By Ladyhawk
funger1@hofstra.edu
 

DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me
SPOILER WARNING: Pilot
CLASSIFICATION: V
CONTENT WARNING: none
SUMMARY: A retelling of the Pilot with a different Fox Mulder
DISCLAIMER:  CC owns them all.

Author's Introduction:

If I may be so bold, I'd like to take you on a ride. This ride will
recreate the character of Fox Mulder and the X-files in a way that I
haven't seen. I do this both to entertain you, and to give you a
perspective that is very much mine. Now, before you think I'm going to
take Mulder and tear him apart, let me assure you that I intend to keep
him the impulsive, intuitive, and unpredictable man we all know and
love. I just want to see what he will do if I give him a somewhat
different set of circumstances to deal with. There are some things in
this story that you will have to accept for it to work. They may or may
not be true in real life, but for the sake of the story, I ask that you
accept them as true here. I don't know how far this journey will go, or
how long it will take, but if you can bear with me, let's see where this
goes.

To all who are wondering: Yes, this was to be the next MSR I promised
you. I don't know if I'm still going to go that way as of yet. I'll let
you know. (Additional notes are at the end of this story)

Dedication:  This story is dedicated to my best friend JJ. Although he
assures me constantly that I'd be ok if I never met him, I know that it
would be a much rougher ride without him. And to my parents, without
whom this story may not have been written, in either form.
 

It's Life: The FBI's Most Unwanted
by Ladyhawk (funger1@hofstra.edu)

A knock makes me turn my head away from the pictures of a forest in
Oregon where a couple of teenagers were killed. I wheel my chair over to
the door and open it. An intern stares down at me then mutters. "Uh,
Agent Mulder, your new partner, Dana Scully, is due to come in at one
o'clock today." I thank the nervous young man for his message, then
wheel back to the desk to continue examining the pictures.

But questions nag at the edges of my consciousness. Why did Blevins feel
the need to warn me about the arrival of my new partner? Why do I need a
partner at all? I do most of my work here, at this desk in the Hoover
basement. And who exactly is this Dana Scully? I read her bio and some
of the papers she wrote in college and medical school. She's smart, I'll
give her that, but nothing in her files indicates anything that the
people working against me can use to their advantage.  Except that she
is young and ready to rise up the ranks.

The explanation that I hit upon a few days ago, when Blevins announced
that I was getting a partner, came back full-force. They need her to spy
on me. Well, we will see how long this spy lasts.

A few hours later, when a knock interrupts me for the second time, I'm
ready for her. "There's no one down here but the FBI's most unwanted!"

----------------------------------------------------------
An excerpt from Fox Mulder's journal, June 15, 1989

Byers just called me. The three of them are forming an underground
organization to try and infiltrate the government and the conspiracy
that we found. The Lone Gunman, they call it. Fitting, I guess.

I never did find out exactly all that went on that night in the
warehouse. Who were those people that came in after us? And why did they
leave me alone? The guys found my canes on the opposite side of the
large room from where I woke up. It must've been some trip. I hope the
work I do now in my own division will help me find some answers.

After that incident a couple months ago, I did some digging through the
Bureau's files. Luckily, nobody suspected anything subversive from the
Bureau's crippled Boy Genius when I asked to look through unsolved files
dating back as far as the opening of the Bureau. They were willing to do
anything I asked because of rumors of the new laws coming into affect
soon that will promote rights for the disabled. I don't expect them to
change the attitudes of the people around me, though.

Most people in the VCS look at me almost as if I were some kind of
freak. A brain so quick and accurate as to be called 'Spooky' does not
belong on the body of a man in a wheelchair, or so the gossips say. I
hear this stuff passing by dark corners because nobody seems to have the
guts to even give me the time of day. But they have the guts to torture
my mind by giving me the dark, psychotic cases that they can't solve.
Good riddance to them.

Well, those cases I found lead me to ask for help from Senator Matheson,
the man who helped me fight the red tape to get into the Bureau in the
first place. He helped me get permission to set up the X-files division,
just as he helped me fight the discrimination that was keeping the
Bureau from hiring me. Now maybe I can find my sister.

----------------------------------------------------------

Dana Scully looked shocked when she closed the door and saw the chair I
am sitting in, but she hid it quickly enough. So I give her the benefit
of the doubt in that regard.

After accusing her of a spy operation and reciting her own credentials
to her, I grab my canes and walk over to the slide projector. Not even a
noticeable wince at that. She adapts quickly. I like that. I continue to
taunt her as I explain the case I've been researching and my theory on
it. She responds like the perfect little scientist that I know she is. I
enjoy ribbing her as I send her on her way until tomorrow.

---------------------------------------------------------

This case has been both thrills and frustrations. I had Scully standing
out in the rain yelling at me about the implausibility of losing nine
minutes of time. I also had to deal with townspeople who don't want
anyone investigating the strange happenings in their town, especially by
a person who needs two metal canes to walk anywhere. As I try to deal
with the emotions this observation evokes, I hear a knock at my motel
door. Scully, frantic, pulls her robe off with her back to me and begs
that I examine marks on her back. When I assure her they are just
mosquito bites, the almost knocks me over launching herself onto my
chest. She backs away slightly, probably remembering my canes. I do my
best to lean on them so I can pat her back a bit and calm her down.

God, she's gorgeous. But the thought of how she would reject me, more
than the fact that she is now my partner, calms my libido before it gets
fired up.  She asks if she can stay with me for a while. I lean back to
look into her eyes I tell her to take her time to calm down. I decide to
trust her enough to tell her Samantha's story. She might as well hear my
version before everyone else's ruins her opinion of me.

She only interrupts me a few times during my story, as I sit on the
floor next to the bed she is laying on. To ask for clarification or
opinions, not to mock me. And she doesn't ask about my disability once.
Not even why I try running over uneven terrain, like the forest, even
though it causes me more grief than it's worth. I'm amazed. This
partnership may have possibilities after all.

------------------------------------------------------

Now that we've solved the case and Billy is getting help, I turn my
thoughts back to my new partner. She did good. She kept her head in some
very strange situations and didn't balk. She just challenged my
theories. And rather than look down on me, either for my theories or
because of my physical being, she looked to me as if to an equal.
Looking back at that, it shocks me to realize that she is the first
person that I can honestly say reacted to me that way. But she's spying
on me. Damn, I don't know what to do about this.

-------------------------------------------------------

Notes continues: I don't know. Tell me what you think. Should I
continue? I have some ideas about how to fit some other episodes into my
framework here, and give a little more background on my altered Mulder,
but I'm not sure this try worked well.
I need opinions desperately. Should I put this down as a bad idea, or
should I try again?
Feedback welcomed at funger1@hofstra.edu
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

From: Ladyhawk <funger1@Hofstra.edu>
Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1999 16:32:33 -0500
Subject: It's Life: The Flame Behind Blue Eyes (Complete) by Ladyhawk
 

TITLE: It's Life: The Flame Behind Blue Eyes (Complete)
AUTHOR: Ladyhawk
EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me
SPOILER WARNING: Fire
CLASSIFICATION: V
RATING: PG-13 for language
CONTENT WARNING: Alternate Universe
SUMMARY: It's the episode Fire, as seen in my AU
DISCLAIMER:  CC owns them all

REALITY DISCLAIMER: No, I don't know if disabled people can be hired by
the FBI as field agents. I've never tried to apply. I highly doubt it
though, we would be too much of a liability to them. (And if you haven't
picked up the implied statement: Yes, I am disabled too.)
LH

Author's Notes: As always, this for JJ. I Decided to post the whole
thing again, as one file in case you forgot the first part. Feedback
welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu

It's Life: The Flame Behind Blue Eyes
by Ladyhawk (funger1@hofstra.edu)

I need the answers, but I am afraid to ask. How can I ask him without
sounding like I think he's incapable of doing his job?

So when Mulder offers to drive to the deli down the street and get us
some lunch, I jump into action. I race upstairs to Personnel Records and
wait until the secretary walks out of the room. I quickly find and open
Mulder's file.

Cerebral Palsy. A congenital disorder characterized by damage to the
motor cortex in the brain. A large percentage of people with CP also
have mental impairments. But if Mulder has any problems there, then so
do I. The file also indicates that he has limited use of both legs and
wears molded braces on each of them. His suitpants must have hid them
from me.

I jump as I hear a small metallic "clink" behind me. Mulder grabs the
folder from me before it hits the floor. His cane hangs from its metal
cuff on his arm as he does so.

He glances at the folder's label. "I took our lunch downstairs, Scully."

"Thanks." I look up at him guiltily.

"You could have asked me." His look is slightly accusing.

"I didn't know how, I'm sorry. I didn't want to say the wrong thing." As
a doctor, I was taught to think of people in terms of their diagnoses. I
didn't want him to feel that I was doing that to him.

"Just ask. You're my partner now. You do have a right to know." Mulder
puts the file back in its drawer. His hand and cane brush the small of
my back, indicating we should head downstairs.

---------------------------------------------------

A day later, the incident seems forgotten, or at least forgiven. Mulder
drives us to wrap up a case in Virginia in which some parents suspected
that their children were devils because they could not go out in
sunlight without being harmed by it. My physiological tests indicated
that they had a high sensitivity to ultra-violet rays. Because we
suspected abuse, we were trying to arrange for the children to be put in
foster homes.

We go back to his car, exhausted from fighting with the parents. Without
thinking, I open the passenger door before Mulder can grab his keys.

Mulder sees this and looks puzzled. "I could've sworn. . ."

I, too seem to remember the click of the automatic locks as we left the
car a couple hours earlier. Then I spot something. "Mulder, on the
dashboard."

Shoving his canes in the back of the car, Mulder swiftly sits down so he
can grab the cassette tape sitting on his dash. I shrug as he looks at
me questioningly. He shoves the tape into the car's player and a female
voice echoes from the speakers.

She told a story of the fantastic, where people burst into flame for no
apparent reason. I would've listened to the details more closely, but
for the look on Mulder's face. He was as white as a sheet.

"Phoebe."

"What?" Just then, a tall red headed women comes over and sticks her
head in Mulder's open window.

"Hello Agent Scully. Mulder, have you missed me?"

"Hello Phoebe. Scully, this is Phoebe Green. . ."

"*Inspector* Phoebe Green of Scotland Yard. Mulder and I are old
friends. We dated at Oxford."  She looks at me with piercing eyes. My
skin crawls until she turns her gaze back to Mulder.

"Mulder, I could use your help on this case." She points to the tape in
the car's cassette deck.  "I'm with Sir Marsden to try to protect him.
He left England to try to protect his family from whoever is doing this.
He nearly didn't escape one of the fires."

"Did you talk to the Bureau?" Strangely, Mulder didn't seem enthusiatic,
to take the case or talk to Inspector Green.

"Yes, Agent, uhh Beatty was to Britain to help us investigate. He found
no evidence of arson."

"So what would you like *us* to do?"

"There was a fire in the den of the house on Cape Cod yesterday. Beatty
still hasn't found anything. Could you, please?"

At that last word, Mulder smiles. Something isn't right here. One minute
Mulder's frightened to death, the next he is eating out of her hand. I
try to divert him. "Shouldn't we report to the Assistant Director to see
if we have another case first?"

"I took the liberty of talking to your Director, Agent Scully. He
approves of this case." She smiles at Mulder with a look that can only
be described as sugar-coated. I try to hold my temper.

"Ok, let's go." Mulder almost sounds cheerful. I am more confused than
ever.

----------------------------------------------------------------

We stop back at the Bureau and decide that we should get a car that I
can drive. This puts Mulder at a disadvantage, because he cannot drive
without hand controls. But he points out that both Beatty and Inspector
Green could drive him, if need be.

As we stow his wheelchair in the back of the car, he asks to stop at his
apartment for an overnight bag. I had taken mine from my personal car
when we came back to the Bureau.  We stop in Alexandria at the address
he indicated.

"It'll take a few minutes, do you want to come in with me?"

"Ok, sure." Oh, yes, I'd love to get a glimpse of how my puzzling
partner lives outside the Bureau. That is, on those rare occassions he
actually goes home before midnight.

We enter the building using the flimsy-looking wooden ramp that has been
built on one side, on top of the concrete steps. The wood creaks under
our weight.

Going up to the fourth floor using the elevator is a bit of an
adventure. The space is cramped and the buttons are not easy for Mulder
to reach. But I don't ask to help him because he moves with practiced
ease.

Apartment 42 is a dark space with only enough room for his wheelchair
between pieces of furniture. I look around the gloomy livingroom as he
excuses himself to gather his things.

Two pictures of Samantha, on the TV and on the table by the door, adorn
an otherwise impersonal space. A blanket rests on the couch in a
position that makes me wonder if he slept there. There is little else
here to give me a sense of the man who inhabits the space. When Mulder
wheels back to me with a duffle bag on his lap, I dare to try to expand
my knowledge of this mysterious man.

"How long . . were you involved with Inspector Green?"

Mulder sighs. "About two years. I met her my first year at Oxford. I was
rather shy back then, but I liked her since the first time I saw her. So
I gathered enough nerve to talk to her that winter and we hit it off,
so. . ."

I know there is a lot that he isn't telling me, but I don't want to
press him. I don't want to open a can of worms about their relationship
while we are working with his ex-girlfriend.

We exit his apartment building and discuss the paperwork concerning our
previous cases as I drive us to Cape Cod.

------------------------------------------------

Inspector Green greets us with Agent Beatty and Sir Marsden when we
reach our destination. Green helps Mulder open his chair and wheels him
into the cottage, expertly maneuvering the chair over the small step at
the entrance. I follow behind them with Agent Beatty.

When we get into the livingroom, two blond children are chased to their
rooms by a nanny.  Green swings Mulder's chair next to the armchair she
sits in. He sits, unusually docile, while I ask for details of the fire
yesterday.

Agent Beatty speaks up. "It was similar to the fires I saw in England.
No evidence of break-in and no cause of the fire."

As Sir Marsden describes how his wife found the fire in their little
girl's room when she went to check on her during the girl's nap, I
notice a figure in the corner of my eye. A servant, maybe a
groundskeeper, by the look of dirt on his clothes. I see Mulder notice
him too. A whisper in Green's ear, and she nods in the direction of the
man with a returned whisper. Inexplicably, this agitates me, and I have
difficulty listening to the details of the case suddenly.

-----------------------------------------------

Later, we go to check into a hotel a few miles from the cottage. Green
follows us there, presumably to discuss the case without the Marsdens.

This time I help Mulder with his chair and canes, but Mulder puts his
hands on the wheels to keep his chair still while I try to push it.

"Scully! I can do it myself."

"Sorry. I thought . . . "

He doesn't even hear my apology. He continues. "Maybe I should
investigate this on my own. I think we need some time away from each
other. . ." I know what he is saying. I had broken some unspoken rule of
his. I showed him I didn't believe in his abilities. At least that's
what he thinks.

I swear I can see a small grin on Green's face. "I can drive Mulder
around, don't worry. Take some time off. You probably deserve a rest,
with chasing him around."

I look at Mulder. I want to plead my case, but his averted eyes tell me
its pointless. I sigh. "If you need anything, call me. Ok?"

"Oh, we will. But I think I'll be able to help Mulder with his phobia."

"What phobia?"

"I've been afraid of fire since I was little. Our first house burnt to
the ground and we almost didn't get out."

"Are you sure you'll be ok?"

Wrong thing to say. His eyes shoot ice at me. "I'll be *fine*"

I go to my room to pack. I don't see him again before I leave for DC.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I fume and rant to myself all the way back to DC. What the hell! Why
does *she* do everything for him when I'm not even allowed to give him a
hand?! Doesn't he trust me? Haven't I proven myself to him yet?

And what about *Her*? What about her caused the drastic shifts in his
mood? Through the confusion my gut suspects that he isn't completely
safe with her. But I can't figure out why.

The first thing I do when I get back is log on to my computer to
research the other fires. I scan through the files. Five fires. All the
men were of the British aristocracy, as Green said. All of them lacked
evidence of arson. I'll have to get information on employees and
contacts. . .I check in with Beatty. All is calm on Cape Cod, so I
decide to make it the top priority first thing in the morning.

I don't sleep well. My dreams are filled with fear and demons that chase
after my partner.

---------------------------------------------------------------

After a large cup of coffee and an introduction to the new Assistant
Director, I get back to work on the case.

My cell phone rings as I'm getting online permission to access
information on the five men killed. "Scully."

"Scully, it's me."

After how mad Mulder was when I left, I didn't expect, nor am I prepared
to deal with him so soon. A cold greeting is the best I can muster.
"What do you want, Mulder?"

"Umm. I want to say I'm sorry. I guess Phoebe gets to me."

That's not what I saw back there. "Oh? You two looked pretty friendly to
me."

"Yeah, well. . Old habits die hard, I guess. I let her do what she
wanted without thinking."

I'm not impressed with this apology, but I don't want to fight with him.
"Is there something else you wanted?"

I can hear him realize his apology fell flat. "Uh, yeah. I wanted to run
a theory by you."

"On the fires?"

"Yeah. Phoebe and I interviewed a witness to a fire at a bar last night
that has a similar MO. No signs of arson or accident. The witness said a
British man started the fire by setting himself aflame."

I know where this is going. So why do I ask him to continue? So I can
try to prove him wrong? "So you think. . .?"

"That whoever started these fires is pyrokinetic. He or she can start
fires with their mind. That's why there's no signs of arson."

"Did you tell this to Beatty?"

"Yeah. He didn't like it, but I don't see him coming up with anything
better."

"And Phoebe?"

"She, uh, said she expected something like that from me."

I didn't want to go there, so I let it drop. "Well, Mulder, I don't
know. There are many ways to start a fire, not all of them leaving
easily noticeable evidence. And they don't involve anything
supernatural."

"Beatty and I are going over some of those possibilities."

"Ok. I'm doing some background checks on the men killed and their
contacts."

He sounds surprised. "Thanks Scully. I really am sorry for what I said
at the motel."

He's my partner, and he's in an awkward situation with an ex-girlfriend.
How can I not cut him some slack? "We'll discuss it when you get back,
ok?"

"Yeah, thanks." He sounds almost meek. I almost ask him why, but he
hangs up before I can.

So instead, I turn back to gathering information for the case.

--------------------------------------------------------------

After Mulder's call, I look back at the reports of the fires. It took
more than a match, made out of wood, or human flesh, as Mulder proposed,
to do that kind of damage. There has to be a catalyst, something highly
flammable. I need to look at contacts with access to some kind of
propellant, or similar material.

Flipping through printouts of data from Scotland Yard fills my day. I
access their political contacts, employees, friends. The lists seem
endless. Finally, after gazing at dozens of names, something catches my
eye. Two of the men had the same caretaker, a Cecil L'Ively. I search
the UK's database, but can't find any record of him. But still, it's
enough to tell Mulder about.

AD Skinner asks about the case after lunch. Unlike the previous AD, he
doesn't look incredulous when I tell him the theory Mulder proposed. He
just asks if Mulder has proof.

"No, he doesn't, Sir."

"Well, tell him to get some or find a better theory before someone else
gets hurt."

For once, I leave that office with a small grin on my face.

---------------------------------------------------------

I go to my apartment to repack my overnight bag. I could tell Mulder my
findings over the phone, but a little voice inside me insists I tell him
in person. My mind keeps centering on Phoebe Green. I don't want to deal
with my feelings about her, so I shove the thoughts away.

Instead, I call Mulder. "I have some information for you, Mulder. Where
can I bring it?"

"You're coming here?"

"Yeah, I think all of us should sit down and discuss what I've found."

"Ok. Phoebe and I are staking out a party in a hotel. The Marsdens have
been invited and we think the arsonist may attack there."

"Ok." I write down the address. "I'll be there around eight o'clock."

"We'll meet you in the lobby."

"Fine." Damn, I have to deal with *her*.

-------------------------------------------------------

I arrive at the hotel right before eight. There's no sign of Mulder or
Phoebe. I stand in the lobby for a few minutes, waiting. Impatience gets
to me, though. So I follow the signs to the ballroom.

I stop in the doorway, shocked, as my eyes catch two dancers.

In the middle of the floor is Mulder, in a tuxedo, looking more formal
and . . .handsome than I've ever seen him before. He's dancing with
Phoebe, in a tight black dress. She's clutching him to her as if they
were ready to have sex on the dance floor! Then I notice the clincher:
he isn't using his canes! He's letting he support him, trusting her to
not let him fall.

Anger makes my cheeks turn red. I storm away from the ballroom further
into the hallway. I walk down the hallway, past the security grid,
trying to calm down.

Hold it! What was on the grid?! I walk back for a better look. A fire
alarm went off on one of the upper floors. The fifth floor.

I hurry back to the ballroom and don't hesitate. I grab Mulder's canes
and nearly crash into the two dancers.

"Scully!"

"Mulder, there's, there's a fire on the fifth floor!"

"Ok. Scully, get security. Phoebe and I will check it out." Mulder grabs
his canes from me quickly and uses them to propel himself out of the
room. Phoebe is close at his heels. I hear her ask him if he wants to
stay down here while she investigates. They are down the hall before I
can hear his reply.

I run to the main desk to alert security and contact the fire station
and police. In a few minutes, men in uniforms are rushing past me.
Mulder and Phoebe aren't back yet. Sir and Mrs. Marsden rush toward me
with questions about what's happening.

"The children are up there!"

Before I can try to calm Mrs. Marsden, the man I saw before at the
Marsden's house comes toward me with their children. Phoebe follows
close behind him.

"Where is Mulder?" She wouldn't leave him up there, would she?

"The smoke was so heavy near their rooms that I lost him. I thought he
came back down."

Without a reply, I rush out of the lobby to the stairs. As I climb to
the fifth floor, panic grips me. I can't lose him!

The smoke is still heavy around the Marsden's rooms when I reach the
floor, but it is clearing. I spot Mulder slumped nearby, partially
hidden from the firefighters by a corner of the wall. I rush over.

My medical training kicks in. Before I say a word, I check him for
injuries. As I do, he begins to wake. "Phoebe?"

"No, it's Scully. We have to get you to a hospital. It looks like you
took in too much smoke." His coughing confirms my diagnosis.

I let him guide me in helping him up and moving his canes into
supporting positions. Once he is upright, I rush down the hall where I
see a medical technician to get his attention. When I look back at
Mulder, he is moving slowly with the help of Phoebe Green. She has him
in a grip around his waist, and he is leaning against her. The glance
she sends my way is anything but friendly. I return it in kind before
helping the technician with his equipment as we move toward the pair.

--------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, I step into Mulder's hospital room. Luckily, Phoebe is
nowhere to be found. I sit on the side of the bed as Mulder's eyes open.
"Hi."

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Ok. A bit embarrassed that I couldn't get to the children. . ."

"Don't be. The smoke would've stopped anyone." I show him the file I
brought with me. "I think I found a suspect."

I proceed to show him the matching names on two of the victims' list of
employees. Then I open the envelope that I grabbed at the local FBI
office that contained the picture of our suspect. I hadn't had time to
look at it until now. Our eyes meet after looking down at the
photograph. "Bob."

"That's what he's calling himself now? We have to warn the Marsdens. We
have to check the house for propellants. I think he's been used
something to speed the fires."

"Let's get out of here."

I flag down Mulder's doctor and we rush to the Marsdens' house.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I run into the house in front of Mulder and tell them what we've found.
Phoebe grabs Marsden's hand and pulls him out of the house as his wife
and the nanny grab the children. Mulder and I stand by the door to make
sure everyone gets out.

As we go around the house to look for signs of tampering, Mulder
suddenly stops in his tracks. I follow his gaze to see Phoebe kissing
Sir Marsden. I quickly shift back to Mulder, who is turning pale.

Not knowing what else to do, I put my hand over his left one, which is
gripping the handle on his cane tightly. His grip loosens as I look up
into his face. He smiles slightly, then his gaze shifts to the back of
the house. "We have to find him."

Mulder drops one cane as we grab our guns and move toward the back
porch. We find our suspect putting the finishing touches on his next
arson. He sees us and directs his container of propellant toward us.
Mulder fall to the ground with a terrified look on his face. Without
thinking, I move around the blaze and grab what appears to be a second
container of propellant. I splash the liquid on L'Ively as he moves
toward Mulder. L'Ively falls back, on fire and screaming in pain. I move
to help Mulder to his feet as the house bursts into flame.

As we meet up with the others, Phoebe glares at me. I look down to find
myself holding Mulder's dropped cane in one hand and his free hand in
the other. None of us say anything as we move the Mardens and their
staff to the cars and to safety. Phoebe joins the Marsdens in their car
as the firetrucks and police cars pull up.

---------------------------------------------------------

After arresting a badly burned L'Ively and making our report to the
police, we make our way back to the motel.

A badly needed shower soothes my aching muscles. I dress in jeans and as
sweatshirt and knock on the door between our rooms.

"It's unlocked."

Mulder is on his bed, flipping through channels on the TV.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure. What's up?"

My weight shifts his slightly as I sit on the bed next to him. "Tell me
about Phoebe."

He sighs and our gazes lock. He slowly starts to speak. "I was so naive
when we met at Oxford. I thought I was so lucky that such a smart,
intelligent woman was paying attention to me! The cripple, the loser who
lost his sister. Phoebe acted as if she really loved me. I should've
known it was too good to be true."

He shifts to get more comfortable. As his head accidentally falls to my
shoulder, he jerks, but one of my hands moves to gently keep him there.
He continues. "I caught her having sex with my best friend on our second
anniversary. When I confronted her, she laughed in my face. She said
that someone without full use of his body could never satisfy her. I
walked away from them both that day without another word."

I grab his hand he struggles with what he says next. "I, uh, guess I
wanted to forget what happened that day when Phoebe came back the other
day. I wanted to trust her. I had given so much to her before, I didn't
know how to stop. The old habits we had with each other rushed back
before I could think. I didn't want to think. I wanted the Phoebe that I
thought I had when I started dating her. The one that never existed."

I squeeze his hand in sympathy. I don't know what to say, so I just sit
there, cradling his head and hand. I barely notice the images on the TV
as I am lost i thoughts of how to garner trust in my partner.

I feel Mulder's body lean further toward me. One look at his face tells
me he is asleep.

I guess he trusts me after all.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Was it worth the wait? I hope so, because I want to continue this
series. I'm going to skip forward a bit next time, so be prepared.
I need feedback, please! Feedback welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu.

And see my other stuff at:
www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Chateau/9659

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 

From: Ladyhawk <funger1@Hofstra.edu>
Date: Sat, 20 Feb 1999 14:22:17 -0500
Subject: It's Life: Pulled Into It by Ladyhawk 1/1
 

TITLE: It's Life: Pulled Into It
AUTHOR: Ladyhawk
EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me
SPOILER WARNING: Up to Pusher and knowledge of Diana Fowley
CLASSIFICATION: V, A
RATING: PG-13 for language
CONTENT WARNING: Alternate Universe
SUMMARY: Pusher is almost too much for Mulder.
DISCLAIMER:  CC owns them all

REALITY DISCLAIMER: No, I don't know if disabled people can be hired by
the FBI as field agents.
I've never tried to apply. I highly doubt it though, we would be too
much of a liability to
them. (And if you haven't picked up the implied statement: Yes, I am
disabled too.)
LH
 

Author's Notes: I'm changing format here. Assume Pusher happened
relatively as it was shown on the screen. I'm going to tell you what
happens afterward in my universe. I'm introducing Diana Fowley (the
b...) here, because I want the next section to skip to around One Son.
The song used within is Open Up Your Eyes by Tonic. They of course own
the song. Feedback welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu

It's Life: Pulled Into It
by Ladyhawk (funger1@hofstra.edu)
 

As Scully drives us back to my apartment, I'm in a daze. I almost killed
my partner! I can barely handle the thought. My hands curl around the
canes in front of me so tightly that my knuckles are white.

Scully glances over at me, worried. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, for an almost-murderer." My voice is short and clipped. God, I
almost killed her! How the hell am I supposed to believe she will ever
trust me again? And here I thought being a cripple and 'Spooky' made me
a loser. Now I'm worse: I'm a threat to her.

I'm a threat to the only woman who has accepted me as a whole. Top to
bottom, brain to canes. How do I know? She doesn't even flinch when I
trip over my own feet. She just grabs my canes for me and continues
talking about whatever subject we are discussing at the time. Diana and
Phoebe both reacted badly when I fell. Phoebe would walk away as if to
deny she knew me. Diana would 'help' me, which usually caused me to fall
again. Then she'd get this disgusted look on her face. I warned her
every time. She never got it.

But Scully, she's been like a dream come true to me, in more ways than
one. She supported my theorizing by challenging the theories that came
forth. An amazing thing, and we flew through cases because of it. No
wonder I didn't get much done with Diana. She agreed with everything I
said. And she's supported my spirit, by being a friend who really sought
to know ME. She's asked me millions of questions over the years, about
my past, my opinions on just about everything, about my disability. I
even taught her to drive my car. I only hid one thing from her, Diana.
I'm not ready to deal with my ex-wife yet.

But now I'm not sure how to deal with Scully. I can't ask for
forgiveness. How do you say I'm sorry for almost ending your life? I
should have been stronger, for her. . .

"Mulder, knock it off. It wasn't your fault. You fought him, you saved
me." She pats my arm, trying to reassure me. The song on the radio mocks
me. //Open up your eyes. . .// I turn to stare out the passenger window.
Who is the blind one here?

--------------------------------------------------------------

We get to my apartment without further discussion. I hear Scully sigh
occasionally, but I don't even look at her. I don't know how to stop her
from worrying about me without causing her more pain.

Scully has to park about a block away from the building. Repairmen are
repaving the parking lot. She goes to the back of the car to pull our my
chair. "Hold your canes, Mulder, I'll push. You look tired." Tired
doesn't begin to cover it.

As we start down the sidewalk, we are stopped by an elderly woman with
grocery bags in her hands. "Oh, how wonderful that you help him get
out." She looks at me. "You're a very strong young man, being out and
about like this. God bless you."

I see Scully glance at my face. I am seething, but mask my expression.
The woman meant well. . .
//Open up your eyes. Don't let your mind tell the story here. . .//

But as soon as we pass her, I explode at Scully. "Let me up, I'll walk!"

She must know that I didn't take that incident well. She doesn't say a
word, but stops the chair until I get out and lean on my canes.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Before we go into the building, I try to be polite. I know my walls are
about to all fall down. "You can go home Scully. You need some rest, I'm
sure."

//Open up your eyes. Just let me go. . .//

"No, Mulder. I need to make sure you're all right." My lips tighten into
a grimace, but I don't say a word.

I usher her into the apartment. She sticks the chair by the door as I
shed my coat. As the weight of the cat falls off me, the weight of the
world crashes to my shoulders. I have to do something to redeem myself
for her. . .

I turn to speak to Scully. I can see a worried look on her face. "I just
need to get cleaned up. Make yourself some tea."

I glance at the Sig Sauer resting on my hip. Then I head to the
bathroom.

I lock the door of the bathroom, then I sit down on the toilet before my
arms collapse from the strain of supporting my weight on the canes. Can
I do this for her? Can I take away the threat to her wellbeing?  I pull
the gun out of the holster slowly.

It's not like I'll be missed. I'm Spooky Mulder, the one who has all the
answers, but none of the sanity. And it's even worse because I'm
handicapped. . .I might as well be in the circus, the way some of the
other agents look at me. And Scully. . .She will find more opportunity
without me holding her back. I just hope I gave her a fond memory or
two. I unlock the safety.

A knock shakes the door slightly. "Mulder, are you ok?" There's that
worried note in her voice again.

Yeah, Scully, I'm fine. I'll be out in a bit." And you'll be free.
//Just let me go. . .//

Tears stream down my face as I remember the times I hurt her. When I
accused her of spying, when I was with Phoebe and fell into bad habits,
when I yelled at her because I thought she saw me as incapable of doing
my job. When I almost killed her, this morning. I have a lot to pay for.
I hope this is enough. I raise the gun to me head.

I sit there for awhile like this. My rational mind wonders if I'm not
doing Scully more harm this way. Other parts of me dismiss it, saying
this is my price for having three wonderful years with her, then
botching it up royally. I move my finger on the trigger.

But before I can fire, the bathroom door is violently wrenched open. My
spastic reflexes cause me to drop the gun as I see Assistant Director
Skinner's face above me. He grabs the gun from the floor and puts the
safety on. After he hands it to Scully, he pulls me from my seat into
his arms.

He gently deposits me on the couch and sits on the coffee table. "You're
too important to us to lose, Mulder." He lays his hand on my shoulder,
comfortingly.

Scully appears by his side. "Thank you, Sir. I need to talk to Mulder
alone if you don't mind." He looks at her hesitantly. "I promise to call
you if I need any more help. He's my partner."

Skinner nods as if that says it all. He gets up and walks out the open
door. Scully shuts it behind him.

She then turns to me. "Why, Mulder?"

My eyes must convey my guilt. She kneels next to the couch. "No, Mulder.
I told you, it wasn't your fault."

"But this isn't the first time I've hurt you. . .You've been so
understanding of me, and I've stepped all over you."

"When, Mulder? When did you do something so wrong that you had to do
this?"

"With Phoebe, when I accused you of looking down on me. . .Your
abduction, Melissa. . ."

My mind takes a new track. That one is just too painful. I owe Scully so
much. . .A vision of Diana comes into my mind. She's praising me
profusely for learning to walk with the new canes. I scream at her.
'It's my life! If I want to live, I need to do this! Don't mock me!' It
always felt like that with her. She compared me with those so much
weaker than myself. The comparison mocked both me and them.

But Scully. . ."Shh. I need YOU, partner. You're not a quitter. So don't
quit on me.  We can get past this. We need to, to continue living. And I
won't continue living if you are gone. I'll only be surviving."

Tears stream down my face, echoing hers. My pressured conscience grasps
at straws. "But I'm crippled. . ." I don't know which way I mean that
term, physically or mentally.

"Aren't you the one who told me that overcoming disabilities is just
making the choice to live rather than survive? And the only thing
crippling you is the people that beat at your strength. Modell did that,
so did that woman outside, inadvertently. Let me be your strength during
those times. You don't have to do it alone anymore. We both are stronger
together. I wouldn't have gotten through that first case without you. .
."

She needs me? Her shining eyes answer the question for me. Yes, of
course she needs me. To show her extreme possibilities, to hold her hand
when the extreme catches up with us, to love her. She knows I love her,
even though I don't act upon it. I see the emotion echoed in her eyes.
Maybe one day. . .

But right now she rests her head on my shoulder and wraps her arms
around me. Right now we have to learn to live again. . .

//Open your eyes. Don't let your mind tell the story here.// Don't let
go.
----------------------------------------------

End note: I absolutely hate the word 'crippled' and I ain't too fond of
'handicapped' either. They are used here because Mulder is coming down
on himself. (In case you're wondering, the current acceptable term is
'disabled.' 'Physically challenged' is used too, but I call that a
beat-around-the-bush term.)
I've been met by people like that elderly women all my life. I
understand they are trying to be kind and encouraging. But they don't
understand how they sound to me. . .As if no one expects me to live my
life.

I owe a great debt to the two men who taught me that I could live, not
just survive. JJ, Marty. They also taught me that 'help' is not THAT
type of four-letter word.
Hugs, JJ.

Feedback welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu

Visit the rest of It's Life and my other stories at:

www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Chateau/9659

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's Life: Our Future Is Here
AUTHOR: Ladyhawk
EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me
SPOILER WARNING: Up to One Son
CLASSIFICATION: V, A, R
RATING: NC-17
CONTENT WARNING: Alternate Universe
SUMMARY: Mulder's past threatens his future.
DISCLAIMER:  CC owns them all

REALITY DISCLAIMER: No, I don't know if disabled people can be hired by
the FBI as field agents.
I've never tried to apply. I highly doubt it though, we would be too
much of a liability to
them. (And if you haven't picked up the implied statement: Yes, I am
disabled too.)
LH
 

Author's notes: This is the story that this series was originally
started for. I hope it is worth the wait. Never doubt the powers of love
and ingenuity. I stopped doubting years ago. Feedback welcome at
funger1@hofstra.edu

It's Life: Our Future Is Here
by Ladyhawk (funger1@hofstra.edu)
 

God, how could I have been so stupid? How could I have trusted her
again, after the way our relationship ended the first time?

And how could I do this to Scully? God, I deserve to be shot. By Scully,
again.

They are taking the dead body of my ex-wife's partner out of my, OUR
office. Shot in the head, once. Point-blank range. It wasn't a suicide.
There was smoke in the air when we found the body. And it wasn't from
the gun firing.

Instinct tells me to look for Diana right after seeing Spender's body.

I have to go up the stairs. The homicide investigators are using the
elevator and have it blocked off. Scully walks to the staircsae with me,
but for once, doesn't ask me if I want help with the canes. She just
takes off in front of me to do her own investigating.

By the time I get to the first floor, Scully is nowhere to be found. I
walk into Skinner's office and bug Kim into letting me see him.

"What is it, Mulder?" His eyes are kind. He's the only one who
understood us and what we needed throughout this whole mess.

"Where is Diana?"

"She hasn't reported in, Mulder." He pauses with a question in his eyes.
"But didn't Scully say she was a part of the conspiracy? She's probably
either dead or in hiding."

"I was hoping. . .God, I am such a fool." I throw one of my canes in
anger. Luckily, it only hits one of the chairs in the office.

"Enough. We all make mistakes. God knows I've made some big ones with my
ex-wife." Skinner picks up the cane and hands it back to me, still as
calm as ever.

His mood rubs off on me a little, enough to take my focus off my ex-wife
and onto the real woman in my life. She tried to tell me. She fucking
did everything she could to try to get me to listen to her. Why didn't
I? Why?

I fall into the chair in front of Skinner's desk with a moan, lost in my
misery. I feel his hand on my shoulder, just telling me he's there if I
need him. That's more than I deserve right now.

----------------------------------------------------------

By the time I get home at nine p.m., I'm berating myself so badly that I
have trouble steering my wheelchair into the apartment. She was trying
to protect me. And I turned my back on her!

Maybe I should resign. I could give her all my notes on the X-files if
she wants to continue. She probably could get more done without me
anyway. I get the chair stuck on the coffee table. My growl of
frustration echoes through the room. I tiredly wonder if I should just
stay here the rest of the night.

An arm pushes the table out of the way. Not my arm. Scully's. I look up
into her face, startled. Her lips are set into a firm line, her thoughts
are masked from me. It's just as well. I don't think she likes me right
now.

"Diana's body wasn't found at the hanger, Mulder." Her usually sweet
voice is toneless. "She probably escaped somehow."

"Thanks, Scully." I don't really know how to do this, but I must. I
can't lose Scully. "I, umm. . .I'm sorry for, you know, doubting you."

She sits down on the couch and sighs. I turn my chair to face her. "We
need to talk about this, Mulder."

"Yeah, I know. It's just. . .hard for me. I don't know. . .I haven't
really dealt with Diana well since met her, I guess."

"That's been obvious." I accept her anger as my punishment for hurting
her. "Explain it to me. Why would you go with her when it was obvious
she was working against you?"

"Hell, I don't know. Habit? The fact that she used to wear my wedding
ring?" Scully is noticeably shocked by this.

I laugh bitterly. "Yeah, Scully. She actually duped me into marrying
her. And what a fiasco our marriage was." The memories swamp over me. I
explain them to Scully the best that I can.

--------------------------------------------------

Diana was assigned to work with me in 1990, right after I finished the
red tape needed to assign me to the X-files. She appeared similar to
Scully the first time I met her, fresh, young, full of fire.

Diama's fire was similar to my own, or so I thought. She dived into the
X-files wholeheartedly. We organized, classified. We started a few
cases. She never helped me finish one. I guess that should have made me
suspicious, but it didn't. I was too far gone when she was around to
notice.

Diana never looked upon me with the respect that Scully had for me since
day one. I know that now. But nine years ago, the fact that Diana didn't
try to help me get up from my wheelchair was a source of amazement. I
thought she was respectful of me and my abilities because she walked
beside me, instead of behind me to catch me if I fell. It was all an
act.

She was never comfortable with my differences. She just disguised the
discomfort when she could. She couldn't when I fell. She always grabbed
for me at the most inopportune times. I usually fell a second time
because of it.

But she said all the right things. That I was capable of anything, that
I was strong, handsome, all the things that puffed up my fragile
self-esteem. They were just words. But they were enough to get me to ask
her out. I didn't hear any hesitation in her voice when she accepted.
Now I wonder if that was her plan from the beginning.

We dated for four months. Movies, dinners, hand-holding, kissing. All
the things I missed growing up because girls thought I was unacceptable.
But no sex. At least Phoebe gave me hand jobs, even though we never
actually had intercourse. Diana thought it would be too awkward. I
didn't dare ask for more because I was afraid she'd leave me.

Even without the sex, after four months, I thought I knew Diana well
enough to ask her to marry me. She had been hinting at it for a couple
weeks. Maybe she thought she could control me better that way, I don't
know. But anyway, I popped the question. A weeks later we were married
by a Justice of the Peace in Virginia.

It all went downhill from there. Our honeymoon was a disaster. She
avoided being in intimate contact with me the whole time. She may have
admired and liked my mind, but she certainly made it clear that she
hated my body. Even if she did call me handsome. The nonverbal stuff was
the truth and I knew it.

We never did consummate the marriage, to use the old term. I moved into
her apartment with her, but I mostly slept on the couch at night. And
you thought that habit was from the videos I watched. Nah, I just ended
up being more comfortable on the couch than I was the few times I slept
in her bed. She made me feel inadquate by her denial of intimacy. I'm a
full-grown man with a healthy libido, for God's sake.

I put up with this for about two months. I don't know why I put up with
it that long. Maybe I  was hoping that I could convince her. But when
those two months were up, she was starting to pull away from the
X-files. So I decided it was time I pulled away from her, before she
left me in the mud.

Our divorce was stilted. She took off to Europe when all the papers were
signed. I buried my head in the X-files. I didn't talk to her after
that. I tried not to even think about her. The whole thing was too
humiliating.

---------------------------------------------------

"But when she came back, Scully, it felt like I was seeing my wife, like
I never divorced her. Like she was somebody I could automatically trust
because she had that title, and had known me that well. I betrayed you,
Scully. I'm sorry."

I know she will never forgive me. A scrutinous look forms on her face.
"You should be. You nearly cost us everything we worked for."

I crouch against that scrutiny. But I deserve her punishment, so I
continue. "You, you mean a lot to me. I can't believe I acted like that.
To someone I. . ." I can't say it. She won't believe me.

"Love, Mulder? Love is built on trust."

I turn away with tears in my eyes. I'm just about ready to grab my gun
as I did after Modell showed up the first time. I've lost it all.

But she anticipates me and pulls my hand away from the holster at my
hip. I look at her, not bothering to wipe away my tears. "I'm sorry.
I--I don't know what to do. I'm lost without you, Scully."

She puts her hands out to me. I grab them, and she pulls me up. I didn't
know she had the strength, but it doesn't surprise me. She watches my
eyes the whole time. When I am upright, her face softens.

My words are quiet. "I do trust you, Scully. I love you."

"I love you, too, you know. Even when you're being an idiot." She smiles
through the tears that suddenly run down her cheeks.

"But. . ." The shock jolted through me. She loves me! Then in the next
second, my thoughts kick in. How does she mean it? "I'm glad I'm still
your friend."

Scully ponders for a second, then pulls me down slightly to kiss the tip
of my nose. I go cross-eyed trying to watch this. "I was hoping you
meant more than friendship, Mulder. Don't you think we've steered around
this long enough?"

The breath leaves me and I'm suddenly very unstable. How long have I
loved Scully? I don't know, that grew on me. But I wanted her body the
day she stepped into my motel room to show me the marks on her back. But
this is Scully. I don't want to risk losing her because I can't do it.
"I don't want to disappoint you."

"You've already done that, Mulder." She shushes me before I can speak.
"But I understand. She caught you at a vulnerable time nine years ago,
and this time around. Considering the inquisitions and our transfer off
the X-files, it's been hard. And she played you for a fool by giving you
exactly what you wanted: someone who believed.

"But as far as your body. . .Diana and Phoebe were the fools." Her eyes
rake down my form. I swear I see hunger in those blue orbs. I start
shaking, even as arousal hits me.

"Scully, I don't know what to do." She smiles.

"I thought those videos were educational." We smile. The banter comes
easily, even as nervous as I am right now.

"Only if you're into acrobatics. I don't know if I can do the simple
stuff." I grimace at myself. Why am I tying her down like this? She
deserves someone more loyal, more able.

"So kiss me. I know you can do that." We smile together at the memory of
our near-kiss in the hallway. "The rest of it we'll figure out."

So I sit back down in my chair to do this comfortably. Our lips meet.
Sweet, warm, gentle. A first time kiss.

Scully gleams as we break the kiss. "That was nice. But I need you
closer to me. I need to feel you."  She reaches to help me up again. As
I lean against her for support, she gently molds her form to mine. I
groan as her breasts press against my belly.

With her help, I sit on the sofa. My eyes plead for her direction. I'll
do anything. Just tell me what pleases you.

"Lay back." As I comply, she helps me raise my legs onto the couch. Then
to my amazement, her soft body settles on top of mine.

"Now kiss me." This is the kiss that should've happened in the hallway,
before the Consortium blew to bits and my ex-wife's betrayal was almost
complete, before Skinner manhandled me into letting him come to
Antarctica with me because he knew I bit off more than I could handle
alone.

Passion, mine and hers, fuel this kiss. I can't get enough of her lips,
her fire. And to my utter amazement, she doesn't try to pull away. In
fact, her mouth plunders mine savagely and her body squirms on top of
mine, as if she wants to melt into me. Oh my God. I feel like I could
come just from this.

But when she pulls away, a yawn eminates from me. Her eyebrow arches in
that familiar way.

"Sorry, Scully. Beating yourself up is tiring work."  She lays a hand on
my cheek. She gets up slowly. I wait to watch her leave, but instead she
holds out her hand.

"Come on. I know you have a bed now. Let's use it." My nervousness must
be plain in the way I suddenly have a lot of trouble getting up. "For
sleep, Mulder. These last couple days have been exhausting for both of
us." She grabs a cane fron their holder on the back of my chair and
hands it to me.

After I move to a standing position, she pulls my head down gently for a
kiss and whispers in my ear. "I'm not going to deny you anything,
Mulder. I just want to do it right. In the morning, I promise." My smile
feels like it will break my face, that's how wide it is. She grabs my
free hand as we make our way into my bedroom.

I sit on the bed. She kneels at my feet and begins removing my shoes.
Will she stop and not touch the hard plastic underneath? My fear is
answered with a questioning look. She's read my mind again. "How would
you like me to take these off? I want to do it right."

It isn't complicated to slip the braces off, but doing it too quickly
will sometimes cause my reflexes to recoil from a too-quick release of
pressure and pain. The pain is a result of standing too long on feet
that haven't developed perfectly. Where Scully got that piece of
information, I'll never know. But I thank God I won't have to embarrass
myself in front of her. "Slowly."

She slides them off without a hitch. My sigh of relief turns into a gasp
when she smoothes her hands over each slightly misshapen foot, sliding
off my socks and rubbing the muscles underneath the skin. Nobody has
ever thought to do this for me. I look down at Scully's face. She's
smiling at my groans of pleasure. Wow.

My amazement continues as she strips off my clothes as if I were a
child. Her touches are comforting, soothing, and mildly arousing. But I
don't try to entice her. She promised me later. I trust her completely.
How could I have doubted her before? I am such a fool.

When she has me down to my boxers, she kisses me lightly and shoos me
under the covers.

"Mulder, can I borrow a t-shirt?"

"Uh, sure."

She strips down to her underwear, hanging her suit neatly on a hanger.
Then she faces me as she opens her bra. Oh what a perfect woman, in
mind. . .and in body. I ache to touch the pale orbs I see before me.

She grants me my wish. Putting on the t-shirt and climbing into the bed
takes her seconds. Then she pulls me close. She gasps softly as I
hestitantly move my hands under her t-shirt, but she doesn't stop me.
She does the exact opposite. "Go ahead, Mulder. I want to feel your
hands on me."

I want to do more, but my fatigue catches up with me as I smooth my
hands gently over her skin. I stop my hands, just resting them on her
belly. I savor what she has given me. My eyes drift shut easily for
once.

The last thing my conscious mind registers is the feel of her spooning
against me.

------------------------------------------------------

I feel light caresses on my body, coaxing me to wakefulness. Oh, what a
wonderful feeling. I want to wake up like this for the rest of my life.

My voice cracks from disuse. "Scully?"

I can hear a smile in her voice, but I don't look. I'm not ready to open
my eyes yet. "Good morning. I take it you slept well?" I don't remember
waking up once during the night, whih is unusual for me. She must have
noticed too.

"Yup, better than I have in a long time." I finally open my eyes to see
her face above me. What a wonderful sight.

Even more wonderful is the kiss she gives me, warm and slow, like a
weekend morning. "Would you like to pick up where we left off last
night?"

"You, you still want to?" I thought she was just doing this for me, even
after what she said to me.

She just raises her eyebrow and moves my hand under her t-shirt. I find
her nipples already hard, as if in anticipation. "I've dreamed of this,
Mulder. Let's make our dreams come true."

What? She dreamed about me? But. . . I stop myself. The look in her eyes
confirms her words. She's waiting with passion in her eyes. A passion
for me. The thought is mind-boggling.

She smiles as if she's been reading my thoughts again. "I love you. I
want you."

"How?" My fears come rushing back to me. What if I can't do this?

She doesn't say a word. Instead, she moves to straddle my hips. "Ok?"

It's that easy? Yeah, it is. And Scully knew it. I nod my head and reach
to kiss her in thanks. The kiss starts out gentle, but changes quickly
as the fire runs through both of our bodies.
Her taste draws me in, sweet, hot. My hands trail paths underneath the
t-shirt. Gasps explode from her, breaking my contact with her passionate
lips temporarily.

Soon kisses aren't enough. I need to see her skin, feel it. I pull the
t-shirt over her head and stare at what I exposed. After a minute, she
moves herself down to rub her breasts over my chest. Oh, God.
"Sc-Scully. . ."

Her eyes are glazed with passion when she looks into mine. Obviously
satisfied with the way I'm responding, she bends her head again and her
lips follow where her skin has been, and lower.

When she reaches the elastic of my boxers, she pauses. Oh God, this is
where it gets difficult. I can't do much to help her in this position.
Then again, I should never underestimate my Scully.

She grabs the fabric and reaches underneath me with one hand. The hand
underneath me helps support my hips as she pulls the boxers down to my
legs and off. She must have stripped her own underwear off then, because
she's naked when she straddles my legs. Scully grins at me in victory. I
laugh in relief and joy. I can do this. We can do this.

I forget all my fears in the next instant, when she wraps her small hand
around my cock. She explores it gently, making me gasp and groan. But
it's too much. I'm too close. And I want more. And this time I'm not
afraid to ask for it. "Stop. Can we--I want to be inside you."

She smiles gently. I guess she's not surprised at the speed of my
response. She moves up to kiss me, our tongues tangling passionately. My
hands smooth over sensitive spots on her skin, trying to reciprocate
what she has given me thus far. Her moans come easily, but then she
pulls away slightly.

"Stay still for a minute." She positions herself and slowly lowers
herself onto my erection. I push up into her with the little muscle
control I have for that. She doesn't expect it. She gasps in surprise
and pleasure. Then laughs at the mischief in my eyes.

After a few tries, we find a way to start a slow rhythm. Scully braces
her hands on the bed. Mine are wrapped around the bedposts. She is doing
most of the work here, but I judge by the look on her face that it
doesn't matter. Then I lose myself in the whirlwind of sensations.

God, this is what I've missed all these years. Not just the jolts of
pleasure cascading through me, but the love and acceptance that Scully
gives me.

My groans echo through the room as she speeds up. Oh, God. I'm going to
come. I want to wait for her, but I can't. The feelings are too much.

When I finally open my eyes, my angel is grinning above me. "Never say
it can't be done."

I grin back at her as I release my hands from the bedposts. They head
straight for her pleasure center. It doesn't take much before she
collapses onto my chest, shaking from her orgasm.

I whisper in her ear. "I'll never doubt you again."

-------------------------------------------------

Geez, that's awfully long. For me, at least. :)
I hope it was fun for you!
Let me know. Feedback welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu

And visit the rest of It's Life and my other stuff at:
www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Chateau/9659

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 

From: Ladyhawk <funger1@Hofstra.edu>
Date: Mon, 15 Mar 1999 19:08:37 -0500
Subject: It's Life: He Stumbles and Falls by Ladyhawk 1/1 MSR NC-17
 

TITLE: It's Life: He Stumbles and Falls
AUTHOR: Ladyhawk
EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me
SPOILER WARNING: Up to One Son and Arcadia
CLASSIFICATION: V, A, R
RATING: NC-17
CONTENT WARNING: Alternate Universe
SUMMARY: How can Mulder face a situation, that up until now, has been a
disaster?
DISCLAIMER:  CC owns them all

REALITY DISCLAIMER: No, I don't know if disabled people can be hired by
the FBI as field agents.
I've never tried to apply. I highly doubt it though, we would be too
much of a liability to
them. (And if you haven't picked up the implied statement: Yes, I am
disabled too.)
LH

Author's notes: I'm beginning to like this after-ep thing for my
universe, so here I go again. Assume Arcadia happened pretty much as is.
Lili, this is for you. Just so you know that you didn't offend me
before. Feedback welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu

It's Life: He Stumbles and Falls
by Ladyhawk (funger1@hofstra.edu)

God, I'm glad that's over. Maybe now I can sort through this mess I'm
in. I lean back in my seat in the minivan as Scully manuevers us to the
airport. The silence in here is deafening. I guess she's still upset at
me.

In fact, I think she's furious. She has been since before this
undercover case started. I assume that's why she wouldn't let me sleep
in the bed with her in Arcadia Falls. The FBI had nothing to do with it.
They probably would have never found out. And if they did, Skinner would
cover for us. He knows our relationship has gotten more. . .intense.

But now I don't know where Scully and I stand. Our fight was pretty bad.
It started a few days before we went undercover. . .

---------------------------------------------------

We were at her apartment going over the case. We discussed the
layout..what we would have to do, the stories we should make up. We
couldn't decide what I should do for a living. But we knew I needed a
stay-at-home job because I'd need to watch the house if Scully had to
use the lab in San Diego.

"You can be a writer."

"Scully, what if they ask to see the books I write?"

"Tell them you're shy about your work."

"I could say I'm a computer programmer. Or an organizer for a MUFON
group?"

"Mull-der!" I just love annoying Scully sometimes.

Just then, the phone rings. Scully answers it. I hear a "Hi Mom." right
before she moves into the kitchen, where I can't make out what she's
saying.

A couple minutes later, she comes back into the living room pensively.
"Mom wants us to come to dinner after we wrap up this case. She wants
you to meet Charlie. He'll be on leave. . ."

"No!" My body freezes in fear that I can't express.

But she wouldn't back down. "Mulder, this is important to Mom. Now that
we are officially a couple. . ."

"We're not engaged. What's the big deal?"

"Mulder, it's for my mother. . ."

"No, Scully!"

"Why not?" I could see her face beginning to turn red.

That's when I freaked out.

I have faced mutants, aliens and Consortium members and barely blinked
an eye. But the prospect of meeting the rest of Scully's family and the
implications thereof sent me into a full-blown panic attack. All I could
think of is 'I'm going to lose her.'

I grabbed my canes from underneath the coffee table. I was so agitated
that I barely made out Scully's pleas for me to stay as I grabbed my
leather jacket and shrugged into it. I walked out of her apartment
without so much as a goodbye.

We didn't talk about the incident at all after it happened. Not while
doing the rest of our planning. Not during the operation. I guess Scully
assumed we had too much work to do to let our personal problems
interfere. But her voice was definitely twenty degrees cooler than it
was the week before.

I wanted to try to tell her, explain to her what I was going through,
but I didn't know how. How do you tell your lover that her family will
tell her that I'm not good enough for her? And that they just might be
right?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Our flight back to DC was quiet. Scully spent most of the time writing
our report on Arcadia Falls. I did a lot of staring out the window and
wondering. Have I destroyed our relationship with my panicked response?
Is there any going back, trying to fix the damage I caused? Should I
just give in to Scully and meet her younger brother, and let her walk
away from me?

My sigh as we get up to leave the plane makes Scully look at me
pensively. She doesn't say a word, but helps me sling my carry-on case
on my back after I have my canes on my arms. My heart sinks though, as,
when we walk to the luggage carousel, she just grabs her bag and leaves.
She doesn't say a word to me or even look back.

I was going to go home from here and maybe try to find a way to call
Scully and explain. I figured not seeing her face would make it easier
to tell her my dilemma. But after her departure, I rethink my plans. The
office would be better. Burying myself in work is better than facing my
failure alone. She obviously doesn't want to talk to me.

I look at my watch after completing my sixth 302 for tonight. It's 7:30
PM. I get up from my wheelchair to stretch my muscles and almost fall
when my muscles protest. But before I can do more than sway, I feel a
grip on my arm, supporting me.

"Agent Mulder, what are you doing here?" I gaze up at Skinner warily as
he helps me back into my chair.

"I, I just figured I'd catch up on some work, Sir."

Skinner raises his eyebrow at this in a good imitation of Scully but
doesn't say anything until he closes the door that I have left open.

He pulls up Scully's chair to face me and sits down in it. "Is there
something wrong, Mulder? I talked to Scully earlier and she sounded. .
.hurt when I mentioned your name."

"It, it has nothing to do with work." He'd never understand.

But he surprises me with what he says next. "I figured that. But it will
affect the way you two work, so I'm making it my business. And you look
like you need someone to talk to."

Do I look that pathetic? I decide to take him up on his implied offer.
He's already seen me at my worst. I can't do much more to damage his
image of me.

I can't meet his eyes as I speak, though. "We had an argument about a
week ago. I refused to go with Scully to her mother's to meet her
brother, Charlie."

"I take it you have a reason for this refusal?" I look up to see Skinner
regarding me steadily. I see no judgement in his eyes.

"Yeah, her older brother, for starters. The man hates me. He thinks I'm
worthless and that I'm going out of my way to get his sister killed."

"But you've never seen this Charlie. What makes you think he's the same
as Bill?" I know Skinner met Bill Jr. while Scully was in the hospital
for her cancer. He knows what I'm talking about.

"I've never met a family member or friend of any woman I've dated that
doesn't look at me with contempt."

"What are you talking about?" Skinner looks honestly puzzled.

"It's my disability. . .They all think I'm not worth the effort the
woman puts into the relationship because all I'll end up doing is
draining her. They think I'm totally dependent that I'll never
contribute anything to our relationship." I tell him about the mockery I
got from Phoebe's friends and the cold stares I got from Diana's.

Skinner listens sympathetically, but when I finish, he gets a determined
look on his face. "Mulder, you can't let these foolish people ruin the
rest of your life."

"I don't want to, Sir. Scully's the best thing that ever happened to
me." I sigh and close my eyes as the pain of being without her
overwhelms me.

Skinner's reply is quiet, but its power shoots straight through me.
"Scully told me that you are the best thing that ever happened to her,
too."

He waits until I jerk up in my chair to gaze at him, astounded, before
he continues. "Do you think she would let anyone, even her brother, take
her away from you? Just because their opinion of you doesn't match
hers?  She's a very determined woman. She probably would floor Bill if
she had heard what he said to you."

The image of my little Scully knocking her brother to the floor in anger
makes me smile. Skinner's right. I'm not giving Scully enough credit.
How could I think she'd drop me flat just because her family doesn't
like me? God, looking back on the whole thing makes me cringe. I let her
down, badly by not trusting her. Now what do I do?

The question must've been reflected on my face because he grabs the
receiver of my desk phone and hands it to me.

I dial Scully's number but get no answer. She picks up her cellphone on
the third ring.

"Scully, it's me."

"What do you want, Mulder? I'm at my mom's house." She sounds annoyed.

I'm not sure how to do this, but I take a deep breath and try to show
her that I've come to my senses. "Can you ask your mom to set another
place for dinner? I'd like to come over, if she'll have me."

"Mulder, what--"

"I'll explain it later, I promise. Let me get through this first, ok?"

Scully must've picked up the nervousness in my voice because I can hear
sympathy in her next words. "Ok, Mulder. I'll tell Mom. What time will
you be here?"

"In about twenty minutes. Do I need to bring anything?"

"Yourself. The rest is taken care of. But I do want an explanation for
all this." She gets stern, but not angry.

"You'll get it. I just hope you accept it."

----------------------------------------------------------

When I walk into Mrs. Scully's house, I realize how foolish my fears
were. Charles Scully doesn't even blink an eye when he sees my canes. In
fact, he grabs my right cane when he holds out his hand, so I can shake
it.

"Agent Mulder. Dana's told me so much about you. I'm glad to finally
meet the man that keeps my sister on her toes."

I smile at him. This man seems the exact opposite of his brother. "I'm
just trying to keep her open to extreme ideas."

"Good, Missy never seemed to get through to her. Maybe you will."

Scully rolls her eyes at Charlie and shoves us toward the dining room.

Mrs. Scully greets me warmly as we enter the room. I return her greeting
as we move toward the dining room table. I awkwardly look for a place to
put my canes until Charlie stands next to me and holds out his hand.
"I'll put them against the wall, if that's ok?"

"Yeah, thanks." I hand them over with a smile of appreciation. Charlie
sets them in a corner, then sits down next to his mother.

I was right in my assessment of Charlie. He is the exact opposite of
Bill. He's understanding of the risks Scully took when she joined me on
the X-files. He worries about his sister, but lets her make her own
choices. This becomes very evident as we discuss a mix of their
childhood memories and our past cases.

I'm almost sorry to see Charlie leave after we finish our coffee about
two hours later. He apologizes profusely to us, but he has to get some
sleep before he flies home to his wife tomorrow.

I shake his hand with a true respect for this man.

Scully and I are shooed out the door right after Charlie leaves. No,
Scully can't help clean up. We should go home and spend some time
together. I don't know whether to consider Mrs. Scully's insistence a
blessing or a curse. I'm not looking forward to telling Scully how
foolish I've been.

Scully and I agree to meet at her apartment, then move to our separate
cars. I have to fight the urge to turn around and drive to my own
apartment to avoid Scully's reaction to what I have to tell her.

---------------------------------------------------------

When I get to Scully's apartment, her door is unlocked, so I open it
cautiously.

"Scully?"

Her voice carries from further into the apartment. "I'm in the kitchen,
Mulder. Have a seat. I'll be right there."

As I'm leaning my canes against her armchair, Scully comes into the
livingroom carrying two mugs. "I figured that whatever made you refuse
to come before must've been pretty bad. So I made us some hot chocolate
as, you know, comfort food." She smiles gently at me as she hands me a
mug and sits down on the couch next to me.

"So tell me."

"I uh haven't had good experiences with relatives and friends of the
people I dated." I tell her basically the same thing I told Skinner and
add "Even your brother, Bill, thinks I'm a fuck-up."

"Bill doesn't see you. All he sees is I'm in danger. He's rather
pigheaded about protecting me."

Scully grabs my hands and caresses them. "Why didn't you tell me this
earlier?"

"I was afraid you wouldn't understand."

"That never stopped you before." Her eyebrow arches.

"I didn't think I could convince you this time. You know, that I'm not a
loser."

"You're not, you're a strong and caring man. And no one, not my family,
not Skinner, not even you, is going to convince me otherwise." With
those words said, puts down her mug and kisses me.

When I pull back from her sweet lips, a question pushes itself forth.
"So you forgive me?"

"Yes. Next time, though, let's discuss what's bothering you, ok? We'll
work it out together."

"Yes, dear." I pull her to me for another kiss before my hands start
wandering.

Scully is more straightforward. She begins unbuttoning my shirt right
away.

"Impatient, aren't we?" I smirk at her as my hands go to her blouse.

"It's been more than a week, Mulder. I've missed you." She pulls off my
suitpants, shoes, and boxers as soon as my shirt is gone.

"Scully, the, uh, the bedroom?" My voice catches as she caresses my cock
gently.

"Let's stay here. I have an idea." I watch her slip out of her pants and
blouse before she pulls the ottoman in front of me.

"Put your feet up, Mulder." Scully helps me ease my long legs onto the
cushion. Then she moves onto the couch to straddle my hips.

"Oooh, Scully, I think I like this idea." I reach up to unclasp her bra
and smooth it down her arms and to the floor. As my hands cup her soft
breasts, my face nuzzles her neck. I breath in her scent, her warmth. It
comforts me as much as it arouses me.

She must have picked up on my feelings because she clutches me close,
just letting me absorb her for a time. Her hands begin to explore my
chest only when my lips begin moving down her neck.

Our arousal is slow, gentle. I cover her breasts with small kisses,
delighted in her squirms of pleasure. Her hands wander both to soothe
and heat. Only one thing could make this better.

"Oh, Laura?"

Scully pauses for a second and looks at me, puzzled. Then she catches
on. "Yes, Rob?"

"Do you think that us, having sex on the lawn, would be considered
aesthetically pleasing?"

Scully's shout of laughter is exactly what my heart needed. Her chuckles
continue as she moves to strip off her underwear. But her mirth turns to
moans as she returns to her position and her center brushes my erection.

"I don't know, Rob. This may be too beautiful for the likes of Arcadia
Falls."

I groan my assent as she helps me shift to a comfortable position before
she lowers herself on me. Our eyes lock as a sense of unity overwhelms
us. No matter how different our opinions, how diverse our experiences,
we can exist as a single unit if we trust each other and communicate.

I communicate my need to her via my hands on her hips. She lets me guide
her into a slow, steady rhythm that slowly builds the pleasure in both
of us. We bask in the waves rippling through us until the pleasure
builds to a crescendo.

And we tumble off that cliff together, arms tight around each other. We
shift afterward, to ly down on the couch. Scully's weight on top of me
and her whispered "I love you." hold me secure. Her belief in me is my
strength to hold the nightmares and memories at bay this night.

The sun shining is dim compared to the light from the blue eyes that
greet mine in the morning.

------------------------------------

This one took a bit of work to convey the pattern of thoughts that I,
and others I've talked to, go through when dealing with friends of our
friends, etc. I've met some really nice people. I've also met some
really strange ones. We all have, I'm sure. I've just had enough bad
experiences to fear them.

Yes, JJ, I know you recognize some of this :)

This series isn't over yet. I have two more ideas in my head, and there
may be more coming. Let me know how I did, please.
Feedback welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu

And visit the rest of It's Life and my other stuff at:
 

www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Chateau/9659
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 

From: Ladyhawk <funger1@Hofstra.edu>
Date: Sun, 28 Mar 1999 01:29:17 -0500
Subject: It's Life: The March on Four Legs by Ladyhawk 1/1 MSR, NC-17
 

TITLE: It's Life: The March on Four Legs
AUTHOR: Ladyhawk
EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me
SPOILER WARNING: Up to One Son and Arcadia
CLASSIFICATION: V, A, R
RATING: NC-17
CONTENT WARNING: Alternate Universe
SUMMARY: The time has come for Mulder to give it all.
DISCLAIMER:  CC owns them all

REALITY DISCLAIMER: No, I don't know if disabled people can be hired by
the FBI as field agents.
I've never tried to apply. I highly doubt it though, we would be too
much of a liability to
them. (And if you haven't picked up the implied statement: Yes, I am
disabled too.)
LH
 

Author's notes: I don't know too much about weddings. I've never been to
one. But I do know about people who can't keep their mouths shut. Bill
Jr. was invented for this (CC must be reading my mind :)). . .Feedback
welcome  at funger1@hofstra.edu

It's Life: The March on Four Legs
by Ladyhawk (funger1@hofstra.edu)

I'm going to do it today. I don't know how or when, but it will be
today. I'm going to ask her. I'm going to ask Dana Scully to marry me.

I wheel into the basement, hoping Scully didn't arrive yet. We spent the
night apart because I needed time to pick up the ring and make last
minute preparations with her mother for tonight. Maggie and Scully's
brother Charlie have been enormous help over the last six months. They
made me feel accepted, surreptiously gave me ideas for gifts for Scully,
helped us plan two vacations, as well as our honeymoon. I didn't know
Charlie knew so much about coping with a disability. He must be psychic
or something.

Maggie invited Scully for dinner last night. I told Scully I was going
to a UFO convention with the Gunmen. A boys' night out. Scully laughed
and told me to have a good time.

I try the knob to our office. It's unlocked. Damn. But when I open the
door, it's Skinner who turns to face me, not Scully. He must see my
nervousness, because he speaks up. "Today, Mulder?"

"Yeah, but I don't know when and I don't know how."

"It'll come to you. I asked Sharon over dinner. Very traditional. But
you being who you are. . .Well, you'll think of something." We smile
together. Skinner has been as much help as the Scullys. He listened when
my self-confidence was nil and I thought Scully would be better off
without me. Then he told me to stop being an idiot. I needed that, I
guess.

"I actually came down here to ask you what time dinner is tonight. And
to see what ring you picked out."

"Dinner's at 7. Bill is coming, Maggie said. Charlie can't make it."

"Did she tell Bill who his sister is getting engaged to?" Skinner knows
Bill Scully's opinion of me. This could cause trouble.

"No. She just told him it was a celebration. We thought that was best
until he and I were face to face." I sigh. "This may get ugly."

"He's not the one marrying you. Remember that. Scully may have a way of
getting him to stop harrassing you. In fact, I bet if he doesn't, he'll
find himself with a bullet in his leg."

"That's my Scully." I hope it doesn't have to come to that. I don't want
to alienate her from her brother.

I pull the ring box from my pocket and show Skinner. It's a small ring,
with a small sapphire and emerald nestled together in a circle of gold.

"Different. I'm impressed, Mulder."  Skinner moves toward the door as I
slip the box back into my pocket. "I better get back upstairs. I'll see
you tonight."

Just then, Scully walks in. "Good morning, sir." She walks over to me as
he passes by and kisses me lightly. "Hi, how was the conference?"

"Ok, Frohike nearly got us kicked out." That's not much of a lie. He
went to the jewelers with me and made a nuisance of himself.

"What did he do now?"

"Oh, the usual. Tried to hack into the computers there." Why he wanted
to hack into the jeweler's computer, I'll never know.

"My mom said Bill is supposed to fly in this morning with Tara and
Matthew. We're going to have dinner tonight." She gives me a worried
look.

"Don't worry about me, Scully. Just have a good time. I'll finish our
case report, ok?"

"Are you sure?"

"I don't want to take you away from your family. Go. I'll be ok." I want
to tell her the truth, but I don't know how to yet, so we settle down to
research some 302s and enjoy each other's company.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Lunchtime comes and I still haven't asked her. This is harder than I
thought. Then an idea comes to me as we get lunch at the deli.

"Hey, Scully. I found this strange device. I think it might be alien." I
put on my best this-has-got-to-be-an-X-file face.

"Where? What is it?"

I pull the ring out of the box and hide it in my hand. With my most
serious look plastered on, I present my hand to Scully and open it.

I am very glad I have a great memory. I want to see Scully's look of
joyous shock forever.

"Scully. Dana. You mean so much to me. . .Can we expand this
partnership?" Not the best proposal, but I can see tears in Scully's
eyes.

"Yes, Mulder. I suppose you're coming to dinner at Mom's house?"

"Scully, I *planned* the dinner."

"Does that mean we're having Chinese take-out?"

She ducks as I take a mock swing at her. We clean up our lunch. I smile
as I watch her glance at the ring as she throws out our trash.

I forgo using my left cane in order to wrap my arm around her as we walk
back to Hoover.

--------------------------------------------------------

Dinner starts out well enough. I pick up Scully at her apartment.
Sentimentality makes me buy a single rose at a florist. A yellow hybrid,
with red on the edges of the petals. Different, like us.

The kiss I receive when I enter her apartment and give her the flower
nearly knocks me off my canes. I brace myself, though, because if we end
up tumbling to the floor, we will never get to dinner. As it is, the
flushed look on her face when we break the kiss is almost enough to
break my resolve.

But somehow, we make it out of the apartment and get to Maggie's house.
When we get there, Skinner is sitting on the couch, talking to Tara.

He smiles at us as we walk in. "I knew you could do it, Mulder."

"Yeah, but I didn't expect proposing to be harder than catching the
Smoking Man." We laugh, and Tara looks at us, puzzled.

Skinner shakes his head at her. She wouldn't understand.

As I walk over to an armchair and sit down, Scully leans against it and
looks toward Tara. "Where's Bill?"

"He went to get some wine." Tara looks at us nervously. "He knows now.
He's not happy."

"His opinion doesn't matter here. I'm marrying Mulder." My hand is
wrapped in her smaller one. "He'll just have to deal with it."

Just as Scully finishes saying that, the door opens and Bill walks in.
He glares at me, but doesn't say anything. He just kisses his mother and
wife and sits with Tara.

Then the fun starts. "So, Mulder, why are you chaining yourself to my
sister? Are you afraid she'll stop chasing your Loch Ness monsters? Or
do you want someone to take care of you?"

"Bill!" Poor Maggie starts turning pale. Scully's eyes turn fiery.

Skinner looks toward me questioningly. I shake my head. No, I'm ok here.
I turn to Bill.

"She chose me, Bill. I know you think I don't deserve her, but she chose
me."

"All you're going to do is ruin her life. Why are you doing this?" He
gets up and starts shouting at me. I barely register the words.

I sit there calmly as he shouts, suddenly confident in my place. Scully
loves me. She chose to live with me, with my disability, my quirks, and
my problems. Bill's words wash over me. For once, he doesn't even
irritate me.

When I finally can get a word in, I stand up calmly and look Bill
straight in the eye. "I love Dana. Dana loves me. I know you think
you're protecting her from me, but all you're doing is hurting her. I
don't want her to have to choose between the two of us."

Scully stands next to me and leans against me slightly. Not enough to
shake my balance, but just enough to prove a point. "He is the reason
I'm alive. He's also one of my reasons for living. I'm not going to give
him up just because you want me to. And I won't let you harrass him,
Bill."

"I won't watch you marry this jerk!"

"Then don't! If you're going to act like a child, you're not welcome
here!" I have to grab Scully's shirt to keep her from attacking Bill.
Skinner has his arm wrapped around Bill's shoulder to keep him from
grabbing me.

"William Scully! Either knock this off now or leave! This celebreation
is for Dana and Fox!" I have never seen Maggie so angry before. Tara is
cowering on the couch.

"Fine! Tara, come on." Bill moves toward the door. "Get Matthew and
let's get out of here."

A hard look comes into Tara's eyes. "No Bill. You go. I want to
congratulate Dana and Mulder." I'm surprised when Bill backs down from
Tara's look and leaves without another word.

"So, where were we?" Tara smiles slightly as she gets up. "Maggie, I
think I'll help you with the pot roast."

Maggie whispers in Tara's ear and they head into the kitchen. Scully
pulls me back down to the chair and sits on my lap, resting against me.

"Are you two ok?" Skinner gets up and stands near us, just watching us.
In much the same way that I see some fathers watch their children.

"Yeah, Sir..Uh Walter?" Skinner smiles and nods. "We just need to absorb
this, I guess."

"I swear, I'm going to kill him. He has no respect for you, or my
feelings for that matter." Scully wraps my arms around her. "I'm sorry
about him, Mulder. I didn't realize he was that bad."

"It's ok, Scully. Let's just enjoy the rest of the night." Dinner went
on a little strained, but good cheer was definitely present.

---------------------------------------------------------

When we get back to Scully's apartment, we practically fall into bed.
Today was quite a rollercoaster.

"God, Mulder, I can't believe he did that." Scully lays her head on my
chest as I carses her soft skin. Even when I'm tired, I can't resist
touching her.

"I know Scully. I'm sorry, I should have talked to him before. . ." I
clutch her against my chest.

"It's not your problem, Mulder, it's his. He needs to look at what he's
doing to all of us." She kisses me gently and rolls me on my back.

"I love you, Mulder. You're a good man. You don't deserve that kind of
treatment." Her kisses and caresses are gentle, meant to comfort and
bond us, more than arouse. I return them in the same way. Gentle sighs
fill the room as we care for each other.

Scully pulls me inside of her in one smooth motion and wraps herself
around me. Our rhythm is slow and drawn out. We revel in being with each
other, rather than the physical pleasure of our union. I feel Scully's
orgasm pull at me and push me over the edge gently. Scully only moves to
a more comfortable position on my chest before we fall asleep.

--------------------------------------------------------

We decide to have a quick and simple wedding. We really don't have time
to plan an extravagant affair, running after X-files the way we do. So
we decide to wait two months and get married in October. On my birthday.
I think Scully is afraid I might forget our anniversary. Like I could
ever forget this day.

The 13th dawns bright and crisp. I wake up alone, on my couch for the
last time, with a smile on my face. We've decided to both give up our
old apartments and start in a new one in Georgetown. A first floor
apartment with plenty of room for my wheelchair and my accumulated junk.
And room for a beautiful king-sized bed. Which we have waited to try out
on our wedding night, before we fly to New Mexico.

The guys knock on my door promptly at 9. Seeing Langly in a suit is a
bit of a shock, but I adjust quickly as they start pushing me around to
get dressed. Skinner comes by as Byers is helping me with my cumberbund.

"Ready?"

"Just about. How is Scully doing?"

"Fine. Maggie seems to have it under control." I chose Skinner as my
best man. He's done so much for us, both in the Bureau and outside it.

I lean on my canes as Skinner helps me make final adjustments to my
tuxedo. "There. Let's get over to Maggie's. Or do you want something to
eat first?"

"I don't think I could. I'm having enough trouble standing right now." I
didn't think I'd be so nervous. I've known Scully for so long. This is
just the next step. And we're getting married at Maggie's house, in
front of our closest friends and her family. My mother couldn't be
bothered. She only wished me luck. Thanks, Mom.

But right now, I'm terrified of doing something wrong. Tripping over my
own feet, saying the wrong words. . .My face feels like it's going pale.

"Mulder, she loves you." I guess Walter saw my face. I look up at him,
trying to absorb his calmness.

"Yeah." I take a deep breath. This is what I want. This is what she
wants. I have to trust in that. She won't let me fall, anymore than I
will let her.

We walk out to Walter's car. My wheelchair is shoved into the back. I
won't be using it until after the ceremony. I want to stand with Scully
when we say our vows.

By the time we get to Maggie's I feel like I might faint. She is here.
She wouldn't leave me. I have to remind myself of this. I lean on my
canes carefully as we go into the house.

Maggie and Tara greet us warmly. Charlie pulls us into the kitchen and
sits me down. "Are you ok, Mulder? You were swaying when you came in."

"Scully. I need to see Scully." Maggie walks in, overhearing us.

"You'll see her when we're ready. You're not supposed to see the bride
before--"

"Maggie, let him." Walter interrupts her. "They need to connect."

She looks at my pleading eyes then nods, understanding. I let her guide
me to one of the bedrooms upstairs. It opens to her light knock. Tara
moves to clean off the bed as I enter the room.

Scully is next to a full length mirror in an off-white suit and a small
veil. She looks radiant. Even more so when she sees my reflection in the
mirror as I walk up behind her.

"Hi."

"Hi. Are you ready?" She smiles at me in the mirror as she adjusts her
veil.

"To spend the rest of my life making you happy? You bet." I let one cane
drop as I caress her shoulder.

"Then let's go out there and do it."  Her eyes meet mine with a
determined look.

"What about Charlie? And Maggie?"

"Mulder, this partnership started with just you and me. I don't need
Charlie to give me away. I've been yours since day one." Scully nods at
Tara, who walks out to inform the rest of them.

"Come on, partner. Let's start living the rest of our life together."
Scully grabs my hand and we walk downstairs together. My left cane is
abandoned upstairs. I know Scully will hold me up. She always has.

-------------------------------------------------------

I barely hear the words of Father McCue as the ceremony starts. All I
have eyes for is Scully. She listens attentively to the words as I
attend to her.

All goes well until we get to our vows. Before I can start to say the
words I've prepared, the front door opens and Bill bursts into the
living room.

"Dana, don't do this!"

Scully must have been prepared, because she calmly puls her gun out of a
hidden holster at her waist and points it near her brother. I can see
the safety is still on, but I won't be surprised if that changes. If
Bill persists.

"Bill, you are disturbing my wedding. I didn't ask for your opinion when
we got engaged. I don't want your opinion now. And if you make one move
toward Mulder, I will shoot you."

Bill backs down as Skinner moves him away from us. My hand is squeezed
tightly as we turn back to the priest to recover our place in the
ceremony.

The vows.

I face Scully with tears in my eyes as I slide the ring on her finger.
"I don't know how I ever came to deserve you, but your loyalty and love
have made me a stronger man. I promise to return all that you have given
me to the best of my ability for the rest of my life. I not only love
you. I trust you. With all of me."

I see an answering shine in her eyes as she begins her vow. Her hands
shakes as the physical symbol of our union touches me finger. "You made
me believe in things I couldn't see. I trusted you when I didn't know
whether to follow my head, or my heart. Together we got through it all
and we will continue to do so. I trust you with all my being. I believe
in you. I will believe in you forever."

Father McCue blesses us. All I hear is "I declare you husband and wife."

Then I move Scully's veil out of the way and kiss her with all my heart.
When I raise my head, I meet Bill's eyes.

Respect shows in his eyes. Maybe we finally got through to him. He stays
back as the others congratulate us. But he's her family. . .

"Bill?"

He turns his head toward me. "Yeah?"

"Join us. You're welcome here. Just don't try to separate us. The more
I'm with your sister, the more I know we belong together."

"I can see that. When you said your vows, it was crystal clear. You two
are like two halves of something." Awe is on his face, like he was just
let in on a secret.

"It took me awhile to realize it too, Bill. But now that I have, I'm
never leaving her side."

Scully approaches us and pulls us to the dining room. Even Bill laughs
today during dinner.

----------------------------------------------------------

We finally end up in our new bed at midnight. We should be tired from
all hoopla but we're energized by the fact that we're official. We're
together. For life.

Scully nuzzles my neck as I strip off her clothes. "You were good with
Bill."

I kiss her shoulder before I answer. "He's your brother. I couldn't just
leave him."

"I was tempted to do just that." Scully strips off my braces and pushes
me onto *our* bed. My shirt and pants are discarded quickly.

But our union is slow. Our eyes meet and lock. Every movement feels like
its our movement, instead of hers or mine. In tandem, we kiss and reach
for each other. My hands guide Scully's hips as I enter her.

"Sculleee. . ." Oh, I truly have come home. To her. To us.

"I love you, Mulder." She pulls me in deeply as we move in unison.
Somehow I've gotten the leverage to bring my hips up to meet her. She
yelps in surprise.

I smile at her as she keeps the rhythm slow so my body can move in
tandem with hers. We climax together, gently, looking into each other's
eyes.

I wrap myself around Scully, finally totally secure. "Goodnight, my
love."

I can see her smile, even in the darkness.

-----------------------------------------------------

Finally! This took forever! I hope it was worth it though. Feedback
welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu

and visit the rest of It's Life and my other stuff at
 

www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Chateau/9659
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

From: Ladyhawk <funger1@Hofstra.edu>
Date: 10 Apr 1999 11:26:30 -0700
Subject: It's Life: All I Am For You by Ladyhawk 1/1 MSR NC-17

TITLE: It's Life: All I Am For You
AUTHOR: Ladyhawk
EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me
SPOILER WARNING: Up to One Son and Arcadia
CLASSIFICATION: V, A, R
RATING: NC-17
CONTENT WARNING: Alternate Universe
SUMMARY: Mulder learns about family life.
DISCLAIMER:  CC owns them all

REALITY DISCLAIMER: No, I don't know if disabled people can be hired by
the FBI as field agents. I've never tried to apply. I highly doubt it
though, we would be too much of a liability to them. (And if you haven't

picked up the implied statement: Yes, I am disabled too.)
LH
 

Author's notes: Krycek giving marriage advice? Hey, it is an AU :) This
one ran away from me :) Let me know what you think. I didn't get much
feedback on Commitment 3. Feedback welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu

It's Life: All I Am For You
by Ladyhawk (funger1@hofstra.edu)

I didn't think I could ever be happy until I married Scully. Now, I
actually feel like a normal human being. My disability and my work all
of a sudden fit into my life comfortably, rather than taking it over.
She normalizes it all, just by being herself. I'vve never felt so
accepted, or wanted, by anybody else.

I look at Scully lying next to me in the Saturday morning sunlight. It's
hard to believe she isn't an illusion. I keep thinking that any second,
she will just disappear from our bed. But when I reach out to touch her
arm, she opens her eyes and smiles at me.

"Morning, Mulder." She stretches and reaches to hold me.  I kiss the top
of her head and settle down to bask in her presence a while longer.

But she has other ideas. Her mouth touches my chest, causing a small
spark in me. I laugh lightly as I look down at her. "Do you want
something, Scully?"

"You just stay there. I can find it myself." She smiles up at me
playfully. Then she moves her hands to my abdomen and lower. I let out a
soft moan as one hand finds its goal. I grasp her head and bring it to
mine for a hungry kiss. We roll together until her legs settle on either
side of my hips. Since we sleep without clothes, there are no barriers
to our caresses.

"Hmmmmm. This is a wonderful way to wake up." Scully lowers herself onto
me slowly. I can barely nod my head in agreement before bliss overwhelms
me. We move in a harmony I thought only occured in novels.

Our climax is gentle, like the morning sun coming through our bedroom
window. I wrap her in my arms as she collapses onto me. Contentment
weighs my limbs as I hold her to me.

We must've fallen asleep that way, because the next thing I know, the
phone is ringing. I try not to disturb Scully as I reach for the phone,
but I see her eyes pop open as I grab the receiver.

"Mulder."

"Agent Mulder, It's AD Skinner. I hate to disturb you and Scully on a
weekend, but there is an urgent case I'd like you to take on." He sounds
a bit harried. This must be a rough one.

I mouth 'Skinner' to Scully as she looks at me questioningly. Then I
return my attention to the phone. "Is it an X-file?"

"It's a hostage situation. The captor claims to be an alien. He wants to
see the two of you."

"What's so important?" There's probably nutcases like him chased by the
Bureau every day.

"He has the Director's daughter."

Oh God. We don't dare screw up this one. It could cost us everything.

------------------------------------------------------

We get to the office building in Arlington within an hour to find a
whole team assembled there. And all the agents within glare at us as we
arrive.

Only the one in charge seems to have any respect for us. He is a tall,
dark-haired man with glasses. And his manner just exudes calmness. A
good man to have at a hostage situation. But there's something about him
that I just don't like. But I try to clamp down on my instincts as he
comes over to us. His eyes examine us carefully. "Agent Mulder, Agent
Scully. Thank you for coming. I'm Michael Gordon, the SAC."

He shakes Scully's hand, then looks awkwardly at me. After about thirty
seconds, he gestures me into a chair and takes my canes before putting
out his hand for me to shake. He looks questioningly at Scully, as if
for approval. I hide my anger behind the hand rubbing my face, but
Scully sees this and puts her hand on my shoulder.

Gordon watches us carefully for a moment. Then he becomes all business.

"The man's name is Gerald Staff. He is a researcher for the chemical
company housed in this building, but he actually works in the plant
about 5 miles from here. From what I heard, he came here to complain
about conditions in the plant when he snapped."

"What made him snap?" Scully asks the question as I point to the open
file on the desk in front of me. We both browse through the papers
contained within.

"According to the office staff, it was seeing that man over there." He
points to the far corner of the room. I look up from the file to follow
his finger. I don't believe what I'm seeing. A very familiar set of
green eyes stares back at me.

"Krycek."  I mutter the name in a low voice as I turn my head and watch
Scully's eyes widen. This revelation makes the whole situation that much
more. . .interesting. What could the rat want with Staff, or this
company?

Krycek walks over to us and nods at SAC Gordon. "Mulder, can I talk to
you?"

Gordon looks suspicious. "You know him, Agent Mulder?"

Krycek answers before I can say a word. "I used to work for the FBI,
with Agent Mulder."

I glare at him angrily, but instinct makes me nod my head and keep my
mouth shut. He pulls up a chair to sit on as Scully looks at me with a
raised eyebrow. I wave her away.

I nod at Scully as she walks away with Gordon. Then I turn to Krycek.
"What do you want?"

"Just to give you some information. I don't know if Staff is really an
alien, but the old man has had his eye on him for awhile. He could be an
alien, or working for them. But you'd better be careful." He reaches
into his coat pocket. "Here, in case you need it." He holds out his
hand, which contains a small piece of metal. An alien knife. I palm it
and nod.

Krycek is too cooperative. He better not be up to something. "You better
not interefere with us."

"Wouldn't dream of it." He smiles and walks away before I can ask him
what he's doing here anyway.

I watch Gordon and Scully talking in the corner for a minute as Krycek
leaves me. Her smile lights up her whole face as she replies to him
about something. Then she meets my eye and walks over. "Krycek actually
went legit, according to the president of the company. He's a delivery
person for the overseas operation."

"So what about this Staff? What are you doing with him?"

"We're calling him again now. Listen." Gordon hands me a set of
headphones. I focus on Scully's eyes as I listen.

"Mr. Staff? Gerald?" One of the lower agents starts the call.

"Yeah? Where is Agent Mulder?"

"He's on his way Gerald. Why do you want to see him?"

"So he can protect me. They are after me. I don't want to die!" The man
sounds panicked, paranoid.

"You won't die, Gerald. Just give us the hostages and we'll make sure
you're protected."

"Not you. Mulder!"

I look toward Gordon, who shakes his head. They want to prepare me more
before I speak to Staff, I guess. I nod and take the headphones off.

Gordon starts speaking when I look up at him again. "Staff started
spouting that he was an alien almost as soon as he saw Alex. Then he ran
into that store and drew a gun and called back here to have the company
send for you." He points to the little convenience store across the
street. I can see a shadowy figure standing in the doorway.

"He has to FBI Director's 20 year old daughter right next to him. He
must know who she is because he won't let her far from his side."

"You can't get snipers in?" I lean back in the chair and watch as Gordon
puts his hands on my wife's shoulders.

"No, Agent Scully. We're afraid we'll hit the girl. We want a clean
shot, but can't get it. He keeps moving around with her." Scully brushes
off his hands and stands next to my chair. Gordon smiles weakly at her
move.

"We just want you to talk him out into the open, Agent Mulder. We'll
take care of the rest." He rests his hands on the desk. I get the
distinct feeling he is trying to flirt with Scully. He keeps gazing at
her and giving her small smiles.

I turn to Scully and try to ignore the SAC's advances. "We need to
question Krycek more thouroughly. He may be the key to getting Gerald
out of there." I turn back to Gordon. "You're not just going to kill
him, are you?" I'm worried that if this man is an alien, shooting him
could be disastrous for all involved.

"We want him alive, if possible. But I won't risk the lives of the
hostages just to keep him alive." he stares at me steadily for a minute
then turns to talk to one of his agents. I motion Krycek over to us.

"Do you know anything more about Staff?" Scully circles around Krycek,
examining him for weapons, I suppose.

"No more than anyone else, other than knowing the old man had him
watched. I talked to some of the guys who worked with him. He is rather
unremarkable."

"Why are you even here, Krycek?" I figured he'd be on his way to
wherever the smoking man went with my ex-wife.

Krycek bends down so he's face to face with me. "This is a legitimate
company, but it also works with the Consortium. I wanted to find out
what the surviving members plan to do next without making myself too
obvious." He looks up at Scully. "I can help you get Staff. I'd like to
question him about his involvement in all of it."

"Why should we trust you?"  Scully glares at him.

"Because I can help you. And if I do, we can possibly figure out what's
going on."  His eyes pierce mine as he stands up. "How do you want to do
this?"

"Let me handle this. I'll give you your chance to question him when we
get him." Krycek nods. He must think I'm good enough for the job this
time.

Gordon approaches us again. "Agent Scully, come this way. I'd like you
to review the previous transcripts while we get Agent Mulder set up." He
pulls her away from us and I see Krycek glance at my hand.

His brow rises in a question as he nods toward Scully's retreating back.

"Yes."

"About time. But watch out for your SAC there. He's got ideas for her."
He sits on the desk as if we are old buddies, just talking.

And for once, I trust him more than the people around me. The devil you
know. . .

------------------------------------------------------

Two hours later, we haven't made much progress with the hostage
situation. But Gordon is starting to really get on my nerves. He's
always around Scully, touching her and whispering in her ear. Scully
keeps backing away from him, but he doesn't seem to get the hint.

I look on in horror as Gordon slips his hand underneath Scully's blouse.
A whisper in my ear starles me.

"Help her. You have the right to now."

"But--" I turn to Krycek questioningly. Scully's always so independent.
I have learned not to interfere unless asked.

"She's a strong woman, but I think she's trying to be nice to him to
protect you. Your reputation precedes you once again. But it looks to me
like he's gone too far. Help her." Krycek pats my shoulder as I nod and
grab my canes. Here goes nothing.

"Gordon! We have a hostage situation here. I think my partner would be
better off helping the case than being harrassed by you."

"Get away, Mulder. She can take care of herself. You couldn't satisfy
her anyway. She needs a whole man." God, what a lunatic. Then I realize
something. . .I believe Scully. I am what she wants. I don't know when I
actually started believing that without questioning.

I watch Scully see red and grab for her gun. So I drop the bomb before
she does something we will all regret.

"Get your hands off her. She's my wife!" My statement shocks Gordon
enough to let Scully go. I grab her hand and pull her to me as the cane
falls off my arm.

"Stop trying to protect me like that. I don't want you getting hurt on
my account." I glare at Gordon, who appears to be coming at me in a
fighting stance. I reach for my gun and push Scully behind me. What is
this lunatic doing? Doesn't he know I'm not as weak as I look?

Just then the back door opens and in steps. . .Skinner. "Agent Mulder,
Agent Scully, I heard there was a problem here." I blink as he comes
near us with a grimace.

"I can handle it, sir. He just needs to be told about it." I turn back
to Gordon, preparing to defend my new family.

"Agent Mulder is being too kind to the man. He deserves to be shot for
what he's done. And during an investigation. I am sorry to have
disturbed you, Sir. I know the Agents were trying to keep the
investigation's status quo. But Gordon's actions were disturbing all of
the staff." I look at Krycek incredulously.  I am speechless.

Skinner nods. "Gordon--"

Just then Gordon strikes at me. Instinctively, I lash out at him with my
cane. Surprisingly, I stay upright long enough to knock him down and
send his knife clattering across the room before Scully has to grab my
arm to help me balance.

Skinner hauls him up as I collect myself. "What were you thinking
Gordon? That Mulder can't defend himself or his wife? He's an agent, for
God's sake. And one of my best at that."

Skinner drags Gordon to the back of the room and nods at me. "Continue
with the negotiations, Mulder."

I settle back in the desk chair and pick up the headphones. The other
agents look at me with a new respect as I lead them.

------------------------------------------------------

It turns out that Staff isn't an alien. He's one of the Consortium's
pawns. He was actually afraid that Krycek was one of the aliens, come to
burn him.

Once we convinced Staff that Krycek meant him no harm, he was easily
taken, and the hostages released to their families. The Director's
daughter barely suffered a scratch.

Once we have Staff in custody, I turn to Krycek. "You must think I'm
weak. I don't even defend Scully. . ."

"Knock it off Mulder. I think you are a good agent. And you let Scully
be your partner instead of your underling. But she's your wife now. That
changes things. You two will have to work it out."  He smiles at Scully.

"You take good care of him. I already see that he can take good care of
you." And with that, he slips out the door.

Scully leans into my arms once he's gone. "Thanks."

"You're part of me, Scully. How could I not protect you?" I hold her to
me as I drop my canes. We hold each other up as the other agents move
around us.

But we ignore them. The outside world isn't as important as the one in
my arms.

------------------------------------------------------

There, how was that? I'm craving feedback, please send some!
Feedback welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu

and visit the rest of It's Life and my other stuff at:

www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Chateau/9659
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 

From: Ladyhawk <funger1@Hofstra.edu>
Date: 26 Apr 1999 19:26:02 -0700
Subject: [xfcreative] It's Life: To Take On the World by Ladyhawk 1/1 MSR

From: Ladyhawk <funger1@Hofstra.edu>

TITLE: It's Life: To Take On The World
AUTHOR: Ladyhawk
EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me
SPOILER WARNING: Up to The Unnatural
CLASSIFICATION: V, A, R
RATING: R
CONTENT WARNING: Alternate Universe
SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully in charge? Who would have thought.
DISCLAIMER:  CC owns them all

REALITY DISCLAIMER: No, I don't know if disabled people can be hired by
the FBI as field agents. I've never tried to apply. I highly doubt it
though, we would be too much of a liability to them. (And if you haven't

picked up the implied statement: Yes, I am disabled too.)
LH
 

Author's note: I'm taking one step back here. I have a feeling I left a
big enough gap between the Dream and One More Life that I ought to fill
it. Here goes. Shannara, got that? Feedback welcome at
funger1@hofstra.edu

It's Life: To Take On the World
by Ladyhawk (funger1@hofstra.edu)

I look nervously at my wife as we sit in Skinner's office. How the hell
are we going to propose this to him? We've given so much to the X-files.
And we will continue to do so. It's a large part of our lives. And will
continue to be so, but we need a change. A chance to expand our family.

So we came to Skinner for help.

"What can I do for you?" Skinner looks at us questioningly.

"We, uh, we think it's time the X-files took on more people."

"Hmm. I assume you have a reason for this sudden change in attitude?
Both of you were perfectly content, and even adamant about being by
yourselves for the last couple years. Even to the point of being
insubordinate to Kersch."

I remember that incident well. It almost got Scully fired.

-------------------------------------------------------

Scully recovered from her case with that idiot Peyton relatively
quickly. We were able to get out of New York quickly. Before I lost the
hold on my temper and beat that poor excuse for an agent to a bloody
pulp.

You'd think Kersch would give us a break after what just happened. No
such luck. Scully walked in two weeks after we got back to DC to find a
case waiting on the desk she had been assigned.

I didn't notice the folder when I rolled in that morning. "Do you know
anything about this, Mulder?" She waved the folder at me.

"What? No. What is it?" I looked at the folder with growing dread.

Which just got worse when AD Kersch walked toward us. "Agent Scully, I'd
like to see you in my office."

"About this case?"

"Yes."

"Agent Mulder should be party to this discussion. He's my partner." I
was quiet during this exchange. I could see Scully's eyes light up in
anger. We both knew what was coming next.

"Agent Mulder's services aren't needed on this case." Kersch looked at
both of us cautiously.

"Like he wasn't needed on the last one? That was an X-file!" Scully
sighed in frustration.

"You both are no longer on the X-files." Kersch's rather haughty
attitude was now starting to grate on my nerves.

But I remained quiet. If I said anything, I know the situation would get
worse. I tried putting my hand on Scully's arm to calm her, but she just
pat it lightly before she continued shooting spikes at Kersch.

"I don't want this case. I will not do this case without Mulder. And I
will not tolerate your attempts to separate us."

Kersch leaned toward her just as a hand grabbed his shoulder. "They've
been partners for six years, Kersch. Cut them some slack. And don't
underestimate Mulder. He might surprise you."

Skinner nodded at me as I breathed a sigh of relief. I was afraid Scully
might do something drastic to defend me.

Kersch glared at Skinner as he whisked the folder away from Scully. Our
background checks became more annoying after that, and Kersch was more
demanding. But he didn't try to separate us again. He knew we had an
ally.

-------------------------------------------------------

"This is different, Sir. Kersch was trying to separate us. We just want
to add more to the team." Scully looks at Skinner pleadingly. "We could
really use more people. Our caseload has become heavier since Spender's
death."

What she says is true, but it's partially my fault. Since the consortium
became fractured, I've searched harder for X-files, wanting to get a
jump on whatever the aliens are planning. And in the process, I've
discovered a lot of unrelated X-files.

"There has to be some other motive here, you two. You are both too tied
to your independence." Skinner leans against his desk with his eyebrow
arched.

Scully and I look at each other. We can trust him with this. He's been
supportive up to now. She nods her head, as if agreeing with my
thoughts.

I turn to Skinner again. "We want to try to adopt a child. We don't want
to give up the X-files to do it, but we know we have to stabilize our
lives a bit."

Skinner looks slightly startled, then nods slowly. His face is serious.
"I can certainly understand your desire, then. But I don't know if I can
convince the upper echelon that more people are needed. The X-files is
the bastard division to begin with. . ."

I move to speak, to protest, but he waves me quiet. "It doesn't mean I'm
not going to try. I just want you to know I think the chances are slim."

He puts a supportive hand on my shoulder. "I will give it all I can,
Mulder. You would make an excellent father, and Scully a great mother."

We leave his office, more hopeful now that we have an ally.

-------------------------------------------------------

The next day, Skinner calls us to his office to meet with Deputy
Director Nivens. The man holds himself almost regally as he watches us
enter the office. He focuses on my canes temporarily as I sit down, but
he looks away quickly, as if embarrassed by getting caught staring.

Once we are settled, the Deputy Director gets righht to the point. "When
Arthur Dales started the X-files in the 50's, the people here thought
the division would die quickly. When you reopened the division, Agent
Mulder, people laughed. They didn't think you belonged in the FBI to
begin with, with your disability. They ignored the fact that you could
do what they could, and even better. These people thought that the
X-files was the perfect thing to babysit you with.

But I've watched the two of you over the last couple years. You have a
better solve rate than most of the divisions here, and have opened quite
a few eyes to things that need to be seen. And all with overcoming a few
obstacles not related to the paranormal." Nivens gestures to my canes.

I initially rejected AD Skinner's plea to get you more staff, but after
studing a few of your cases and looking at your current workload, I've
reconsidered. I don't know what's out there, Agent Mulder, but I'm going
to request that the Director give you the manpower to help you find it."

Our sighs of relief echo through the room. We have more than one person
on our side here. I didn't dare hope it would be this easy.

He starts to open the door to the office when he looks back at us. "Oh,
and if this request goes through, I will expect both of you at the
management training seminar at the end of the week."

I can hear Skinner chuckle as the shock registers on my face.

Damn, I forgot about that part.

-------------------------------------------------------

The Director approved our request and we both survived two of the most
boring meetings I've ever been to. But by this time, I began to notice
something when we passed the other agents from other divisions. They
stopped picking on us and were actually starting to get hostile.

Tom Colton never was my biggest fan, but when he starts a fight with me
over which car was requisitioned to him and his partner, and which to
Scully and me, I know there's a serious problem.

I back away from him when he starts yelling. I know I have to be on my
best behavior now that we're in the process of inspecting new recruits
for our division.

But Colton won't give up. "You have taken advantage of the Bureau's
hospitality already! You shouldn't even be an agent! You aren't capable
of being anyone's boss! You and your freaking wheelchair and your ideas
about Martians!"

I have to back away from him to avoid his swinging arm. Luckily a
younger agent nearby sees the argument and restrains him so I don't have
to throw a punch.

"Agent Mulder, are you ok?" The young man holds a squirming Colton still
as he speaks.

"Yeah, thanks." I look at Colton calmly.

"Agent Colton, don't let your jealousy get the best of you. It's obvious
that getting results get you a promotion quicker than brown nosing.
Maybe you should try it."

The young man chuckles as Colton becomes outraged. I wave my hand an the
agent lets him go. I follow his path back toward the garage entrance to
see my smiling wife.

"You handled that well. You almost sounded like Skinner."

"Well, if I have to be a boss, I can't think of a better one to model
myself after." I chuckle.

"Umm, Agents Mulder?" I turn to the young man that helped me take care
of Colton. I'm surprised to hear the 's' on Agents. Not too many people
know Scully and I are married.

"Yes?"

"My name is Andrew Michaels. I actually came down here to see if I could
speak with you. I'd like to join the X-files."

Because we are such a specialized division, the Director has allowed us
to choose our two new recruits from any already trained Agents who would
like to move to the division. He wants to prevent the mistake made by
putting Spender and Diana in our places earlier.

I look at Scully, who nods.