If The Bough Breaks by Ladyhawke1121

Rating: PG-13 for adult language
Classification: VRA
Archive: Please notify me first. Redistribute with permission only
and with headers and disclaimers intact.
Spoilers: End Game
Keywords: Angst, MulderTorture, Romance, Post-Ep
Summary:  How do you tell a man he'll never see his son again?

Author's notes and other mutterings:

This is my second time out for fanfic, so be gentle!  Feed back
adoredat Ladyhawke1121@yahoo.com.  Flames used to roast Chris Carter
to a nice, golden brown.  I'm still mad about what he did to William,
so he deserves it!

* denotes a change in point of view between Mulder and Skinner.
Hopefully that will keep things less confusing.

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully,
and The X-Files do not belong to me. They are the property
Of Fox Television, 1013 Productions, and Chris Carter. They are
used here without permission.  No profit is being made by their
use in this story.  Don't sue.

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6:03 AM

The prison is quiet, eerily so.  This early in the morning, the few
prisoners held here besides Mulder are either savoring a few last
minutes of sleep before their wake up call, or are awake already
but still quiet.  My footsteps echo down the hall, sounding ominous
to my ears.

I wanted to get here early, before Scully gets a chance to see him.
I want to talk to him privately now that I know their brain washing
attempts have failed.  There are some things I want him to know,
before he sees Scully again.  I want to spare her the burden of
telling him, and give him a chance to assimilate the situation a bit.
I don't know what his reaction will be, and if it is anger, I want
him to be able to get it under control first. She doesn't need
any more guilt than she already feels.

How do you tell a man that he'll never see his son again?  That the
women he loves had to give him up to protect him.  That the sacrifice
he has made for the last year was in vain?

"Easy, Walter" he thought.  "Just tell him the truth."

Right.  Easy.  Not a problem.

Fuck.

The guard let me into his cell.  He seems to be dozing but becomes
alert when the door slams shut with a squeak and a bang.

"I thought I left the 'do not disturb' sign out last night."

I smile weakly at his weak attempt at a joke, then grimace.  "We need
to talk, Mulder.  There's things you need to know.  About William."

"Is he okay?  What's happened?" His face is it's usual neutral, but
his voice reveals his distress.

"He's fine now, as far as we know, anyway."

"What do you mean 'now'?  As far as you know?  What the hell is going
on Walter!"

"Settle down, Mulder.  Let me explain."

And I do.  I tell him the bizarre tail of his half-brother, the
'cure'Jeffrey Spender gave William, and the ultimate sacrifice
Scully had tomake to finally protect their son for all time.

"Dana gave him up for adoption, Mulder.  We arranged it with a
private agency that we checked backwards and forwards.  No one
knows where he is, but he is as safe as anyone can be in this
world."

*

Just like that, my son is gone.  Dana and William were my life line.
Half of my reason for leaving, half my reason for staying alive and
sane for this past year, is gone.  Just like that.  I had a little
more than two days with my son.  The thought of seeing Dana and
William again is the only thing that kept me going all those cold,
lonely nights out in the middle of fucking nowhere.  Keeping them
safe was the only reason I left, the only reason I could ever leave
them.  And it wasn't enough.  I'll never see him again.

It isn't fair. It just isn't fucking fair! We have lost so much, both
of us, already.   Almost everything we have ever held dear, and now
our child.  The rage and grief swell, mixes together and threatens to
erupt.  I literally see red.  Then as suddenly as hitting a light
switch the deepest, blackest despair I have ever experienced in my
pathetic life hits me like a tsunami.

The next thing I'm aware of, I'm curled up on the floor in the corner
of my cell.  My face is wet and I hear what sounds like some type of
animal, softly crooning.  Is that coming from me?

I think I'm freaking Walter out because I can hear him trying to calm
me down.  The small part of my brain not overcome with grief and
guilt makes out what he's saying.

"Listen to me Mulder, listen!  I know this hard, but she had no
choice Mulder, none!  Spender said they would keep coming and
coming until they had what they wanted.  They would have taken
William, and to do that, they would have killed her to get to him."

"You need to be strong for her, Mulder.  She has been through so
much these past few years.  I don't know how much she has left in
her.  The guilt has been eating her up inside over this.  She thinks
you'll never forgive her for it."

Never forgive her?   Well.  He's right, I won't forgive her.  Because
what she did doesn't warrant blame.  She has done the bravest thing a
parent could do to safe guard the life of her child.

The reason I'm curled up on the floor, tears streaming down my face
in despair and anger is not due to outrage at Dana for her choice,
but because I couldn't be there with her, to support her, to say
good-bye to him.  To be able to protect him, so we could keep him,
be a family...

I jump to my feet, the rage rushing up again. "NO!  I want him back,
I want HIM back, I WANT HIM BACK!" I scream and sob and cry out.

"But I can't" I whisper, my voice cracking. "He's safer this way, I
know, but I want him back."

*

Fortunately his outburst didn't attract any guards.  After double
checking for eaves droppers, I walk to the small sink in the corner
and turn the water on inthe hopes of foiling any listening devices.
I then reach over to Mulder and grabhis arm, pulling him close.

"That's not possible now, Mulder, you know that!" I hiss at him.
"Even if we could find him, he would just be in danger all over
again. And for what?  I'mtrying my best Mulder but you know as well
as I do that this trial is a farce-you'll be convicted.  You're too
dangerous a lightning rod to keep alive, so they'll give you the
death penalty."

"We have a plan, it may not work, it may get you killed and the rest
of us arrested, but even if we succeed, it will mean a life on the
run for you and Dana.  That's no way to raise a child, Mulder.  As
painful as it is, to both of you, this is truly best for William."

*

As I get my self back under control, I hear Walter telling me things
I already know, or have guessed at.  But it is just so damn hard to
accept.

"I know Walter, I know.  I don't blame her.  I'm in awe of her
strength, I'm not sure I'd have been able to do it, if I was in
her place making the decision."

"She'll be here soon Mulder.  Wash and rest up a little before she
gets here.  I'll be back later when it's time to go back to the court
room."

He turns to leave, but I call out "Thanks, Walter.  Not just for
telling me, but for everything you've done, and are still doing,
for us."

He looks at me a moment, and nods his head.  He calls for the guard
to come let him out.

While he waits, he looks over his shoulder at me and says "Oh, by
the way Mulder, your Hannibal impression sucks."

I bark out a short laugh at that, and the guard lets him out.  I
walk over to the sink, which is still running, and splash my face
before shutting it off.  I go and curl up in my corner again and
close my eyes, and wait for Dana.

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