Reply To: dolph1n@internetcds.com
 

Title:  Missing Mulder (1/1)
Author: Romantique
Classification: MSR, Angst
Rating: G
Spoilers:  A recap of Seasons 1 through 8.
Distribution: Archive anywhere, but e-mail me, please
at dolph1n@internetcds.com
Summary: Mulder's missing again.  But somehow, it's
different this time.
 
 

There's a void in my life and a hole in my heart, the
size of which there is not enough matter on this
planet to fill.  To have your strong, quiet presence
removed from me, to have to go on without your
passionate intensity for the things that matter feels
as if half of my body and soul have been amputated.
And the phantom sadness and emptiness that remain are
a constant reminder that you are gone.

You've gone away gone before, haven't you?.  How many
times have you vanished into thin air?  More times
than I care to count.  You disappeared to Arecibo and
to the Arctic. And I can never forget the time you
were missing in Tunguska.  You were abducted by alien
beings.  You died and came back to me when I never
thought I'd see you again!

How many times have you walked up to death's door,
and yet returned to tell the tale?  I came so close
to losing you in Raleigh on the Hawley/Summers case.
You barely survived exposure to the alien virus and
to the black cancer.  I was confronted with your
death in New Mexico.  My God, what they did to your
beautiful brain.

You are the consummate FBI profiler.  Some of the
"Bureau's Finest" still give legendary praise to your
uncanny ability to get inside a killer's head.  You
were called in to solve one of the most twisted cases
in the history of the Bureau, by the perpetrator
himself, Bill Patterson.  And your work on the Robert
Modell case was absolutely brilliant, although I know
you don't agree.  It's not like you to accept praise.

Once such a loner, your search for the truth did not
cause you to "trust no one," as expected.  But
rather, it set you forth on a path where you learned
to trust a very select few.  And you are a dear
friend and colleague to the few who are fortunate
enough to know you well.  You are a steadfastly
loyal, giving, and protective partner and lover.  And
you are, bar none, the finest looking man on which
I've ever laid eyes.  I could gaze into your green,
angst-filled eyes forever.

One of your most appealing and magnetic qualities is
your wit.  It is both deadpan and can be likened to
quick silver.  I love the way your mind works.  You
can profile a complex set of circumstances and make
leaps and connections that no one else would ever
consider; and yet, you can make me laugh with just a
look or a clever one-liner.  I so appreciate your
unique sense of humor.  Your quick wit allows me
slight glimpses into your unique and vulnerable
personality.

Missing and exploited children have always held a
particular soft spot in your heart.  You believed in
Lucie Householder when no one else would.  The John
Lee Roche and the Amber Lynn LaPierre cases almost
did you in emotionally, by allowing you to get close
to the memory of your sister, Samantha.  But these
cases allowed you to get too close, and it was
unbelievably heartbreaking to watch you relive your
pain through the pain of these children and their
parents.

And now, you have a child of your own whom you love
more than life itself.

How could you leave him, Mulder?  How could you leave
me?

If it sounds as if I am saying, "Goodbye," I suppose
I am.  Yes, you've been missing before.  But somehow,
it's different this time.  I don't feel that you're
dead, but you're not coming back this time, are you?
. . . Or at least you won't be coming back for a
very, very long time.

I live to see you.  But now that you're gone, what am
I supposed to do without you?

Mulder is missing.  And I'm missing Mulder.

Love,
 

Your Long-time, Loyal, and Loving Fan

~fin~

(Did I 'Gotcha'?) :)