Somnambulist

By Raindancer
raine@naxs.com


Date: Mon, 10 Jul 2000
Rated: R
Category: Mytharc fill in. Angst, story
Spoilers: Duane Barry, 3
Disclaimer: I make no money. The X-Files and it's characters belong to
1013, Twentieth Century Fox, and Chris Carter. No damage done. See I
even dusted them off.
Thanks to: Vickie you are waaanderful darling, simply waaanderful.
Feedback: Please, don't make me beg. I'd love to hear what you thought.
Send to  raine@naxs.com
Summary: What happened between Duane Barry and 3?

Somnambulist- A person who sleepwalks.

I am so _Fucking_ tired but I keep looking.  It's been two months since
I found Duane Barry on top of that mountain, alone. The X-Files have
been re-opened but it makes no difference. The only advantage that it
gives me is the time to look for her.

I have run out of leads.  There are no new developments in Scully's
case, no crumbs to follow, and no hope to be seen. I was asked why I was
so paranoid. My answer was simple. I find it hard to trust anyone. That
truth cut into me deeply for I had just been reminded of why.

I never put much trust into Alex Krycek. I was already too jaded for
that. However, after his disappearance it didn't take me long to figure
that it was he who kept me from getting to the top of that mountain on
time. I couldn't help but feel as if a knife had been thrust into my
back.

The only person whom I trusted had just been stolen from me. Then the
fat little bureaucrat in his nice suit has the gumption to ask me why
I'm so paranoid. If I still hadn't valued my job I would have enjoyed
taking my frustrations out on him.

Now the job doesn't matter. It only matters in so much as it gives me
the resources to look for Scully. Her mother continues to keep in
contact with me. I do my best to reassure her that I am doing all I can.

"Agent Mulder, are you alright?'

I wince as my head snaps up. "I'm sorry you were saying?"

"I said are you okay?"

I nod my head and turn back around to stare at the wall.


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


I had been studying the agent before me surreptitiously out of the
corner of my eye. Yet, I doubt that he would notice if I openly stared.
I have dealt with Agent Mulder before so I know that he doesn't look
normal now. He looks... withdrawn.

I was so caught up with my covert surveillance that I almost knocked my
coffee cup off my desk when the intercom buzzed by my elbow. I looked to
see if Agent Mulder noticed my faux pas. Nope.

After being notified to send the agent into my boss's office I
straightened in my chair and called out to Agent Mulder. "Agent Mulder,
you may go in now."

I sighed when I got no response. I'd heard the rumors floating around
the office these days about the young agent. They'd been flying with a
new ferocity since Agent Scully had disappeared. However, I try not to
base my opinions on the soap operas floating around the office. But it
seems that this time there may have been some truth in them.

Clearing my throat I tried again. "Agent Mulder, are you alright?"

I cringe internally when I hear his neck snap up.

"I'm sorry you were saying?"

"I said are you okay?"

I know I'm going to create lines in my face but I can't help but frown
when he turns back around and continues to stare at the wall. I hesitate
before I stand up, unsure of what I should do. Should I fetch my boss or
try once again to get Agent Mulder's attention.

I step around the desk, taking caution not to startle the man in front
of me. I stop in front of him and stamp down the urge to wave my hand in
his face. "Agent Mulder, Sir, A D Skinner will see you now."


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


I look up to find Kimberly standing in front of me. I hold in the
shudder that tries to escape and smile hoping I don't look like the
ghost I feel I am. "Sorry about that. Cold medicine seems to make me
spacey sometimes." I pray she'll accept the excuse and leave me be.

I wait a few tense moments before she backs away and announces that
Skinner will see me now. I stand up and start toward the inner sanctum
when the world decides to go topsy turvey on me. Faking a cough to cover
my stumbling, I wait for the world to right itself once more.

When I no longer feel as if I'm inside a rolling barrel I look up to see
if Kimberly has bought my deception. Something inside lurches when I see
she has her eyebrow cocked. It's nowhere as elegantly done as Scully's
but it is just enough to remind me that I am wasting time here in this
office.

Inside the office I take a seat in my usual chair and stare resolutely
ahead. I will _not_ look at the empty seat beside me. I stare at the top
of Skinner's bald head until he deems it appropriate to look up at me.


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


I continue to stare at the report in my hands for a few moments before
looking up to the agent in front of me. I do not look forward to handing
out the news. For Agent Mulder, time has stood still since Agent Scully
disappeared off the top of that mountain. The only problem is that he is
the only one it has stood still for.

For the rest of the world time keeps marching on. Right now it tramples
across my heart as I look up at the young man in front of me. He looks
broken. I know that he has not stopped looking for his partner. Every
minute of every day he devotes to finding Scully.

 I glance up at the tentative knock on my office door. "Yes?"


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


I stare at the chair that my boss had been sitting in. I scrub my face
and try to shake myself out of my stupor but doubt that I'll achieve any
level of success. I keep reliving those fateful hours over and over
again. From the moment she walked on to the scene at the hostage
negotiations to the moment Duane Barry died on the floor of the visitors
center.

I can't help but think that somehow I could have done something
different that would have saved her. I continue to stare ahead even as I
feel her ghost tugging at me, trying to get me to look over at her seat.



%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


I step back into my office quietly and observe Agent Mulder sitting in
front of my desk. I had originally called Mulder in to assign him to a
new case. However, it seems that I need to make him take some time off.

 My stomach drops as I watch his neck muscles tighten and his head jerk
to the side a little bit. It is almost as if he is fighting himself not
to look at the chair beside him.

I know that Agent Mulder is hard on himself but it seems that he has
thrown all care about his health out of the window. I study him more
closely. I had noticed the dark rings around his eyes and the gaunt
cheeks when he walked in. However, I had failed to notice that his
clothes were barely staying on his thin frame. His suit looks like he
had slept in it and he needed a shave and a hair cut.

I continue around to my desk and watch as his hands dance around. They
go from his tie, to his jacket seems, and then they try straightening
out the wrinkles in his slacks.

I sit down and try to look him in the eye. However, his eyes are moving
about almost as frantically as his hands. "Agent Mulder, it has come to
my attention that you have some vacation time coming."

I wait for him to comment but he just stills his hands and starts
tapping the heel of his foot. "I think you should take that time now.
You look like you could use the rest, Agent Mulder."

His eyes seem to clear and he finally looks at me.

"Is it mandatory that I take it now, Sir?"

"I would prefer that it be voluntary." I hold my breath hoping he will
accept what I'm saying.

"Then, Sir, I would prefer not to take it at this time."

I sigh and take my glasses off of my face. It is times like these that I
wish I had Sharon's tact. "I don't think you understand. I would prefer
if it were voluntary, Agent Mulder, but if need be I will make it
mandatory."

I watch as my young agent stands up and places his hands on my desk. I
don't like the way this is looking.


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


I stare down at Skinner as he stares up at me. I can see his jaw
hardening but I can't stop my actions. I feel as if there is an
electrical storm inside of me and if I don't release the pressure I will
be burnt to a crisp.

"I can't believe you would even suggest such a thing when Scully is out
there with God knows what being done to her!"


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


I recoil as the force of Agent Mulder's words slam into my chest. I look
up into his face and I don't recognize the man before me.

"Agent Mulder, you will calm down now and discuss this with me
rationally!" By God I can give just as well as I get. "You are treading
on dangerous ground right now, agent. I think you might want to consider
your next choice of action very carefully."

I stare as the man before me and wondered if he has finally gone over
the edge.

"Fuck you, Sir!"

I clench my jaw to keep the bottom one from hitting the desk. Agent
Mulder, can be disrespectful at times but never has he acted out in such
a manner.

I don't know if I'm going to tackle him and have him sedated or kick him
out of my office. However, I don't get to do either because as I watch,
Agent Mulder hits my floor in a dead faint.

I immediately get Kim on the line to tell her to get the paramedics. I
then rush over to my agent lying prone on the floor. I'm not exactly
sure as to what I should so I open the door so the paramedics can just
come on in.

I think about Scully myself. How she would know what to do in a
situation like this. However, I push these thoughts to the back of my
mind as they only serve to make my feelings of uselessness raise a notch
or two.

It seems like an eternity before I hear the medical crew come into the
outer office. I step back to give them enough room to work.


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


Victor and I arrive on the scene to find a young man lying on the floor
and another, older man, hovering over him. I set about asking the older
man about the patient's history.

"Sir, can you tell us what happened?"

I listen to the man speak and realize he's way too nervous. I look up at
him and smile. The last thing we need is two patients. "Sir, what's your
name?"

"Walter Skinner."

"Okay Mr. Skinner, we need to establish a connection to the hospital so
we can get the okay to start some oxygen and an IV."

"Can I be of any help."

"You're doing fine. Just let me and Victor take care of things."

I look over at Victor and relay the irregular heart beat and low blood
pressure. We get the okay to start IV fluids to re-hydrate and the
oxygen. We lift him onto the gurney and start him out the door.

It's then that I realize I've been in this room before on another call.
I chuckle to myself while thinking of the odds. It's then that I look
down at the patient. I mean _really_ look at his features. You know if I
didn't know better, I would say that he was the reason I was here last
time.


Washington Medical Center
Washington DC

I'm in the cafeteria of the hospital sitting over a cup of cold sludge
that the staff insists on calling coffee. A part of me, the detached
part, can't help but wonder at how it is I've slipped into this part of
Agent Scully's routine. Worrying about a sick and wounded Mulder.

However, the other part of me insists on berating myself as my mind
plays over the conversation I had earlier with the ER doctor. I have all
this medical jargon swimming around in my head that means absolutely
nothing to me. Things like, responding to painful stimuli and deep, deep
sleep. Okay I admit, I know what those mean but with everything else he
tossed out it just all gets mixed in with the fray.

 The diagnosis was simple, malnutrition, anemia, and severe weight loss
not to mention the sleep deprivation. It seems it's the sleep
deprivation that led to that outburst in my office. I believe the doctor
called it mania.

I let my shoulders sag a little more. How could it have gotten this bad
before I noticed anything. Without Scully around to look after Mulder's
hide the job just doesn't seem to get done. I toss the cup of cold
sludge into the waste bin on my way to Mulder's room.


When I arrive at the hospital room I nod to the nurse checking Mulder's
vitals and make myself comfortable in the chair beside his bed. It isn't
long before I hear the young man in the bed beside me start to stir. I
hide the smile that comes to my face. The doctor insisted that you'd be
out for the rest of the night but they don't know your determination or
sleeping habits.

I watch as green orbs flicker open and try to focus on your
surroundings. I watch as Mulder takes in the bed railing and IV before
focusing on me.

"Sir?"


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


I'm confused. The last thing I remember was waiting in Skinner's outer
office. I seem to recall dreaming that I let him have it but it's not
very distinct. I recognize that I'm in a hospital and I briefly close my
eyes wondering what kind of mess I've gotten myself into this time.

I turn to the side expecting to see blue eyes and cinnamon hair. I blink
slowly and look again but it doesn't work. The person sitting beside me
is big and, well, mostly bald.

"Sir?"


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


If it the situation wasn't so dire I could laugh at the look on your
face as you stare at me. However, I know that you are trying to simulate
today's events in your mind and I can tell by the look on your face that
you just remembered that Scully is still missing.

I smile and hope it comes out reassuring. "How do you feel?"

I watch as you watch me back. "I feel fine, sir. Can I please have my
clothes?"

Now it's my turn to frown. I stand up for the extra height advantage.
"You don't need your clothes tonight, Agent Mulder. You've been admitted
to the hospital. You'll probably be here for a couple days."

Now it's your turn to frown. I watch as you open your mouth to object
while I hit the nurse call button.


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


I frown as the light goes on over 302. I glance at the clipboard with
the room assignments on them just to make sure that it is Mr. Mulder's
room.  He shouldn't be up already.

I trot down and stick my head in the room. Sure enough the patient is
awake and sitting up. "Well this is a surprise! Mr. Mulder, I didn't
think we'd be hearing from you before morning at least."

"Agent Mulder believes he's going to check himself out."

I turn to the older man and I know the scowl on my face matches his own.
"I'm sorry but that's not possible. Mr. Mulder you are in serious need
of rest. Why don't I go and page the doctor."

I turn and head back to the desk to contact Dr. Greeley. Somehow, I know
this patient is going to be difficult.


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


After all is said and done I'm left lying in the bed staring at the
ceiling with threats of tranquilizers and restraints buzzing in my ears.
It seems that if they deem the patient to be a threat to himself they
can force hospitalization for twenty four hours.

I try to think but the crushing in my chest won't give me a break. I
hear Scully's panicked message on my answering machine again and again.
If I had only been home when you called. I can't stay here and wait. I
refuse to let you end up like Samantha.

I let out a harsh laugh. That was the problem. Sammy never did end up.
She was just always out there. Like a carrot on a stick being dangled
out of my reach. The laugh turns to a sob and I cover my eyes somehow
hoping to stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks.

I have such rotten luck. Only I could lose two people in the same
lifetime. I sigh as I bounce my head against the too flat pillow behind
my head.

I may be stuck here tonight under observation but tomorrow I'll be out
of here and looking. Each minute passes like nails down a chalkboard but
I can't do anything about it short of running away and what would I do
then. Without FBI resources my means of searching for Scully are
extremely limited.


Office of A D Skinner
Hoover Building
Washington DC

I watch as Agent Mulder makes his way into my office. He does look
better, not one hundred percent, but better. "Agent Mulder, it looks
like you feel some better."

"Yes, Sir."

I can see him grit his teeth but his answer is polite. I suppose that is
all I can ask. I suppose I shouldn't expect to be one of his favorite
people right now anyway.

After his twenty-four hour forced observation he checked himself out of
the hospital AMA. However, The forced vacation remained intact. I know
he thinks it's his punishment but I'm just trying to keep his ass out of
a sling.

I don't know what he did during his week off and I don't want to know. I
know better than to hope that he took it easy. I'm sure he searched for
Agent Scully with his own resources but I hope he at least rested some.

"I'd like you to take a look at these murders that are happening."


USAIR
Flight 702
To Los Angeles

I look back at the folder in my lap. After studying the cover one more
time. I push it back into the briefcase and watch as we pass over the
clouds.

All I can do now is work. It's all I have left. I will find her. I will
bring her back safe. I will do for her what I have not done for
Samantha. Not yet.

THE END

Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.