DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. But don't let that stop
you from reading.
FEEDBACK: Is welcomed, always.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: Just a great big thanks to the folks at IWTB, who have
been so supportive of my return to writing, and made me feel right at
home.

Web site:
http://home.earthlink.net/~hiraeth/fanfic.html
 

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"Scully, are you singing?"

Startled, she glanced up to find Mulder watching her from the doorway, a
teasing grin on his face as he slouched against the doorframe, a towel
wrapped around his hips.

William was fussing and she bounced him a little. "Well, I was humming,
sort of."

"I don't think so. I heard words. Set to music. That's singing."

She sighed. "Don't make fun of me."

He shook his head, and a few drops of water from his slicked-back hair
landed on his shoulders. As she watched, one trailed over his
collarbone, racing down his chest, lost in the sparse hair there...

"Earth to Scully," Mulder called, bemused. "I said, I wasn't making fun
of you. You just sing so rarely."

"Well, you need to sing to babies to calm them down, Mulder. Everyone knows
that. I know my voice is terrible but you'd better get used to..."

Get used to. As she trailed off, they both were thinking that that's the
one thing neither one of them was going to have to do: get used to being
parents together. Get used to sharing a home. Get used to being a
family. It wasn't going to be an issue. It wasn't happening, now.

"Scully," he said, starting towards her, defeat coloring his voice. And
then he trailed off too, knowing there was nothing he could do to change
the reality of those packed suitcases waiting out in the living room.

There were no more words left to say on this subject, between them.
They'd decided everything yesterday. Decided together - knowing that
this is what had to be, what had to happen, for now. She hoped just for
now.

At least we had this, she thought, watching him struggle for words. At
least he came back, at least he's alive, at least he got to hold William
in his arms, and sleep with me at night, and wake up to a family for the
first time in almost thirty years. At least we had that, and if we did,
maybe it's not so crazy to hope that one day we'll have more.

"William's going to take a nap," she said finally, cutting his silence
off. "Just... I'll be right back."

Their son was sleepy and tired, and as she carried him to his bassinet
she wondered if she should have brought him to Mulder first, to say
goodbye. But it's better, she thought, for Mulder to do that on his own,
later... soon... when he goes.

When he goes.

"Sleep tight, baby mine," she whispered, brushing the hair back from his
tiny forehead. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

"Out like a light, huh?" Mulder said when she came back into the
bedroom.

She nodded, standing in front of him as he hunched on the edge of the
bed, looking up at her with hooded and sad eyes. Taking a few steps
forward until she was standing between his legs, cupping his beautiful
face between her hands, she covered his lips with her own, softly,
warmly, keeping the desperation that stirred beneath her surface at bay.

Mulder sank back onto the bed, taking her with him, her body draped over
his, his hands tunneled into her hair, his mouth devouring her in the
same slow, tender way. And the moments ticked by, one by one, until she
lost all track of time, until she almost began to forget that this would
be the last...

"What is it?" he asked when she whimpered softly, pulling her body away
from his to curl up at his side.

"I'm sorry, Mulder. I just... I'm too sore, still, I can't -- "

"Shhh, I know that," he reassured her, wrapping his arms around her as
the tears she'd been fighting trickled out, inevitably. "It's okay. It's
okay."

She took a deep breath of him, trying to get back the stronghold she'd
had on her emotions all day. "I really wish we could, though."

He kissed her forehead, and she could feel the smile on his face. "Well,
I always wish we could, Scully, don't get me wrong. But we don't have
to, like this. It's not the big good-bye."

"Yes, it is," she sighed.

"No, it's 'I'll be back soon'," he insisted, stroking her hair. "Or
'I'll be seeing you'."

"Will I?" she couldn't help asking.

"Of course."

She smiled. "You suck at this, Mulder. Optimism doesn't suit you."

He paused. "I know," he said finally, whispering. "But you have to
believe what I'm telling you. We both have to believe it."

"I just wish we knew how long, you know?" she said suddenly, forcefully.
"Until it's over. If I knew how long I could count the days."

He shifted, turning so that their eyes could meet. "Hopefully it'll be
sooner than we think. And one night I'll come crawling back here, and
see William asleep in his crib, and you here in this bed. And then we
can both stop counting the days apart. Because I will, Scully. Every
one."

She kissed him again, and then burrowed her head against his chest,
taking in the scent and feel and sound of him, so close to her, as it
wouldn't be again for so long. "You have to go," she said finally,
quietly.

He didn't move. "I'll wait. Until you're asleep. That's how I want to
leave you here, the both of you."

She nodded and pulled him closer, no words left to say how she felt, no
words that could even come close.

"I promise you, Scully," he whispered. "One morning, I'll be right here when you wake up."
 

END