me? Don't I mean as much to you as Phoebe and
He put his arms around me and pulled me close beside him.
"Maybe I could get a tattoo instead," he said, his fingers
stroking the small of my back. "An ouroboros like yours.
Nothing says 'I love you' like matching tattoos."
"No, I don't think so," I replied. "And anyway, I've been
considering having mine removed."
"Don't do that."
His response surprised me. "Why?" I asked. "Especially when
you know all the sordid details of how it got there?"
"That's why I want you to keep it," he said. "Every time I
look at it, it reminds me of how close I came to losing
you, in more ways than one. It reminds me that I should
never let that happen again. You keep it."
I squeezed his arm and blinked away a tear. "All right. But
I don't think a tattoo is right for you. Are you sure
there's nothing else that you'd like to have pierced?"
"Pretty positive," he answered. "But if I should get the
urge to have a permanent reminder of my middle-aged
indiscretions, you'll be the first to know."
"I still feel cheated somehow," I pouted. "But I know how
you could make it up to me."
"Suppose *I* bought you a pair of earrings. Would you model
them for me?"
"Hmm. Let me think. Would I get laid?"
"I guarantee it."
"Then I guess we can't have lunch together today." He
pushed back the comforter and climbed out of bed.
"Because you have some shopping to do."
He kissed the tip of my nose and headed toward the
"Mulder, are you really telling me the truth about how you
got your ears pierced?"
He paused in the bathroom doorway and raised his left hand.
"The hole truth, Scully. The h-o-l-e truth and nothing but
I laughed. "Then I guess I *do* have some shopping to do."
"Indeed you do," he said. "Make sure they're tasteful,
elegant, and very, very expensive. 'Cause I don't come
cheap. No pun intended."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Notes: During a recent viewing of an X-File episode on TV,
David Duchovny's holy earlobe was quite noticeable during
an extreme Mulder close-up. Since everything Duchovny's is
Mulder's (and vice versa), I wondered if Scully ever
noticed those little holes in her partner's ears. And
that's what prompted this silly little effort. Thanks for
reading the h-o-l-e thing!