By Martha
marthalgm@yahoo.com
 

Rating: PG
Keywords:  Yves, LGM
Spoilers: not part of a universe that recognizes 'Jump the
Shark'
Disclaimer - The characters contained in this story are
the creative property of 1013 Productions, FOX Broadcasting,
and NEWS Corp and are used without their knowledge or
consent.
Summary: There are too many lonely people in this world.

Alison from the Topica list issued a challenge for Byers' 40th
birthday fic.  From Unusual Suspects (XF Season 5), we learn
that John Fitzgerald Byers was born on November 22, 1963, the
date of the JFK assassination; hence, his name.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Saturday, November 22, 2003
early afternoon

Yves was a bit surprised to find Byers greeting her at the
door of the Lone Gunmen Headquarters - Jimmy was the one who
was usually sent to do the mundane household tasks.  "I'm not
intruding on any celebrations, am I?" she asked as she crossed
the threshold and made her way to the main office.

"No," Byers called after her, almost apologetically.

"You're joking."  She looked back at him over her shoulder to
verify that he was, in fact, not joking.  She then glanced
over at the other two occupants of the room and directed her
comments at them.  "Frohike hasn't whipped up a cake?  Langly
hasn't filled your mailbox with the most obscene of birthday
wishes?"

Langly called out from across the room, "He says he doesn't
want to be reminded."

Yves was genuinely disappointed.  "No silly little hats?  No
balloons or ice cream?"

"You'd think he was getting old," Frohike snorted.  "He's only
turning forty."

Yves sighed.  "Pity about the ice cream," she said, more or
less to herself.  She walked around desks scattered with
newspapers and blueprints, saddened that a birthday - and a
significant one at that - was being wasted as just another
day.  With every other step, she tugged at a newspaper corner
to catch the legend or a full headline, noting what cities
they were currently interested in and in what possible
direction their latest wild goose chase would take them.  She
believed that she had arrived just in time to break up another
monotonous afternoon with their little publication.

"Is there something you wanted, Yves?" Frohike asked as he
loaded paper into one of the laser printers.

The remark reminded her of the reason she had come to their
little cave in the first place.  She gave Byers a slight push
towards the stairs to the second level.  "Go on, change your
clothes.  You're going out."

"Why?" the three Gunmen asked in unison.

She refused to acknowledge the other two, directing her
comments only towards Byers.  "There's an item that I believe
you would be interested in that I would like to show you.  I
won't keep you long."

Byers looked down at what he was wearing and adjusted his
jacket.  "I'm wearing a perfectly respectable outfit."

It crossed her mind that neither the cut nor the fabric could
be classified as respectable for her tastes, but seeing as how
the birthday boy had probably picked out the suit with his own
hard-earned pennies, she let the thought pass without comment.
"At the very least, change your tie."

"What's wrong with the tie?"

Yves just shook her head.  "I loathe that tie."  She waited
until Byers was upstairs out of earshot before admonishing the
others.  "Are you seriously going to let this day end without
a little birthday party?"

Frohike threw up his hands in defeat.  "Yves, what are we
supposed to do?  He says he doesn't want one."

"Can't you see that he is in desperate need of a bit of fun?"
She fit two fingers into a front pocket of her snug jeans and
pulled out a Party Land business card.  "Phone this number;
they're expecting to hear from you, and they'll deliver within
the hour.  And don't forget the ice cream."

Langly snatched the card from her hand before Frohike could
intercept it.  "Where are you taking him?"

"Does it matter?  I don't want to spoil the surprise."  Noises
from the staircase alerted her to Byers' early return.  "You
could invite a few friends over as well.  You do have friends,
don't you?"

Byers came down the stairs, shirt collar unbuttoned and no
longer wearing the offending tie.  "I couldn't find another
one to go with this suit."

Frohike grabbed Byers' elbow before he could follow Yves out
the front door and pulled him off to one side.  "I have but
one word of advice: Condoms."

Byers rolled his eyes.  "Frohike, don't be so crude."

"One day, you'll use my pearls of wisdom and thank me for
them."  Frohike locked the door after them, then watched on
the monitor as the two walked toward Yves' car.

Langly came up behind him to observe.  "You don't think that
he and Yves would ever, you know, do it, do you?"

"I doubt it, but he went with her a little too willingly.
That boy is lonely."

"He still hasn't heard from Susanne, has he?"

Frohike shook his head and sighed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Small talk had never been Yves' forte.  Usually, she could
count on distracting men with her ensemble or a drug in their
drink; however, this approach was not likely to work with
Byers - he'd seen her use it too many times.  The subjects of
the weather and the latest scoop for the newspaper had already
been covered by the time they left the Beltway, and they spent
several moments riding in silence.  "And how is your Susanne?"

Byers continued to stare out of the window, not really
noticing the passing scenery.  "I don't feel like talking
about her right now."

"A shame really."  She stole a quick glance at her passenger
before continuing.  "I hear that you could use a good talk
with someone of the female persuasion, among other
activities."

"Frohike's got a big mouth."

"Tell me something I don't already know."

Byers shifted roughly in his seat, irritated at the deception.
"So, what, Frohike called you and asked you to come over and
coddle me?"

"I don't believe he used those exact words."

"I think I know which ones he would use.  Why would you agree
to this?"

"My name is an anagram of Lee Harvey Oswald and you're named
after the president he allegedly assassinated.  It's November
twenty-second.  We were destined to meet today; call it fate
or kismet."  Yves could tell by his demeanor that he was not
going to be a sport about it and play along.  "Look, let's
just say that I can understand your loneliness."

Byers returned to staring out the window.  "I live in a
warehouse with two other guys; three, if you count the times
when Jimmy sacks out on our couch.  How could I possibly be
lonely?"

"That only means that you're not alone.  Lonely is another
concept.  Lonely is living without Susanne."

"I'm not living without her.  She's had to do a lot of moving
around lately.  By the time I locate her, she's already gone
on to a new place.  And why are you playing psychologist all
of a sudden?"

"Not psychologist.  Chauffeur, actually."

A few minutes later, Yves turned off of the main highway and
stopped in front of a steel and glass structure that looked
like many of the office buildings that lined the Beltway and
the surrounding areas.

Byers looked around for any identifying features and found
none except for the street number plaque.  "Why are we
stopping here?"

Yves removed a plastic card from her jacket pocket and held it
out to him.  "Take this keycard and use it to get to the fifth
floor."

"And what's on the fifth floor?"

For a bright boy, Yves thought, he was hopelessly clueless;
she thought that she had dropped enough hints.  "Oh, look.  I
could say that it was woman's intuition or that I just felt
sorry for you, but it was something Frohike said about your
not hearing from Susanne lately.  He was genuinely concerned
about your wellbeing so I tracked her down."  When he still
made no move to take the card, she leaned over and slid her
hand inside his jacket, depositing the card inside the inner
pocket.  "I gather that she'd just gotten into town a few days
ago, but you can ask her yourself.  Don't keep the lady
waiting."

For the first time that afternoon, Byers was seen to be
smiling.  "What about my 'surprise' party?"

Yves would have slapped him had he not been teasing.  "Would
you please get out of the car?"  She leaned over to call out
after him before he could shut the passenger door.  "I shall
make your apologies if we don't see you later at your birthday
party."

She waited and watched to be certain that he could get past
the initial security door before driving away.  She was
planning on sharing a quart of French Vanilla Haagen-Dazs with
Frohike - Yves doubted he would notice that Byers was not
there.

end
 

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The Lone Gunmen - Heroes to some, Sex Symbols to others.