By Ewa
ewa@whatewa.com

RATING:  PG 17
CATEGORY:  S
SPOILER:  None. Season 7 after X-Cops and before
Theef
KEYWORDS: M POV A
THANKS To Peggy For her research, support, advice
and beta-reading. Without her input, this would be
mere skin and bones.
SUMMARY: Mulder is in the dark yet sees
DISCLAIMER: Any characters you recognize belong to
Mr. Carter & Co. Others are probably mine, who
knows, does anyone care? I don't get paid anyway.

ARCHIVES: You mean, I don't have to pay? Let me
know where it's gone please!

AUTHOR'S NOTES The story has been split into three
parts for ease of reading

Feedback please!
ewa@whatewa.com

See my stories at www.whatewa.com
January 9th 2001

VISION Part 1

MULDER'S APARTMENT
6:31 AM

It was then that he first noticed it. The alarm was
ringing fit to raise the dead. He'd turned over to
turn the thing off, and had it crashing to the
floor. The sun must have caught his eye for a split
instant, long enough to blind him momentarily.

"Damn. Like I've really got time to shop for
another clock ."
 

When he picked his wrist watch up from the night
stand it happened again. For a fraction of a second
it felt as though he was viewing his watch in a
illuminated shattered mirror, then everything was
fine.
 

By the time he got back from his run, there was a
message on the answering machine.

"C'mon, Mulder, pick up! Look, something's come up.
Skinner is out of town, but he's loaned you..., and me
to the VCU. They've got something that should be
right up your street according to Skinner."  Mulder
shuddered violently, VCU and Mulder usually meant
trouble, for him.

"I'm on my way down there now, get down there as
soon as you can. See you. Oh, by the way, Skinner
said you're to be SAC on this one."

He could almost hear Scully's grin.

The location wasn't that far way, twenty minutes
driving, max. He grabbed a quick shower and was
away in just under half an hour. Scully would see
to all the details. He had full confidence in her.

As he drove he thought about how things seemed to
be getting better between them. The only time they
would open up a little was when driving, but all in
all they were more at ease with each other then
they'd been for a while. They'd even kissed last
New Year for god sake.

It made no sense why discussing anything personal
was such a problem for them, anything to do with
their relationship and they were both in denial
and yet they were closer than married couples, so
close they shared each others thoughts at times.
 
Why couldn't they ever...

"Jeeze! Shit!" It happened again, it looked like
the windshield had shattered. His vision cleared
just in time to swerve sharply to avoid the
collision.

Thank God it was a quiet back street he had been
driving down. Luckily no one was seriously hurt.
Mulder had somehow hit the side of his head on
something but apart from that. Apart from that, he
was dazed and shaken, it took several minutes to
recover his feelings of equilibrium.

It had taken all of two hours to sort the mess and
himself out. The other guy had gone ballistic, it
had been a job to placate him.
Mulder had parked the car.
 
 

BOLTON RESIDENCE

Scully *will* be pleased he thought, as the cab
he'd taken finally drew up in front of the address.

That she was annoyed as she filled him in on the
details was pretty evident . This was his chance to
shine, and he'd let her down.

"Fatal assault... 19 year old male... no witnesses."
He couldn't concentrate on what his partner was
saying.

"You okay, Mulder?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I *am* sorry....I'll explain
later."

He saw by her face that she didn't believe him on
the first one, was dubious about the second and
would wait to hear the third.

"I owe you Scully."

"You're right Mulder, you do. Big time."

She noticed the discoloration by his temple,
immediately going into Dr. mode.

"Mulder, what the hell happened?" As her hand went
to the bruising, he jerked his head away from her.

" Please, Scully....Not here, not now. I'm okay,
really I am. I said, I'll explain later."

Shit! He'd done it again. She was backing off.
 

In his absence Scully had covered a lot of ground,
getting things under control. She'd got the other
agents organized, arranged for support for the
family and a doctor should he be required;  the
local PD were milling around at her bidding as were
forensics.
 
Their reputation for being a strange team must have
preceded them and no one had questioned that Scully
had taken the reins in her partner's absence.

Mulder introduced himself to the other agencies,
and got down to work. He was not sure exactly why
Skinner had agreed to this assignment. There was
nothing even remotely X-file about this case even
by Mulder's way out standards. Very vicious,
unusual, but that was it. Maybe Skinner owed a
favor.

It had been a long time since Mulder worked for
VCU. His memories of the last occasion were not
happy, but he remembered the drill. He took charge,
assigning tasks to various agents.

They walked over to the victim, she filled
him in on what was known to date. He looked back at
the house, and the sun seemed to catch one of the
windows, making it flare for a moment. He could
have sworn someone was climbing out, and then it
was gone.

"Mulder, Mulder are you alright?" It was the sound
of Scully's worried voice that snapped him back.

"Yeah, I'm listening, go on."

"The boy  came home from college yesterday to visit
with his Mom, Dad and two year old sister.
He'd stayed up with his Dad for a while, but then
decided to call it a night. That was at about
10:40. That was the last time he was seen alive."

Scully continued. "An early morning jogger almost
fell over him in the parking lot bordering on to
the back yard this morning."

They went back inside to talk to the deeply shocked
parents.

"We're going to do our best to get whoever did
this Mrs. Bolton; as soon as you're up to it,
we'll talk." Mulder assured the distressed mother.

Mulder left the family to their grief. He felt so
inadequate at moments like this.

Scully went with the coroner, discussing the
injuries the boy had sustained. She'd do the
autopsy.

Meanwhile Mulder went to Joshua's room. *This* was
the room he'd seen someone climb out of...he was
sure of it. He shook his head to try to clear his
thoughts.
Looking around the room he noticed how bare and
impersonal it was. Then it happened again, he
experienced a starburst effect as he turned towards
the window. This time the effect lasted longer.

What the hell was wrong with him? It couldn't be
the knock on the head, this had started before that
and he'd been concussed before, it was nothing like
this. He was really concerned.

There was something wrong, and it was serious, that
much he knew. That's what frightened him He should
share this with Scully, but for some reason he
needed to do this alone.
 
"Okay Mulder, time for action. Scully you'd be
proud of me." He thought aloud as he reached for his
cell phone.

"You mean, I can be seen in an hour, or not till
next week?"
 
" I'll be there"

Scully came in as he pressed the end button.

"Even now my room at home has a lot of my stuff in
it. It's almost like he ceased to exist for the
family, look there's no posters, none of the other
things all self respecting teenagers collect. It's
all so clean, so clinical. It just seems so
unusual"
She'd noticed too.

"There's a pile of stinky washing downstairs, my
guess is that he came back to cadge a decent meal
and get his washing done, what's so unusual about
that?"
What was wrong with this picture? The question
wouldn't leave him.

"Let's cut all this emotional crap and keep to
facts Scully. Not everyone lives like you.
Maybe the kid was into minimalism."
he regretted it, even as he spoke.

"Is that  a typical left brain approach?" Scully
countered, visibly shaken by his attitude

"No, Just trying to keep an open mind here. I've
got things to see to. I need you to be here for me.
Any problems, I'm on the cell phone."

There was a look of stunned disbelief on Scully's
face as he left, and he knew it was there because
of him.

Why was he taking it out on her? *He* was the one
that wanted to deal with this without her support.

OPHTHALMOLOGIST OFFICE

The tests and questioning by Dr Eko had been very
thorough. Had he had any recent head injuries? Was
there a family history?
The extent to which he was tested alarmed Mulder.
His eyes had been dilated, visual fields tested,
even a dye study done to take pictures of his
retinas.

"They've even outdone you Scully"

"Did you say something?" the doctor had asked.

"Um, no... just thinking out loud."

He'd had another episode during the tests.

He was sitting in the hallway wearing darkened
goggles, awaiting the results when Scully rang with
an update.

"The initial forensic report shows that there was
an incredible amount of violence in the attack. The
boy's skull is fractured in three places, there are
a number of compression bruises to the neck,
shoulders and upper body, also his nose and teeth
have been smashed.
They haven't recovered the implement yet.

Injuries such as these would have caused death in
anything between minutes and hours. In this case,
I'd hazard hours. Evidence points to time of death
at about 4:30 am, about two hours before he was
found. Enough time for him to have crawled from his
backyard, through a hole in the fence and onto the
waste ground.
Mulder... Mulder, where are you?"

"Keep me in the loop, Scully," he said and hit the
end button.

Sitting here, alone, in enforced darkness, he was
scared. Whatever it was that was wrong with him
was serious, very serious. He needed time to get his
head around it. He couldn't face her sympathy and
caring at the moment. He had to face this alone,
come to terms with it alone. Later...when he'd
had a chance....

"Mr. Mulder, would you come in please. Doctor is
ready to see you now."  Someone helped him up and
guided him into the office.
Dr. Eko introduced a second doctor.

"This is Dr. Bowen, I've asked if he'd take a look
at the test results for a second opinion."

"Mr. Mulder," Dr. Bowen addressed him. "Would you
mind if I took a look at your eyes?"

There had been further tests, and even with the
second opinion the results all pointed to just one
thing.

"Look, If you've any idea.... I need to know...."
Mulder couldn't stand the suspense.

"All the results point to a rare viral condition ,
commonly known as AZOOR, it's characterized by the
acute loss of outer retinal function, this causes
the starburst effect you are experiencing. It's a
virus that lies dormant in the immune system until
it's triggered by something, trauma, illness,
stress. At this point in time not enough is known.
It kills cells in the retina."

"So you think I've got this Az...."

"AZOOR, yes, the results of the tests are
consistent with the diagnosis."

"So how do we cure it." Mulder interrupted

"As yet there is no cure, we can use anti-virals,
cortisone to slow the progress, but..."

"You mean, hopefully, it just gets better on it's
own?"

"There have been cases Mr. Mulder, where the
patient has made a complete recovery, and often
there is some residual vision retained. We'll need
to do further tests."

The truth was slowly dawning on him 'some residual
vision retained'. Did that mean he could be blind,
with just residual vision left? He could not, would
not accept that.

God this can't be happening to me, why me? He shook
with the shock. He felt himself grow very hot and
then suddenly cold and sweaty, the sounds around
him distorted and lights flashed. He couldn't
breathe in properly. Breathe slowly...in...out he
remembered Scully telling him, over and over again.

Dr. Bowen was saying something about further tests,
appointments at eye hospital....

Mulder latched on to that. "Further test, means
that there's room for doubt? Right?"

"At this point Mr. Mulder it might be prudent to
talk about support agencies, rehabilitation...."

Mulder couldn't listen to this, knocking his chair
over in his haste, he ran out of the office.
 

FLYNN'S BAR

He couldn't face Scully. Instead of going back to
the briefing room he told the cab driver to take
him to the nearest bar and was on his second drink
when the next episode occurred. Staggering to the
men's room,  he stumbled into a woman on his way
past the bar. He made his way down a long hall to
the men's room.

Once in the cubicle he totally lost it, smashing up
the fixtures. He ripped off the seat and smashed it
against the walls and door until the pain in his
hands brought him to his senses. Sinking down on
the toilet, his head in his hands, and wept.

His cell phone disturbed his grief.
His partner had an update, he wasn't paying much
attention until she stopped mid-sentence.

"Mulder...are you there? Is everything alright?"

"Yes, I'm here."

"You sure, you're okay, you don't sound too good."

"Quit fussing Scully! I told you, everything's just
fine."

"I'll finish up here and head back. See you in the
briefing room." She sounded hurt, then the phone
went dead.

He'd have to do something about the damage he'd
caused, but not at the moment.
He slipped out the fire exit at the end of the hall.
 

FBI BUILDING

Back at the Bureau he walked along, dragging his
finger unobtrusively along the wall, counting and
trying to memorize the number of doors and
turnings. Building up a mental picture for the day
he'd have to rely on it solely.
May as well start now; always the Indian Scout,
ready for anything that's me, he thought with wry
humor.

The meeting with the other agents was going well
until it happened again and he felt himself lose
focus. But Scully was there for him, picking up
where he stopped, seaming it so well that only
Skinner, had he been there may have noticed
anything was amiss. When it had passed a moment
later and he could see again, he saw her
apprehension.

That evening, Mulder was standing outside, staring
into the night sky, when she came out.

"I used to know the names of all of them, Ahab
taught me when I was small."  Scully confided.
He was waiting for her to say something, to demand
an explanation . He could feel how apprehensive she
was, but she didn't say a word.

Not to give her a chance to ask, he told her how,
when he was a boy, he'd had a telescope.

" The first thing I ever saw with it was a shooting
star, never did see one again."

"You never see the things you're looking for. By
the way, Skinner called in this afternoon while you
were out. He wanted to know how the case was going.
He wants to talk to us."

"When?"

"Bright and early tomorrow morning. See you in the
morning ," she said as she started towards the car
park.

"Scully..." he called after her. "You did good work
today."

"Thank you Mulder, goodnight."
 

In the cab on his way home he wondered how she
managed to do it. She instinctively knew something
was up. It bothered him that she hadn't asked him
about it. Usually she was like a terrier if she
even suspected there was something troubling him,
yet today.... Granted. his behaviour towards her had
been abysmal.

He'd hurt her and he *was* sorry. It was just....He
couldn't cope with the sympathy, with being treated
as a...blind man?

A shudder shook him and he felt a sudden need to
throw up. He controlled the urge as sweat broke
out on his forehead.

"Hey, you okay back there?" The cab driver's voice
broke through his thoughts.

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he reassured the man.

He just didn't know how to deal with that. He'd
hurt her and she was confused as to why. Hell *he*
was confused!

She hadn't insisted he explained his lateness, his
lack of transport, the missing hours. She didn't
even offer to drive him home.

He missed her by his side. He missed the aura of
safety she exuded. Why was he turning away to one
person he needed the most?

What is it about me that makes me do that?
Scully and cancer! She'd been secretive about that
too. Was it an instinctive thing, self
preservation? Denial? If the other didn't know then
the condition didn't exist?
 

He still couldn't sleep at 3. AM. What possessed
him to pick up the phone? All he got was her voice
mail.

He didn't bother leaving a message.

What could he say "Sorry, I'm an asshole"? Could he
tell her how much he needed her here now, her
nonjudgmental, all accepting little self, who would
hold him tightly to her tiny frame and promise him
everything was gonna be fine?

Well, this time it wasn't going to be and he
couldn't allow himself the luxury of such thoughts.
 

Thankfully he wasn't late next morning. Scully was
by the elevator to tell him about the change of
plan.

"Thought I'd save you a journey," she told him.

He was thankful for that, although he'd not had
another episode since last night, but he still
didn't fancy falling on his ass in front of her.

"Turns out Mr. Bolton is really Joshua's step dad.
He's first on our list for interviewing this
morning, seeing he's the last person to have seen
Joshua alive. C'mon we'll take my car. I can't
face your driving this time of the morning."
Her attempt at humor fell flat.
 

Mulder couldn't get the tapes in the machine to
record the interview, and it took him a bit of
fumbling before he finally succeeded.

"I'll do that," his partner volunteered quietly.

"It's okay, I've got it Scully, quit fussing." He
didn't look at her, didn't need to.

The interview with Joshua's stepfather went well,
there were no real surprises He'd admitted that it
hadn't been easy at times, bring up a stepchild.

"He was nearly five when I came on to the scene.
We've always been close, but I can't deny we've
had our ups and downs, I mean teenagers,
they're not the easiest of species to relate to.
When Maria was born we persuaded him to leave home
when he went to college, you know.kids of that age.
they need their independence."
 
 

As he looked at Phil Bolter, the man's face
acquired the starburst effect, more than that,
behind the man Mulder could see another, a man in a
blood soaked t-shirt, whose face had been caved in.
As Mulder dropped his head onto his hand,  he felt
the brief touch of Scully's hand on his knee under
the table and heard her take over the questioning.
The episode hadn't lasted long, but had left him
shaken. This was the first time he'd 'seen'
things...then he remembered the window and the first
morning of the case.
 

She drove them back to see Skinner in silence.
There wasn't even the usual banal banter about her
needing the practice. The silence was broken when
she said quietly "Dad used to say, if something
really bad happens, the trick is to use it  make it
work for you." He pretended he didn't know what she
meant.

The meeting with their superior consisted mainly of
updating the man. Mulder was still no wiser as to
why they'd been assigned to the case. Skinner
noticed his lack of participation.

"Got anything to add to Agent Scully's report, any
theories?"

"Um, no not at present, I think Scully's pretty
much covered it all."

"Well, I must say, this is probably a first."

"Sir?"

Just as Mulder thought the interview was over
Skinner struck. "Is this a fashion statement Agent
Mulder, or have you decided to rewrite the Bureau
dress code."

Mulder saw Skinner looking pointedly at his feet.
To his chagrin, Mulder saw a black sock and a gray
one.
"Umm...power cut this morning...," he mumbled as he
hurried out of the door.

Skinner hadn't seemed amused.
Mulder walked towards the elevator, keeping close
to the wall, trailing his left fingers along the
wall as he went. For the most part he could see
okay, but the episodes when they came lasted
longer, long enough for disorientation to occur.

As they neared the elevator one of the agents on
the case caught up with them.
 
"Sir. There's been a break through, we have a lead
on the prowler." The agent excitedly thrust the
file at Mulder.

"It's not the paper work I'm interested in. Get out
there and look for him or do I have to go and do
that as well?" Mulder said sarcastically.

"Sir?"
Scully took the file from the bewildered
agent and shot Mulder a look of pure venom.

He cut short anything she might have said.

"I've got some calls to make."

Turning he left her. He felt her eyes boring into
him all the way down the hall.
 

End of PART 1

Part 2
DR. EKO'S OFFICE

The news wasn't good. The doctor was sure that his
initial diagnosis was correct.
Mulder wasn't having it. He insisted that over the
past few days the episodes hadn't increased. There
had been a slight change in character to some of
them, but that was all.

"...Start seeing things, delusions are common as
sight diminishes...cause is not known. Another
phenomenon is completion, where your brain lets you
'see' something simply because you expect to see it
there....degree of residual sight...degree of
damage...can't be more specific at this time."

It frightened Mulder to realize that some of this
was already happening to him.
Most of what the doctor said simply went over his
head. He was too upset to assimilate all the
information that swamped him.

He couldn't deal with all the facts, and more
importantly the repercussions that they would
invariably have. Nevertheless he took the tapes and
other information the doctor offered him.

In the cab on his way home, he phoned Scully, he
needed the comfort of her voice.  Just hearing her
pre-recorded message calmed him.

MULDER'S APARTMENT
Later

He lay on his couch in the dim light emitted from
his fish tank, the only sound, the reassuring gurgle
of it's pump. He got up and put on one of the tapes
the doctor had given him. It was a very patronizing,
he couldn't bear the smug voice telling him about
sight loss. In a flash of frustration and anger he
whipped it out of the player and smashed it against
the wall and sank to the floor, covering his face
with his hands.

He'd recently discovered the terrace on the roof of
his building. There wasn't much up there only  a
skylight and some chimneys, but the view, especially
at night, was worth the two flights of stairs.

There was a narrow parapet around the roof on which
he now sat, legs swinging over the edge, a half
empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. He stood
up on the ledge and started walking along it's
narrow shelf, swaying and wobbling as he went.

So, he could fall, there was plenty, far worse,
could happen to him, he thought. At least falling
would be quick. Knowing his luck, he'd shatter his
spine and end his days a paraplegic as well as
blind.

Yes, he was feeling sorry for himself, but in a
macabre sort of way he was actually enjoying it. He
walked to the end of the parapet and back again.

"What of Scully?" whispered the tiny voice in his
head

"She's better off without me, look at the work she's
doing now! Shit! I'm supposed to be the agent in
charge, focused, leading the way and she's having to
fill in for me as usual."

He looked up sky wards self-pitying moisture
stinging his eyes, blurring his vision for a moment.
Wave after wave of black despair swirled around him;
hopelessness and fear dragged him to the edge of the
ledge, taunting him, daring him to step forward. So
easy, so quick.... As the mist cleared from his mind
and eyes he saw the shooting star, on it's journey
across the firmament.

He corked the Jack Daniels, and climbing off the
parapet, decided to fight back.

He opened the door to his apartment to the last ring
of his cell phone and then the phone on his desk
rang once, before the answering machine kicked in.

"Mulder if you're there, pick up....Something's
turned up." Annoyance in her voice turned to
anger.
"Where are you Mulder? What the hell are you
playing at?"

What the hell *was* he playing at?
 

The cab journey back to the Bureau building didn't
take long at this time of night. He hoped the place
would be deserted. He needed it to be so to carry
out his plan.

He knew his way around their basement office
blindfold, and he could probably get away with it in
Skinner's, providing the man didn't decide to shift
his furniture but AD was too set in his ways to do
that.

No, it was the briefing room that would cause him
the most trouble. Well, he was about to set that
right.
Why was it so important? It was only going to delay
the inevitable.
 
You're sounding like a loser, Mulder, you need
Scully to kick some butt here. He smiled at the
thought, the first time since the diagnosis.

Keeping his eyes tightly shut, he paced the room
counting, getting the place mapped out in his head.
Soon he could walk into the room, toss his trench
coat nonchalantly onto the hanger and maneuver his
way all around the room without stumbling or
tripping.

If he kept his hands just so..., he'd be
able to feel a chair back before he blundered into
it.

The biggest problems were his fellow agents and
judging distance. That's why he'd lost it when
Becket had come to him with that file, he'd not
been able to work out where to put his hand.

How much was Scully aware of? She'd saved his ass on
a number of occasions recently, almost instinctively
she seemed to know what was needed.

she'd not demanded explanations, that in itself
was odd, but he was grateful.
 

Mulder went to get a drink of water from the water
dispenser, his frustration got the better of him as
he missed the cup and spilled liquid over the floor.
He swore violently, kicking out at the machine.

He tried again, this time inserting his fingers into
the cup so that he felt both the spout and the level
of the water. He did it. He attempted it again,
listening to the gurgles, counting so he could gauge
the duration. He finally sat on the desk where he'd
sat on previous occasions, feeling rather pleased
with his achievements.

There was faint waft of a scent that reminded his so
much of his partner. He recognized he was getting
jumpy in the silent building.

"Hello! Hello?" He called out, more to reassure
himself.

But there was only silence.

Finally, in the early hours he got to bed, exhausted,
and slept soundly for the first time since this
started.

FBI BUILDING
8:00 AM

The hours of practice last night paid off. He
could recognize most of the agents by voice and
because of where he sat if they needed to hand him
anything, they were the ones who had to complete
the contact. He even managed the drink of water trick.

The latest twist to the case was that Phil Bolton
had an identical twin, Pierre Morel. The brothers
had been separated at birth and had been adopted by
very different families. They had only found each
other some four and a half years previously.

Although very alike physically, the circumstances of
their upbringing had made their personalities very
different. Pierre had lived with the family for
nearly two years, and had got on very well with
Stephanie, Phil's wife.

In that time he had developed a special relationship
with his step-nephew, Joshua who was almost fifteen
then.

Pierre had decided that he didn't fit in this
style of life and had gone back to Quebec. He'd been
out of the picture since then, until he showed up
after hearing of his Joshua's demise.

The statements made by Joshua's flat mates made Mulder
think that Joshua was not as happy as his parents thought.

He'd told his friends he didn't want to go back to visit,
yet something kept drawing him back there. Something that
he was very anxious about.
 

Mulder  had another press conference scheduled and
there were things  he needed Scully to do while he
'fronted' the interview.
 

"Be your eyes, you mean?"

Her remark shook him to the core. How...?
He caught her scent, she *had* been here last night.

The conference had been okay, he'd kept control of
the situation and hadn't let events overwhelm him,
even though his sight had failed him twice He'd dealt
with it by keeping focused on whoever was speaking.
There was so much you could work out from that.
 

MULDER'S APARTMENT

That evening he sat at the desk in the brightest
light possible, trying to decipher some of the
reports with the aid of a high-power magnifying
glass. He'd already learnt that plugging a dozen
lamps into three extension leads was not a good
idea. The first time he'd done this the improvement
to his sight was noticeable but the whole building
had been plunged into darkness as the overload blew
all the fuses. Tonight the work was heavy going,
and he had a headache.

There was a knock on the door he recognized  as
Scully's.

Hurriedly he shoved the magnifying glass and the
support tapes into the draw, before calling out,
"Come in, it's open!"

"Have I caught you at a bad time?" Scully asked
anxiously as she came in through the door.

"I was expecting the takeout delivery."

"I've brought the kid's video diaries over.  His
flat mates brought them in, I thought we could go
through them tonight."

"Um...this really isn't a good time for me. I might
need to go out."

He was saved from further explanation by the arrival
of the take out delivery boy at the door.  It took
Mulder some time to sort it all out.

"You want to eat? There's enough" He called to her,
his appetite was fast deserting him.

"No thanks, but I could really use a drink of
water."

He went into the kitchen to fetch it for her
concentrating on not spilling, not fumbling, and
then he understood.

"So it *was* you last night. Why didn't you say
anything? He said to her.

"I thought that was your call."

"Uh, I'm just getting used to some new contact
lenses, it's no big deal."

"Do I give the impression of having an IQ in single
figures?"
The silence that followed was deafening. He was
going to have to bluff it out.

"I have a problem with my eyes. I'm dealing with
it."

"How bad a problem?"

"Look I'm dealing with it, and if *you* can't...you
can always put in for a transfer. They've been
trying to split us up for long enough."

He expected a slap, he expected tears, he expected
her to storm out, he *wanted* her to storm out, it
would make him feel better about the way he'd been
treating her.

The icy voice said. "If I know an agent is seriously
impaired, enough to endanger himself and his
partner, I'm obliged to report it; in triplicate if
necessary."

What Scully said knocked the fight out of him. He
needed to tell her and he owed her the truth.

"It's called AZOOR, some sort of viral illness."

"What's the treatment?"

"There isn't."

"You're going blind."

"I don't know. I don't know how bad it's going to
get or how soon, they couldn't tell me that. I can
see you at the moment, most of the time I see quite
clearly." Mulder tried to explain.

"Close vision is hard, but with a magnifying glass
and very bright light I can get by. When this thing
happens, things blur and everything seems very
bright, a sort of starburst effect. The best way I
can describe it is that it's like looking into an
illuminated shattered mirror, all the cracks and
breaks radiating out from a central point,
everything is distorted.
Other times it's like someone's thrown a stone
through the windshield, that kind of effect.."

"And there's no doubt about the diagnosis? AZOOR?
I've heard of it, it's rare. But why? Why you?"

She stopped for a moment. "Mulder, I knew you were
having problems with your eyes but... I'm so sorry."

His anger and frustration got the better of him. He
grabbed the glass off the table and threw it against
the wall. The sound of the glass breaking was quite
satisfying.

His voice shook with anger and fear.

"Why the hell do you think I didn't tell you? Why?
Jeeze! That's another thing I'll have to get used
to, tea and bloody sympathy! I'm telling you Scully,
I can't take that, especially not from you!"
 
He wanted the world to hurt as much as he was
hurting at the moment. From the look of devastation
on her pale, shocked face, he'd just about achieved
his purpose.
The silence between them grew.

"I'd settle for something a lot stronger just now
Mulder."

She didn't go to help him as he got the rest of the
Jack Daniels out and found a couple of glasses. She
didn't offer to pour.

neither of them spoke as she cleared away the broken
glass.
 

They sat on the couch with their drinks, a place they'd
shared so many good and bad times. This must be the
worst, he thought.

"Are you in pain?" Her question surprised him.

"Only in bright light, and ironically, that's when I
see best."

She sighed.
 

"Look Mulder, I need to see your doctor, will you at
least let me do that, Who is he? What hospital...?

And then her Irish heritage got the better of her.

"How dare you Mulder? What the hell were you
thinking off...After all we've been through, how
dare you ditch me again and try do this on your own?
You have some God given right to put yourself and
those around you in jeopardy...?
At least you had the sense to stop driving..."
She paused to catch her breath.

"There's no way on planet earth that you're going to
be able to sit on this Mulder."

"I didn't go through normal channels."

"But they *will* find out. You know the rules."

"As from today Scully, there are no rules. I'll do
it a day at a time."

"How will you read reports, interview suspects?"

"And what do *you* suggest I do Scully, sit in the
dark until I can no longer tell the difference between
day or night. I could always put my gun to my
head...."

Both of them were breathing hard by now. Mulder
didn't want her to touch him and she gave him the
space he so badly needed.

"I need more time." He swallowed hard. "I
need....There was a blind man near us when I was a
kid.... I can't be like him..."

He felt a tear trickle down his cheek. He turned
away from Scully and stood up.

"Never seeing daylight, the trees in the fall. Never
seeing the face of the woman you make love to...."

She walked to stand in front of him.

"You can touch, feel..."

He wouldn't answer, just shook his head.

"Like this..." she touched her fingers to his cheek,
drew them along his jaw and then traced his lips
with her thumb. He pulled away from her.
 

"Go home Scully! Go home and write your report, do
whatever you have to."

"You asked me today to be you eyes...."

"Your words!...If they find out they'll blow you
out too!"

She seemed so calm, so in control now. "Sleep on it
Mulder, we'll talk about it in the morning. Anytime
I think we're jeopardizing the case, we'll call it
off."

She walked the door. "I'll pick you up at 7:30. Be
sure you're ready." Softly she closed it behind her and
he sank back onto his couch, the tears falling
freely now that there were no witnesses, somewhere
deep inside him the pain and anger lessened.
 
 

Next morning as he dressed, he discovered Scully had
been matching ties with shirts and putting paired
sox into his pocket of his dress pants  while he'd
been dealing with the take-out delivery boy

True to her word she was at the door punctually.
Coming in, she looked him over and immediately took a
tissue out to wipe the shaving foam he'd missed near
his ear, then straightened his collar.
He turned to object.

"You want to check my nails as well mommy?"

"Listen Mulder, either we do this properly or not at
all."
 

The atmosphere between them as she drove was more
relaxed than it had been for a while.
He opened up enough to explain what had
happened the last time he'd driven.

"You couldn't drive my car back to my apartment,
could you ?" He asked sheepishly.

"Don't worry, I'll sort it out."

They drove in silence for a minute or two.

"Skinner isn't stupid, Mulder, he knows something
is up, he's concerned. But the moment he knows
officially then he's duty bound to act on it."

"Then we'll just have to make sure he doesn't know."

She was nearing the FBI Building when he said.
"After his assault, why would Joshua crawl to an
empty parking lot? It would have made more sense to
have tried to escape towards the safety of home."

"Maybe he was disorientated, confused. He was
suffering horrific injuries..."

"But to get to the parking lot he had to crawl
through that broken chain link fence, that took some
doing in the condition the kid was in. What if he
knew the attacker...What if he were trying to get
away...What if it were home that posed the
danger..."

"Mulder, what you're saying..."

"I can't make it out, it's almost as though I know,
as though I've seen... I just can't put my finger on
it Scully. It's there, just out of reach...."

In the next hour or so, Mulder had plenty of opportunity
to see just how resourceful his partner could be when
she set her mind to it.
 
On the way to the briefing room she walked in front
of him, so that he had to hold the back of her elbow
as they walked down the centre of the hall, discussing
the case as they went. He couldn't help tightening his
grip as another episode struck.
 
"Those video diaries, do you want me to, -steps up
Mulder-, to look them over with you?"

"No, I can do that. Thanks Scully." They'd
managed the staircase without trouble.

"That's what I'm here for," she answered in a low
voice.

By the end of the morning, they'd got it down to fine
art. Sometimes he would walk along with his hand on
the small of her back, sometimes holding her elbow,
to all intents and purposes leading her, rather than
the other way round. They worked together well as a
team, but then, that was hardly surprising.

In the briefing room, she stood next to him as he
sat perched on the edge of the table, so it was most
natural for her to collect any documents and then
hand them carefully to him. He had to report to the
other agents that he hadn't got far with the
profile. There was no motive.

The other agents reported their progress or lack of
it but Mulder lost concentration, he was aware that
Scully had taken the lead, questioning various
members of the team on their results. Through it all
he was aware of the her next to him. It was as
reassuring as what was happening to him was
frightening.

Apart from the usual phenomena, he was seeing things,
Like someone that looked like one of the twins but
wasn't. The man's face was caved in, the image
zoomed in and out of focus, and there were sounds,
distorted, unrecognizable and yet familiar.

His hands clenched tightly on the table edge to stop
himself from falling. For a moment it felt as though
he was whirled around in a centrifuge, and the it
all stopped.

Nobody seemed to notice anything.

"Sir," one of them addressed him, "Where do you
think we should be going with this?"

"There's something vital we're missing, it's staring
us in the face"

He dismissed the agents to their assignments and when
They'd gone,Scully put her hand on his arm.

"I fine now Scully, how long was I out of it for?"

"About a minute, you sure you're alright Mulder?
You look like..."

"Yes, I know, shit." He finished the sentence for
her.

"Actually I was going to put it a little more
delicately."

"You and I Scully, are going to interview the twin
brother, Pierre."
 

They were near their parked car when a group of
agents came by; he worked out why Scully had
insisted he have the car keys that morning.

"Must be your turn to drive Scully," he said holding
the keys out to her. She grinned.

They spent a grueling afternoon interviewing the
step father's twin. Pierre, although identical in
every respect to Phil, spoke with an accent, having
lived in Quebec all his life.

There was nothing unusual about him, he worked hard
on the land he had there. He'd never be as rich as
his twin but hey, there was more to life than money.

Asked why he'd  lost contact with his newly
discovered twin, his reason seemed plausible.
Stephanie, his twin's wife had discovered she was
pregnant again, after all that time.

Pierre just felt in the way with the newly expanding
family. He told the agent's he'd always had a very
good relationship with his nephew. Joshua had
actually come to stay with him in Quebec for a few
weeks after he'd moved back there.

Mulder must have stopped for a moment; he
simultaneously felt Scully touch his knee and heard
her asking the next question. Looking up at Pierre,
Mulder distinctly saw the little girl, the baby of
the family fading in and out. The images of her and
her uncle mingling and swirling. He wiped a hand
across his face as he tried to collect his wits.
 

"Mulder, you're pushing yourself too hard. Call it a
day."  She told him as she retrieved the tape from
the machine after the interview.

"I can't, you know I can't Scully. Something's not
right ...there's something...There's something I
should see, something so obvious. I need to speak to
Stephanie Bolton."

And so the afternoon continued. Joshua's friends had
said how he didn't want to go home, yet something
kept making him return, it was almost an obsession.
There was something here. Mulder had to dig deeper.
Mulder had this in mind when they met with Mrs.
Bolton.

Stephanie told the agents how the marriage had not
been easy, her husband hadn't always been faithful
and was often away on extended trips. But in the
last three years things had improved, he had
changed, they were making things work, they had the
baby.
All she wanted now was to bury her son. To have
closure.
Mulder sympathized with that, hadn't he been down a
similar path not so long ago?

Scully had reports to look at, results from the
autopsy, and forensic had come up with something new
so Mulder took the cab home, he still had the video
diaries to go through.

She phoned him later that evening, while he was
working on the videos.
"I could stop by if you want, I'm all but done
here."

"No Scully, go on home, it's been a long day and
I've nearly finished here."

"Um, Mulder, I've  got something to tell you. I met
with your doctors today, after you went home, I feel
they've been accurate in their diagnosis I trust
them, they're good, but they agreed with me that you
should see someone else. Washington National Eye
center would be a good place to get another
opinion.... Mulder I made an appointment for us to
see the senior specialist there in the morning."

"Scully...."

"Please Mulder, please do this for me. I'll pick you
up, Okay?"

It was out of his hands now, and it would be good to
have her with him."

"Okay, fine." He replaced the receiver back on it's
cradle and was shaken by the intensity of the next
attack.

It was as if he were being sucked through a great
hole and instead of the usual pattern radiating out
he saw what looked like great shards of glass
rushing towards him. Falling, everything was
falling. His knees buckled and he huddled in a ball
until it had passed.
 
 

"Did you have a bad night Mulder?" He wasn't
surprised at the question, he'd seen how pale he
looked in the mirror.

It *had* been bad. The episode last night had
upset him more than he'd  admit. Through the
night he'd had nightmares, things he'd seen during
his episodes ran through his head churning and
mixing, calling to him. He had woken up in the early
hours covered in sweat, too scared to go back to
sleep.

Scully called in to say they were going to be
out of town conducting further interviews. With that
done they got in the car for the drive to the
hospital.

END of PART 2

PART 3

WASHINGTON NATIONAL EYE CENTRE
11:51 AM

"Hello, Mr. Mulder, I'm Dr. Kirsch, I specialize in
Retina and Vitreous diseases. Hello Dr Scully,
we've met before I believe."
Mulder couldn't quite see the doctor, but she had a
pleasant sympathetic voice.

They'd been there for hours, the doctors carrying
out battery after battery of tests. When the
ophthalmologist viewed his retinas, shining the
narrow beam of light into his eyes.

"There is evidence of inflammation, although the retina
appeared quite normal There are other tests we need
to do to prove the extent of dysfunction of the retina."

Mulder was feeling very tired by now and scared,
and had a splitting headache as a result of the
investigations. The worst was to come; the
electroretinogram. This involved recording the
electrical response of thee retina to light.

Dr Kirsch, told Mulder that this test confirmed
that the visual loss he was experiencing, was due
to retinal disease rather than problems elsewhere.
The results seemed conclusive she told him, yet
although it did look like AZOOR, there were other
things that didn't fit in.

"You mean like me seeing weird, crazy things?"

"No Mr. Mulder, that is quite normal. Some of the
results don't add up. I'd like to leave it for a
day or two to give your eyes time to settle and see
you again at the beginning of next week to try and
gauge what changes have occurred. If that's okay
with you."

"Just get me out of here Scully," he'd all but
begged her when the doctor had finally finished
with him.
 
He knew she saw the fear that he tried so hard to
hide, and he understood  that he didn't need to
hide it from her.

On the drive back Scully asked. "What sort of
things do you see Mulder?"

"A man, t-shirt covered in blood with his face
caved in. People climbing out of windows, showers
of glass coming towards me, just the ordinary run
of the mill stuff."

"No, Mulder. That isn't run of the mill. The
optical effects yes, but not this."

"I don't want to talk about it."

He sat quietly for a while. "Would you do something
for me and not ask any questions Scully?"

"What do you mean?"

"No questions. Drive me to that disused airbase
on the edge of town."

She looked at him and for a moment he thought she'd
make an issue out of it.

"Okay"

Once they got there he told her to get out of the
car.

"I need the keys!" He saw a whole gamut of
emotions cross her face. She was biting down hard
on her lip but she did as he'd asked.
 
As he moved over into the drivers seat she caught
his arm.

"Mulder?"

"Trust me Scully, I need to do this." There was
moisture in her eyes and a frightened look on her
face, but she let him go without another word.

He took off like a bat out of hell, putting his foot
down on the gas as far as it would go. The feel of
the speed was exhilarating, he pulled up sharply
only to change direction and do it again.

Again and again until the fight left him and he
slowed to a stop and turned the engine off. He got
out of the car and leant against it trembling.

A while later he felt her hands on his shoulders
give a gentle squeeze before she helped him into
the passenger seat and drove them back to his
apartment. She didn't say a word, but as he glanced
over at her he saw how pale she was.

He felt drained that evening, but calmer and more
focused.

He shouldn't have frightened her like that he
thought, as he began to go thought the interview
tapes again. Scully had color coded them, which
made things a lot easier for him. He played them
aware that something was staring him in the face,
it was that apparent yet he couldn't see it.

He'd gone through them and started on the boy's
videos when she knocked on the door.
She came in without saying a word and took her coat
off.

She'd been home and changed, he liked the button
through sweater she was wearing, it matched her
eyes.

"What's up Scully?" she was very nervous he could
tell just by looking at her. "Scully?"

Without answering she went around the room turning
all the available lights on, muttering about
probably regretting this. She walked into the
brightest area and turned to face him.
 
"It's all been about seeing things, doing things in
case...."

Scully undid the tiny buttons on her top and
shrugged out of it. She stood before him, exposing
not only her body to him, but herself. He felt the
breath whoosh out of him.

This was all moving way too fast.

She saw the shock, his hesitation, and read it as
rejection.
Turning away from him bravado evaporated, leaving
shame and embarrassment in its wake. She fumbled to
find her top, head downcast and biting on her lower
lip so hard Mulder thought it would bleed.

"Scully?...Scully, c'mere." She stopped moving away
and slowly turned her head towards him, eyes
gradually lifting but unable to make eye contact.

He dragged off his Knicks t-shirt. As he stepped
towards her, there was confusion on her face; such
an expressive face, Mulder thought.

He put his hands on her shoulders and drew her to
him, close but not touching. He slipped his still
warm T-shirt over her head and dressed her in it as
if she were a child, before turning her to face
him and encircling her with his arms.
She rested her head against his chest and he felt
the wetness of her tears on his skin.

"I know what all this is about Scully...but I don't
want it, not like this, not as a sacrifice. When
the time comes...when we're both ready...now is not
that time." Her arms slipped around his waist and
she clung on.

Cupping her chin in his fingers he drew her face up
so she had to look at him.

"Scully I don't need pictures... I don't need this.
If I were to go blind this moment I would always
remember the way you look, the way you are... I carry
you with me always here, and here." He pointed to
his head and heart.

"Stay with me tonight Scully, please, I just need to
hold you."

She nodded her head. Still with his arm around her,
they put the lights off and he led her to the
bedroom. He pulled her up until she lay across his
chest before drawing the comforter up over them.

She settled down against him as he stroked her hair
and thought how close you had to come to losing
something before you comprehended how precious it
was to you.

Holding her as she slept was healing him. He'd
dreaded her rejection now that he was visually
challenged, but she, she was there fore him, ready
to help him overcome the challenges, ready to
sacrifice.... He hugged her closer to his heart and
she murmured something he couldn't catch.
 

He saw here asleep on the pillow beside him as he
woke up next morning. He reached out to touch her,
only to encounter an empty space.
How ironic, he thought, this is what the doctors
had called 'completion'. Seeing things where your
brain thought they should be,

She wasn't far away.
The video player was running and Scully was going
through the diary entries.
 
"Look," she said to him as he joined he on the
couch. "Look at the change in him Mulder."
 
She put on one of the early tapes were Joshua
appeared the normal, carefree teenager.

"Now, this is one of the last entries. Look at him,
the difference in his attitude, especially when he
talks of his family. He has to go back, he's
worried about the shit hitting the fan."

Mulder didn't appear to be paying attention.
 
"It's all about touching and feeling....Why didn't I
think of that before?  Scully I'm going down to
speak to Phil and Pierre, together if possible.
 
Can you arrange to speak with Mrs. Bolton, I need
to know more about Pierre's relationship with the
family and why Joshua changed so much."

He hadn't been able to meet them together, but it
didn't matter. One thing about his condition it had
heightened his other senses. They were identical
twins. Although they sounded different they had the
same smell about them, their hands had felt the
same as he'd shaken them at the end of each
meeting....One of them worked on the land, the other
was a pen-pusher.

He scheduled a meeting with available agents and
Phoned Scully, telling her to meet him in the
briefing room.
When Mulder ordered surveillance on the brothers,
he couldn't explain his hunch. There was an atmosphere
of dissent amongst the agents, no one seemed eager to
move.
 
"What part of now don't you understand!" finally
had the effect of getting them moving.

He heard the muttered comments about Spooky and
psychic abilities. Scully had been there with him
and looked if not confused then disbelieving. He
countered anything she might have to say.

"Scully, if I'm wrong I'll apologize."

"I doubt it, that takes practice."

He arranged for the brothers and himself to meet.
All three of them would meet at the Bolton
residence. He already knew what would happen, only
one of them would show, the other would phone in to
say he couldn't make it.
Scully would have his hide for ditching her.

Well, he'd been right. Pierre was at the house to
greet him, they sat and waited. Ten minutes passed
then there was a call to the house. Phil was very
sorry, he wouldn't be able to make it. He was stuck
in traffic. What a surprise.

He didn't share his suspicions with Scully. Well,
it wasn't even a theory as such he tried  to
justify, more a gut feeling he was *this* close to
a break through. It was almost on the tip of his
tongue...

That evening, he needed some fresh air. The roof
would be a good place to sit and think a while.
It was relatively quiet up there. He sat on the
parapet, remembering the desperation in him the
last time he sat there.

Scully might not heal his eyes, but she'd managed
to heal him within. Her acceptance of his condition
meant everything. Putting himself in her position
he knew how difficult it was for her to allow him
the independence she did.

He shivered and pulled his leather jacket closer
around himself.

It wasn't cold...danger! He could sense it all around
him. Phil was behind him to the left; the other,
Pierre, to his right, the voices changed position
mixed became one only to separate out again.
Carefully he swung round and climbed off his
precarious perch. Some instinct made him move to
the right, as at that moment  he felt the body
hurtling past him, followed by a grunt.

Pierre or was it Phil dangling over the parapet,
the steep drop to the sidewalk beneath him.
Cautiously Mulder grabbed at his arm to try to
Hold on to him. The man was taller than Mulder and
outweighed him by some fifty pounds. Mulder felt
his grasp slipping.

The impetus of their separation knocked Mulder
backwards. Backwards towards the skylight.

There was no way he could stop himself. He heard
the splintering crash and felt himself falling into
nothingness, hurtling downwards through emptiness
and as he fell he saw again the long shards of
glass falling with him, towards him with him and
then he knew the truth.
 

ALEXANDRIA HOSPITAL

He had got away very lightly. A few bruised ribs,
grazes, cuts, nothing that a few well placed sutures
hadn't fixed.

He couldn't believe how lightly he'd got off which
was more than could be said for his  leather jacket
which was a write off. It had taken the brunt if
the glass showering down on him.

He waited for Scully to come back and take him
home.

The case was solved. Talking to Mrs. Bolton would
just confirm things, but that could be left till
tomorrow. There was no rush now. The double
murderer had himself perished in the fall.

Just them his fiery partner walked in. "Have *you*
got some explaining to do G-man. It had better be
good."

He smiled innocently at her, Scully's
behavior was more due to concern then anger, he
knew it and she knew that he knew. It didn't
prevent the dance that always took place at this
point.

"C'mon Mulder, I'm taking you to my place. At least
I can keep you out of mischief there."

SCULLY'S APARTMENT.
2:37 AM

She'd  picked up a bag for him as they took him to
hospital. It lay on her bed now as he stood still
damp from the shower. It felt so good to have
washed all the blood, grime and glass splinters
off. He was supposed to keep the sutures dry, but
he'd had to clean up as well. Lesser of evils he
thought.

He dressed in his comfortable sweats. Scully came
in and insisted he lay down and once he was
comfortable she sat on the bed next to him Indian
style.

"Right Mulder, I know it's late and I know about
what happened tonight, but the case...a double
murderer? What do you mean?"

"Phil and Pierre, they were one and the same, at
least they have been for the last three years or
so. Pierre had an affair with Mrs. Bolton, I'm
pretty sure the baby is his. Phil must have found
out. It was okay him playing around but....
She said their marriage had always been difficult
and suddenly three years ago everything changes
around. They are reconciled, she has the baby and
suddenly everything is just great.

You remember all those trips Phil took on business.
Pierre had apparently lost contact with the family
by then. I believe Pierre was still very much in
the picture.

He killed Phil very soon after Stephanie
found out she was pregnant in much the same way as he
killed Joshua, and it wasn't hard for him to assume
his murdered brother's identity."

"But how... There's no proof, no body."

"I think they'll find Phil in Quebec. I saw the
body, not once but twice. Just as I saw the baby
linked to Pierre, just as I foresaw what would
happen to me.

Pierre has been living a lie for the past three
years. I don't know whether Mrs. Bolton knew, I
suspect she didn't question the subtle changes,
that she was just glad that things had got better
between them. But somehow Joshua found out.

He was trying to keep an eye on his family, I
suspect that last night it came to confrontation.
Pierre had too much to lose."

Mulder was quiet for a moment.

"That's it! I couldn't fit in the very first vision
I had, someone climbing out of Joshua's window. It
was Joshua, he must have known he was in danger,
must have been trying to get away.

Pierre jumped him in the garden, and laid into him
with the garden shovel. He must have thought the
kid was dead. That's what you wondered about
Scully. Remember? He *was* escaping to  safety...away
from the house. He was trying to get away."

"What about the prowler?"

"There never was one, it was all to put us off.
It's easy to start a rumor like that in a
neighborhood, and then everybody is seeing things."

Scully as puzzled. "How did you work out the
connection  between Pierre and Phil?"

"It was something you said Scully, remember? About
touching and feeling?"

He saw the blush feathering across her cheeks as
she suddenly found the pattern on the comforter the
most interesting thing in the world. He took her
hand in his.

"I suddenly remembered that although they sounded
different, their hands felt the same and one of them
was supposed to be laboring on the land, and they
smelt the same. I didn't appreciate how everyone
has their own intrinsic scent until that night when
you found me out."

Scully turned over and put the bedside light out.
 
"Get some rest Mulder, we have a lot to do
tomorrow, and you're not in very good shape to
start off with."

The following Monday morning saw them of their VCU
assignment, and back to X-file duties, in theory
anyway.
Mulder had been given sick leave for ten
days, with desk duties to follow. Somehow Skinner
had swung it that Scully could spend a great deal
of that time with her partner.

 "We owe him, you know that Mulder," she told him
on the way to his appointment at  WNEC.
 

WASHINGTON NATIONAL EYE CENTRE
Eye specialist office.

"Mr. Mulder come in, you might be pretty
uncomfortable with your eyes dilated, we'll keep
the lights down until the doctor comes in."

"Scully...?"

"'Kay Mulder, I'm right here with you." He felt her
hand on his elbow as she guided him in.

 This was going to be the last of another battery
of tests. His head already ached and his eyes felt
so sore, especially with that stuff they'd put in
to dilate them.

Dr. Kirsch greeted him. "Hello, Mr. Mulder, it's
nice to see you again, how have you been?"
The interview began, questions that he'd been asked
a dozen times today.

"Have you had any recent injuries to your face,
head or eyes?"

Mulder could feel her looking at the bruises and
sutures on his head, "Hmmm....That was a bit of
stupid question." He could hear the smile in her
voice.

She gave him a small card. "Look at the parallel
lines and tell me what you see."

He squinted to see anything at all, and then the
lines seemed skewed.
Next, the doctor and the student spent along time
shining very bright lights into the backs of his
eyes; they asked him to look in various directions
so that they could better study his retina.

It was getting rather painful and pretty annoying.
He breathed in and out slowly in a bid to contain
his feelings. At last they were finished.

He could hear them conferring to the side of him.
Scully who'd been standing behind him all this time
slipped a reassuring arm around his shoulder.

"You're doing real good Mulder," she whispered to
him.

Dr Kirsch was back to talk to the patient. "Mr.
Mulder, we are recommending fluorescein
angiography, a dye study. It will enable us to have
a good look at the blood vessels in your retinas,
to see how well they're working."

He was taken to a small room in the Diagnostic
Photography Unit, and sat on an uncomfortable
rolling stool, Scully came in with him and was
somewhere behind him in the darkness.

The technician explained. "Mr. Mulder, we will
start an IV in your hand so that we can inject the
dye, once we're finished taking the pictures we can
take the needle out. Are you okay with that?"
What could he say? He hated needles but there were
no options.

"The dye we use is vegetable based and has very
little risk of allergic reactions. Do you have any
allergies to food or drugs that you know about?"

"No, none that I'm aware of." He was sure that
Scully would put them right if she thought he did.

"You might feel a sensation of warmth as the dye is
injected, you might also feel a little nausea, let
us know if you do. About twelve seconds after the
injection the dye will appear in the arteries of
your eyes. Over the next two to five second period,
the dye will travel through the capillaries and
fill the veins.

After about ten minutes the dye has left the eye,
having stained the optic nerve head. It's any
interruptions in the flow that will show us what
the problem is.

You ready Mr. Mulder?  Here goes the medication,
now please keep your eyes open and stare at the red
light."

He could hear the clicking of the camera as it took
a quick series of photos of his retinas. He tried
taking deep breaths, as he began breaking out in a
cold sweat, he tried to hold on.

Before he could alert any one, his breakfast was in
his throat. The technician acted fast holding up a
receptacle, as he, and the bagels and coffee Scully
had persuaded him to have, parted company.

Scully was with him in an instant, giving her
orders and gently easing him down to the safety of
the floor. As they helped him out into the outer
room where he'd be more comfortable, Scully asked if
they had managed to complete the test.

"Yes, Dr. Scully. Thankfully he managed to hold on
just long enough."

Scully knelt before him cleaning him up with a damp
cloth, while he cradled a bowl, retching all the
while.

"I just wanna go home Scully," he said weakly

Once his partner and protector-in-chief got moving
there was no stopping her.
She had a word with Dr. Kirsch, who confirmed that
the tests did all indicate AZOOR,
she'd organizes another appointment for Wednesday
and had him brought out the car in a wheelchair.
Mulder was in no fit state to argue.

The journey home was far from pleasant, the
retching continued wave after wave. Once home, she
helped him into his bed and let him sleep.
It seemed only a moment later that she was shaking
his shoulder and telling him to wake up. groggily
he opened his eyes and had a tumbler of water
thrust at him.

 "C'mon Mulder, drink this down, you need to clear
that dye out of your system as soon as possible."
"But it'll start me off again."

"C'mon, you don't want to end up in hospital on an
IV?"

God, but that woman sure had a way with words.
Between being woken to drink and waking up for
trips to the toilet, he managed to get through to
evening. His best medicine was sitting there beside
him holding his hand or stroking his hair.
 

WASHINGTON NATIONAL EYE CENTRE
Eye specialist office.
One week later.

"Mr. Mulder how are you feeling, how are the eyes?"

"They seem a lot better, I still get the flashing
lights and starburst effect, but nowhere near as
much or as often. It's strange, but since my
argument with that skylight, it all started
getting better."

"Do you mind if I look?"

While she was busy testing, Mulder was reminded
that his landlord was still hounding him for the
cost of the repair to the skylight. He had already
upset the man when he'd fused the entire building.
Mulder wasn't supposed to be up on the roof in the
first place Mr. Grimmer maintained, and VCU didn't
want to know.
For sure, that's next month's paycheck gone, he
thought morosely.

Dr. Kirsch had just finished her examination of
him.
"Well Mr. Mulder I don't know what to say."

"What is it? What's the matter?" Scully was
alarmed.

"Dr. Scully, it's not so much a case of what's
wrong as of what isn't wrong."

"I ran some of the tests twice to make sure that I
hadn't misread the results. I'm really surprised at
how much improvement there has been in the last few
days. The inflammation in the backs of Mr. Mulder's
eyes are quite dramatically reduced.

In all my years as an ophthalmologist I have never
seen anything like this.  I'd have expected this
sort of an improvement in say,... a year to eighteen
months; most definitely not in a matter of days."

Mulder could feel the goofy grim spreading across
his face. He looked up at his partner who stood
next to his chair and saw the joy in her face.
Scully slipped her arm around his shoulders.

Dr Kirsch went on." It's really most unusual, I'm
almost tempted to say that you were originally
misdiagnosed. But we have the proof of the tests is
here." She paused for a moment, "They do say there
are stranger things...."
 

VISION Part 4

Scully was driving them back to his apartment when
Mulder voiced the concern she'd had this past week.

"Why ten days Scully? Three I could understand,
four, if we'd caught him on a particularly good
day, but ten?"

Mulder shook his head as he pondered. "Do you think
Skinner suspects?"

"There's no way of knowing. Anyway, it'll all be
hitting the fan by Monday. There is no way that
you'll be able to pass the medical for field duties
Mulder. If you go before that board, we won't be
able to cover this up, and we both know the
implications of that."
 

MULDER'S APARTMENT
That evening

They were in Mulder's kitchen and Scully was
preparing a pizza with everything on it but the
kitchen sink.

"You finished peeling those onions yet Mulder? Come
on, I need them now."

"Mulder?...Earth to Mulder."

"Wha...did you say?"
"Onions, I need the onions."

"Oh yeah, I nearly done."

"Mulder, what's the matter, you're miles away."

"I was just thinking.... About what Dr. Kirsch said,
about Monday, about where I go from here."

"What do you mean? Where you go from here?"

"This isn't going to work Scully. I can't pass the
fitness for duty test, and even if by some miracle
I did, what good would I be to you, in the field?
How could I watch out for you? I'd be putting both
of us in danger."

"If you don't pass that test, then we're as good as done
with the X-files, and probably the FBI."

"Not us Scully, *me*. You've been through enough,
sacrificed enough as it is. I can't. I won't
jeopardize your safety and your career."

There was a moments silence while the impact of his
words sank in and then Scully all but erupted.

"What is it with you men? Tell me? Aren't I old
enough or mature enough to decide, on my own, about
my future and career prospects? First Dad, then
Bill and now it's you Mulder. I expected more from
you!"

"But...."

"Don't you but me! Yes, I know, you were just
thinking of me. That's the crux of the problem.
It's not *me*, it's *us*. I've invested too much of
my life into being your partner and saving your
ass over the last seven years, to quit now. I *refuse*
to watch it all go down the pan. Whatever happens
Mulder, happens to *us*. Am I making myself clear?"

He silently nodded his head. He was too choked with
emotion to speak.

They were done with the discussion for now.
 

Later, as they sat on the couch after they'd eaten
Scully asked.
"Exactly how much can you see Mulder? I understand
about the blind spots, be I just can't imagine what
it's like for you."

Mulder sat quietly for a moment without answering,
then he got up and went to his desk. Scully
didn't understand what he was doing as he took a
sheet of paper, folded it in half and proceeded to
randomly stick the sharp tip of the pencil through
it time and time again.

"Mulder, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"You haven't. Wait a minute and you'll see. This,"
he said, indicating the almost shredded piece of
paper, "will show you better than I can explain."

"Now, take the paper and cover you face with it."

Scully was mystified, but did as he'd told her.

"It's crude, but that's probably the nearest to the
way I see things at the moment."

Silently holding the paper to her face, she looked
around the room. It was a strange experience. She
could see, but unless she managed to look directly
at an object she couldn't see it.

She'd lost all peripheral vision and the 'all-
around' view that she'd taken for granted. It was
almost like looking through a lot of keyholes all
at the same time. She could understand why judging
distance was so difficult for him.

Instead of just glancing in a given direction to
see, she now had to move her whole head. She took
a step forward, nearly falling over the coffee table
that was out of her range of vision.

"Jeeze Mulder, I had no idea...as a doctor, I studied
all these things, but...to see like this... I never
imagined....They could use something like this in
medical school."

She sat down and picked up a newspaper. Trying to
read through the sheet of paper was very difficult
and a great strain, although it was a little easier
in the brighter light.

"I never realized Mulder, I wish I'd known
sooner...."

"What difference would it have made?"

"The difference is that I understand better what
sort of help you'll need."

She took his hand in hers and absently played with
his fingers. "We'll get through this somehow
Mulder, something will turn up."

"Scully, the eternal optimist. I'll be out of a job
by Monday evening. Then what?"

"*We'll* be out of a job. We'll find something else
Mulder, something we can do together."

"But, Scully, the FBI is your life, you've given up
so much for it."

"You still don't get it Mulder, do you? The X-
files, the FBI have been challenging, I've loved
doing it, but it's *you* I need to work with. I
don't care if we have to empty trash cans together.
If that's what it takes, that's what I'll do."
 
She still had her finger's laced through his. She
reached up and pulled his head towards, her lips
brushing his cheek.

"We've a lot of work in front of us; we'll get by.
Get to sleep Mulder. You need to rest. I'll be back
tomorrow and we can try to work out where we go
from here."

Giving him a quick hug, she let herself out.
 

Their 'day of reckoning' arrived on Mulder's
doorstep the following evening, in the form of AD
Walter Skinner.
It was Saturday evening, and they'd decided to have
delivered.
Mulder had one of his favorite videos playing.
It was too tiring to watch, but he was enjoying
the soundtrack ,when there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get that," said Scully, who was getting the
plates ready in the kitchen.

Mulder turned towards the door when he heard her
gasp.

"Sir?"

He heard Skinner saying. "This meeting never
happened!"

An angry Skinner marched into the room, followed by
an agitated Scully.

"I need to know exactly how bad things are Mulder!"

"Sir...?"

"Don't insult my intelligence any further. I've
given you time. Unless you want it all to go to
hell in a bucket, I suggest that you tell me
exactly what is going on. I need answers, I need to
know the truth. Now! It's my butt that's on the
line here, I've got a lot riding on this."

They both realized that this was it, the moment
they'd both been dreading had arrived.

"If I'm going to be of any use here, I need to be
in the picture." Skinner's voice was calmer, now
that he could see they would cooperate.

Scully told him all they knew. She showed him the
paper mask Mulder had made for her the previous
day. Skinner tried looking through it.

"My God Mulder! Is this really how you see things?"

"More or less Sir."

"If you kept to your office, to desk duty, how well
do you think you could function?"

Both Mulder and Scully were surprised by this
question.

"You mean...."

"Of course you'd have Scully to help you, I think
you've already managed to overcome a lot of
obstacle. The word amongst the other agents you
worked with was that you were 'strange', but the
was no mention of them noticing anything else."

"What about the medical Sir?" asked Scully, hope
gleaming in her eyes.

"Agent Mulder would not be returning to active
field duty, I don't see any reason to have him be
examined for that, do you Agent Scully?"

No Sir," she agreed.

"We don't want to be spending tax dollars
unnecessarily, do we?"

"Why, Sir? Why are you doing this...? I mean the
rules clearly state...." Said Mulder, who was finding
it difficult to believe what he was hearing.

"I don't want to lose two good agents, it's taken
me a long time to knock you into shape; besides I
believe in giving everyone a fair chance. And rules
Agent Mulder, as you've pointed out to me on
previous occasions, are just that."
 
 

Two weeks later it looked as though they might
indeed get away with the subterfuge. Things were
not easy but they were coping, covering for each
other.
One afternoon, Mulder, on his way from Skinner's
office, a journey he was confident enough to do on
his own now, tripped up on a box of copy paper that
had been left out in the hallway outside the AD's
office.

Skinner heard the commotion, and was there
immediately helping his agent. Luckily, there had
been no damage done,

Scully and Mulder were surprised the following
morning, by the impromptu Health and Safety
Inspection of the whole section of the building.
One of the recommendations had been that all
hallways must be kept free from clutter. Worn
carpets and a loose handrail on some stairs had
also come to light. Scully strongly suspected that
the inspection had been Skinner's idea.

Mulder was getting increasingly frustrated by his
forced reliance on his partner. True, he could type
up reports, be checking them was very difficult,
and reading documents on the computer was almost
impossible.

All this changed almost overnight, after a chance
conversation with Mrs. Scully. Her mom had phoned
Scully and they were talking about a teaching aid
little Matthew had got recently. It was a computer
program that spoke what Mathew had typed. The child
was overjoyed with it. Scully suddenly had a
brainwave. Could it be possible...?

The Lone Gunmen had come up with a solution within
forty-eight hours of Scully's call to them. She'd
had to explain exactly what she needed and why.

Once Frohike had got over his initial shock at the
news, he promised to get onto it and see what else
they could come up with.

Muller needed to be able to get out on his own.
This was a possibility as he'd managed to use cabs
Before, and in daylight, taking his time he could
probably find his way to where he needed to be.

"You can't be with me 24/7 Scully, it isn't fair on
you, and besides, sometimes I need to be on my
own."

Scully was frightened of him going out and getting
disorientated, or knowing Mulder's penchant for bad
luck, getting into trouble somewhere.

The Gunmen came up with a solution to both
problems. They had customized a program for
Mulder's computers that would read aloud all
document including the emails and any work he
typed. It needn't disturb anyone if he had head
phones on.
They would have to tackle the problems with
using the mouse, but the were sure they could
overcome that in time.

They had another surprise for Mulder, a tiny
tracker device that went into his cell phone, which
he could activate by speed dialing 9.

If he needed help, the Gunmen could pinpoint his
location in minutes on the equipment they had at the
fortress.

"That's going to be great, providing you don't lose
the damn cell phone." chuckled Scully. "Mind you,
your track record has really improved recently."

Mulder was very excited about the amount of
independence it would give him.
Scully had been looking through  over various
catalogs for aids for the sight impaired. One of
her biggest worries was hot liquids.

"You can't use your 'water' trick for making
coffee, Mulder, and I worry about you getting
hurt."

Scully was very proud of how independent Mulder had
become. She knew it amused Skinner to see them
still walking together so very closely, knowing
that with Mulder's improved confidence and knowledge of
the building, it was rarely warranted. It was a habit
that se was glad Mulder didn't seem to want to
break.
 

Skinner had been invited to come with them to
Mulder's visits to Dr Kirsch,  was impressed by
Mulder's continuing progress. There were
improvements at every visit, but she couldn't say
if there would ever be a chance of a complete
recovery.

"Mr. Mulder, I'm astounded at the progress you've
already made. It's more than I had a right to
expect.

You've gone further in weeks than most
patients do in years. As to the prognosis, one can
be hopeful, but it's all in the lap of the gods.
I'm sorry that I can't be more specific, but at
this stage I just don't know."

Yes, he was better, yes he was coping very well,
but she could see the longing in his eyes to do
field work, to run, to drive, to take off on his
own.

They had been forced to keep a very low
profile. There was no question of any fields work
being assigned to them, that would immediately bring
in it's wake the fitness tests.

Skinner occasionally gave them a bit of leeway,
letting them fly somewhere to complete
investigations, but Mulder missed the thrill of
solving a really intriguing case.

He had coped and even flourished as he learned to
investigate, analyze and profile with his impaired
vision. He'd even told Scully that his lack of sight
had improved his profiling skills.

It had also improved his sense of hearing and smell.
He enjoyed the diversion of spooking Skinner. Mulder
always knew that the AD was near their basement office.
Mulder's "Don't knock Sir, the doors open" would
always throw Skinner.

They had certainly managed to conceal his impairment
from the other agents, but that certain spark about
him was missing.
She wanted so much to return that to him.

Scully knew that he was improving, but she'd do
anything to make him better. That was what had
temped her. That was what had made her ditch her
partner and Skinner and go missing for four days.

Mulder had received an anonymous email about a case
involving spontaneous remission.

Later, Scully was approached by CSM who claimed
that because he had a special regard for the agents
he wanted to give her the cure, it was he who'd sent
the email to her partner.

She didn't go in blindly, she checked things
out and it all appeared genuine. CSM confessed that
he was dying, but he wanted to make retribution, he
needed Scully to help him clear the slate.

Scully agreed to go with him, but she was very
worried about her partner. She couldn't tell him
the truth, he would have stopped her.

She phoned Mulder, leaving a voicemail for him,
she'd be out of town for a few day, there was a family
emergency, but he wasn't to worry.

He returned her call just as she was about to
leave.
 
"Scully, pick up if you're there...I got you're
message, hope everything's okay. See you soon."

She hadn't picked up, CSM was waiting for her.
 
 

Mulder was very uneasy and made the journey to
her apartment on the pretext of watering her plants.

What the landlord told him almost froze his blood.
From the description, Scully had gone off in a car
with CSM and whenhe phoned Scully's mom, he found
that there was no family emergency.

By the time Mulder managed to navigate back to
Skinner's office he was very agitated. Skinner was
also concerned about Scully.
 

"It's just not like her to lie to me Sir." He confided
to his boss; as he spoke Skinner's private line rang.

Skinner answered. Scully was on the line, bit she
didn't want to speak directly to her partner.

"She said to tell you she's fine Mulder, but she
doesn't want to speak to you." said the AD as he
replaced the receiver. "I know you're worried Mulder,
but she hasn't run out on you, she's tried to allay
your fears."

Mulder was worried enough by her uncharacteristic
behaviour to involve the Gunmen. He felt she was
in grave danger and he was so powerless to help
her.

"She knows I'll find her, no matter what," he told
Frohike. "If we don't get to CSM, it may be the
last time we see Scully alive."

The Gunmen found that Scully's computer had been
hacked into, and a number of files and emails has
been 'siphoned off'.

"Jeeze, Scully can't know what she's involved in
here." Commented Byers
 

Scully turned up within days, with a disc she claimed
held the cure for all diseases.

Mulder wouldn't even look at her when he first saw her.
She'd scared the shit out of him and he felt guilty
that he hadn't been able to go after her. On top of
that he'd  been hurt by her apparent lack of confidence
in him and in the risks she'd taken.

"Why Scully, why with him?"

"Because of this Mulder," she said showing him the
disc. "I did it to get this."

She tried to explain, without getting his hopes up.
When the Gunmen analyzed it the disc was blank. It
had all been a cruel hoax.

Scully's eyes filled with tears, she couldn't believe
it, she was totally devastated.

"But it can't be...I saw it...."

What could she tell him? I went off for a few days
with our arch-enemy because I thought I could cure
your eyes. I had the cure in my hands, but somehow
it isn't here now?
 
 

It was later in Mulder's apartment when they had
both clamed down that they were able to rationally
talk about it.

"I'm sorry Mulder, I let you down, I'd hoped...."

She couldn't say any more, her voice trembled with
unshed tears. Mulder understood now why she'd done
it, his beautiful, loyal, caring, pigheaded partner.

"C'mere Scully."  He pulled her gently into his
arms and rocked her.It was so comforting to hold her
close in his arms, to feel her head resting over his
heart.

He ran his fingers through that beautiful, silken
hair of hers, reveling in the feel of it. He rested
his cheek on top of her head and breathed in the warm,
reassuring scent of her.

"I don't care about the X-Files, I've found my
sister, she was what drove me. I need you. With you,
I'll still get bad days, but together we can get
through it. We'll be okay. If my sight never gets better
then it is now, we'll still manage. I promise you Scully
...Shh, it's okay....
Please Scully...please don't cry Little One."
 
 
 

It was some three months later, that Dr. Kirsch
contacted them. Mulder's sight had been improving
progressively, so that the news she had for them
came as a complete shock.

"There's a brand new procedure developed by the
Russians which may be of help to you Mr. Mulder. I
must stress that it's still in the experimental
stages, but the results so far have proved
astonishing...."

Some weeks later, just before Mulder went in to
surgery for the procedure, Scully had again asked
him, "Do you really want to risk it all Mulder?"
 
"I think so, I've got to give it a try, you do
understand that, don't you."

She kissed him gently "I'll wait for you...."

It had been a very delicate operation and he'd been
in surgery for three hours.

When they'd removed the bandages a week later he
was still suffering from the headaches, his eyes
were puffy, swollen and very sore. With the technicolor
bruising around then, it was just as well Mulder
hadn't looked into a mirror.

 
"It's very early days yet Mr. Mulder, it will be a
while yet before we can tell if it's been a
success, in the meantime, no bending, no strain.
You have a lot of delicate sutures. You need to
have complete rest to give your eyes the best
chance of recovery."

The waiting was driving everyone mad, not least
because Mulder was going stir-crazy. It was almost
impossible to keep Mulder immobile. But the
waiting had been well worth it.

The improvement had been phenomenal, he'd been
cautioned about stress, lifting and straining.
 
He would have to wait a little longer for the
special contact lenses. Mulder had waited all this
time what was a few more weeks here or there....
 

END
Yes. I'm positive this time.

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ewa@whatewa.com

*~*~*~*~*
'I have spread my dreams under your feet;
tread softly for you tread on my dreams.'
*~*~*~*~*