By Skinfull
skinfull@undergroundtales.com
 

Rating: PG 13

Classification: Post Ep Eventual MSR MPOV/SPOV

Spoilers: The Field Where I Died.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit, no harm.

Summary: What if Melissa survived? Would a relationship
blossom between herself and Mulder? How would Scully
cope?

Feedback: skinfull@undergroundtales.com Love all
feedback. Thanks in
Advance!

Authors Notes: My first attempt at a 1st person POV...be
gentle.  A thousand thank you's to Sally for taking the time
to help me out with rogue punctuation and bad tense's and
giving me that final fatal push over the cliff when I got
stuck. Thanks Sally this one is especially for you.
 

Second Chances
By Skinfull

CHAPTER 1 --Mulder POV--

Temple of the Seven Stars.

My heart is beating faster than I ever knew it could,
it's stealing power from my lungs as it pushes it's way up to
lodge in my throat. I can't swallow or breathe properly as I
step through the field. Scully's voice carries over the cool
breeze but it's not enough to stop me.

Cautiously, I reach for the handle but it's locked or
stuck so I just barge through, ignoring the sharp pain in my
shoulder where I connected with the thick oak.

My heart is yelling at me to hurry and my brisk walk
becomes a run through the cluttered hallways of the temple.
Bouncing off the close walls, I'm sprinting now, my mind
screaming a mantra: hurry, hurry, hurry, and hurry. But it
doesn't matter. I'm too late. I know it.

The door to the oratory is heavy as I push it open and
move a body aside. My feet halt my progress all of their own
accord, pulling me up short just inside the door where I can
see them all lying on top of each other, piled in a gruesome
fashion. The bodies are warm. Their heat evaporating too
quickly, rising up to meet my face as I step over them in
what seems like a futile search for her face. My eyes are
squinting through the dusty air scanning the still and
frightened faces when I spot her.

From the corner of my eye I can see Vernon, by the
podium, clutching his bible in what must have once been a
powerful grip of faith, but I can't be bothered to check if he
has survived to face justice for what he has done. There she
is. As still and lifeless as the others.  But she can't be, I'm
pleading with myself and god or anyone who might be
listening. She seems to be sleeping even though I can feel it
in my heart that she is not.

I need to reach out and touch her even though I
shouldn't. My hand is shaky and I'm not sure why but I force
it to move to her shoulder and check her neck for a pulse.
But there is nothing.

 With my other hand, shaking just as hard, I reach out
for the torn photo curled loosely in her fingers. Across the
room I can hear the other agents finally catching up with me
and I know they can see me from their vantage point inside
the door, Scully included. But it doesn't stop the tears from
falling. It doesn't stop the pain from penetrating my body
and soul at the loss I am feeling right now.

Looking up to the windows of broken glass, I can see
the field with it's wisps of tall grass blowing gracefully in
the wind and I know now as surely as I have ever known
that I will see her again. At times I almost dream, I muse,
blinking the sting of the tears away.

"Mulder! Move!" Scully's voice seems so far away, but her
small strong hand is on my shoulder, pushing me aside as
she leans over Melissa and unfurls her from the foetal
position to lay her flat on her back.

"Over here!" she yells and I look behind me to see one of the
ATF members lifting a young man from near the door.
Looking closer at his face I can see his eyes are open.
Amazed, I turn back to Scully to see her pumping Melissa's
chest in the familiar motions of CPR then breathing into her
mouth.

"Scully?" I can barely manage to speak as she pumps again
on Melissa's chest and turns to me.

"Mulder the poison hasn't worked fully on all of these
people. Some of them will survive." She stops to breathe for
Melissa again then pulls away and rolls her onto her side.
Melissa coughs and vomits out most of the poison.

"Melissa?" Struggling to my feet, I clamour over to her side
and gently touch her shoulder.

"Get her outside Mulder."

Scullys voice rattles in my head for a few seconds before my
brain kicks in and obeys.  I hook one arm under Melissa's
knees and the other I wrap around her shoulders to lift her.
She is so light I can hardly feel her in my arms so I hug her
closer to my chest as if I can save her with warmth alone.

Outside in the grass the swat team has pulled out most of the
church members who are now coughing up and spewing all
over. They are shrouded in blankets and ATF officers
circling the small group with trained weapons, so I bring
Melissa off to the side. Sitting her on the grass slowly, I take
the blanket from the pile and drape it over her.

"Melissa...can you hear me?" Her cheek is stained with red
liquid where she vomited in the church and her breathing is
raspy with effort, but her eyes blink over to me before they
close tightly. "Everything will be okay now. Relax."

But before I can move she rolls over towards me and coughs
up more tacky red liquid onto my knees. I'm rubbing her
back gently and telling her she'll be okay when I hear the
swat team next to me yelling out.

"That's all. The rest are dead."

Standing up, I watch Melissa as I walk away, unable to
believe she is lying there, and turn in time to see Scully
stepping out of the temple.  Her usually impeccable navy
pant suit is marred and stained with the viscous red remains
of the victims inside, but part of me, the part that glances
back to Melissa's weakened form, is too stunned to realise
what has happened fully.

Scully's walk is slow and deliberate and more than once I
catch her eyes straying over to Melissa but as she
approaches me her eyes lock with mine and I can't hide the
relief in them, I don't even try.

"Mulder," she says softly and it's the tone I recognise for
when she is about to tell me something I don't want to hear.
"Seven. We saved seven."

"Vernon?"

"No. Four women and three men who will still need to be
pumped out and under observation for a few days." She is
looking at me with strange eyes. Searching me for answers
to questions she doesn't want to ask, maybe even answers
she doesn't want to know, so I turn away and walk over to
Melissa.  Scully's soft footfall is right behind me and she
crouches with me to examine her more closely, but then sees
the photo still clutched in my hand. "Mulder?"

"'Behold...I am alive forever more'," I quote as I glance at
the photo, before reaching out to take Melissa's cold and
shaking hand in my own.

***

St Jude's Emergency Room

They took one look at me in the emergency room and threw
me out. Scully walks by, fighting for permission to get me in
but with my dirty clothes and lack of medical training I am
quickly ushered to the waiting area.  Skinner charges
through the automatic double doors, catching one with his
elbow as he passes.
 

"Mulder," he calls to me making the other patrons of the ER
waiting room look up to me. "What the hell happened?"

I walk to the side of the room where we can talk with
relative privacy as I explain to him what had transpired out
at the ranch. His face displays snippets of surprise, horror
and shock as my words filter through his anger.

"What condition are they in now?" he asks but all I can do is
shrug. I catch him glancing down at my ruined suit and he
grimaces at the smell he only now just seems to notice. "And
Agent Scully is in there?"

"Yes sir," is all I can manage as I spy Melissa being wheeled
on a gurney away from the ER.

"Mulder...Mulder." Skinner's voice breaks through my haze
and I turn to his angry but concerned face. "I asked you who
survived."

"I'm not sure of the details yet, sir." I admit freely, craning
my neck against the glass partition to see where they are
taking her.

"Mulder, get out of here. Go back to the motel and get
cleaned up." Skinner's large, strong hand pulls me away
from the window and turns me towards the door. "There is a
briefing at the command centre in 80 minutes. I want a full
report from you then."

"But sir," I protest meekly needing to stay but knowing my
fight would fall on deaf ears. He stares at me as if daring me
to challenge him but instead I walk away. Turning at the
door, I see him flash his ID at the receptionist and walk
though the automatic door only to be met by Scully. They
both glance in my direction then walk around the corner and
out of my sight.

Irately, I turn away and get into my car, slamming the door
behind me. Pulling on my belt, I take pleasure in the
tightness of it across my chest as I pull out of the car park
speedily and drive to the motel. How dare they judge me like
that, I think as I climb out of the car and race up the steps to
my room. With glances of askance, I add as I slam the
bedroom door and pace the small room heatedly.

Angrier at not being allowed in to see Melissa than anything
else; I tear at my tie and pull it off over my head. My shirt
comes next but the buttons become a nuisance so I tug it
over my head along with the white t-shirt.  Toeing my shoes
off, I yank on my belt as I pad into the bathroom and switch
on the shower. Testing the water with one hand, I undo my
zipper with the other. My trousers and boxers pool by my
feet and I pull off my socks before stepping into the stream
of hot water.

With one arm stretched out to the tiled wall in front of me, I
bow my head beneath the powerful spray and let the hot
barrage of water beat the tension from my shoulders.
Blinking the larger droplets from my eyes, I shake my head
vigorously and face the spray full on.  Washing my body
with the cheap motel soap that smells like a discounted car
air freshener, I hurry up the process so I can step out and
quickly dry off. Tying the towel loosely around my waist, I
wander back to the bed where my suitcase lies rumpled and
unpacked.

 Grabbing a t-shirt, I pull it on over my still damp torso, but
my mind is wandering back and forth over the temple floor
and I barely notice.  Tossing the towel aside, I step into my
boxers and walk over to the closet for a clean suit.  I smile at
the memory of Scully hanging them up the night before
when she spied my suitcase lying untouched by the door.
My shirt hangs open and my tie is a dark puddle on the table
next to me. But I have to focus now, I decide as I drape my
jacket over the back of the hard creaky chair.

I let my mind wander now; retracing my steps across
the church so I can mentally make notes I may have missed
the first time.  Dragging the legal pad closer, I start to write
down my report not wanting to omit a single part of it.
 

CHAPTER 2 --Scully POV--

St Jude's Emergency Room.

Mulders eyes are boring into me and I can feel his gaze
hotly against my face so I turn towards him and see him
watching. Skinner follows my but one of the ER doctors is
calling us over so we walk away. With Skinner to my left,
and the ER Technician on the other side of the tall counter, I
feel so much smaller then I have done in so long. Maybe it's
the flat-heeled trainers I was given along with the well used
but clean pair of scrubs. The material is itchy against my
skin and I am longing for a shower but there is so much to
do first. I doubt I'll see the inside of a shower for more than
a few hours yet; I muse as I pull my mind back into the
room.

"Saxotoxin," the tech says as I focus on the conversation.
"It's an organic poison that's all but untraceable in the human
body. But seeing as we have a sample of the liquid they
drank it was easily caught."

"And treatment?" I hear myself asking, but my mind is still
haunted by the look that was on Mulders face when he
walked out.

"It was a fairly weak dosage. The vomiting caused by the
ingestion of the drink has caused more harm then the actual
poison itself."

"How many survived?" Skinner asks and I look up to his
concerned face. His eyes are red and tired and his lips have
all but disappeared under his grimace. They talk about the
survivors and treatment for them both physically and
mentally but my mind refuses to comply.

"Agent Scully?" I look up and he is watching me and I
notice only then that the technician has left. "Are you feeling
okay?"

"Yes sir."

"I understand it was a daunting sight today. You should go
back and get cleaned up."

"No sir. I'm fine." I manage, but he doesn't believe me. I run
loose fingers through my hair and take a deep breath.

"What about Mulder? He seemed more then a little harrowed
earlier."

"Sir?" I'm surprised he's bringing it up but I shouldn't be,
knowing it's probably written all over my face that I've been
thinking the very same thing. "It's been a long day. For all of
us."

"Yes. Well the briefing is in..." he glances down at his
watch. "In an hour. Will you be tied up here?"

"No sir. I'm all but done here. I'll go back and get cleaned up
and meet you there."

Skinner nods with a little bow before leaving. I take a
moment and lean against the counter, bending at the waist to
let my head drop onto the cold metal surface.  Deep breaths
feel good as the weariness is pushed to the back of my mind
and I go back to the chaos outside.

Signing off on a few reports and procedures, I take a few
minutes to chat with the resident doctor before calling a cab
and getting back to the motel as quickly and smoothly as I
can.  My shower is fast and perfunctory.  With no time for a
bath I have to make do. As I dress I glance outside and see
the rental car still parked by the stairs where Mulder
abandoned it earlier, so I run a brush through my still damp
hair and gather my medical notes from the ER. Locking the
door behind me, I see him stepping out of his room with his
files tucked neatly beneath his arm, his tie loose about his
neck and his jacket collar twisted and turned.

"Mulder!" I call out and he tosses a casual glance in my
direction before making his way to the stairs. Oh no, I sigh
as I hurry to catch up with him. "Mulder!" My voice is
higher and angrier then usual and he looks up surprised.

"Are you ready?" he asks as he unlocks the passenger door
and opens it for me. "Meeting starts in ten minutes."

"What's wrong?" I ask after he climbs in and belts up. He is
concentrating on the drive, too much I notice but he won't
be able to ignore me for long.

"How is Melissa?" he asks when we reach a straight stretch
of road.  He doesn't glance over at me and I can see his
fingers are tight around the wheel, his knuckles baring the
brunt of his frustration.

"She's doing alot better." Turning my head slightly, I can see
him from the corner of my eye without making it obvious.
He is staring straight ahead and watching the road with
diligence but I know it's all a facade. His eyes are focused
and strained beneath his furrowed brow and his fingers grip
the wheel tighter. "She has suffered a serious trauma," I
continue but still there is no reaction. "But hopefully we'll be
able to track her family down soon. All the families of all
the victims."

"Families?" He chances a quick glance at me and his frown
deepens.

"Fingerprints are being run to search for relatives. They will
all need to be located and for the right treatment to
continue."

Mulder's silence is unnerving. It usually means he's mulling
something over, something that will bring a revelation into
the conversation. But with his eyes as dark as I can see them
now I know better. He is biting the inside of his cheek and
his fingers have loosened their death grip on the wheel to tap
rhythemlessly against the smooth leather.

"I need to talk to Melissa."

"Mulder-" I start but he turns to me shaking his head.

"Scully I have to talk to her!" he pleads his eyes wide with
need.  I look away before I drown.

What for Mulder? I wonder internally, watching the streets
pass by. Why would you need to talk to her? What
connection is it you need to re establish?

"Scully?" He has parked outside the command centre and
shuts off the engine without my even noticing.

"Okay Mulder. I'll get you in to see her but..." I'm hesitating.
Say it Dana. Say it. I'll let you see her as long as...as long
as...as long as...dammit! I can't even think it! As long as you
come back to me! I roar in my head and look over at him
with the insane notion that he might have heard. He hadn't.
"But you have to be very careful. She's been through a
traumatic experience."

"I will. Thanks."

We walk through the command centre in silence and I take
pleasure in the gentle weight of his hand resting on my back,
a little higher then usual. His fingers assert a little extra
pressure as we walk into the crowded room and I turn to see
a small smile curve his lips at me.  His eyes are bleary and
he looks tired. I smile back and we take our seats at a desk to
the left of the room.

Skinner stands at the top of the room and coughs gently to
get everyone's attention and I'm not surprised to see how
quickly the chatter ceases. There is a short pause while the
Agents and Swat members take their seats and Skinner
moves to the centre of the room. He glances at me before he
passes the sheets around.

"Okay. Time to tie the knots and sort the loose ends." I
watch as he scans the room and gives an almost
imperceptible nod to Agent Wilcox who is leading the
SWAT Team.

Wilcox stands up and gives a short but detailed account of
how his team conducted the investigation. He mentions with
disdain how Mulder had shed his coat to reveal no weapons
and walked towards the temple with his arms raised in
peace. I ignore the glances the other agents throw at us as
usual and stare at Skinner.  When he is done Agent Wilcox
sits down and Skinner turns his powerful gaze towards
Mulder.

"Agent Mulder? You're report?"
 

CHAPTER 3 --Mulder POV--

Tennessee Command Centre.
 

Glancing around the room, I can see all eyes watching
me, some with contempt and others with plain boredom.
Skinner steps aside as I walk up to the top of the room, my
papers in my hand shuffling needlessly with nerves. Scully
is right in front of me. Staring at me with her usual guarded
expression but in her eyes I see something different. Unable
to give it the full analysis it deserves, I store it for later
reflection and start to pass out the small report I had copied.

"The key to this case was Sidney," I begin, ignoring the
numerous groans.  My report lasts only a few minutes and
through it all I find my mind wandering back to the last
glimpse I saw of Melissa as they wheeled her away from the
ER. Sudden irresistible urges within me tug at the pit of my
stomach and I physically wince at the need to see her again.

I manage to sit through the rest of the briefing, but my feet
and fingers twitch through it all. Scully is tossing a
concerned frown at me but I look away. I can't let her see
how far it's come. I don't think she'd understand. Skinner
finally calls an end to the futile meeting and we all file out
of the room.

I am hurrying towards the car; my file folded under my arm
and my hand running loose lines through my hair. As usual
when I'm agitated I'm biting my lip, but I flinch at the pain
as I pierce the soft skin and taste the all too familiar flavour
of blood on my tongue.

"Mulder!" Skinner is calling me but I need to go. I don't
have time to hang around and mull over these meetings. I try
to ignore him but some niggling feelings of regret blossom
in my head and force me to turn back. Scully is standing by
his side with her head lowered enough to let her hair fall into
her face. Her cheeks are slightly blushed but it's a natural
colour that I've always loved. "When is your flight back to
DC?" he asks me.

For a moment I'm confused. DC? Why would I be going
back to DC? Scully's movement catches my eye and I see
her eyes widening.

"Our flight is in the morning, sir." I hear her saying to
Skinner but her eyes are locked with mine. I know she is
trying to tell me something but my brain is clouded with the
need to see Melissa.

"Okay. I'm leaving for the airport in ten minutes so I'll see
you back there tomorrow afternoon." Skinner's voice is
distant and cautious, but I can't break my gaze with Scully.
She pulls away from me, and smiles wanly at him. It's a cold
smile that barely curves her lips and doesn't reach her eyes
but he seems to think that it will suffice.  With a curt nod, he
turns on his heel and goes back into the conference room.  I
follow suit with a sharp turn of my own and hurry back to
the car with Scully hot on my heels.

"You have to calm down, Mulder," she is saying as I tear out
of the car park and pull into traffic. Dodging lanes, I ignore
her comment for a moment.

"What?" is the best I can come up with in the form of a
reply. I think she grunts at me but I couldn't be sure and I am
driving way too fast to look over and see her expression.

At the hospital I find a quick parking space and jump out of
the car with breakneck speed. With a brief. glance over my
shoulder, I spot scully right behind me.  The receptionist
seems to be used to people racing in through the doors and
doesn't offer us much of an expression.

"Dr Dana Scully. I'm here to talk to Melissa Riedal."

"Family only," the receptionist answers, already bored with
us.

"We are trying to locate her family. We need to ask her
some more questions." Scully proffers her badge, which is
cast the smallest of glances.

"She has been transferred to the day ward. Fourth floor room
414."

"Thank you."

In the elevator I'm fiddling with my tie. I can see a tainted
reflection of myself in the side of the elevator and I run
calming fingers through my messy hair. I clear my throat
with a small cough and am suddenly startled by Scully's
small, warm hand gripping mine.  I half turn so I can see her
face and expect to see scorn or frustration marring her
beautiful features. But instead I am greeted with a lost
expression of concern.

"Mulder, I need you to listen to me." Her voice is soft and
low and as much as I want to brush it off I can't help but
listen. "You have to be very careful."

"I know." She knows it's a platitude but I can't offer her
anymore right now. My mind is frazzled with expectancy,
hope...and something else I haven't felt in so long I barely
recognise it.

"No, you don't know." Her grip on my hand is tighter now
and as the elevator door opens she pulls me out and to the
side of the corridor. Pressed up against the cold wall, she
points an accusing finger at my chest. "You don't know what
condition she is in. You don't realise how fragile she is right
now and you are about to in there and feed her disillusions
by encouraging her to explore it further."

Scully's concerns are rapidly mutating into anger so I turn us
around and press her into the wall instead.  Having to bend
to meet her eyes, I lift her chin with one finger.

"And neither do you. You don't know what it's like to see
this for what it could be rather then what it should be. You
don't know how it feels to have a loss burning inside the pit
of your being so desolate and wasted that nothing can ever
fill it..."

The words spill from my mouth quicker then I can process
them and I am immediately sorry for their utterance. But
there is little I can do about that now. I stand up straight and
back away from her glassy blue eyes. I know she wants to
turn away and hide the emotion from me but she is stronger
now with anger and refuses to do so, so I release her from
my gaze and wander up the corridor in search of room 414.
 

CHAPTER 4 --Scully POV--

St Jude's Hospital

How dare he? How dare he assume to know me so well? My
head is spinning with anger and frustration. I watch him
walk slowly down the corridor and while part of me wants to
leave the building, the whole goddamned state of Tennessee
if I'm honest. The rest of me, the loyal part that is constantly
being battered and interrogated on his behalf, is forcing my
legs to move and follow him.

His outburst was unexpected.  I have seen him follow
hunches and ideas on a whim and end up in hospital for his
troubles but this is different. This is an urge he isn't able to
resist or comprehend. There is no logic to his actions here
and he knows it. Perhaps, I ponder, that is why he is so
affected. So annoyed.

When he finds the door he turns and waits for me to join him
before he enters. Melissa is lying on her side facing away
from us and she appears to be sleeping. We walk further into
the room and Mulder circles her bed. He looks up at me, and
nods but before I understand fully I hear a faint sob coming
from the small curled figure on the bed.

"It's you. You came for me."

Melissa's arms reach up towards him and Mulder bends
down so she can join her hands behind his neck. She hugs
him tightly to her and he snakes his own arms around her as
she cries openly and softly into his shoulder.

Taken back by the open emotion I step away from the bed
and avert my eyes. Like a movie scene orchestrated for full
effect the sun chooses that moment to break through the
clouds casting colour into the drab room and I shake my
head. Surely it can't be a conspiracy of nature, I wonder as
my eyes follow the sunrays to them both on the bed.

I notice Mulder manages to perch himself onto the bed and
Melissa sits up almost onto his lap to hug him comfortably.
She is crying more now.   His dark suit jacket is wet with her
falling tears. I want to see if Mulder is crying but I am afraid
to move in case I break their trance. Then I see the tell tale
shudder along his back as he takes a shaky breath.  Slipping
easily from the room, I find an empty chair in the corridor
where I sit and wait.
 

CHAPTER 5 --Mulder POV--

St Jude's Hospital

My arms are holding her close and her shuddering body is
matching my own emotion. Her cries mingle with my tears
and her sigh with my breath. Never before have I felt so at
home and safe like I do in this woman's arms. The torrent of
emotion pouring from my very being is unstoppable, not that
I could even try.

When her tears subside and my own have dried I sit up and
hold her away from me. Her deep, brown eyes are glassy
with even more tears as I imagine my own are, but her lips
are curving into a nervous smile as she travels my face and
absorbs my features. I smile back openly and let her take in
as much as she wants without disturbing her gentle
exploration.

Then suddenly her face falls into a frown with her eyes
screwed tightly shut.  She pushes away from me and two
fingers from her right hand start tapping the top of her
forehead rhythmically, the slapping sound echoing loudly in
the large room.

"Look, I don't know what you're game is here but it aint
gonna work!" she says her voice low and twisted. It's
Sidney, I realise in horror as I move off the bed and back
away.

"Sidney?" I ask cautiously, not really wanting her to confirm
what I already know.

"Who did you expect? Truman?"

"Sidney, can I speak with Melissa?" My voice is low and
steady as I try to sound calm and in control while my insides
are churning from the pit of my stomach to the boiling blood
at my temples.

"Melissa? No. She's done enough. You gots me or you gots
nothing!" Her voice is so startlingly different I am half
expecting someone to climb out from beneath the bed or
wander in from the bathroom but it doesn't happen. It is only
then that I notice Scully is no longer in the room.

Walking slowly to the door, I step outside and spot her
sitting on a chair a couple of feet away. She hasn't noticed
me yet so her head remains low in thought and I take the
opportunity to soak in her image. Her red hair and black suit
jacket are a direct contrast to the magnolia paint behind her,
making her stand out beautifully.

"Scully?" I say softly, unsure if I want to disturb her.  She
turns to look at me, her hair straying across her face
disguising her expression but I don't need to see it all to see
the sadness in her eyes. I stammer for a moment unsure what
has brought this on, but Sidney's harsh cackle of laughter
behind me pushes the quick introspection away from my
mind. "You okay?" I step over to her and hunch by her side.
My hand rests on her thigh and I apply a little pressure.

"Yes, Mulder. I'm fine. How is Melissa?" she asks curtly.

"She's...its Sidney."

"Sidney?" Scully stands and my hand falls away from her. I
follow her into the room and Sidney confronts us both with a
sneer.

"Come back for more? Well I can't help ya," she says.
Gruffly she pulls her legs off the bed and levers herself up.
With only a little stagger that propels me forward to catch
her, she brushes my hands away and makes her way into the
bathroom.
 
When the sound of the latch clicks closed, I turn to see
Scully frowning at me openly. Her eyes are slits beneath a
deep furrow and her arms are folded across her chest.

"Mulder, what are you doing?"

"The same thing anyone would do."

"You have no right to mess with her like this."

Her words sting me and maybe it's because I know she's
right but I can't help it. I have to talk to Melissa. Sarah. The
name floats into my mind and for a moment I am Sullivan.
Saying goodbye to her before I leave for good.

"No, I can't leave her again." I falter over the words pulling
my eyes away from Scully and glancing towards the
bathroom door.  "It is so heartbreaking to wait."

"Mulder...listen to yourself!" Scully is gripping my arm with
a ferocity I have rarely experienced from her. "You are
feeding her psychosis and from what I can see maybe you
are feeding one of your own!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" I say, pulling my arm free and
walking towards the window.
 
"You know I'm right. Have you seen any evidence that she
has been telling the truth? That her illness is stemmed from a
string of passed lives that she and you have spent together?"

She is watching me, waiting for an answer but for once in
my sorry life I have nothing to say.

"No Mulder, you haven't.  You know I don't believe it and if
you do, fine. But I won't stand by and let you jeopardise her
mental recovery."

"Scully," I begin, but she is on a roll and cuts me off.

"Her family will be located in the next hour or so and she
will be going home."

My heart does a flip flop in my chest at the thought of
loosing her.

"We need to get back to DC.

"And leave it at that?" My voice is raised beyond my
control. "Just walk away?"

"Yes, Mulder." Her calm, soft words irritate me so much it's
all I can do not to bellow out as if in pain.

"I can't do that, Scully, I can't walk away, and I can't say
goodbye, not again."  Not when it hurts so much! I add
silently not ready to illustrate the full extent of my emotions.

"Mulder, you need to walk away from this right now.
Before...before..."

"Before what?" I can see she is struggling to argue with me
and I'm not sure why. She usually feeds off this interaction
between us but this time something is different. As if the
fight is gone from her.

"Before it's too late," she whispers her face ducking below
my gaze, hidden from view and I look up as Melissa returns
from the bathroom. There is no trace of Sidney left on her as
she demurely climbs onto the bed and watches me under
hooded eyes.  Looking between Scully and Melissa, I am
torn between them both, but my loyalty makes me escort
Scully out to the corridor.

"Look, Scully." She is looking up at me with her eyes clear
as day. I can't read them and I know she is hiding something
from me, but it's eluding me as to what it could be.  "I know
you just want to make sure I'm okay but you have to
understand that I need to do this. I need to talk to her, to
understand these feelings." I grab her shoulders and let my
hands wander up to her neck beneath her hair. "Do you
understand?"

For a moment she doesn't move and her eyes are searching
mine, then, with a few blinks to hide the tears that brim to
the surface, she nods slowly.

"Thank you." I know she doesn't understand the reason but
she does understand the urge. I am about to pull her into my
arms for a full hug but then decide against it, getting the
sudden vibe that she wants to be alone. So with a final
glance at her glistening eyes, I go back to Melissa.
 

CHAPTER 6 --Scully POV--

St Jude's Hospital

I can't look up as he walks away. I can't explain the gurgling
urge I have to drag him away from here, from her.  But most
of all I realise I can't let him pull himself down like this
without fighting for him.

My own words surprise me. Fight for him? As if he
truly belonged to me in the first place, I admit with a small
chuckle. I run my fingers through my hair and shake it out
almost to shake the thought from my mind.

I want to talk to Mulder. Take him away from this
environment and talk to him without interruption but I know
nothing will pry him away right now.  Through the small
window on the door, I see him standing at the end of the
bed, his fingers fiddling with the chart and knocking it to the
floor with a clatter.  Bouncing to pick it up he sees me
looking in and offers me a wan smile. I manage to curl my
lips in a bad attempt to return it, but rather then force it I
look away and walk down the corridor to the water cooler.

I take a small sip enjoying the sharp cold sensation on
my lips as my mind comes back into focus. I'm so confused
with more and more emotions floating to the forefront then I
care to admit. I'm angry, sad, lonely and some I can't even
recognise...or maybe I just don't want to...jealousy.

Looking up suddenly, I catch my faint reflection in
the window. Jealousy? Part of me isn't sure where that
thought even came from, but the rest of me, the part that
knows the sensation of his hand on my back, his green eyes
twinkling so intensely through the darkness of a stakeout,
the elusive sound of his laugh when it feels like it's just for
me...

With a little chuckle I slump into the cold plastic chair that's
been nailed to the floor and realise how deep in I am. Give
up?! A small voice in my head exclaims making me shake
my head. Give up what? I argue with myself. It's not like I
had anything with Mulder to give up. Give up the chance?

A chance. Is the chance worth fighting for? I have fought for
less than chances before. For ideas, for hunches, for what
might be, what could be. But that was different. That was
with Mulder by my side.  This would be meeting Mulder
head on, a complete collision, because I wouldn't go for
anything less. All or nothing.

Nothing is safer then something I try weakly to convince
myself but it seems the ball is rolling and there isn't anything
I can do to stop these thoughts from forming and snagging a
foothold in my mind, my heart.

What would Mulder say? I wonder and I laugh again
noticing only then that the nurse at the water cooler has been
watching me argue with myself and I realise I must have
been speaking out loud. She walks away with a careful
glance in my direction so I stand up to get another drink.

As I take a long sip my cell phone vibrates insistently in my
pocket so I answer it quickly not wanting to get kicked out
for using prohibited phones.

"Scully," I answer curtly unable to smooth the edge off my
voice.

"Agent Scully. It's Agent Dixon here. We have located
Melissa Riedal's family."

For a moment there is nothing I can say and I hear Dixon
cough nervously and he stammers on with more information.

"She is originally from Boston. I spoke to her father who
said she went missing over 18 months ago from Boston
Medical."

"Boston Medical? Was she working there?" I ask feeling the
cold flush of warning rush through my body.

"No she had been an out patient, transferred for treatment
from the Institute of Psychotherapy."

My heart is hammering against my ribs dancing to a beat I
can't follow. I can't go to Mulder with this half information
knowing he will think I am only trying to pull him away
from Melissa.

"Can you get me dates for her admission into the Institute
and the medical background? Fax it through to my hotel."

"No problem."

"Thank you."

I turn to walk back to Mulder but think better of it and
instead walk out to the stairwell dialling Skinner's number.
 

CHAPTER 7 --Mulder POV--

St Jude's Hospital

There are so many questions I want to ask Melissa but I
don't know where to start.  She is watching me cautiously
and rummaging in her bedside locker for her cigarettes. But
a fit of coughing forces her back against the pillows, her
search fruitless. Standing at the end of the bed, I don't know
where to put my hands, first hanging them loosely by my
sides then in my pockets and then resting on the cold metal
of the bed.

"How are you feeling?" I ask carefully, not wanting her to
retreat and bring forth another voice.

"Tender," she admits her arm curved protectively around her
chest.

She pulls the bedclothes up to her chin as my fingers fiddle
with the chart knocking it loudly to the floor. As I bend
down to pick it up I catch Scullys gaze watching me through
the small window in the door. I offer her a smile but she can
barely return it. And I hate that.

I wish then that I had hugged Scully. I feel terrible,
like I have abandoned her in the corridor. We've disagreed
before but this is different. This is closer to the bone than
we've ever been. Something was behind her eyes and she
was doing her damnedest to hide it from me.

Looking back to Melissa I realise she has asked me a
question but I didnt hear it. Sitting in the seat next to her bed
I ask her to repeat it.

"How long have you worked for the FBI?"

"Too long," I reply with a self-depreciating chuckle
designed to put her at ease.  "Has anything come back to
you? Your family? Where you are from?" It's too much I
realise as I force myself to stop hammering out questions
and take a deep breath.

"No. Nothing. I feel so...so...tired."

"Maybe I should go...let you rest." I start to stand but she
stops me with a hand reaching out to squeeze my arm.

"No, please. Stay. I don't want to be alone."

I watch as she casts a careful glance to the door as if she is
waiting for someone to barge in so I sit back down and
glance at her. Her eyes are fearful and tired, red rimmed and
brimming with unshed tears.

"Tired?" I ask softly passing her a cup of water to ease her
sore throat.

"Worn out...shocked...wary...it's all still up in the air."

"That's understandable," I admit as I place the cup back onto
the locker and help her with the pillows behind her head.
With my arms on either side of her head and my face next to
hers she turns to me and places a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"Thank you," she whispers, snaking her arms around my
neck and pulling me closer. "Thank you for saving me."

There is nothing I can say so I let her hold me a moment
longer then carefully prise myself away.  I need to talk to
her, to find out who she is, to understand these feelings that
are running rampant through my body.  As much as Scully
thinks my mind is already made up, I know I have to
understand it fully before I let myself sink into this fully.

"Melissa," I begin fighting back my urges to shake the
answers out of her. My psychology degree kicks into action
and I slowly release a deep long shaky breath. "We are
currently searching for your family. The families of all the
survivors. Some of them have already left. Is there anything
you can tell us about your...past." So many conflicting
thoughts and emotions battling for supremacy. It's so hard to
concentrate.

"My past?" Her eyes are darting from me to the door and
back again. I'm not sure what she's waiting for but she scoots
forward on the bed and leans closer to me.

"What is it Melissa?" She is rocking back and forth with
both her legs crossed under herself, her eyes have glazed
over and her mouth hangs open a little.

"His name was Jonah." She is speaking softly, her voice but
a whisper in the silent room.  "He was 10 years older than
me but I didn't mind." She is twiddling her hair around her
fingers and chewing the inside of her cheek between
sentences.  "I loved him and know he loved me too."

"Who was Jonah?" I ask carefully, unsure whether she is
remembering a love lost or a past life.

"Jonah Carberry." She smiles coyly, curling her lips to the
side and batting her eyes as she looks up to me. "We met
that summer at The University of Columbus. He taught me
more then Creative Writing."

Her laugh is demure and yet seductive with her eyes wide
and watching me.

"When was this?" I'm mentally taking note of every name
date and place she mentions.

"About ten years ago. My father wasn't so pleased to see my
college education majoring in the studies of fornication with
one of my lecturers."

As she steps off the bed and around my chair she trails one
hand up my arm and gently caresses my neck, letting her
finger dip between my shirt collar and my skin while the
other hand rakes through my hair.  I can feel her leaning in
closer behind me and her hands splaying out on my
shoulder. Her breath is hot on my neck and her lips touch
my skin, sending tingles down my back but the alarm in my
head is blaring at biblical proportions.

"But it was a subject I was more then pleased to take a one
on one tutelage."

Her lips are covering more ground and the alarms are getting
worse as her hands travel down my chest and seize my
nipples in a gentle tug.

"Melissa!" I stand up brushing her hands away and turning
to face her.  I can still feel her lips nuzzling on my skin, her
eyes now taking their place as she absorbs my features and
watches me shamelessly.

"Come now, Agent Mulder...are you going shy on me?" she
curls around the chair to sit down and throws her leg over
the arm tossing her head back the other way to let her hair
hang out loose.

"Melissa...Ms Riedal...I think you should go back into bed."

"Will you be joining me?" Her voice is hoarse with sultry
tones as she climbs off the chair and crawls on to the bed on
all fours. "Room enough here for both of us."

"I think it's time for me to go. Let you get some rest."

As I back away from her I notice the light in her eyes fades
as she crawls under the sheets. She pulls the blanket up to
her chin and if the room wasn't so quiet I wouldn't be able to
hear her whisper.

"It's not me you want...it's them...the voices."

"Sorry?" I step closer but only a few steps.

"It's never me...it's them. They always want to talk to them
in the end."

"Who?" I venture forward another few steps making sure the
chair is between us.

"The voices...Janet, Sarah, Michael, Sidney, Susan...never
Melissa."

"What are you talking about?" I ask but then the door opens
and a small portly nurse saunters in and double takes as she
sees me.

"What are you doing in here? This room is off limits. Ms
Riedal needs her rest!"

My mouth is opening to protest but she isn't giving me a
chance as she ushers me out of the room and shuts me off
closing the door sharply between us. I want to barge back in
there but I know better than to be on the wrong side of the
hospital staff. I need Scully, I realise and I look up as she
emerges from the stairwell.
 

CHAPTER 8 --Scully POV--

St Jude's Hospital
 

As I listen to Skinner informing me about how most of the
families have been contacted and that within the next 48
hours they shall be reunited; I can't help but wonder what he
would say if I told him about Mulder. About Mulder's
sudden infatuation with one particular member, about his
need to be close to her and get even closer.

I tell him about Melissa and how I want to delve a little
deeper, to see if we can get concrete proof that she was
Sidney, in one way or another, for the case. He agrees to let
me investigate and we arrange a meeting back in DC as soon
as we return.  I take a moment in the quiet stairwell to take a
deep breath and steady my nerves before going back into the
corridor.

I spot him immediately. His hair is tousled and his skin is
pale and for a moment despite myself I want to make his
pain go away. Make the hurt stop and put the light back into
his eyes. I give him a small wave with a washed-out smile as
he walks over.  Without giving me a chance to gather my
thoughts he is standing next to me, his hands hanging lazily
off his hips and his eyes boring down into mine, questions
and thoughts swimming beneath the cool green surface.

"How is Melissa?" I ask.

"She's...confused...and frankly so am I." He pinches the
bridge of his nose and screws his eyes tightly shut rasping a
deep breath through gritted teeth.

"What happened?" I follow him to the water cooler where he
takes a long drink before turning back to me.

"She's...confused," he says again.

For a moment there is an impenetrable wall of silence
between us and neither of us seem willing to move the first
brick. So with a pumping heart in my throat I take the
plunge.

"I was just about to leave." He glances at me with a
questioning tilt to his head. "I spoke to Agent Dixon. He has
faxed Melissa's background report to the hotel and I was just
about to go over there to collect them. Are you done here?"

Mulder looks back to the room and then fixes his jacket
collar around his neck. "Yeah," he says firmly. "Lets go."

The drive back to the hotel is quick and silent as we both
submerge with out thought, the conversation basic. At the
reception desk I collect the fax sheets and we make our way
up to his room to review them.

We read about her diagnosis as a schizophrenic when she
was younger and her successful treatment with anti-
psychotics. I glance up at Mulder after reading the first page
of her symptoms and treatments but he is too engrossed to
catch my eyes.

"She's been married twice. Each time to a former
psychologist of hers," Mulder comments as he passes me the
second page and

"Like she's been playing the character she knows they want
to see." I say then realise what I said and look up in time to
see his eyes brush over my face. "Mulder...I..." I don't know
what to say. Reaching out I squeeze his wrist, wrapping my
fingers around it with my fingers feeling his pulse

"It just all seemed so real. I just wanted it to be real I guess."

"You don't think it's real anymore?" I can hardly hope to
hear the words and part of me is struggling with his sorrow.

"I think my memories were susceptible to her words, her
thoughts." He steps away from me and paces the room with
long strides. "Maybe if I hadn't heard her...memories...first,
mine wouldn't have been so...contrived?"

"What about the bunker? The Photos?" My head is
screaming for me to stop talking. What am I doing? I
wonder, arguing for the opposite side.

"It's possible I picked it up through conversation with the
SWAT members or saw plans before and subconsciously
made the connection."

"And the photos?"

"The photos."

I'm surprised when he reaches into the inside pocket of his
jacket and pulls out he two photographs of Sarah Kavanaugh
and Sullivan Biddle. He holds them tenderly, watching them
through glassy eyes as his tears threaten to fall before me.

I'm stumped for words and I realise he probably wants to be
alone. Gathering up the rest of the fax sheets, I fold them
together and leave the room. I don't think he noticed that I
have left.
 

CHAPTER 9 --Mulder POV--

River View Hotel
 

The pictures are staring back at me, mocking my tears as I
blink them away and close my eyes tightly. I feel...I
feel...useless. Tired and used and more then a little
embarrassed. I should be used to these emotions by now. It's
not the first time I've jumped in head first without fully
understanding the consequences of my actions, this time
condemning my stupidity in full witnessed view of Scully.

She had tried to warn me but I didnt listen. I was so caught
up in the whirlwind of past memories I didnt stop to think
how this might affect her. I can't help now but think of the
look on her face, when she walked into the church, when I
told her about Melissa, when I left her in the corridor and
worst of all, just now as she walks out of my room.

Looking down at the photos once more, I stare at Sarah's
face and wonder, what if...what if it was all true? Would I be
here in my room? Contemplating my lives gone by or would
I be sitting by her side waiting for any morsel of
encouragement she could offer me?

Carefully, I put the photos on the desk and let out a deep
relieving breath as I stretch my arms above my head,
bringing them down to rake my fingers through my hair.

"It's been a hard day," I mutter aloud into the empty room,
as I take off my jacket and toss my tie onto the bed. "And it's
not likely to get any easier."

Pulling my shirt and tee shirt over my head, I wander into
the bathroom and fill the sink with warm water. I want to
wash the tiredness away, scrub the tell tale tears from my
eyes and fall into bed. But with the thoughts and words
swarming through my head at breakneck speed I don't think
the latter is likely.

Patting my face dry, I stand up and look straight into the
mirror. Facing my reflection with my eyes dark and
accusing. My head shakes slowly back at me, accusing me
openly without hint of forgiveness and I don't understand
why.

I grab a plain grey tee shirt from my bag and take the door
key from the desk. With a final glance at the photos before
me I step into the corridor and slowly approach Scully's
door. My knock is soft, because I'm not sure if I want her to
hear it; someone up there has other plans.

She opens the door almost immediately as if she has been
waiting for me all along. No longer wearing her FBI
regulation suit, she has changed into softer, more
comfortable, revealing clothes. A pair of black trousers and
a light blue v-neck sweater.

My smile must be sweet because she is inviting me in with a
careful curved lip of her own. I wander in and cross the
room to the window. Outside the sun is beginning to set and
the city is changing with twilight shadows.

"What is it, Mulder?" Her voice is curt but I can see by the
flinch in her blue eyes that she doesn't mean it to be.

"I just wanted to talk. To say thanks."

"Thanks?" She takes a seat on the edge of the bed and I walk
over to sit next to her, our thighs and shoulders touching.
"For what?" She is looking down at her hands that fiddle
nervously on her lap. Why is she so nervous I wonder?

"For letting me go. Most people would have told me I was a
fool and dragged me back to DC."

"I did tell you, you were a fool." She admits glancing at me
with a wicked smile.

Her eyes spark with mischief and I chuckle. "Yeah, but you
still let me dig deeper." I say. "Didn't you wonder what I
might find?"

"No, Mulder, I knew."

"You did?" Surprised now, I turn towards her more, resting
one hand on the bed behind her and the other on my knee,
almost touching hers.

"Soul mates, Mulder. What exactly is a soul mate?" Her
voice is soft like whispers of the wind. "I never liked the
term soul mates. It destroys the mystery and takes the hard
work off us."

I'm stunned. I know she isn't a fan of the fanciful but she is a
romantic at heart, I see the books she reads and the movies
she makes us watch. Her eyes are glittering more openly and
for a moment I wonder if they are tears she's hiding, but it's
brighter than that. It's luminous and open with warmth and
something else. Something I saw before, hidden in the
darkness of her eyes and never understood.

"If we leave it all up to destiny it takes the pressure off us,
and we can blame it all on fate when it all goes wrong...if it
all goes wrong." She says. "I, for one, am not willing to let
that happen."

Then it all becomes clear. I recognise the look. I remember
when I've seen it before. In different grades of brightness at
different times but most recently, a few hours ago, at the
hospital as we spoke in the corridor. I retrieve the memory I
stored then and pull the picture back up. There it is as clear
as she can make it without painting the sky in huge ten-foot
letters.

"I was wrong, Scully." I say, but my voice has become
trapped in my throat. I cough self-consciously and say it
again. "I was so unbelievably wrong, Scully."

I'm waiting for the blood to flow back into my fingers so I
can move them. My hand covers the short distance between
us and I clasp hers as the other one touches her back and
slowly travels up her spine to her neck where my fingers
tangle with her hair, and my brain suddenly shouts out about
the lack of bra strap I feel on her back. She is smiling now.
Her lips parting just a touch as if she knows what I'm
thinking and I can see a few teeth pinching her lower lip
making it red and begging to be kissed.

The klaxon sounds in my head but I can't hear it over the
thumping of my heart so I ignore them all, all the sounds and
alarms ringing, and focus only on her.  Her clear blue eyes,
her red lips and pink tongue that's rubbing softly where she
has bitten.

"Let me," I say hoarsely and I can hardly believe what I'm
about to do and yet I can't wait to do it. My fingers clasp her
neck tighter, just in case she changes her mind before I've
had a chance to taste her kiss. But it doesn't look like she
will as she leans forward to meet me in the middle.

We both hesitate, our breaths mingling and I see a flicker of
doubt cross her face but she seems to push it past and looks
up to my eyes directly.

"Well?" She challenges me and I smile, and even manage a
small laugh.

Then with all thoughts fading into the background, I close
the gap and kiss her softly, my lips tenderly brushing hers.

Nothing happens. No stars, explosions or fireworks. Just my
heart beating steadily against my ribs, battering it so
violently I feel like I'm about to pass out.

Then she tilts her head to the left and deepens the kiss
opening her mouth enough for her tongue to rasp across my
lips. An invitation I can't refuse, and don't. Sitting side by
side is too awkward, so without breaking contact with her
lips, I move around her and kneel on the ground before her,
one hand still tangling in her hair, the other on the small of
her back pressing her against me.

I'm delighted to feel her hands on my chest and I know she
can feel my heart beating madly but I don't care. In fact I
want her to feel it closer, her hand on my skin. My hand on
hers.

I lean back away from her and look down to her lips as her
tongue darts out to moisten them and I hear myself moan.
It's been a long time since I moaned so feral in front of a
woman but I can't help myself.  She's robbing my self-
control so easily. Robbing it? I wonder, or am I offering it to
her.

Too many thoughts I admonish myself. Reaching down to
the cuff of my tee shirt I pull it up and over my head tossing
it to the side carelessly then take her back in my arms and
pull her closer.

As if she had been reading my mind her hand finds the pulse
point on my chest as my heart pumps blood furiously around
my body. My skin quivers with anticipation as she lowers
her head and replaces her probing fingers with her lips and
again I hear myself moan but this time I'm not surprised.

Holding her face between both hands, my thumbs gently
caressing her cheeks I watch her eyes for a second and I see
behind them again that elusive light.

"Is this where fate has led us?" I whisper. The room has
darkened but neither of us reaches for the light.

"Fate, Mulder?" she questions, her eyes twinkling wickedly
as she turns her face in my hand and kisses my palm. Her
tongue is hot and wet on my skin and it's driving me crazy.
It won't be much longer before my head is deprived of all its
blood supply and my thoughts will disappear with the sun.
"No. This is what we've been working towards all this time."

"We have?" I say and watch as she turns her lips towards the
other hand and kisses me again. "If I'd known there was
going to be a practical I would have practiced more."

"I'm sure you'll be fine."

My eyes are wide as she gently brushes my hands away and
reaches down to pull off her own top revealing nothing but
beautiful skin beneath.

"Scully..." I begin but she quickly shuts me up with a kiss.
My hands find the warm skin on her back as I pull her closer
and crush our lips together in an urgent kiss.

"No Mulder, this is the practical." She laughs delightedly
into my ear as her tongue finds a sensitive spot of skin. "You
already passed the oral."

Thoughts and hesitations disappear into the shadows as our
bodies and instinct take over. I understand the light behind
her eyes now and I crave it. To make it shine brighter to
reflect it in my own. Soul mates? I don't know but I do know
we're meant to be like this. To feel this.

Her tongue is doing something to my neck that's making me
loose my train of thought to I stop trying and focus on
making her lose hers.
 

The End.

Skinfull January 2005