Sister Tara
By Shoshana

I hear the van pull up in the driveway and shake off my drowsiness.
I did fall asleep, Matthew draped across my lap.  He stirs a little,
rearranging his head in my lap.  I won't disturb him until Bill comes
in with Maggie.

She's Maggie in my mind and Mom to her face.  My ongoing internal
dialogue won't allow me to replace my recently deceased mother with
anyone else.  I know Bill understands that; he's never insisted I
refer to Maggie as Mom outside of her presence.

It's not that I don't love and care about Mrs. Scully, I do.  I'm
just not over my own mom's parting from this world.  Being a mom was
a huge responsibility to her; it is to me too.

Bill and I will probably only have one child.  We tried for years
and by God's grace had Matthew.  I am thankful for that since it was
doubtful we would have any children at all.  At least, that's what
the doctors had told us.

What did Dana's doctor tell her?  When did she know she was
infertile?  How did she get pregnant if she and Mulder were so sure
her ova had been taken from her years ago?

I know all the details of Emily's adoption hearing because Dana never
attempted to hide the public documents associated with it.  She even
left them in plain sight of us all, as if to say, "Here, look at
this, this is why she is so important to me."  I empathized with her
grief but felt little of it at the time myself.  I had just given
birth to Matthew; it was difficult to mourn for a child we hardly
knew.

What I don't understand, what I will never understand, is why she
gave William away to strangers.  He was almost a year old, for pity's
sake.  I know there's more to the story than Bill has been told.  I
know he might not even tell me all the details, even he if he did
know.

I can only imagine what kind of danger William was in.  We knew
Mulder was sent away by Dana for his own safety and I'll continue
trying to believe that.  I don't want to see him as a deadbeat dad; I
don't know how dangerous or complicated their lives have become.

Bill turns the key in the lock and ushers Maggie into the foyer.  He
had to fall back on his high school drama experience to persuade her
to come out on the Fourth of July.  We can't trust any phone, so he
couldn't possibly have broken the news to her that way.

It's odd, both of us are still in the dark about our destination
tomorrow.  I guess we'll find out at the last minute, right before
we leave.  All I know is we have to be ready to roll at seven
tomorrow morning.  Somehow we will get a message where and when to
meet Mulder and Dana.

All this cloak and dagger stuff is disconcerting.  I'm happy they are
alive and well; I just wish they weren't being pursued by some
mysterious evil that cannot be named.  I am frightened, not for
myself, but for Matthew.  If William was in danger, who can assure me
that my son won't be in jeopardy also?

"Hey, hon," Bill says, bending over to give me a kiss.  "Matty is
down for the count, huh?"

I smile and say, "Since eight-thirty, honey.  I meant to take him
upstairs and must have nodded off, too.  Sorry.  Hi, Mom," I add,
acknowledging Maggie when she sits beside me on the couch.

She reaches over and pats my hand gently, so Matthew doesn't wake.
"Hi, Tara.  It's wonderful to see you."

"Let me take him up, hon.  I'll tuck him in and then I think I'll
hit the hay.  I was up at four a.m. and it's really hitting me now.
Gotta be up early tomorrow, anyway," Bill says, leaning over to
cradle Matthew in his arms.

He gives me a quick kiss good night as I relinquish our boy to him.
It's goes without saying that I will get Maggie settled in the guest
room.  I know Bill is exhausted, emotionally and physically.  It's
been difficult for him these last few weeks.  He wants this reunion
to go smoothly and he has very little control over the logistics of
things.

Bill has always liked to be in charge when there's a family event.
Not so tomorrow.  Dana told him in the letter she passed him a few
weeks ago that they would take care of finding a safe house to
celebrate the holiday.  I imagine they don't want to tip anyone off
ahead of time so that electronic bugs can be planted.

He's taking it graciously, I must say.  There's really no other
option since we can't contact Fox and Dana.  Bill thinks they are
hiding in LA, but he's not sure.

I've been duly warned about their much changed appearance.  It all
makes me nervous, it really does.  I've tried to remain strong for
Bill but I've never been in a combat situation, never been a cop,
never been in danger before.  It's my family, I'll try my best for
them, but I hate it all the same.

"Tara?" Maggie has been patiently waiting while my thoughts
wandered.

I feel very rude and tell her, "Sorry, Mom.  I was just thinking."
I smile wanly and ask, "Nervous about tomorrow?  From the look on
your face Bill must have told you by now."

Maggie smiled.  "He didn't tell me right away, but I knew something
was up.  He's pretty easy to read when he's got a secret... I'm sure
you know that by now."  She chuckles softly and I think I can see
evidence of recently shed tears on her face.

I smile in response, and reach out to squeeze her hand gently.  "I
do.  He's a lousy liar.  It's a good thing he usually has nothing to
hide," I joke.

She laughs softly and settles her back against the sofa cushion.  "I
guess you need some rest, too.  Don't let me keep you."

"Really, I'm not that tired, Mom.  Would you like something to
drink? Coffee, tea?  I have decaf."

"Sure, that would be great.  Tea would be fine."

I gather up the textbooks I was studying for summer school and stack
them on the coffee table, then go out to the kitchen and find some
orange spice herbal tea I know she likes.  I pour two tall glasses
and carefully make my way back to our small living room.  Maggie has
taken off her shoes and is watching CNN with the sound off by the
time I get there.

"I've been on planes all day, or at least it feels like I have.  How
was class?" she asks.

"Fine.  I think I'll be able to finish this course of study faster
than I thought."

I am studying to be a respiratory therapist.  My undergraduate
studies were in nursing and I've only worked sporadically in that
field since I married Bill.  Moving around so much made advancement
difficult at first, then Matthew took up all my time.  Now that he is
older, I want to go back to work, in a more specialized field.

"Good.  You'll need a challenge once Matthew is in school.  Not that
having both Matthew and Bill to tend to isn't a challenge in itself,"
she responds.

"No kidding.  Matthew has kept me busy the last few years."

We sit and sip our tea in a comfortable silence for several minutes.
I hesitate, debating whether to ask her what's really been on my
mind.  Bill won't tell me.  I'll have to ask Maggie... but should I
do it now?

I steel myself for any adverse reaction and plow ahead anyway.
"Mom, I know this is probably not a good time to bring this up..."

Maggie stops me with a gentle hand over my own.  "If there's
something bothering you, this is the time to bring it up.  I'm not so
tired I can't listen to my other daughter."

Being referred to as her other daughter touches me deeply.  I know
how much Melissa's death hurt her and I've never tried to be a
surrogate daughter.  I hold her hand and say, "Thanks, Mom.  You
honor me when you say that."

"It's just the truth, sweetie.  I love you like my own."

I hold back a sob that's aching to be released.  This woman recently
saw her grandchild handed off to strangers.  I don't know where she
gets her courage, but I want some too.

I nod, accepting the love she gives me silently.  I squeeze her
fingers gently and continue to speak without releasing her hand.
"Mom, Bill hasn't told me much..."

"About William?"

"Yes.  I guess he doesn't want to upset me with the details.  Do you
know what kind of family he went to?  Will he be safe there?  Can
they ever see him again?"

The questions fall out of my mouth in quick succession.  I've been
wondering about these things for months, since we heard about the
adoption.  My need to know has overwhelmed my sense of propriety.  I
hope Maggie understands.

Maggie sighs deeply, with sad resignation.  "It's a sealed adoption.
We only know the bare minimum of facts about the family.  They live
out west and have tried to have a child for seven years.  The only
person who knows their location is Dana's boss, AD Skinner.  He had
to pull a few strings to speed up the process."

"Aren't some adoptions reversible?  Wasn't this one done without
Mulder's knowledge or consent?"

Maggie closes her eyes for a minute, massaging her temples with
thumb and forefinger.  She opens her eyes and looks at me sadly, "I
know he didn't find about the adoption until just recently... I'm no
lawyer, and I have no idea if he can sue for custody.  All I know is
Fox's name never appeared on the birth certificate.  They were still
trying to disguise William's parentage, even after they brought him
home from the hospital."

She pauses and I can't think of a single word to say.  I continue to
hold her hand as she sits beside me, close to tears.

"I'm sure they would have corrected that soon after his birth, but
Fox's superior warned them of threats on his life if he stayed in
DC.  I'm not sure what to think, sweetheart."

"You don't think they'll try and get him back?"

"If they're in hiding, no.  If they are ever given amnesty by the
FBI... I don't know.  It's been three months now and I'm sure they
have no idea how long they'll have to remain incognito.  I know they
are in constant danger from people outside of our government, people
who are lawless and cruel.  Whatever Fox and Dana have been working
on--knowing what they know--if they continue to pursue these
people, they'll always be in danger."

"Until they are brought to justice," I conclude.

"Until then, yes.  They will hide, they will give up almost
everything."  Maggie pauses a beat, then continues, her voice so sad,
so defeated,  "In pursuit of truth..."

I know she doesn't mean for me to hear it, but there is bitterness
laced in her quiet words.  I regret asking her these difficult
questions so soon, but I had to know.  I couldn't face Dana without
knowing more, without trying to understand where she was coming
from.

I could never have given up Matthew.  I think I would have run as
fast and as far away as I could.  With Bill, without Bill, I would
have been long gone by now.  I can only imagine how much Dana's heart
aches for her beautiful baby.  Mine would too.

We've been silent several minutes now, holding hands and playing idly
with our empty glasses.  I don't have any more questions and Maggie
has run out of answers.

fin

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